Hidden
by lindsaydrumm
Summary: Life isn't easy, but it shouldn't have to be this hard either. I shouldn't have to pretend to be happy and in love. I shouldn't have to use more make-up in one month than most women use in a year just to avoid the pitying stares. I shouldn't have to be afraid for my life if I make a mistake. But I do, and I think I've finally had enough. AU. All Human. Read more inside.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Ok, so here's the only long note I will have and it contains the warnings for this story, so at least skim through it before you get to the good stuff. This story contains graphic violence, stories of physical and sexual abuse, adult language, and adult content. It is rated M for a very good reason. Please don't read it if any of these things trigger you or if you are underage. ****This story also contains hope, sarcastic humor, lovey-dovey fluff, suspense, drama, and anything else I choose to add because (like steamy lemons!) lets face it, I'm the author and can do whatever I want. **

**I am writing this story for a purpose, besides just the entertainment value. Please review your thoughts, feelings, comments, whatever you want. Tell me if things need to be changed or if I've made a stupid spelling or grammatical error (it happens) because I need to improve before I try to write another one along a similar path but with a far different outcome. **

**Thanks for reading! SM owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters and plotline are the property of the author and are not to be duplicated without her express permission. **

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Prologue

_He's late again. Dammit. I hate it when he's late. Late is never a good thing. Late means trouble, usually for me. _

I chewed on my thumbnail as I paced the tiny space of our – well, his – bedroom. I felt like a caged animal, all fear and anxiety and pent up tension just looking for a sign of escape. Checking the clock again I saw it had only moved three minutes. I took a deep breath, slowly exhaling through my nose in a vain attempt to calm my galloping heart, but the adrenaline pumping through my bloodstream kept me bouncing on the balls of my feet until I began to pace again.

The unmistakable sound of his rusted out Olds Cutlas rumbled up through the open bedroom window from the curb side spot below where he frequently parked. My heart stopped before thudding loudly in my chest. I took a few steps back towards the tiny trundle bed on the floor before I stumbled and plopped down on the unmade mattress. I was too afraid to move again when I heard his heavy footsteps on the stairs. Slow and steady he made his way towards the closed door, each step measured, echoing through the narrow hall with a sort of ominous finality. There was nowhere to run now. No chance to leave before he came back. I couldn't even pretend to be asleep since he'd most likely seen the light shine from beneath the door into the darkened hall.

I hadn't realised I'd been holding my breath until spots had begun to dance before my eyes while I stared at the twisting doorknob. I released it slowly and sucked in another to keep myself from passing out before trying to place a convincing mask of happiness and contentment on my face before he crossed the threshold. In the last year I'd gotten much better at controlling my expressions and disguising my true thoughts or feelings in his presence. It was the most effective form of self-preservation I'd found thus far, but it wasn't always enough to spare me his wrath.

The door swung open quickly and banged into the opposite wall, causing me to startle slightly. Then there he was. All six foot, two inches of him covered in the residual rain that continued to pour outside. I noticed he was almost completely soaked through and his work boots were considerably more muddy than usual. I may have made the mistake of frowning slightly, but I'm not sure. Whatever it was about me that he found offensive he didn't share with me. But I saw his eyes ice over and harden when I finally dared look up into them.

I swallowed thickly and mentally steeled myself for the long night ahead. There would be no rest for me, no sleep, no escape. I was trapped, cornered, and completely unprepared. I was completely screwed and I knew it.

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**OK, I know that was short. Chapter One is already up :-)**


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: How many of you are still with me? This chapter will give a little insight into Bella and her life. More details will be in later chapters. **

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"Geez, Bella! What the hell happened to you?"

I cringed and sucked in a breath before turning to look at my co-worker, Sandy. She continued to stare at my back as I adjusted my work shirt and pulled it down over my hips. I had made the immeasurable mistake of changing into my new work uniform in Penny's office along with Sandy, Angelina, and Sara. I thought that if I'd stood with my back to everyone that no one would have noticed the damage that had been done in the last few days. Obviously my plan had worked brilliantly. I hadn't realised that my back bore any evidence of…the incidents over the weekend.

_Shit. Think fast, Swan. And make it convincing. _

I turned around with a smirk and rolled my eyes at the four pairs of wide stares that met me and did my best to come off blasé. "Oh, you know, one of those wild nights where we just couldn't make it upstairs. The kitchen floor sounded like a good idea at the time. And the table. I guess we just got carried away."

It left a sour taste in my mouth to utter such lies and twisted my stomach to even think about him in such a manner. I could feel the bile as it rose up in my throat but forced it back down with a fake grin and a wink. Angie and Sara cackled and turned back to finish getting ready while Penny and Sandy just continued to stare at me. I kept my eyes up and didn't let my deceit show on my face and betray me. I didn't need their pity and I didn't need anyone nosing in on my life. Not like it would change anything anyway. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm pretty sure he would murder me and bury me in the backyard like he'd been threatening to for the last four months if he ever got the impression that I'd let anyone in on our little secret.

"Carried away, huh?" Sandy asked quietly after we'd left Penny's office and headed off to our floors.

"Yeah, why? You and Ray have never gotten a little rough and wild?" I tried to tease but it sounded false even to my own ears.

"Bella," she started to say when we reached the desk to pick up our floor assignments for the week. I didn't give her a chance to finish.

"It's fine, Sandy, really. He feels really bad that I got all banged up…no pun intended," I tried to joke but she didn't even crack a smile.

"He should feel bad," she said meaningfully as she turned to look at me straight on.

Her gaze penetrated right through me and I could just tell that she knew. There had been too many instances where I'd come into work with injuries I'd been able to explain away all too easily. Too many times I'd asked for the extra shift just to avoid going home to a fight or an unpredictable night that I just didn't have the energy to handle. And of course, too many times when I'd worn clothing to conceal the proof something was wrong even if wasn't seasonally appropriate. Sandy had noticed everything in the five short months that we'd been working together at Sunrise Assisted Living in Scottsdale, but up until now she'd never said anything to me about it. Unfortunately for her, this wasn't a conversation I was willing to have with her or anyone else for that matter.

"He does," I insisted firmly and then reached over and picked up my schedule.

"I don't want to intrude, baby girl. Just…promise me that you'll come to me if it gets too serious. I can't offer you much but I've got a couch…and you know Ray would adore having you around to clean up after his sloppy ass," she snarked with a shake of her head.

I snorted. I already cleaned up after a man who was perfectly capable of doing so himself. I wasn't about to volunteer to take care of someone else's. I made my way to the first room on my list and knocked lightly on the door before entering.

"Mrs DiMatteo? Are you decent?" I poked my head around the corner to see my favorite patient sitting on her little twin bed, looking out the window.

"Never," she remarked before turning to me with a wicked smile. "And I thought I told you to call me Mary."

"Sorry, I was raised to be respectful of my elders and address them as Mr or Mrs, Mary. I'll try to remember next time," I assured her while I readied her wheelchair.

"You're a good girl," she complimented me with a smile as I helped her into her chair and began to wheel her towards the dining room.

"What's on the menu for tonight?" she asked while we waited in line for the others in chairs and those with walkers to slowly make their way down the hall.

"Ryan made meatloaf and potatoes tonight." Ryan was the cook for the night meals. He was by far the residents' favorite since he seasoned things well and didn't serve them mush that he tried to pass off as food.

"Oh, good! Just make sure he doesn't make broccoli again. We've got enough trouble with gas at our age without any assistance," she grimaced.

I snickered and shook my head. I'd been working as a caregiver for five months and I had yet to get used to the way some of the residents spoke about themselves. It was hard to keep seeing them as grandparent types when they discussed their bowel movements and lack of sex life with me. But since it was my job to help them feel as normal as possible while living there I made sure that to treat them with the respect they deserved and found it easier to just joke with them like I would someone closer to my own age.

"Don't worry, Mary. I sent him into Angelo's room last time and I think he got the message pretty clearly." She hooted in laughter as I pushed her up to her seat and waved before I turned to collect the others in the south hall.

Eleven o'clock rolled around much too quickly. I had managed to keep busy the entire night by going the extra mile with a few of our more demanding residents to ensure that they didn't drive the rest of the staff crazy with their attention seeking antics. When I realised that my shift was over my stomach sank down to my toes so fast it could have been filled with concrete. I was just about to go ask Penny if I could work any extra shift when I saw him sitting out in the lobby.

I worked really hard to control my fear and not let my disappointment show on my face before I made my way over to him. He stood fluidly, producing a single white rose from nowhere. A soft smile tugged at the corners of his thin lips as he held up his little peace offering. His blue eyes were gentle and warm and for a single second I recalled what had drawn me to him in the first place. He wasn't the most stunningly good looking man I'd ever been with – not that there had been many or that they'd been the male model types – but he was charming and had this way of looking at me like I was the most beautiful creature he'd ever set his eyes on.

I'd known James since we were in middle school. My mom, Renee, and I had moved into the school district after she'd had a failed relationship with a married CEO in Tucson. That was when she had shacked up with Phil in his dilapidated little bungalow. James and his mother had lived across town in one of the only areas near Scottsdale where there were housing projects. We'd become fast friends since we were some of the only kids not dressed in designer clothes or driving fancy cars.

He'd always been super protective of me, especially when the few guys I'd dated had their asshole moments and became borderline abusive. It was when he'd crossed the line of protective to obsessive that I'd somehow missed it. I was just so shocked that anyone would take it upon themselves to protect me when it wasn't their obligation or job to do it that I couldn't feel anything other than awe and gratitude.

We'd figured out rather quickly that we had more than a few things in common. James lived with him mom and series of shitty boyfriends who frequently took their frustrations out on him. His mom never interfered, she just looked away and drowned herself in vodka so she could pretend that some crack head hadn't just beaten her six year old to a bloody pulp. Needless to say she wasn't my favorite person in the whole world. Not that my mother had been so much better.

Renee constantly needed attention and found it in a string of grossly inappropriate relationships before finally landing herself someone who wanted to tolerate her antics on a permanent basis. I think that's because Phil was always one of those people that society had just written off as a hopeless case. He'd dropped out of school when he was just fourteen to take care of his mother who had been dying of cancer and never finished high school even after she'd passed. He chose to work in factories and warehouses since he was a big, strong guy and they paid decently well. When he'd met my mom he knew I was part of the package but just assumed that since I was eleven when they got married that I would eventually just whore myself out to the first guy who was willing to take care of me. Nice, huh?

In the mean time I had been subjected to his temper on numerous occasions when my mom wasn't around and even a few when she was. When I was thirteen I'd landed in the hospital more than three times in a five week period with various abrasions and one concussion. Renee's response? "Bella, if you really loved me you'd want me to be happy. Phil makes me happy and I deserve that after giving up so much to take care of you all this time, right? You're just going to have to be the grown up here and try harder to get along with him. Stop being so difficult to love," she'd said as we drove home from yet another emergency room trip. Oh yeah, and then the kicker. "And try to stop being so mouthy and antagonising him. I can't afford any more ER bills and the insurance only covers so much." So nurturing, my mother.

Childhood did have its momentary reprieves. I got to go visit my dad, Charlie, up in Forks, Washington every summer for six weeks and during the holidays. It was a welcome retreat from the state of hyper vigilance that I constantly existed in. I'd even made a few friends up there to spend time with while Charlie was at work. But I'd always stayed in contact with James. He was my best friend back home, one of the only people I'd truly let understand and know me.

And there he stood before me looking so much like the boy I had grown up with. The one who'd let me cry on his shoulder when my first boyfriend cheated on me and broke my heart just because I wouldn't sleep with him. Who'd danced with me at prom when my date had disappeared to go screw his ex in the girls bathroom, even though his girlfriend at the time, Victoria, was heavily pregnant with his son and beyond pissed that he was even talking to me. The very same guy who'd sweet talked his way into my heart when I'd given up all hope on men in general. At the ripe old age of 19 I had been ready to throw in the towel and become a nun. I wasn't Catholic or anything, but I was sure someone would take pity on me and let me join a convent. At least I'd have food, shelter, and no one would beat the crap out of me for finishing the last of the coffee.

"Hey there my angel. Ready to go?" he smiled a little and offered me his hand. It was easy to forget what had happened only a day or two ago when he acted all sweet like that.

"Sure. Let me just get my stuff and say goodnight to the girls, ok?" I smiled back as I smelled the light scent of my rose – he knew white was my favorite – and then turned to find Sandy.

I didn't have to look far. She stood by the front desk about ten feet away watching the whole exchange. Her face betrayed nothing, but I had gotten to know her pretty well in the past few months. She was watching James like a hawk and was wholly unimpressed by his little display of remorse. I skipped up to her and handed over my work keys so she could pass them along to Ava on the next shift. She never took her eyes off James during the exchange.

"See you tomorrow, Bella." Her voice held a warning that rang across the nearly empty lobby loud and clear.

I briefly closed my eyes and sighed heavily. There's no way that James had missed that. I turned around with a smile on my face that froze into place when I saw the dramatic shift in his body language. He stood tensed, his face a mask of indifference, but his eyes blazed hot with fury.

_Great. Thanks for that, Sandy. So much for a nice, quiet night. I am so in for it when we get home. _

I swallowed thickly and skipped as lightly as I could manage back over to him before grabbing his hand and stepping up on my tippy toes to plant a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Ok, I'm ready now. Let's go," I tried to stay light and unaffected by his shift in mood but when his eyes met mine I felt my already weak smile falter.

"Get in the car," he muttered darkly before guiding me out into the chilly, windless night.

_Holy shit, holy shit, HOLY SHIT! What the fuck have I done? Oh, God he's really going to kill me this time. There is no doubt. I am literally a dead chick walking. _

I pressed the gas pedal further towards the floor and the engine groaned in protest. I sincerely doubted an '84 Cutlas with over 150,000 miles on it was made for long road trips going more than seventy miles an hour, but at that particular moment I prayed to whatever deity there was up there that I was wrong. I couldn't afford to be wrong, not if I planned on surviving to see the sunrise.

I checked the rear view mirror for what must have been the thousandth time since I'd peeled out of the desolate street over three hours ago, leaving a drunk and royally pissed off James passed out on the kitchen floor. If by some great miracle he wasn't still mad when he woke up I knew that once he realised that I'd packed my meager belongings, stolen his car, and fled the house at one in the morning he was bound to hit the roof.

Ok, so steal wasn't technically correct since I had been the one who had purchased the car for us and the title was actually in my name. So the stress of being arrested for grand theft auto could abate and let other, more realistic fears take its place. Like the very real possibility that James had woken up very quickly and was about to catch up to me with the use of his friends Camero.

I tried to take a deep breath but had to stop myself when my diaphragm and throat muscles spasm in unison, almost causing me to black out behind the wheel from the sheer pain I was in. I straightened up and tried to swallow as gently as possible. Everything ached and sitting in a car hadn't helped my new injuries or my old ones. I wanted nothing more than to lie down and take a nap but I knew there was no way I could sleep. I was wired on adrenaline and so much anxiety that I could barely sit still. It was probably good that I wasn't in a car capable of going too much faster otherwise I was sure I'd have been pulled over for speeding already.

I noticed two things simultaneously; the gas light came on and on the right side of the highway was a large sign that welcomed me to Nevada. I hadn't even realised that I was on 93 until I saw the next turn off and rest stop advertised up ahead. I just gotten in the car and started driving away from that house as quickly as I could, but I had been on autopilot. Now that I knew what direction I was heading it both comforted me and made me exceedingly nervous.

I pulled into the Shell station and looked at the clock in the dash. The neon green lights read 4:27am. The gas station was nearly empty of cars though there were several big rigs parked near the on ramp with truckers mulling around drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. They were far enough away I didn't have to worry about them seeing what a mess I was. It was going to be enough of a challenge to hide myself from the cashier while I paid for the gas.

I reached into the backseat and pulled my favorite black hoodie from my open duffel and zipped it up to the top, keeping the hood over my face as much as possible. I didn't care that I probably looked like someone about to rob the Shell station with the mini Dunkin Donuts attached. I didn't want people looking at me and getting any ideas to call the police or something. I didn't need that headache.

I rooted around in my purse until I found the long white tube sock I had stuffed in there while throwing all my things together in my rush to get the hell out of dodge. I had been withholding a small percentage of my pay checks every week for the last four months, ever since James had practically drained our joint account one night out with his friends at the local strip club. He'd dropped more than $800 on freaking lap dances and booze. I was beyond pissed when it happened but he was so apologetic that I knew if I'd made a big thing of it I was the one who would have had to deal with an angry drunk rather than a remorseful one.

As soon as the banks opened I would close the account at one of the branches in Nevada or even Oregon. There wasn't much in there but I had been the only one depositing money for the last few months since his pay checks were usually cashed to avoid having child support taken out of them. I usually made sure that was paid anyway. There was no reason why Vicky should have to raise their son, Nathan, on her own.

I filled the car quickly before sauntering in to warmth of the convenience store. I got the largest cup of coffee I could, loaded it up with sugar and half and half, before raiding the Entenmman's rack for a pack of chocolate frosted donuts. I hadn't eaten in over twelve hours and the last thing I'd had was a five day old slice of cold pizza, so needless to say I was salivating by the time I made it to the register to pay for it all. Even as anxious and restless as I was I knew I needed to eat. I had at least another 20 hours on the road, if not more, before I reached my final destination and I needed to try and do it without stopping for too long. I handed the clerk a few twenties and took my change before limping back to my car. I hadn't realised how sore my back was until right then. I needed a long hot shower, some arnica cream, and a few Excedrin and I would be just fine. I always was.

The next several hours were so uneventful that I became somewhat complacent. Miles upon miles of deserted highway started to fill in with morning traffic as I neared the more populated areas of Nevada but I'd miraculously managed to miss getting stuck in anything for too long. After two more gas stops and at least that many cups of coffee I found myself dangerously tired but so damned jittery from caffeine overload that I couldn't stop shaking. It was just after 2pm and I started to look for a place to pull over for a little nap when I saw that I had come to junction of Route 20 and 395. I was just about halfway there. Relief flooded me and I felt a surge of energy as I took a left and continued on my way.

I drove all through the day straight into the following night. It wasn't the first time I'd pulled an all-nighter, except this time I wasn't looking after elderly patients in a quiet residence hall. At the next pit stop where I refuelled I picked up some extra strength Tylenol and a cheeseburger from an a 24 hour Micky D's. It was the first service station in Washington. I'd nearly done it. It was only four more hours to Forks. I would be there around 6am, hopefully not too early to show up on someone's doorstep and beg for refuge. I knew he was an early riser so I had hope that he'd take pity on me and let me sleep before starting in with the barrage of questions I knew to expect from him. He was never one to let stuff go.

I was on the 101 with less than an hour to go when it came out of nowhere. Truthfully, it could have been painted hot pink and decorated in flashing lights and I probably still would have missed it. My eyes were so bleary and sore that I'd struggled to keep them open once I'd passed Hoquiam. I swerved to try and avoid it and that had been my downfall. Wet pavement from a recent rainfall had made the roads slick. Lucky for me I had only been going about 40 mph otherwise I'm sure I'd have wrapped my car all the way around the tree instead of hitting the deer that had ventured into the road in the grey, pre-dawn light.

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**A/N: Right, like I could ever make Edward the abusive boyfriend. Pfft. **


	3. Chapter Two

**A/N: Thank you to my one lone reviewer and those who are now following this story. I know it's just the beginning and a lot of you are still making up your minds but there were ninety hits and one review? Something's not adding up lol! **

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Beep... Beep… Beep.

"Can you pass me that other set of x-rays please, Judy?"

"Sure. What do you make of them, Dr?"

"Hmm. Well, either this girl has just come back from a combat zone, or…"

"Or she'd taken one hell of a beating before she crashed into that Sitka."

Beep… Beep… Beep.

A heavy sigh. "That's certainly what it looks like, doesn't it?"

As much as I wanted to continue to fight my eerie dream and take control of it I could feel myself surfacing towards a very bright white light. The voices which had been dim and fuzzy a moment ago came into sharp clarity while they continued around me. I very quickly came to the conclusion that I wasn't dreaming. Maybe James had simply left the TV on again and it was one of those ridiculous hospital shows where everyone is sleeping with everyone and performing lifesaving operations in elevators and sink holes.

_Oh, no. James…_

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Dr, I think she's starting to come around."

I wracked my brain and clenched my eyes shut. I knew I was in the hospital again, the smells and feel of the over starched sheets had become all too familiar to me in the course of my short life. But what happened? I sorted through my hazy memories from the past few days. My disastrous weekend…work…my conversation with Sandy…James picking me up…

And there it was. Everything slammed into the forefront of my mind with such terrifying velocity that I felt my body jerk in response.

BeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeepBeep BeepBeepBeep.

"Easy, doll. Just take it easy," a woman's gentle voice murmured near my ear. My eyes flew open and darted around the room.

"Deep breaths, Miss Swan. Just try to breathe and let's slow that heart rate down a little, shall we?" she urged calmly while checking the IV that hung above me. She then glanced over my bed to the man standing at the foot. "She might need a touch more Ativan if she can't settle down."

"No," I croaked out before the Dr could respond. I didn't want to be sedated. I needed to get the hell out of here as soon as humanly possible, and chances were that I was going to need to answer questions about my accident. I needed to be coherent for that or something might accidentally slip out that I really didn't want on the official record. Like the truth.

"I'll tell you what, you calm down a little and I won't give you any more sedatives, alright Miss Swan?" he offered kindly. I tried to nod my head but it hurt too much. He must have noticed because his face became concerned.

"Would you like some more pain relief?" he asked and lifted up his clipboard.

"No, thank you. I think I'm alright. Just a bit sore." I did my best to sit but had to give up when my body screamed at me in protest.

The Dr stepped closer to me and directly into the light. It was then that I really saw him. He was probably in his late thirties or early forties but was easily the best looking man I had ever set eyes on. His hair was light blond and styled in a very business man like way and his eyes were the clearest sky blue I had ever seen. My eyes may or may not have bugged out of my head a little. He was definitely a grade A hunk of man meat.

_Whoa! Easy there, Swan. He's old enough to be your father. What the hell am I on?_

"I would imagine you are in a great deal of pain. You came in here early this morning after your accident with extensive injuries." He perched himself on the side of my bed but kept a professional distance from me. I wasn't uncomfortable with his proximity but had a feeling I knew where his line of questioning was going and that made me squirm a little.

"Yeah, there was a deer in the road. I didn't want to hit him," I explained with a weak shrug followed by a wince.

_Note to self: stop moving! It hurts._

"That's what the gentleman behind you said happened," he made to continue but in my panic I cut him off rather rudely.

"What guy?" I blurted and heard the heart monitor speed up again. The Dr and nurse beside me exchanged a meaningful look before he answered me.

"He's a local resident from the Quileute reservation. He was on his way home from working the night shift when he witnessed your accident. The deer ran off uninjured, in case you were wondering," he added with a small smile. I huffed out a little laugh and smiled back. Bambi lives to see another hunting season.

"About your injuries, Miss Swan," he started again but then something occurred to me and I interrupted again. He was bound to think I was raised with no manners if I kept it up.

"How did you know my name?" I asked. Maybe I could distract him enough to avoid that particular topic.

"There was a wallet in the duffel bag in your car. And the gentleman found the registration of the car in the glove compartment. Both documents were for an Isabella Swan, namely you." He patiently explained everything and then paused, presumably to see if I had any further questions. I could think fast enough so he started up again.

"As I was saying, your injuries are extensive for the minor accident you were in. You have three bruised ribs from the impact of seatbelt and a contusion across your lower abdomen, but those were the only ones that were from the accident. On top of that you have a bruised larynx, multiple contusions across your back that are in various stages of healing, and multiple abrasions on your face. Can you tell me where these other injuries originated?"

There was no judgement in his voice but that just made it worse. I'd had plenty of experience with ER staff who thought it was their job to point out just how stupid they thought I was to not report my injuries and keep going back home, first to my mother and then to James. It was easy to tell them to mind their own damn business and butt the hell out, but it was when people actually cared and genuinely wanted to help that I always got stuck. I had developed the ability to lie quite convincingly at a very young age but it wasn't something I liked doing. I hated dishonesty in any form so for me to be the one to do it was a very bitter pill to swallow indeed.

"I have a very physically demanding job and sometimes I get hurt. Plus, I bruise really easily." Ok, so that last part was true in its entirety. In school my gym teacher had taken to calling me 'Violet' due to how many bruises would color my skin after 45 minutes of class.

"What do you do for a living?" he asked.

"I'm a caregiver at an assisted living facility. Some of the patients there are in various stages of dementia and can get a little violent when scared," I said evenly, never losing eye contact with him. Technically, all of that was true. I did work with dementia patients, but not with any of the combative ones. Those were in a different area of the building and were handled by much larger and far more experienced staff than me. However, he didn't need to know that. Or that I technically didn't have a job there anymore since I had failed to show up yesterday evening for my shift and hadn't called.

"Where is the center?" he inquired quickly.

"Phoenix," I blurted out without thinking twice then immediately regretted it when I saw him make a notation in my chart.

"So all of your injuries are the result of aggressive residents?" His question was direct enough that all it required was a yes or no answer. There was no wiggle room. I could tell the truth or I could lie, that's all there was to it. I tried to wiggle anyway.

"That's what I said," I countered.

"Actually, what you said was that you work in an environment where there can be violent patients, but I doubt one of those elderly, infirm residents would have enough strength to choke you hard enough to cause a bone bruise, as well as a black eye and bloody lip," he replied just as evenly.

I froze. I didn't know how to respond without giving anything away so I opted for silence. They couldn't make an official report without confirmation from me, that much I knew. So I decided to just shut my mouth and get myself out of that hospital as soon as their backs were turned. Nothing was broken and there was no internal bleeding…this time…so I knew I could leave safely.

"Isabella, if someone is hurting you there are things we can do. We can call the authorities," he tried but I just shook my head.

"No, thank you, but I would like my belongings please. I need to get going." I sucked in a deep breath to ready myself for the pain as I sat up fully. It wasn't too bad, I'd definitely had worse. I twisted my body and went to stand when the Dr placed his hand on my shoulder.

I hadn't meant to flinch but my shoulder was actually quite sore. I could feel the bruise that lay under the paper thin gown. It must have come from the seatbelt since I couldn't remember having it before the accident. He withdrew his hand rather quickly and a shadow of concern and pity crossed his absurdly handsome face. I scowled. I didn't need anyone's pity.

"It's fine. My shoulder is just a bit bruised," I snapped.

"Miss Swan, I would prefer if you stayed the night for observation." He made no move to stop me as I slid off the bed but his expression became more distressed when I groaned and nearly doubled over. I felt like one giant bruise covered me from head to toe.

"No thanks, Dr…" I paused to look at his spotless white coat. "…Cullen. I have somewhere to go and I needed to be there, like yesterday."

"Actually, if you would just wait a few moments I can get your father and we can discuss…" Dr Cullen trailed off when he saw the look of sheer horror cross my face. I felt whatever color had been in my cheeks drain away.

"My…father?" I gasped out desperately.

_Oh no. Oh, this is sooooo bad. No, no, no. This can't be happening. _

"Yes, he was listed as your emergency contact person on your last medical record from this hospital. I have to say that I'm very glad he lives so close, especially if you insist on leaving against medical advice. Maybe we can work something out," he offered hopefully but I was already scheming on how to get myself out of this. My father could absolutely, positively not see me like this.

"Dr Cullen, I am almost twenty one years old. I don't need to be released into anyone's custody. So if you could just tell Charlie that I'm fine and that I'll call him in a few days that would be…" but I never got a chance to finish. I was interrupted by a commotion out in the hall.

"Young man…YOUNG MAN! You CANNOT go in there! HEY!" The shouted voice rapidly approached my door, which swung open with a loud _BANG_.

My breath caught in my throat and my heart rate was out of control as I took in his harried appearance. Dishevelled blond hair, rumpled clothes, and wide, wild blue eyes which zeroed in on me in less than two seconds flat. His expression was positively livid.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you have ten seconds to get your things and get your ass in my car," he growled menacingly. I knew there would be no arguing and that the presence of hospital staff wouldn't save me.

_I am so dead._

We drove away from the hospital in tense, uncomfortable silence. I tried to just stare out the windshield but every time I caught him glancing over at me I would inevitably meet his furious gaze with my insanely guilty one. I had never, ever in all my years of knowing him seen him so angry, and he only seemed to get more irate every time he gave me the once over. I had tried speaking only twice so far but each time had been cut off with a lethal glare. I meekly tried again.

"You know, you might want to keep your eyes on the road. I'm not sure I could survive another car accident so soon," I tried some light humor. Epic fail.

"I'm not sure you're going to survive the next five minutes if you don't shut the hell up and just let me drive," he bit out from between clenched teeth. His knuckles blanched as his grip intensified on the wheel.

I had just resolved to sit quietly for as long as he needed to calm down when he jammed on the brakes and swerved onto the shoulder. He was out of the car and had slammed the door so loudly that it shook the whole frame and me along with it. I sat trembling on the upholstery while I watched him pace back and forth on front of the vehicle, swearing loudly to himself and gesturing wildly. He looked like a freaking lunatic.

I slowly and carefully stepped from the passenger side – leaving the door ajar in case I had to jump back in – and inched my way towards him. If I could just get him to calm down for a few minutes I might be able to convince him to let me go.

"It's not as bad as it looks," I started to say and then realised that was the entirely wrong way to start. His blazing look sliced right through me and rooted me to the ground only a foot from him.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now, Swan?" he barked out and took a step in my direction.

I couldn't help it, my body had just taken over. My hands shot up in front of me like they had so many times before and I backed away as quickly as my clumsy little feet could carry me. I hadn't realised I'd also shut my eyes until I inexplicably felt myself being yanked forward in the same instant that a truck horn blared loudly behind me and a strong gust of wind whipped my hair into my face. My body – which had been acting on instinct – was so concerned about avoiding any possible blows that my mind hadn't processed that I was stepping back into the road. The shock of my near miss along with everything else I had been through in the last three days finally snowed me under and an avalanche of emotion swept me up and carried me away.

I felt his strong arms pull me tightly against his chest as I dissolved into a puddle of tears. I trembled so violently while I cried that my teeth had begun to chatter. I'd completely lost it.

"Bells, it's going to be alright," he hushed me and stroked my hair gently.

I shook my head against him in the only argument I could manage. I hadn't been alright in years and couldn't see that changing anytime in the foreseeable future. I sobbed harder, clinging to him in order to remain upright.

"It will, I promise you. Just breathe, Bella," he soothed and tried to calm me. It worked a little; not the words, but his tone and actions. When I finally regained a little control I looked up at him through puffy, sore eyes. His eyes were wet, too.

"How can you promise me that, Jazz? You have no idea…no clue…" I choked up at the end and leaned against him again, suddenly so exhausted I wasn't even sure I could make it the seven feet back to the car.

"Because you're here now and I have no intention of letting you leave again. You're my best friend and I will take care of you as if you were the sister I never had," he said firmly and kissed my forehead.

I couldn't help the indelicate snort that escaped me. "I'm sure Rose will be thrilled to hear that, especially since she _IS_ your actual sister."

"There's never been any tests to prove that you know," he joked back a little.

"I'm telling her you said that," I threatened with a smile.

"I'll deny it," he retorted.

I sighed and leaned against him a little longer. Jasper Hale had always been like a very effective calm button for me. We first met when he and his older sister Rosalie had moved in to a house two blocks away from Charlie's in Forks. It had drawn a lot of attention at the time because it was just the two of them, no parents, and they were only kids themselves. Rose had just turned 18 and was granted custody of her 13 year old little brother rather than have social services separate them and try to find a suitable placement for him. Their parents had died in a house fire in New York and with the money from their life insurance policies and the small inheritance they'd received from their grandparents they decided to start over on the other side of the country.

Jasper helped me back to the car before sliding behind the wheel and carefully driving back to the little cottage he shared with his older sister. I was hit with a huge wave of nostalgia when I made my way up the front walk and through the heavy cedar and glass front door. Nothing had changed in the last eight years. Every bit of furniture was exactly where they had placed it when they first moved in, the carpet and drapes were the same, it even smelled exactly how I remembered. I instantly felt my body relax and an overwhelming sense of safety enveloped me. It had been such a long time since I'd experienced that feeling that I almost couldn't recognise it.

"I've already talked to the Chief. He agrees that you might need some time with friends for a few days while you heal from your…accident," he seemed to choke on the word before he continued, "but expects you to stay with him while you get back on your feet."

I opened my mouth to say I had no intention of sticking around that long when a set of footsteps made me aware that we weren't alone.

"If all those injuries are from her car accident then I'm Mother Superior," Rose challenged. She leaned her long, curvaceous frame up against the kitchen doorway, arms crossed tightly over her ample chest. She arched one perfect blonde eyebrow at me as if she expected me to argue. I knew better and kept my fool mouth shut.

"You look like shit warmed up, Swan," she informed me with a grimace. "Wait, don't tell me. It was the seatbelt that tried to strangle you, right? The car didn't like that indie rock crap you listen to?"

I felt my face heat up and cast my eyes down at the floor. This was exactly why I had wanted to lie low for the next few days. I hadn't wanted anyone to see what I'd become, what I'd endured. I didn't want their pity or their judgement.

Rose sighed and shuffled over to me in her fluffy green slippers. She slipped an arm around my waist and guided me towards the stairs that led to the three bedrooms and two bathrooms she shared with Jazz.

"Come on gorgeous girl. Let's go get you cleaned up and into some comfy clothes while my idiot brother cooks us up something fabulous." Her voice had gentled considerably and I knew she could sense my discomfort. I leaned into her, grateful to have her support even if it meant I would have to listen to her lecture me for the next hundred years.

"Yeah, you definitely need to eat, Bells. You're skin and bones," Jazz commented from behind us. He continued to mutter in the kitchen but I blessedly couldn't make out what he was saying as I trekked up the stairs.

"He's right you know. You're skinnier than the last time we saw you. Granted that was nearly a year ago," she added somewhat bitterly before rearranging her features into a softer expression and squeezing me a bit tighter.

"I know, I'd meant to come back for the holidays but…" I let my excuse hang in the air unfinished. There was no sense in lying to her. She knew from one look at me exactly why I hadn't been back for Christmas like I usually was and I didn't have the energy to get into it right now.

"I know you did, sweet girl. We really missed you, Jazz especially. Although I know nothing we felt held a candle to the Chief," she said softly while removing some clothes from her bureau drawer.

My heart squeezed painfully and I bit my lip to keep it from trembling before I tasted blood on my tongue and realised I'd split it back open by chewing on it. I knew I had really disappointed Charlie when I didn't make it for Christmas but I thought he'd been ok with it. I hadn't realised how upset it made him not to have me there. I might have tried a little harder to make it back over the summer if I had. And here it was, nearly Thanksgiving again. How could I have gone an entire year without so much as talking to my friends or seeing my family?

_You know why. He told you why._

"Hey, I didn't mean to upset you. You're here now, Bells. That's all that matters. Just…try to keep in mind that he's your daddy and is going to want to take care of you. Jazz and I can buy you a little time – two weeks at the very most – but you realise you are going to have to see him sometime, right? And all he wants is to have you happy and safe." She gently stroked my hair before kissing me on the forehead.

Rose wasn't usually the maternal type. In fact, she had a real reputation for being a hard ass ballbuster, but with me and Jazz she made an exception. With her brother I'd understood. It was on her to take care of him and look after him the way their mother had before she died, and Rose adored Jasper no matter what she says to the contrary. But with me I had a feeling it was because she could tell that my mom wasn't as loving as she thought I'd deserved. It was almost as if she tried to make up for it. I never complained. Rose was like an awesome big sister and occasional mother figure with a giant side of kick ass. I loved her to bits and always listened with both ears when she was serious enough to have a real conversation with me or give me advice. This was not an exception.

"I know, Rose, and I do want to stay with Char…Dad." I was going to have to work on calling him Dad now that I was back. He really hated me calling him Charlie. "Just give me a couple days? I really don't want him to see me like this."

"See you like what?" a gruff voice said from darkened hall outside Rose's door.

I hadn't even heard him come up the stairs. God knows how long he'd been standing there. I knew it was no good trying to run for cover so I just sucked in a deep breath and turned around.

He stood there in the doorway in his police chief's uniform, his moustache twitching a little as his mouth quivered somewhere between a frown and tightly pursed lips. The color briefly drained from his face as he looked me over only to be replaced so rapidly that he nearly turned purple with barely supressed rage. I bit my lip before remembering it was still bleeding. I must have winced because his expression shifted again, only this time he went from murderous rage to downright broken hearted. My breath hitched and tears burned my eyes as I took a step towards him.

"Oh, Bella," he gasped and reached very carefully for me, almost as if he was afraid I might shatter with the slightest touch.

I leaned into him and let him gingerly wrap his arms around me before I once again succumbed to my tears.

"Hi Dad."

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**A/N: Reviews make me update so much faster! **


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N: Woohoo! Five whole reviews this time lol! Thank you to all of you who take the time. I made sure this chapter was done quickly so that I could finish my Psych paper without making you wait too long :-)**

** Edwardstaker - Thank you so much for your kind review. I got all warm and fuzzy reading it :-)**

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I took a hot shower while Jasper made lunch downstairs and Rose supposedly talked to my dad about her shop needing more security. I'd gathered that she had been having trouble with some of the local grease heads harassing her but didn't know if she'd made up that story for my benefit or not. I figured that they would really be talking about me but I didn't have super hearing powers, so I couldn't be one hundred percent sure.

Rose had invested some of her inheritance in a small mechanic's shop that had been previously run by some old guy who ripped everyone off. It took two years for her to be sufficiently trained beyond her already impressive level of expertise in automotive know how before she even opened the shop. Since then she'd become the most popular mechanic on the Olympic peninsula, although I wasn't sure if it was based entirely on her skills. Not only was she the only reasonably priced place around for miles, but she wasn't exactly hard to look at and we'd always teased her about guys damaging their perfectly good cars just so they could have an excuse to come see her. Let's just say she was not amused.

The steaming water helped relax me a little but did nothing to dull the ache in my muscles or soothe my battered skin. To add insult to injury I'd had to call Rose up to help me apply my arnica cream to areas of my back I couldn't reach. I could tell by the expression on her face that she was both pissed off and trying not to cry. I attempted to ignore the guilt that welled up inside of me when she sighed and shook her head but failed miserably.

"Why didn't you call us? We would have come right down there and gotten you, you know that," she grumbled while braiding my wet hair and securing it with a rubber band.

"I don't need to be rescued. I can take care of myself," I snapped and stepped away from her. She glared at me for a moment and snorted.

"Yeah, looks like you've been doing a stellar job of it so far. God, you'd think after having to put up with that jackass your mom married you would be a bit more selective about your choice in men," she bit back acerbically.

That stung. I whipped around and stomped off towards the door before the tears in my eyes had a chance to make their humiliating appearance. She gently grabbed my arm and pulled me back a little, remorse clouding her beautiful features.

"Sorry baby girl. I just…I don't understand. Why would you let him do this to you?" The frustration in her voice battled with her confusion.

"I didn't LET him do anything, Rose!" I was more than a little peeved by her assumption. Like I could have stopped him. "I'm here aren't I?"

She arched an eyebrow at me in challenge. "You mean to tell me this is the very first time he's ever laid a hand on you?"

Dammit. She knew it wasn't. I'd called her the first time he'd gotten angry, only then it was a little tiny push and a whole lot of yelling. I never dreamed it would turn into what it had. I didn't want to fight about it anymore. My head hurt enough as it was.

We descended the stairs to find Jasper and my dad sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and munching on pasta. It had been so long since I'd had a real honest-to-goodness meal that my mouth filled with saliva at the heavenly aroma. Rose heaped a plate high with spaghetti before drowning it in sauce just the way she knew I liked it. I was so ravenous I barely chewed as I inhaled my food. I must have been a sight because after a few minutes I realised there were no sounds in the kitchen except my slurping and swallowing. I froze with my fork halfway to my mouth and looked around. Rose was examining her plate but so far hadn't touched a bite while Jazz and my dad just stared open mouthed at me like I was some sort of circus freak.

"What?" I barked defensively. "I'm hungry!"

"Bella, when's the last time you ate?" Jasper asked in an astonished voice. My table manners must have been really atrocious.

"I had a cheeseburger last night or early this morning?" It came out as a question as I tried to recall exactly when my last meal had been.

"And before that?" he probed. I saw where he was going and glared at him.

"I eat plenty. Not all of us are as lucky as you are to have an endless supply of money and fully stocked kitchen twenty four seven." Ok, so that was a low blow and I knew it, but I was tired of their judgemental stares and comments. There was nothing wrong with me. I was fine.

"Isabella, that was rude," Charlie scolded around a mouth full of food.

"So it talking with your mouth full," I reminded him. I wasn't twelve and I didn't need to be told off like a child. He frowned at me but said nothing else. But Jasper wouldn't let it go.

"A cheeseburger isn't a meal…well, unless I make it," he added with a smirk which promptly faded when I huffed out a sigh and shook my head. "When is the last time you had a real meal, not fast food or a bag of Doritos. REAL food."

I opened my mouth to answer back quickly, determined to win this argument but had to pause longer than expected while I thought back. In truth I knew exactly when it was but wasn't ready to admit it, even to myself. My friends from work had all pitched in to take me out for a birthday dinner back in September. I remember eating so much that I thought I was going to be sick but felt such relief in the feeling of being full for the first time in months that I couldn't stop myself.

"A few days ago at work," I lied quickly. "It was chicken and potatoes. Are you freaking satisfied now? Can I finish my spaghetti in peace?" I didn't wait for him to answer, just stuffed my mouth full so I couldn't talk. I could tell no one believed me but I just didn't care anymore.

"When you're done I want you to get your things. You're coming home with me," Charlie said between bites.

I may or may not have choked a little on my noodles. I was instantly taken back to my childhood when in rare moments of paternal instinct Charlie would use his 'dad voice'. I'd learned very quickly there was no use arguing or negotiating. The 'dad voice' was always final. Rose must have read the panic on my face because she thankfully swooped in to save the day.

"Actually, Charlie I was thinking she would stay here for a few days. She needed help showering and changing and I didn't think that was something you would be comfortable doing," she said casually. She knew my dad would blush and get all embarrassed at the thought of bathing and dressing his fully grown daughter.

"Yeah, we can totally help her with that for you, Chief," Jasper added, nodding enthusiastically. I knew he was just trying to help but it backfired. Big time.

Charlie swung around and glared at him, his hand twitching towards his gun holster on his hip. It took a few seconds for Jasper to understand why Charlie looked so freaked out since things had never, ever been romantic between us. That was just…ew. He quickly backpedalled.

"I mean Rose! _ROSE _can help her with that. I'll just feed her and...uh…keep her company. Yeah…yeah, that's what I meant. Not the other…um, yeah," he finished lamely then shovelled the remainder of his pasta into his mouth.

I couldn't help it. I laughed out loud even though I also had a mouthful of food. I even pointed at him a little. So much for good manners. It just felt so good to be with them again, to feel close to them after not having heard from them or seeing them for so long. My dad even cracked a smile although he tried very hard to hide it from us. I almost felt whole again. Almost.

"Fine, you can stay until you are able to…er…look after yourself _properly,_" he stressed the finally word and stared me down in the process. "But then I expect you back home, Isabella. No buts, no maybes, no exceptions." And the 'dad voice' was back.

"Yes, sir," I grumbled and crossed my arms over my chest to show just how perturbed I was at the prospect of being ordered around. Again. His expression immediately softened.

"This shouldn't be a threat, Bells. You know I love having you stay with me," he said encouraged.

"Yeah, it's like having a wife around without all the nagging," Jasper chimed in with a grin. Charlie chuckled when I grimaced.

"You know it's not like that. C'mon and do your old man a favor by keeping me company in as I approach senior status. I know we haven't talked in while but living with me won't be that bad, will it?" he seemed genuinely worried that I might say yes that I felt my previous guilt multiply tenfold. It made me lash out irrationally at him.

"Well it's not like you called me either," I grumbled, not even bothering to address his real question.

"Hey, I called you. I called you a lot," he argued, obviously annoyed. He wasn't the only one.

"You did not! You didn't even call on my birthday!" I had remembered coming home and checking the caller ID at midnight and being thoroughly disappointed when it was clear of any numbers. My mom hadn't remembered my birthday in years but Charlie never missed it. Not even once.

"Isabella Swan, I most certainly called you on your birthday! We all did!" he growled and motioned around the table to the other silent occupants.

"He's right. We called at least five times that night because it had been _months_ since anyone had heard from you. You didn't have an answering machine and the last time James took the message from him and promised he'd leave you a note," Jasper confirmed quietly while he shredded his paper napkin on the table top.

"He never…I didn't," I couldn't finish because I wasn't sure what to say. I was still trying to process it all.

"It wasn't the first time he didn't pass along a message. We've been calling you since December of last year. Each one of us would call once a week and we'd either get no answer or James would tell us you were working late and would call tomorrow," Rose added with a wry look.

I didn't know what to say. I had just assumed they'd forgotten all about me after I didn't come home like usual. I had called a few times around Easter to try to talk to them but I'd always had bad timing and been forced to leave a message. James never told me they'd called me back at all. He must have cleared the caller ID so I wouldn't know. I was so stunned by the revelation that I didn't say anything else. I just sat there while they finished eating and stared at the patterns in the wooden table top.

_Why would he do that? He never said he didn't like them. And Charlie is my DAD! Why the hell wouldn't he tell me they called?_

"Well, I need to get back to the office. I'll send around that new officer of mine to introduce himself, Rose. He's looking for some extra work since he's only part time at the police station and I think he might just be what you need for your…security purposes," Charlie finished cryptically. I was barely paying attention so I didn't take the time to think about what he'd really meant.

"Come over tomorrow for dinner, Chief. We're having Thai," Jazz offered with a smirk. He knew my dad's tolerance for ethnic food was minimal.

"Who taught you to cook Thai food?" I teased, thinking it would get him in trouble with Charlie when he found out we were actually going to have pizza or something. I was wholly unprepared when he blushed profusely and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Um, Alice," he mumbled.

"Who?" I hadn't heard of her before. It immediately piqued my interest.

"She's my…fiancée." He looked anywhere but at me as those three words sunk in.

"Your **WHAT**?!" I shrieked. Jazz hid his face in his hands while Rose and Charlie laughed.

"Well Jazz, enjoy your handful. See you tomorrow for dinner," he grinned and headed out the door.

"I didn't know you even had a girlfriend! How the hell could be engaged?!" I continued to shout after my dad had left.

"You would have met her at Christmas if you'd bothered to show up," Rose answered for him while she cleared the plates.

"Rose," Jazz chided from behind his hands. She ignored him.

"Did you even bother trying to contact us? I know you didn't get the messages we left, but really, Bella the phone goes both ways," she continued to mutter while stacking the dishwasher roughly.

"Knock it off, Rose. And don't break my plates." Jasper finally looked up at me and sighed. "You'll meet her tomorrow. She was with me when I got the call from Jake that you were in the hospital and it was all I could do to keep her away this long. She's dying to get to know you," he said tiredly.

I was so worked up that I almost missed it. My mind tried to work back and connect the dots that were just laid out in front of me. I decided to address the soon-to-be Mrs Hale after solving a few of my own mysteries first.

"How the hell did Jake even know?" I asked, alarmed at the thought that my dad had gotten on the horn and trumpeted to everyone I knew up here that I'd fled my life in Phoenix and managed to crash my car before I even crossed the town line into Forks.

"He's the one that found you. He called your dad, me, and Jazz before going back to the rez." Rose poured us each a cup of coffee and sat down next to me.

She seemed to have gotten over her momentary snit and was back to being the calm and comforting mom type that I needed sometimes. She even rubbed my back gently when I groaned at the thought of Jake removing me from my wrecked car and seeing the state I already was in, even before the accident. I would never hear the end of it from him. He'd never, ever liked James and adamantly objected when I'd told him that we'd become serious last September. We'd been dating on and off since last January and while Jake had held his tongue during my Easter and summer visits he let loose exactly what he'd thought once I'd told him that I had started to fall hard for James.

"Try not to worry about him right now. He's just going to be happy you're home," Jazz comforted but then his smile faltered a bit. He seemed to be having some sort of internal debate when I got too impatient to wait it out.

"Just spit it out, Jasper!" I griped. Rose snickered and he smirked but thankfully spoke up.

"Are you staying, Bella? Like, for good?" he clarified at the end. He sounded so uncertain and I knew deep down that right now I wouldn't be able to answer that question unequivocally. I was just too messed up to think straight. So I decided to be honest. I'd never lied to him before and I wasn't going to start now.

"I think so, but I haven't really decided yet. I know that's not the answer you want but…" I trailed off and shrugged a little, thankful that my medicine and muscle cream was starting to work on my many, many bruises.

He sighed but nodded like that was what he had been expecting. On the other hand Rose looked downright pissed. She shook her head and slammed her cup of coffee down.

"Don't be a fucking idiot, Bella!" she shouted. So much for supportive, we were back to cranky bitch again.

"I'm not an idiot," I argued hotly. She just glared at me, not backing down in the least.

"You are if you go back to him. Because let me give you a reality check here, sweet cheeks, he's NEVER GOING TO CHANGE," she enunciated the last four words so clearly that each of them packed their own wallop.

"Rose, that's enough," Jasper growled and reached forward to take one of my hands – which I'd balled into fists – between his and ran his thumb soothingly over the top.

We all sat there for a few minutes in silence while Rose and I each calmed down. I couldn't figure her out. One minute she was great; loving and supportive and understanding. The next she was such a cow; judgemental and bitchy and just downright mean. I didn't understand what her problem was.

"I know you aren't stupid," Rose spoke up again, obviously struggling to keep her emotions under control. "But you can't seriously think it would be a good idea to take him back after what he's done to you."

"You have no idea what happened, you're only assuming…" I started to argue when she held her hand up and her eyes flashed.

"Cut the crap. I take one look at you and know what happened and it doesn't matter WHY it happened. He hit you, _BEAT_ on you for god's sake! From the looks of it he tried to strangle you," she motioned to my neck and continued on her tirade. "How can you think that's ok? How can you even consider being with someone who obviously doesn't respect you or love you at all?" She was practically yelling and the end.

"He does love me," I began to yell back when Jasper banged his fist down on the table, causing us all to jump. Jazz was usually the calm one, hissy fit on the way home from the hospital aside.

"That isn't love," he said so quietly I had to strain to hear him but his eyes bore so deep into mine that I felt like he'd reached down into my very soul.

I hadn't said that what James did was ok or that it was how he showed he loved me. But I still believed that he **did** love me. He just had a bad temper and took it out on me…way too often. However, I knew what Jasper's point had been and there was no use arguing about it when clearly we would disagree so I just nodded silently.

The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. I helped Rose make up the guest bed, except she wouldn't actually let me help so really I just sat there and watched her do it. We decided that I needed a few home comforts so we popped in the first season of our favorite medical drama and ordered pizza and wings from the local pizza joint. It was so easy to be myself with them. I was relaxed if not a little uncomfortable due to the amount of pain I was still in, but I was able to laugh and have a good time with people I had counted among the few in my life I was close to.

But I should have known better than to think it was going to be that easy. It was late when we finished the first season and while I was extremely tired I almost considered staying up and starting the next set of DVD's. When Rose sleepily trotted off to bed and Jasper yawned a huge g'night in my direction I knew I was just delaying the inevitable. I dragged my sorry self up the stairs and into the cozy little room I was given for the next few nights. The queen bed looked positively massive after sleeping for the last year and a half in a trundle bed with a full grown man.

And that's when it hit me. I was going to sleep _alone_ tonight. I hadn't slept by myself since last March and the sheer loneliness that washed over me in the moment I made that realisation practically crippled me. Suddenly I was made extremely aware of the consequences of my actions. I tried to ignore the way my stomach twisted while I pulled back the plush feather duvet and slid between the luxurious high thread count sheets that Rose had specifically put on this bed so as to not irritate my damaged skin. But no amount of physical comfort could quell the emotional turmoil that threatened to pull me under into the deepest, blackest sea of pain I could have ever imagined.

Tears overflowed onto the silken pillowcase and I stuffed my fist into my mouth to try and stifle my sobs. I had to keep this to myself. They would never understand why or how I could miss him. Hell, even I didn't really understand it. I just knew that I did. I missed him so much it felt like the pain was going to eat me alive. The bed was too cold with no one there to wrap around me in the middle of the night and chase away the nightmares that took the shape of childhood memories I'd sooner forget. There was no one to snuggle against, no reassuring sound of a heartbeat to lull me off to dreamland. No one to protect me if someone broke in. There was nothing. And in the absence of everything I had not only become accustomed to but also come to rely upon I felt like I was nothing. Without him I would cease to exist, and that thought scared the ever living shit out of me.

I must not have been as quiet as I'd hoped because I felt the bed dip behind me and slender pair of arms encircled me in their warm, comforting embrace. I didn't stop to think as I rolled over and bawled into a shoulder that wasn't who I wanted but quite possibly exactly who I needed. Rose stroked my hair and lightly rubbed my back. I was afraid she would get angry with me and tell me off for my weakness, but the only sounds she made were the occasional hushing noises you would make when soothing a small wailing child. I don't know when I started blubbering or stuttering out my incoherent thoughts but they became louder and more erratic despite Rose's best efforts. That was when I felt Jasper at my back as he hugged me from the other side.

"You are not alone, Bells. You will never, ever be alone," he murmured in my ear. I hadn't realised I have voiced that particular thought. Everything inside my head was so jumbled it didn't make sense but apparently I was able to speak somewhat clearly.

"You're going to be alright baby girl. You have us and Charlie and your friends here and we all love you," Rose whispered and kissed my forehead.

Their words were perfect but they weren't helping me calm the chaos that had rapidly taken over my mind and body. My breathing was erratic and shallow and I had so many thoughts spinning through my mind I couldn't tell where one ended and the other began. In short, I was cracking up. I don't know how long I lay there losing the plot like that but at one point Jasper had left the room for a few minutes and came back with a glass of water and small prescription bottle. He tapped a tiny white pill into his palm before placing it in my mouth and giving me the water, ordering me – very gently – to swallow. Then he gave me another one.

"Take two, they're small," he said with a smirk.

I think I tried to laugh but it came out as kind of a choked off squeak. They lay there with me for a while longer as my panic died down and was replaced by a fuzzy numbness that dragged me off to comfortable oblivion. I kind of hoped they would still be there when I woke up.

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**A/N: Reviews make me write faster and better :-) Who's ready to see Edward? And who thinks they know who the 'new officer' is?**


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed and favorited and follow this story! I will respond to everyone even if you aren't a member. And as further incentive to encourage reviews I will give each and every one a little preview on the next chapter! **

** Edwardstalker & kitkatr - thanks for reviewing! Things won't always be 'interesting' but they will be realistic. And OF COURSE James was the monster & not Edward. We love him too much!**

**This one is a little longer since I won't be able to update for a few days. Enjoy and leave me some love xoxo**

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A muted grey light filtered through my lashes and tugged me towards consciousness. I lay still for a moment and just listened to the sounds of a now fully awake household. I heard Rose moving around in the next room, opening and shutting drawers, probably getting dressed. Downstairs I could hear the sizzle of something cooking on the stove – bacon from the smell of it. That meant Jasper was up as well. He seemed to be talking to himself while he cooked and I smiled a little. There were small comforts in the consistencies I still remembered from spending so much time here.

I threw the covers aside and shivered a little as the chilly fall morning sunk into my bones. Experimentally moving around for a few minutes I ascertained that I had been healing well and didn't think I would need anything stronger than Ibuprofen today. Whatever medication Jazz had given me last night during my meltdown had worked wonders but I didn't think it would be necessary again. For the first time in years I threw on a hoodie and made my way out into the hall with a smile on face and hope that this would be a good day. It had been so long since I'd had one. I didn't even make it to the stairs when Rose darted out of her room and yanked me back in with her.

"What the…" I was at a loss when I took the site where, clearly, a bomb had gone off. There were clothes everywhere, on the bed, on the floor, hanging out of drawers. Well, everywhere but actually on my practically stark naked friend who also looked to be a bit of a chaotic mess.

"I can't find anything to wear!" she hissed directly in my face. It made me realise she still needed to brush her teeth, too.

"Um, try the floor?" I suggested with a small smirk but it fell when she shot daggers at me.

"You have to help me! You're dad sent the cop over who's looking for extra work and OH MY GOD! Not only is he another Cullen and of course that means he's too freaking gorgeous for words but he wants to work for me and he's asking me to take him to the shop right away so we can have a look around and Jasper's downstairs making pancakes and what the hell am I going to do?!" She had started to turn a little red, probably from her lack of oxygen.

I'd never seen Rose freak out before. She's never really paid much attention to the local guys since she was always too busy with school and then her shop. And then there was Jasper, who I was pretty sure would run off anyone who even dared look at her cross eyed. And he was downstairs cooking for him? Then something else occurred to me.

"Wait, is he related to the guy I saw at the hospital?" He was the only one I knew about but apparently they were everywhere.

"You saw Carlisle?" she cocked her head to the side before shaking it and glancing around the room, distressed again.

"Um, yeah he was the doctor who treated me. You know him? And this cop is related to him somehow?" I still didn't understand what had her all a twitter. He was just a guy, right? And Rose was never impressed by ANY guy, it didn't matter who it was. Well, except Viggo Mortensen, but who wasn't?

"He's his son, his oldest I think. I know there are two boys and that Alice is the youngest but…" her voice trailed off while she picked up a tiny white t-shirt and examined it closely.

"Wait, Alice? As in Jasper's fiancée? She's a Cullen, too?" I was so lost. It must have shown.

"Yeah, like I said she's the youngest. She has two brothers and one of them is downstairs right now waiting for me to be all awesome and show him my shop and all I can think about when I see him is what I'd rather be showing him is my bedroom-" she started speed talking again when I waved my hands in front of her to signal that she needed to stop.

"GAH! I don't need to hear this! And if you want him to be impressed then just wear what you normally do to work. No sense in putting on a dress if you're going to be under cars and covered in grease. You could wear trash bags and still be a freaking knock out!" I shook my head at her momentary self-doubt. After a few seconds she grinned at me and planted a big sloppy kiss on my cheek.

"This is why I love you," she chirped and then wiggled into some ripped jeans and a fitted purple tee before darting off to her bathroom, hopefully to brush her teeth.

"And I'd suggest cleaning up before luring him up here," I shouted after her and took off downstairs before she could reply. Or throw something at me.

I bounded into the kitchen to get some food but skidded to a halt when I saw that Rose had been mistaken in her previous assumption. There were actually two people sitting at the kitchen table with Jasper, not just one. The man that she had been all worked up about looked over at me and greeted me warmly, all dimples and impish smiles. He was definitely good looking and I could see, despite his dark hair, the resemblance to the good doctor. He was also quite possibly the largest man I had ever seen. He had that high school line backer sort of body with his ample muscles and broad chest, but despite his size there was something about him that instantly put me at ease. Maybe it was because I knew he was a cop and thanks to Charlie I'd always trusted and respected anyone in law enforcement.

"Bella, this is Emmett Cullen. And this is-" Jasper started to introduce me to the girl to his right but she flew up out of her chair and practically tackled me in a hug.

"Oh, Bella it's so good to finally meet you! Jazzy's told me so much about you I feel like we're already best friends!" Alice gushed and then pulled back to give me a dazzling smile.

Like Emmett she was beautiful with dark hair and large blue-grey eyes. But she was his opposite in every other way. Alice couldn't have been more than five feet tall and had a very petite frame that made her look like the world's most perfect little ballerina. Even as small as she was her exuberant hug had upset my injuries a little and it must have shown on my face.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot you had been in an accident a few days ago," she said somewhat sheepishly and stepped back a little.

I was instantly wary when she mentioned my accident but there was nothing in her large, round eyes that showed anything but sincerity. And like her brother there was something about her that instantly made me feel ok, like I could trust her. I smiled a little to show her I was alright.

"It's nice to meet you too, Alice. Although I think you have an advantage over me since I just found out about you last night," I stage whispered the last part while staring right at Jasper.

Jasper shrugged when Alice wheeled around and placed her hands on her hips, clearly unimpressed with the info I'd just given her. I gave him my best sarcastic grin before heading over to kitchen and pilling a plate high with pancakes and bacon. Emmett chuckled when I sat down and drowned it all in syrup.

"That wasn't very nice of you," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "Poor Jasper will be defending how much he loves her and wants people to know about her for weeks."

"Serves him right for not telling me sooner," I shrugged before smiling a little and glanced guiltily in their direction. He had his arms around her and was kissing all over her face while she tried to maintain an unhappy frown.

"To tell you the truth, he's been trying to call me for months but I've been working so much I always seemed to miss him," I said loud enough for Jasper's benefit. Then I frowned when I remembered that wasn't entirely the case. "Well, that and my…answering service turned out to be completely unreliable."

Emmett nodded once but instead of saying anything else he just looked at me and sipped his coffee. I was about to change the subject when he choked a little and had to mop up what had dribbled down his chin. I turned and saw Rose had finally decided to join us. I also saw what had taken her so long.

She wore very little makeup since she didn't really need it, and had changed her shirt to a tight burnt orange sweater that I'm pretty sure was at least two sized too small. It barely covered her midriff and was so snug against her chest that if she got a chill her turkey poppers would definitely be showing.

"Oh good, the sweater I got you fits!" Alice clapped hands and came over to admire Rose. Emmett admired her too, but much less discreetly and with far more drool.

"Um, you think that fits?" Jasper asked, clearly not impressed with his sisters choice of wardrobe. He kept glancing over at Emmett out of the corner of his eye and it only seemed to upset him more. I bit my tongue to keep from laughing.

"Yeah," Alice, Rose, and Emmett said in unison. Jazz turned to glare at Emmett before stomping off with a giggling Alice chasing after him.

I snorted into my coffee mug. It must be hard to be a brother with such a hot older sister. I knew he never had friends around, aside from me and Jake, because the one time he'd let a couple guys from school come over to do a project they'd taken bets to see who could screw her first. My dad had been called out and Rose barely kept Jasper from being arrested after he'd beaten the crap out of Mike and Tyler.

Rose put together her own plate and sat next to me without even acknowledging our other guest. But Emmett continued to stare unabashedly at her until she finally looked up and cocked and eyebrow at him.

"What are you staring at?" she challenged in her best 'just try and fuck with me' voice. For most guys it made their balls shrivel up and fall off, but apparently Emmett wasn't most guys.

"You, beautiful." He grinned openly at her when she blushed slightly and went back to her food. There was no missing the smile on her face while she chewed.

"So, you're the little girl the Chief always goes on about. I heard you've moved up here to stay. Any idea where you'll work yet?" Emmett turned to me with a pleasantly inquisitive expression. I guess he decided to give Rose a break from his blatant admiration.

"Um, no, not really. I guess I'll go into town in today and see what's around and then head to Port Angeles. I have to hit the bank there anyway," I told him simply while I tried to plan my day in my head.

"Planning to rob it, are ya?" he wagged his eyebrows at me and I snickered.

"Shhh, don't tell anyone," I joked back.

"Let me know if you need a getaway driver. I'm looking for extra work." He winked at me.

"How do you plan on getting there?" Rose asked between bites.

"My car?" It came out as a question because I suddenly realised I hadn't seen my car since the accident.

Rose stopped chewing and slowly looked over at me. "Ummm…"

"Great," I sighed and shook my head. "Totalled?"

She nodded and I groaned, putting my head in my hands.

"I can take you to the bank!"

I jumped when Alice appeared on my other side out of thin air. I swallowed the last bite of bacon and glanced up at Jasper. He nodded enthusiastically and gave me a thumbs up. I tried to look as happy as she was at the idea of spending time with her.

"Sure, Alice that would be great. As long as it won't be any trouble." I hated the idea of putting anyone out but I really needed to get to the bank and close my account. If I was going to buy another car I would need all the money I could get and the few hundred dollars still in my sock wasn't going to cut it.

"I'll come with you. We'll make a day of it," Jazz offered with a wink. I smiled gratefully, not sure I would be good company with someone I didn't know very well. Something told me though that Alice would make quick work of that little problem.

The phone rang on the wall and Emmett jumped up before Rose or Jazz could even budge. "Hale residence, Emmett speaking."

I glanced at Rose with a sort of 'what's all that about' look on my face but she just rolled her eyes and shook her head. She looked more amused than anything else. Jazz just looked confused, but Alice had a very knowing look on her face that made me wonder just what had happened here.

"Hey there pops! Yeah, just hold on," he leaned over and handed the phone to me. "It's for you."

I tuned by back to the room full of eyes on me. "Hello?"

"Miss Swan? This is Dr Cullen. I was wondering if you would mind coming by the hospital sometime today?" he asked simply. His voice was calm but there was some undertone that instantly made me wary.

"Why?" I blurted out rather rudely. Then I remembered my manners. "Is something wrong?"

"We just have a few forms that you forgot to sign and there are some test results we need to discuss. You left with Jasper in such a hurry yesterday that we weren't able to go over everything with you." It sounded innocuous enough.

"Sure, we'll be there in twenty minutes. Bye," I assured him and then hung up. I turned around and saw that everyone was still staring. I flushed under their scrutiny.

"Um, I forgot to sign some stuff so I need to go back to the hospital," I mumbled before heading for the stairs. If I was going to look for work then I needed to be presentable.

A few minutes later I descended again in my nicest jeans and a dark green wool sweater Charlie had given me for Christmas a few years back. It was a little big on me but it was warm and soft and looked nice. Plus it was a turtleneck and hid the purple-green ring that remained on my neck. The bruises on my face were nearly healed since they were older but were still more obvious then I would have liked.

"Can we find a pharmacy? I need make up," I said offhandedly while I crammed all my money into my wallet and then tried to shove it in my back pocket. Rose huffed in annoyance before pulling a small black leather purse off the coat rack and handed it to me.

"I'll see you all for dinner," Rose waved as she headed out the door, Emmett at her heels.

"I've got make up! Oh, will you let me do it? Please, please, please? I promise you won't regret it!" Alice gave me such a hopeful little girl expression that I just couldn't bear to disappoint her.

"Okay, but Alice please make it look as natural as possible," I tried to sound firm but she was clapping and jumping up and down, so I didn't think she heard me. I sat next to her at the table as she unloaded what looked like Clinique's entire cosmetic line. I'd never had anything more expensive than Covergirl so I felt a little overwhelmed.

"Great! Let's start by rolling down your top so we don't get foundation on it," she began to pull on my sweater before I could think to stop her and her eyes suddenly went impossibly wide. "Oh…"

"It's nothing," I muttered and smoothed it back into place, my entire face burning with embarrassment.

"Um, I can cover that up too, if you want," she asked carefully. She looked a little worried and uncertain but there was no judgement to be found in her expression. I shook my head and she didn't try to move my top again.

Less than ten minutes later we were all in Alice's bright yellow Mini Cooper headed off towards the hospital. She'd done a fantastic job and I couldn't help looking at myself repeatedly in the review mirror from my place in the backseat. I'd insisted that Jasper ride shotgun since he was taller and it was his fiancée after all. After looking at myself for the tenth time Alice's eyes caught mine and she giggled.

"Honestly, Bella, it's like you've never noticed how naturally beautiful you are," she teased lightly.

Beautiful? The makeup looked good and I thought I looked alright, but beautiful was a bit of a stretch. I blushed and shook my head.

"I think you should get an eye exam, Alice," I replied shyly.

"Psh! Jazzy, you tell her how freaking gorgeous she is!" she demanded. He glanced at me over his shoulder and smiled softly.

"I've been telling her that for years, darlin'. Unfortunately, she's never believed me or anyone else for that matter. Too many mean comments from stupid people, in my opinion," he informed her. There was a sad note to his voice that made me squirm uncomfortably. I knew who he was referring to and I really didn't want to think about all that right now. I had enough on my mind.

We arrived at the hospital and followed Alice back through the maze of hallways to her father's office. She didn't even bother knocking, just barged right on in. I frowned a little until I realised it wasn't an exam room but a regular office. It was decorated with brown leather and polished wooden furniture, potted plants strategically placed all around. The whole room had a comfortable feel and instantly helped me relax.

"Miss Swan, thank you for being so prompt. Alice, Jasper," he nodded at the other two while he shook my hand gently. "Would you too mind waiting outside while I speak to Isabella?"

"Bella," Alice corrected him with a smile. He nodded once and motioned towards the door but an inexplicable panic welled up inside of me and I suddenly reached out and clamped onto Jasper's arm for dear life.

"Could he stay?" I asked, unsure of where the alarm in my voice and body came from but very aware of just how real it was.

"Of course he can. Alice, would you go to the coffee cart on the second floor and get me a latte, please? Oh, and something for yourself if you like." He handed her a ten and she scuttled off without any objection. I was thankful she didn't seem to be one of those possessive, jealous girls.

"Have a seat you two," Dr Cullen motioned to the chairs in front of his desk. He sat on the corner instead of in the large chair opposite us and looked down at me with a small, kind smile.

"How are you feeling, Miss Swan?" he asked with unmasked concern. I smiled weakly.

"Bella, and I feel better than I did a few days ago. Sorry about how I acted yesterday. I was a little freaked out at waking up in the hospital," I explained and began to wring my hands nervously. Jasper reached over and stopped me by holding one firmly in his.

"Are you still in any pain?" He seemed to be taking a mental inventory of my movements as I squirmed around.

"Not really. My throat is a little sore and my lower back hurts a little, but other than that I feel perfectly fine." I decided it would be best not to lie to him. He knew my dad and my friends so chances were that he would discover the truth anyway.

"She had some trouble sleeping last night," Jasper oh-so-helpfully provided. I turned and glared at him, not sure why that would matter.

"Oh? Why was that, Bella?" he directed his question to me which I appreciated. I hated being talked about like I wasn't in the room.

"I just got a little…upset," I finished lamely. I knew it was more than that but wasn't sure what to call it without making me look insane. Jasper didn't seem too worried about that, however.

"She had a full blown anxiety attack. She was pretty close to hyperventilating so I gave her a couple of Rose's Ativan," Jazz informed him evenly.

"I see. Have you ever had anxiety attacks before, Bella?" his look of concern deepened. I frowned at Jasper to make my displeasure with his big mouth known and shook my head.

"No, not really. I get a bit worried sometimes when I'm stressed but it's nothing I can't handle." The look I gave Jasper dared him to challenge me. He clearly didn't get the message because the jackass just kept running his mouth.

"She's had them before when she visited her dad, but I'd never seen them that bad. She hasn't been around in over a year though," he concluded with a glare of his own.

I yanked my hand away from his and crossed my arms tightly over my chest, my face in full scowl mode. If I'd have known he would sell me out like that I wouldn't have asked him to stay. If he kept it up I just might have to kick him out.

"Bella, I'm going to make a deal with you, alright?" Dr Cullen called my attention back to him.

"What kind of deal?" I asked hesitantly.

"I will promise to tell you the exact truth as I know it if you do the same for me. I even promise that I won't report anything that you tell me, even if it's illegal." His gaze didn't falter at all and I felt my mouth drop open in shock.

I knew about doctor/patient privilege and the limits that were placed on it. But this man was telling me that I could say anything, anything at all and he would keep my secret. And suddenly I wanted nothing more than to unburden every last secret I held, every scar I carried, ever injury I had suffered. I just wanted to be free of it all. My eyes welled up a little but I was worried I'd ruin Alice's masterpiece so I blinked them back and nodded firmly.

"So we have an agreement?" he double checked.

"Yes," I answered evenly, then looked uncertainly at Jasper.

"Cross my heart and hope to die," he said solemnly and held up his right hand.

"Ok, what do you want to know?" I hedged, a little nervous.

"All of the injuries you had when you came in weren't from the accident. We knew that already. What we don't know is exactly how you got them and who gave them to you," he stated. I knew there was a question in there and he was just giving me the chance to answer whichever one I wanted first.

"Some of them were from last Friday night, others from late Monday night…or early Tuesday morning, whatever," I mumbled and waved my hand dismissively. Then I took a deep breath. "They were courtesy of my boyfriend, James Hunter."

"_Ex_-boyfriend," Jasper emphasised with a growl. I didn't say anything. I hadn't technically broken up with him yet but I wasn't going to argue the point at this juncture.

"Alright, that's pretty much what we'd thought, but thank you for telling me yourself. I have to ask this now, so please don't be offended. Is there any chance of you reconciling with Mr Hunter?" Again, there was no judgement in his voice but I felt Jasper tense up next to me.

"I…don't think so." It was the best I could do. I still had a lot to think about.

Dr Cullen sighed and rubbed his hand over his face before looking down at me again, his expression suddenly weary. I could tell my answer had disappointed them but I promised to be honest. Jasper frowned so hard I was sure his face would sit that way permanently but when I looked back at Dr Cullen he seemed guardedly hopeful.

"Bella, if I arranged for you to talk to someone about what happened, would you be willing to do so?" he asked carefully.

_Now wait just a damn minute…_

"I thought you said this would be between us?" I practically shouted. He put his hands out in front of him.

"It is I promise you. I just thought of a colleague of mine who's recently moved into the area from Seattle. She's a therapist that specialises in working with young women who have been in domestic violence situations. She does private therapy but also runs a small group session once a week out of the local church," he explained. I calmed down a little but grimaced.

"I don't need a shrink," I retorted. I wasn't crazy.

"She's not a psychiatrist. She's a therapist, and there is a difference. She doesn't work with diagnoses and can't prescribe medication. You would be able to tell her everything and she has to adhere to confidentiality."

I sat and thought about it for a moment. It would be someone new who didn't know me from Eve. Someone I could tell everything to without fear of pity or repercussion.

"She should be able to help you deal with your anxiety without the need of medication," he added a little hesitantly. I eyed him shrewdly.

"Why would I need that? Those pills seemed to work just fine. Can't you just give me a script for next time? I mean, if there is a next time, of course," I stuttered at the end. I still didn't want to admit I might need drugs. I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to hire a head case.

"Look, here's her card. Her name is Carmen Vasquez and I've known her for years. Decades even. She's wonderful and very professional. Should I tell her to expect your call?" he asked while passing me a little blue business card with an embossed lily on the front.

"Um, sure. But you haven't answered my question, doctor," I reminded him. He looked like he was steeling himself for something unpleasant but maintained his decorum quite convincingly.

"While I'm glad Jasper was able to help you last night so that you got some sleep I would strenuously recommend that you don't take medication that isn't prescribed to you in the future. It can be dangerous," he stated matter-of-factly. Then he leaned forward a little and placed his elbows on his knees so that we were practically eye to eye.

"I told you over the phone that there were some test results to go over. We took your blood after the accident to determine if you were intoxicated. We know that wasn't the case but your tests came back with very low iron and vitamin B levels along with an elevated hCG level." He paused and looked meaningfully at me but I couldn't understand his seriousness.

"Ok, so I need a multi-vitamin? Eat more steak and spinach?" I felt like I was missing something.

"Oh my God," Jasper suddenly gasped next to me and shot straight up in his chair. He stared at Dr Cullen with wide eyes before turning to me and grabbing my hand between his again. This time they were shaking and offered no comfort at all. I felt my panic rise.

"What? What does all this mean? Am I sick? Is something wrong?" I asked in a squeaky voice. I was starting to freak out.

"What it means, Bella, is that you're pregnant." His words hung in the air with a sort of surreal finality. It took a full minute for the reality of my situation to sink in. And then I flipped shit.

"_Oh my __**GOD**_!" I practically screamed and the tears I'd held in before finally broke free and streaked down my face. Jasper was on the his knees in front of me in less than two second and rubbed his hands up and down my arms in an attempt to calm me.

"No. _NO_. This can't be…how the hell…we haven't…not since…just **NO**!" I shook my head in denial but something in the back of my mind clicked into place. It had been weeks since my period had been due but that wasn't unusual for me. I'd always had an irregular cycle. But my bi-polar emotions and inconsistent appetite made much more sense.

"Bella, Bella, it's going to be alright," Jasper tried to soothe but his voice was too tense. He didn't even believe what he was saying.

"How? How will it be alright, Jazz? Just…how?" I sobbed.

Dr Cullen handed me a tissue which I used to noisily blow my nose before fisting my hands in my hair. He cleared his throat a little and I glanced up in his direction. He looked compassionate but calm. I guessed I wasn't the first hysterical, knocked up chick he'd ever had to deal with. Lucky him.

"Can you tell me what the first day of your last period was?" he asked quietly. To his credit Jasper didn't even grimace, he just looked expectantly at me. I shrugged and shook my head. He nodded and pulled out a small cell phone where he began rapidly texting someone.

"I've just sent Alice on an errand so she'll be back in an hour. Give me a minute to organise an ultrasound so we can try to get an estimated due date for you. Assuming you want to go through with the pregnancy?" he asked me carefully.

I was brought up short. I'd always wanted children despite my horrific upbringing. But I wasn't sure if I ever wanted them with James. I remembered when Victoria was pregnant with Nathan. James had been so good to her…for a while. But they hadn't worked out and it seemed like he had excuse after excuse as to why he wasn't regularly visiting with his son. Could I have this baby knowing that it was his, that it would always give me a connection to a man I wasn't even sure I wanted in my life anymore? Could I even love it? Could I keep this from him? What would happen if he found out? My head swam with so many questions that I hadn't realised both men in the room were still staring at me, waiting for an answer.

"Would I have to put the name of the father on the birth certificate?" I asked meekly. It was the simplest concern of the dozens that were making me dizzy but an important factor nonetheless.

"You can simply put 'Unknown' if you so choose," he informed me gently. I nodded but frowned. I still wasn't sure if this was something I wanted to do. Or something I _could_ do.

"Put me on the birth certificate," Jasper blurted out suddenly. I nearly fell of my chair in shock.

"Wha…what?" I spluttered. I didn't think he was serious but he nodded a little while staring off into space, lost in thought.

"Yeah, that would totally work. I'm blond so if the kid looks like…well, it wouldn't be a stretch. I've known you a long time…people wouldn't even be surprised really. And I like kids…" he seemed to be talking more to himself than me so I grabbed his chin and looked directly in his eyes. I was so moved by his offer but knew unequivocally that I couldn't let him do that.

"I've never loved you more than I do in this moment, Jasper Hale…but no," I told him softly. His eyes went wide.

"Why? I'd be a great dad!" he argued and I could see the hurt shine in his crystal blue eyes.

"I know you would, but you can't. What about Alice?" I reminded him.

"Alice…oh, God," he flushed red and chanced a look up at the man we'd forgotten was there. A man who just happened to be his fiancée's father.

"If it was possible I think my estimation of you has just gone up, Mr Hale." Dr Cullen smiled proudly down at him. Jasper sighed in relief but then looked back at me.

"You know we love you and will support anything you choose, right?" he asked seriously.

"I know, but thanks for reminding me. I need to hear it," I admitted in a quivering voice.

"We'll figure this out. No matter what you will always have us to back you. And you know damn well Rosie would move hell or high water to keep you safe, Bells." Jazz leaned forward and touched his forehead to mine before looking up at Dr Cullen.

"Why don't we go for that scan and see how far along you are before making any decisions?" the good doctor offered.

"Sounds like a plan." I sucked in a deep breath and stood up, prepared to face this head on. The very first thing on my 'To Do' list after the ultrasound would be to call the therapist. Lord knows I was going to need it.

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**A/N: Should I run and hide? Reviews make me update faster AAAAAND will help Edward to appear sooner! Don't make me withold Edward. I'll do it!**

**Also, I will start recommending other stories down here. If you have one you want listed let me know!**


	6. Chapter Five

**A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed :-) And Rachel, I hear you and will include more details in the upcoming chapters. I will give a warning for those, just in case. There are more than a dozen people following now - yay! But for all the reads and visits there aren't many comments. C'mon, who's holding back? You know you want to say something...**

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I sat back in Dr Cullen's office holding a paper bag full of pills and an envelope containing ultrasound photos, basic pregnancy information, and a referral to the local OBGYN. Jasper had gone to locate Alice and explain to her that our trip to Port Angeles was going to be shorter than we'd anticipated and that anything she may hear or learn on said trip was to be treated as top secret until informed otherwise. Dr Cullen sat behind his desk in silence, possibly waiting for me to speak since I had gone mute about half an hour ago.

The scan had been…an experience. I had gone in with Jazz fully prepared to schedule a termination as soon as it was confirmed that I was within the legal requirement of gestational age set by the state of Washington. I was calmer than I thought would be possible given the situation and had maintained a level head until Dr Cullen highlighted the…._my baby_. According to his fancy machine and all the measurements he took I was only about 8 weeks along, well within the legal parameters. There wasn't even a heartbeat yet…well, one that I could hear. But for some reason I couldn't explain, it suddenly didn't matter anymore. And it didn't matter that the father was a man I was pretty sure wouldn't want him…or her. Or that I had no job, no insurance, practically no money, and no idea how to raise a kid. None of it mattered. Because this…he…she was _mine_. And I couldn't for the life of me understand how I could have ever considered not going through with it.

My hands started to shake as tears clouded my vision. I was suddenly more than a little freaked out that I had decided to have a baby at 20 with no way of supporting us. And no one to help me.

_Oh, God, what if Charlie freaks and kicks me out? Where the hell will we live? I can't stay with Jasper and Rose; they wouldn't want a baby around! And Jazz is getting married soon and Rose has the business…_

"Miss Swan, do I have to remind you that you need oxygen to survive?" Dr Cullen's voice cut through my fog of crazy panic and brought me to my senses.

"What?" I was still a little dazed.

"Bella, would you care to tell me what has you on the verge of hysterics?" his voice was so calm and soft and his eyes were so concerned that I couldn't stop the verbal diarrhoea from spewing forth.

"I don't know how to be a mom! My mom was about as nurturing as a barracuda and my dad was alright but I didn't get to see him all that often and he's not exactly the emotional type. And how the hell am I going to feed us without a job? It's not like the kid will have a father that will help out in any way and there's no way in HELL I am telling James that I'm having his…that I'm pregnant. And who's going to hire a pregnant chick?!" I practically shrieked at the end. Somewhere during my little tirade Dr Cullen had gotten up and moved to sit next to me.

"Bella, everything will be alright. Every point you have just made is a reason why you have options. But from the tone of your panic would I be wrong to infer that you have chosen to have and possibly raise this baby?" He leaned back a little and raised his eyebrows.

"Um…yeah, I think so," I managed to choke out while trying to calm my breathing and quell my tears.

"Ok," he nodded once and then clapped his hands together and rose abruptly from his chair. "Ok! First thing, when Jasper gets back tell him to take you to this pharmacy and give them this note from me. They will fix you up with all your prenatal vitamins for the duration of your pregnancy and continue them if you decide to nurse."

"Second," he continued to speak in an upbeat, positive tone while scribbling on several sheets of paper on his desk. "I remember you telling me you were a caregiver in Arizona. There is a woman not far from where you live who needs a minder during the day when her daughter is at work. There is no physical labor involved and you'd really just be there to cook for her and keep her company. She's a little on the forgetful side so try not to let her out of your sight for too long. I told her I would organise one of the nurses to stay with her mother but we are short staffed as it is and you need the work more than they do."

I opened my mouth to say something, anything to make him stop but he just kept on going.

"Lastly, tell Carmen to call me and I will make sure she agrees to see you pro-bono since you would greatly benefit from working with her, especially now that you've decided to be a single mother. Is there anything else I can address that would make this less stressful for you? I would be happy to have a conversation with your father if that-"

"NO!" I shouted and then toned it down a notch. "No, Dr Cullen, thank you. In fact, you don't have to go to so much trouble. I'm sure I can figure things out and you don't know me or owe me anything," I had started rambling again but I was so confused as to why he would want to help me so much.

"Please call me Carlisle. I have a feeling since my daughter and your best friend are going to be married we will be seeing a lot more of each other. And what I am doing is no trouble at all. You may not understand this since you maintain that you were practically raised by wolves…" he paused to smile a little and I couldn't help the indelicate snort that escaped me. He wasn't wrong there.

"This is the kind of thing that happens in small towns. People take care of each other. I know you are afraid of doing this alone but I have a very strong suspicion that your fears will prove to be unfounded. Somehow I don't think you'll get much time to yourself after those who love and care about you are informed about what you are preparing to do. I have a lot of respect for single mothers as I was raised by a fantastic one many years ago. If there is anything else that you need, please don't be afraid to ask. You won't be imposing or taking advantage. Bella, I can tell that you are very concerned with not relying on others, but you should know that it's ok to ask for help when you need it." Carlisle leaned across his desk and handed me a small stack of papers.

"I'll work on it," I murmured shyly and then added a very emotional, "Thank you."

I made my way out to the parking lot and found Jasper leaned up against Alice's car, the two engaged in an intense conversation. The closer I got the quieter they became until I was mere feet away and they both turned to me with expectant expressions. I grimaced at Jazz since it was obvious that Alice had been let in on my little secret. It made me wonder exactly how much he'd told her. I decided to just ask him later. No need to open that can of worms on top of everything else.

"I need to head to the bank and this pharmacist. Would you mind, Alice?" I asked her with a little smile. No reason to be angry with her. She was just a bystander who'd been unfortunate to be caught up in my chaos.

"Sure. Where would you like to go first?" she asked simply and started shoving Jasper towards the back door. I was a little confused until she reached around and opened the passenger door for me with a sweeping gesture. Jazz sighed but it made me smile a little.

The first ten minutes out of town were only filled with bad music from whatever station Alice had chosen. It much too pop princess for my liking but I didn't complain. In fact I was getting a bit tense because it was so obvious that both of them were dying to say something but all they did was cast loaded looks between them in the rear view mirror. Ten more minutes went by like that until I snapped.

"Oh for fucks sake, just say it already!" I screeched and then blushed scarlet. I may have overdone it a little and offended her. But Alice didn't seem bothered in the slightest. Relief dominated her delicate features and she shifted a little behind the wheel so that she faced me more.

"Thank GOD! Ok, so how far along are you? Are you considering keeping it even though the dad isn't in the picture? From what Jazzy said you'd be a fantastic mother, so don't worry about that. And if you ever need some help just let me know because I LOVE kids and have been studying to be a pre-school teacher for three years now and –" she rambled at top speed before Jasper shouted from the back seat.

"MARY ALICE CULLEN! Back the hell off!"

She merely paused to glare at him and very daintily give him the finger. I snickered. It was always the tiny ones you had to look out for. They were the feistiest.

"It's ok, Jazz. I was going to tell you anyway. Yes, Alice, I'm keeping him…or her, not sure which one yet. Not sure that I'll be a great mom but I'm really going to try and thank you for your offer but at this stage all I need is to organise some of the stuff your dad helped with, and figure out a way to tell MY dad." I grimaced and saw Jazz shake his head behind me.

"Charlie will be fine, Bells. After the initial shock of it he'll be great, trust me. I'd be more worried about telling Rose," he snickered at my horror struck expression. "Exactly."

"Can't you do that part?" I whined.

"No way in hell. But I'll be there with you and hold your hand," he offered and reached up to pat my shoulder in consolation.

The rest of the ride passed quickly now that the uncomfortable silence had passed the elephant in the room was being openly discussed. I was thankful when the topic steered away from me for a while. Jasper and Alice were in their junior years of college at U-dub where she was doing a BA in Early Childhood and Family studies and Jasper had finally majored in History after much debate and indecision. What he was going to do with a degree in History was anyone's guess but he loved it and excelled in the classes, which was all that mattered to him.

Closing the bank account had been so painfully simple I was honestly a bit surprised. I had expected questions or raised eyebrows since it was a joint account opened in a different state and I was getting the balance paid out to me only, but there were no issues at all. So I took the $900 balance and opened up my own checking account, depositing the remaining cash from my sock along with it. I had a grand total of $1743.86. It was the most money I'd ever had in my life at one given time and I was a little intimidated by it. I didn't want to blow it on anything but I knew I was going to need baby stuff sooner than I'd expected as well as a new car.

The pharmacy was also pretty easy. The gentleman behind the counter, a very pleasant creole man with long dreadlocks named Laurent, was the contact Carlisle had given me. He loaded me up with a years' worth of Promise Prenatal vitamins, saying that they were the best on the market. He also told me to make sure I came back if morning sickness became an issue because there was something he could give me for that, too.

On the drive back to Forks we had to stop at some local produce stands for Alice to get all the ingredients she needed to help Jasper make dinner. I still wasn't sure what was on the menu exactly, just that it was Thai food, but it sounded amazing when they told me the separate components they would be working with.

"Bella, you let me know if anything smells bad or makes your tummy hurt and I'll make sure to fix you something gentler," Alice offered kindly while driving up to Rose's garage. She'd called Jasper and told him to bring me around as soon as possible but adamantly refused to say why.

"I have instructions to send you around out back," Jazz told me while looking at his phone and frowning slightly.

I shrugged and headed off on my own while they waited. There was a large car yard where Rose had projects in various stages of completion waiting for her attention. Some had 'For Sale' signs on them with prices attached while others were clearly unfinished. It was a large red 1950's truck with a large SOLD sign in the windshield that caught my attention. I sighed and shook my head. It was probably the only think I could afford and of course it wasn't available anymore.

"Miss? There something I can help you with?"

I spun around and came face to face with what had to have been the most gorgeous creature on the face of the earth. He was perfection personified. Messy bronze locks sat over top of piercing emerald green eyes and the sexiest crooked grin I had ever set eyes on. My eyes travelled down and took in his long, lean body, hands covered in grease which he wiped on a rag, clothes well fitted to show off a muscular physique I would have bet a million bucks was far more impressive without all the…cover.

"Miss?" he interrupted my ogling with a bit of humor in his voice. At least he wasn't disgusted by my display.

"Uh, yeah, I'm looking for Rosalie. I'm…um…uh," I stuttered when his grin became more pronounced and his eyes lit up.

"You're name is uh?" he teased with a wink. "Very exotic."

"Bella, my name is Bella. Is she here…Rose?" I felt like such and idiot.

"Yeah, she's in the office. Can I show you," he started to reach for my hand to take me there but obviously God was watching and saw an opportunity to embarrass me, so he took it.

"Bella! Stop drooling over the help and get your cute little butt in here," Rose hollered at me from the open back door of her office.

"I'll just…um…yeah," I finished lamely before I tucked tail and ran to the open door. I was going to murder her in her sleep the first chance I got.

"Like your present?" she asked, waggling her eyebrows. I gaped at her and she snickered loudly.

"I meant the truck. Happy belated birthday!" She leaned down and planted a kiss on my forehead. I was dumbstruck before the impact of her statement hit home.

"Oh my God, seriously?!" I threw my arms around her neck and squeezed with all my might.

"Well if I knew you'd hate it so much you'd try to kill me I wouldn't have fixed it up for you," she teased and made of show of the choke hold I had on her.

"You didn't have to do that," I told her with tears in my eyes. In all honesty I was more than a little overwhelmed with the extreme kindness I had been shown already. Top it off with a new – well, new for me – truck and I was about ten seconds away from a huge emotional melt down. Rose must have sensed that because she pulled back and examined me, her face full of worry.

"Hey, are you ok? Did you not have any luck finding a job? You can always work here if you want. I can only pay you minimum wage and it would be pretty boring but…" she became alarmed when I finally let the floodgates open and sobbed into her shoulder.

It was all too much. I'd never really excepted help from others before and I had been taking and taking and taking today without giving anything back. I didn't want to depend on anyone and I was unaccustomed to people wanting to do things for me without cause.

"I just (hic) can't believe everyone's (hic) been so great! You all (hic) don't owe me a damn (hic) thing!" I barely got my disjointed sentence out when Alice bounded through the door.

"Oh, Bella! She didn't take it well? Really, Rose you could have been more understanding. I mean, you know what it's like to be a single parent…well, kind of. I guess raising your brother isn't quite the same as raising a baby but she'll do just fine! And…" Alice stopped talking immediately when I whipped around, my eyes huge, and shook my head rapidly.

"Wait…what?" Rose turned back to me very slowly, her eyes narrowed into dangerous slits.

"Oh, oh shit! I…oh, Bella I'm so sorry! I thought…I…uh, JASPER!" she screamed and bolted out the front door, leaving me to my demise.

"Isabella Marie Swan…are you pregnant?" her voice was low and steady and freaked the hell out of me.

I gulped and nodded. Her silence stretched on for what felt like decades. When she finally broke it again her voice was very controlled, but something simmered under the surface that sent chills down my spine.

"Are you going to keep the baby?"

Again I nodded. I looked like a freaking bobble head. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Are you going to tell him?" her voice was barely a whisper but her question was one I had been expecting.

"No," I choked out. My previous tears had clogged my throat and I cleared it loudly before trying again. I wanted to make myself perfectly clear. "No. I've been thinking about it all day. He already has a son he wants practically nothing to do with except to complain about how Vicky keeps him from seeing him. Plus…" I hesitated.

"Yes?" Again with the control. I waited for her to blow a gasket but she just patiently stood there and waited for me to continue.

"I…I'm not sure what kind of mother I will be but I _do know_ what kind of dad he would make. I know what it's like to be raised by someone who never wanted you and I won't put anyone else through that. He'll just be mine," I finished and raised my chin a little. It was the first concrete decision I'd made concerning James since I'd left. It didn't feel like a lot but I figured baby steps would have to do.

"He?" For the first time there was a quiver in her voice and her eyebrows shot up.

"Oh, uh, that's just what I'm assuming. Not sure why since it could very well be a girl. I'm only eight weeks along so I won't know for at least another three months," I explained with a shrug.

"Have you told Charlie yet?" She moved a little closer to me and I saw her thaw with each passing second. It relaxed me exponentially.

"No, I wanted to tell you first and I would have if Alice hadn't had a brain fart and beat me to it," I grumbled but couldn't stop my smirk. She hadn't done it on purpose and if I had gotten to know her at all today I'd bet she was standing outside berating herself for it.

And then it happened. Rose grinned. Her smile was so huge it could have split her face in half. She swept me up in a huge hug and laughed in my ear. I clung to her, stunned by the change in her demeanor.

"I'll help you! I'll help you with everything! Oh my God, a baby! A BABY!" she shrieked and giggled again.

"Yeah, that's the general idea," I nervously laughed back, still unable to really embrace the idea happily since I had yet to inform my father.

Jasper and Alice cautiously made their way into the office but when they saw how elated Rose was and how calm I had become they joined in the cuddle fest. It was a ridiculously mushy moment but I was thankful for it. In the car on the way back to their house Jasper teased Alice mercilessly about her big mouth and how much she had to make it up to me.

"I'm telling you, you owe her something huge now. Like your first born," he continued to taunt while they made dinner.

I sat at the table unpacking all the bags of prenatal stuff and sifted through the numbers Carlisle had given me. I was going to have to call Mrs Brooks after dinner and see about looking after her mother, Naomi. Then I would have to call Carmen to set up my first appointment. Now that Rose has sorted out a vehicle for me I wouldn't have to rely on someone else to ferry me around, a fact I was eternally grateful for. When the phone trilled loudly on the wall next to me I didn't hesitate to reach over and answer it, still reading the information packet on proper nutrition during pregnancy and breastfeeding.

"Hello?" I asked distractedly.

"There's my angel."

The voice on the other line sent a chill down my spine and I nearly dropped the phone on the table. My mouth went as dry as the Sahara and I struggled to form words. Jazz and Alice continued to prattle on in the background, completely oblivious to my raising panic.

"Bella, I know you're still there. I can hear your breathing," he informed me smoothly. His voice was dead calm, but I knew better than to be lulled into some false sense of security. That was when he pounced.

"What do you want?" I finally rasped out.

"Aw, is that any way to great your fiancé?" he asked with mock hurt in his voice.

I didn't answer. His question was designed to incite guilt and so far it hadn't worked. Instead, I waited for him to continue since I knew he would be far from finished.

"You think you can just take my car and empty my account and that would be ok? How am I supposed to pay my bills? How do I get to work?" his voice hardened a little but he softened it out again. He was obviously working very hard to control himself. I wondered why since he'd never bothered before.

I remained quiet, unsure of how to defend those actions. I had done exactly that, left him penniless and without at mode of transportation. I started to feel the guilt that he'd always been so good at bringing out of me.

"I miss you, angel. I know you're angry with me about what happened after you got home from work, and I could never begin to tell you how much I regret it. I didn't mean to hurt you, angel. Come home to me. You're my heart, my everything," he cooed in his silkiest voice. It had always worked before and I expected that he believed it would work again. Except this time it just reminded me of what he was. What he was capable of. And suddenly I was mad.

"I'm not your anything anymore," I whispered.

"Oh, aren't you?" his voice iced over slightly. I immediately broke out in a cold sweat and my heart began to race but I was determined this time not to back down. Not this time. It wasn't just about me anymore.

"No, I'm not. If my putting over a thousand miles between us didn't clue you in than maybe you'd better listen up. We. Are. Done. I don't want to see you anymore. I don't want to talk to you anymore. I can't…" I had to stop when my voice cracked to take a deep breath. I would **NOT** cry. No way in hell was I going to give him the satisfaction.

"We'll never be done, Isabella. NEVER. We're a part of each other, soul mates. You belong to me," he said evenly before he dropped his voice down low, "_and no one else_."

"I belong to no one," I bit back and my anger once again steadied my voice. "Least of all you!"

I was so afraid of what his comeback would be that I slammed the phone back into its cradle and stepped away from it like it might blow up. It was then I realised the kitchen had become eerily silent. I turned and saw not only Alice and Jasper, but also my dad standing behind me. The first two looked proud and like they were trying to keep from tackling me in another group hug. But my dad, he looked…furious. Beyond furious. He looked like he was about to have a stroke.

"Uh, Dad?" I started to ask but then froze when I saw what held his attention. He wasn't even looking at me. I doubt he'd even heard the conversation I'd just had. Instead he stared at the stacks of pamphlets on the table surrounded by prenatal vitamins. All of which had my name printed in large, bold capital letters.

"Chief, I think you should sit down. Alice, go get my sister," Jasper instructed them calmly before turning to stand behind me with his hands on my shoulders. My dad eyed Jazz suspiciously while he took his seat. Behind me he snorted and I could feel him shake his head.

"Please, Chief, I'm with Alice and she's been here less than a week. It couldn't possibly be mine," his voice was firm and disbelieving at the same time. Charlie's color normalised a little and he huffed out a breath before nodding once.

"Whose is it?" he asked, although his face told me he already knew the answer. I guess he just wanted it confirmed. However I had already planned on how to answer that question when other people asked it so I thought it was the perfect time to try it out.

"Mine," I informed him firmly. He stared at me for at least five minutes before his moustache twitched and he sighed.

"Good. Let's keep it that way. No reason for that asshole to be involved. And I swear to whatever God is listening, Bella if you go back to him I will do everything in my power to take that kid off of you." He shook his finger at me and everything. I was taken aback.

"You'll…excuse me?" Had I heard him right?

"I'm not kidding, Isabella. You wouldn't have been in this situation if I'd done my job as a father and a cop. If I hadn't been so damn oblivious to all the signs I could have gotten you out of there months ago…don't shake your head at me young lady!" he barked when I had started to object. "It was bad enough that I'd swallowed all the bullshit Renee fed me about you being clumsy or picking fights at school when I would question another trip to the ER that just happened to reach my ears up here. But for me to actually not notice that you were in a relationship with someone who…someone who…" his voice cracked and for one horrifying moment I actually thought he was going to cry. But just as quickly he pulled himself together and shook his finger at me again.

"Never again. And never, ever will I allow another member of my family to be hurt like that. Now, you're an adult and I can't stop you from making mistakes and choosing to return but I'll be damned if you bring a kid into that!"

I sat there stunned. Charlie had never, ever yelled at me. Ever. And there was no reason for me to doubt anything he'd said. I knew without question that he would follow through on his threat. I also knew that, for some asinine reason, he blamed himself for what had gone wrong with my relationship with James. I could at least set him straight on that front.

"I don't think anyone could have stopped me from seeing him, not until I was ready. And I wasn't ready, really ready, until today. That was him on the phone, in case you missed that. I told him it was over. And it is, I promise. I can't…you're right. There's no way a baby should be brought into that kind of situation." I wanted to tell him that it was just as much my fault as it was James' since I antagonised him so much even though I knew his temper, but that was an argument for another day.

Jasper squeezed my shoulders comfortingly and I reached up and grasped his hand to silently thank him. Rose poked her head around the corner before she sauntered in with Alice on her heels. They had very obviously been listening the whole time. I frowned and shook my head.

"So much for having my back," I grumbled at her. Alice was off the hook since she never could have handled Charlie like Rose.

"We did, you just didn't see it," Rose replied with a smirk. Alice winked before turning to stir the dinner I was pretty sure was ruined due to the lack of attention it had received.

"What, were you communicating with him telepathically?" Jasper snarked. I grinned.

"Nope, we were hiding his guns. And his bullets. Separately," she responded before tasting the concoction on the stove. She hummed approvingly while my dad protested from his chair. Loudly.

* * *

**A/N: Hmmmm, I wonder who the hottie was at Rose's garage? Want more of him? REVIEW :-) Oh yeah, I am that evil!**

**To all my regulars out there, keep leaving me your messages! I love to hear your thoughts and will keep including little previews xoxo**


	7. Chapter Six

**A/N: Thank you to the ONE person who reviewed the last chapter. Really? One person? I may go cry somewhere ;-)**

**WARNING: This chapter contains violence. **

* * *

"Why don't you tell me what brought you here?"

I sat in Carmen's office a mere two weeks after the showdown with my dad, completely unprepared and unsure of what I was doing there. The last week had been so busy that I'd almost forgotten about the appointment I'd made, what with starting my new job and my daily arguments with Charlie about staying on at Rose and Jazz's.

"Um, my doctor thought I'd need someone to talk to. You know, because I'm pregnant and all," I mumbled while looking around. Her office was tranquil, lots of plant life and soft tones. She was the same with her soft curves, flowing dark hair, and comfortable affect.

"No, I didn't know. So, you're pregnant? Was this planned?" she asked with kind interest.

"Uh, no, definitely not. Didn't Dr Cullen tell you about me?" I could have sworn he said they knew each other.

"He told me your name and that you were in need of a good therapist, but that you didn't have insurance or a steady income so I agreed to take you on pro-bono. That's all he told me," she told me simply and gave a little shrug of her shoulder.

"Oh, I thought he would have told you more." I was more than a little surprised.

"It wouldn't have been professional for him to give me any medical or personal information. He knew I would rather get to know you and your story in your own words. So, why don't we start again and you can tell me why you're here," she smiled serenely and sat back in her plush armchair.

I huffed out and breath, drew my feet up under me on the cushy sofa across from her, and nodded. "Right, ok. Well, I just moved up here from Phoenix a few weeks ago. I sort of just…picked up and left one night. Anyway, I got into a car accident after driving all night and ended up in the hospital, which is where I met Carlisle. I found out a few days later that I'm pregnant. I decided to have the baby so…here I am."

I'd skated over some major details but hoped she wouldn't notice and just focus on the issue at hand, my impending single motherhood. But I'd never been in therapy before so I wasn't sure what she would make of my story full of holes.

"I see. What made you leave Phoenix?" she question gently. I squirmed a little.

"I didn't want to be with my fiancé anymore. Our relationship…it was complicated and a little…volatile at times." No need to beat around the bush.

"Can you tell me what you mean by volatile?" She looked at me expectantly. I swallowed thickly and frowned.

"You don't know the definition already?" I didn't know where she was going with her line of questioning and it made me uneasy.

"I know what my experiences of volatile are, but I want to know what you define as volatile from your own experiences," she answered simply.

"We fought sometimes. He's got a bad temper," I returned with a shrug and began examining my nails.

"Alright, so there were occasions where you fought. Physically?" Her eyebrows went up ever so slightly. Mine pinched together more.

"Um…yeah, once or twice. But it wasn't a big deal. Nothing I couldn't handle." I didn't know why I felt the need to play it down so much. The whole point of therapy was to talk about everything so I could feel better and move on to become a good mom. She must have sensed my internal debate because she leaned forward a little and caught my eyes.

"Bella, let's just get something out of the way, alright? I know that Carlisle told you what kind of therapist I am, that I work with women who have been in or are currently in violent and abusive relationships. I specialise in domestic violence work, so there is only one reason why he would refer you to me, isn't there? If you were simply here because you were trying to adjust the idea of being a single mom in a few months than there are at least a dozen other professionals he could have sent you to. But he didn't, he sent you to me. So for the sake of time management and transparency, two things I am big on, let's just agree that I know you were in an abusive relationship with whom I am guessing is the father of your baby. Something happened a few weeks ago that was extreme enough to make you flee your home and drive for two days straight just to get away from him and that's why you're here. So, why don't we start there and we'll work backwards. What happened to make you want to leave Phoenix and come all the way to Washington?"

The entire time she spoke I had held my breath. Her voice was unfailingly kind but firm, very no-nonsense, and something in her eyes told me that not only had she been able to read me like a book since I walked in and sat down, but that she had mostly likely been exactly where I was. She didn't lecture, she didn't judge, she just said it how it was and wanted to move past the obvious to get to the whys. And for the life of me I couldn't think of one reason not to trust her. So I closed my eyes and started talking.

"James had come to get me from work…"

_"Get in the car_," _he muttered darkly before guiding me out into the chilly, windless night. I followed wordlessly while he pushed on my lower back, griping my shirt tightly as if afraid I would make a break for it. He'd practically shoved me through the passenger door before slamming it as hard as he could. _

_ "Shit," I whispered and scooted as close to the door as I could without being obvious about it. _

_ He said nothing the fifteen minute drive home, just sat seething behind the steering wheel. Tires squealed when he took corners too fast or when he shot away from a stoplight. I sat there and gripped the door handle for dear life while I prayed we wouldn't crash. We jerked to a stop in front of our little house and he was out of the car and in the front door before I'd even removed my seatbelt. _

_ I was cautious when I followed him inside and found him standing in the kitchen, tipping back a bottle of Jack Daniel's. I waited a minute for him to stop drinking and lingered by the hall in the dining area. He continued to ignore my presence while he moved around the kitchen and threw together some leftover enchilada's I'd made the day before. The bashing and crashing around diminished enough that I felt myself relax and took a few steps towards him. Maybe he wasn't as mad as I'd thought. _

_ "Hey, why don't you let me do that for you," I offered with a little smile. If I could get him to relax then I knew he'd go to sleep soon. The amount of liquor he'd just imbibed would see to that. _

_ I never even saw it coming. His arm whipped out from his side, backhanding me to the floor with a little shriek. The left side of my face stung and burned from the impact and I put my hand over it while sitting up on my knees. Before I even chanced a look at him I was sent sprawling again when his foot connected with my lower back. I curled onto my side and began to sob quietly. My whole body hurt so much from the last time that it was likely I had bruises forming on bruises._

_ "Please, please stop, James," I whimpered quietly and he rounded on me fully. _

_ "__**SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID CUNT!**__" He screamed at the top of his lungs and kicked me again, this time catching my thigh with the tip of his boot. I muffled my cry with my arms when I threw them up to protect my head. _

_ "__**IF YOU JUST KEPT YOUR DAMN MOUTH SHUT AT WORK AND NOT TALKED TO THAT FUCKING WHORE THIS WOULDN'T BE HAPPENING!**__" He continued to bellow while he repeatedly landed blows with his fists and feet. _

_ And then he was on me, straddling my hips and prying my arms away from my face. I tried to struggle from his grasp but it was useless. He was easily twice my weight and had at least eight inches on me. He struck at my face again and I felt my lip split from the force and begin to bleed. _

_ "Who told you that you could fucking talk to anyone?" His face was so close to mine that I nearly went cross eyed to look at him. The smell of hard liquor and menthol cigarettes washed over me and turned my stomach. _

_ "I…" I started to apologise again, anything to make him stop but it just infuriated him more._

_ "__**SHUT UP!**__" he roared again and then leaned down and wrapped his hands around my throat. At first they just rested there stiffly but then he began to squeeze. Hard. _

_ I clawed at his hands and twisted in his grasp but he didn't let up at all. Cold fear washed over me when I looked into his eyes and saw…nothing. They were dead, held no emotion, no connection to his actions. Completely devoid of anything but their icy blue color. It was then I knew he was going to kill me. I was going to die. _

_Something in me flared to life, some form of self-preservation or survival instinct I'd long believed to be extinct. The few years of Tae Kwon Do lessons I'd taken in my early teens came roaring back to me and my mind connected to my body in such a subconscious way that I couldn't have stopped myself even if I'd tried. I pulled my knees up and placed my feet against his wide chest before kicking as hard as I could. In a move that defied physics his nearly two hundred pound frame sailed off of me, breaking his grip in my neck, and flew into the wall opposite us. He crumpled to the floor, his face a mask of wide eyed shock. _

_I scrambled to my feet, gasping and choking for air, and raised my hands defensively in front of me. Somehow during my time cowering on the floor I must have rolled towards the kitchen because I stood on the tiled floor while he was feet away in the dining area. My right hand wildly searched my immediate area as he righted himself, furious determination etched on his face, and gripped something smooth that I swung full force the same second he charged at me. I cracked him on the side of his head, right above his temple and he went down, taking me with him. _

_We lay on the floor for only a few seconds before I realised I was the only one breathing heavily and trying to move. I dropped my weapon and shifted my body beneath his, able to pull myself free of his crushing weight. Panting, I took in his limp form and then over to the object I'd dropped. The bottle of Jack. The solidity of the glass must have been enough to knock him out cold. _

_I didn't even hesitate. I flew into our bedroom and tossed a few things I would need into my only duffel bag, grabbed the spare keys off the nightstand and bolted out the door. _

"It's no wonder you drove without a break for two days. And at no point did you look back?" Carmen asked in a calm, steady voice after I'd relayed the details of that night.

"Only to make sure he wasn't following me," I uttered dully. At some point I'd ceased to feel anything while I spoke. It was like I went emotionally numb. It wasn't an entirely unwelcome sensation.

"That makes sense. You know that anything we talk about in here is confidential, so you shouldn't be worried about getting into trouble by answering my next question, alright?" she checked. I only nodded.

"Did you leave him alive?"

Her question took me way off guard.

_Does she think I freaking murdered him?!_

"Yes, I left him alive! What kind of question is that?!" I practically shrieked. I was more than a little insulted by her assumption. She put her hands up in front of her and shook her head.

"Don't get me wrong, Bella. I'm not saying I think you tried to kill him," she started to say but my annoyance and confusion wouldn't allow her to finish.

"What the hell were you saying then, because that's what it sounded like to me," I shot back impatiently. Maybe this whole therapy thing hadn't been such a hot idea after all.

"I was only asking because it sounded like you were put in a situation where you had to fight for your very life and in your fear to get away from a man who, in your own mind, had just tried to kill you. You may not have had the presence of mind to check his vitals before you ran for the hills, or in this case, the state line." Her explanation was so simple that I actually felt bad for jumping down her throat.

"Sorry. I don't know what…sorry," I mumbled and drew my legs closer to me again.

"Think nothing of it." She waved me off with a half smile. "But if you don't mind my asking, how do you know he was alive after you left? A blow to the head like that can take a while to fully incapacitate someone."

"Because he called me," I answered simply. Carmen arched one perfectly plucked eyebrow.

"Oh?" was all she said.

"Yeah, the day I'd discovered I was pregnant actually. I was weird. He sounded like I was exactly where he'd expected me to be and that I would just go running back simply because he told me to." I snorted and rolled my eyes.

"What did he say when he called?" she inquired, her face calm but serious.

"That he never meant to hurt me. That I was his 'everything'. And when I told him I wasn't coming back he sounded like he got mad. But then he heard me start crying and I couldn't bear to hear his reaction so I hung up on him," I muttered bitterly.

"So he apologised for hurting you?"

I frowned and shook my head. "No, not really."

The more I thought about it the more I realised that James had never actually uttered the words 'I'm sorry' to me or anyone else. Ever. For some reason that made me indefinably sad.

"Would it have been different if he'd said he was sorry?"

"I…I don't know. Maybe. Or not. I…" I could feel the confusion well up inside me. "He wasn't all bad."

"Do you regret your decision to leave?" she inquired quietly.

I sat there for a moment and frowned deeper before I shook my head again. "No, of course not. I just…" I huffed out a sigh of frustration and rubbed my hands on my thighs.

"You just what?" she prodded.

"I can't really feel that way because then everyone around gets mad at me, you know? I mean, I get that they don't like him and think he's this horrible person and sometimes he is_. I know_ _that_! But other times…he's this whole other person who makes me laugh and loves me so much that I can literally see it in his eyes and that's who I miss, only I can't talk about it because no one gets it and they think I'm being all pathetic or whatever." Once the words started it was hard to stop them and before I knew it I was shaking a little and trying not to cry. Carmen silently handed me a box of tissues but said nothing, so I just kept rambling.

"He's all I've had for, like, ever. I mean, I have my friends up here and my dad, but most of the time I was with my mom and she was just…and James was like me. He hated his mom, too and was treated really badly, so he got it. He got _me_. And for so long it was just us against the world and then we started dating almost two years ago and at first it was really great. He was better to me than anyone ever had been! And he has this way of looking at me like I'm freaking beautiful or something. No one's ever looked at me like that! And since I've come up here to get some space people just expect me to forget he ever existed and they don't understand that I just can't do that!" I slammed my fists down on my thighs several times before Carmen reached out and placed her open palm over top of one.

"You can hit the cushions or the arm of the couch if you need a physical outlet but I do ask that you don't hurt yourself, please," her voice was quiet but firm and I felt my hands flex open in response. She sat back a little and folded her hands in her lap.

"It's alright to be sad about the end of your relationship with someone who has obviously been important to you for so long. And what you are feeling is quite normal and understandable. You are grieving the loss of a future you had planned for and for the security it afforded you, even with the violence, to know that you always had that person to count on. Those people up here who love and care about you don't understand why you mourn the loss of the relationship when all they can focus on is the person who hurt you. Can you understand their perspective, even if you don't think it's fair?" she asked with open interest.

I considered it for a minute before nodding. I did get their point, and I would probably feel the same way if it was one of them. Still, it felt nice to have someone understand my side of it, too.

"But it's just so unfair!" I griped. Carmen only smiled and nodded once.

"You're absolutely right, it is unfair to expect you to be totally whole, healthy, and alright when you've just left a significant relationship, no matter what the circumstances. But please tell me this; is it the relationship you miss, the person, or the idea of what you could have been together if it had all gone the way you'd thought it would?" she cocked her head to the side in question.

I couldn't answer her right away. In truth, I wasn't sure what exactly it was that I felt I had lost. I knew I'd lost a friend I'd known for years and had been closer to than most, and I knew that all the plans I'd made with him for our lives and futures together were toast, but there was something else I couldn't quite define. I would have to think about it later when I was alone.

By the time I'd made it back to the house I felt…strangely lighter. Like I had somehow purged some of the pain, guilt, and secrecy that had previously weighed so heavily on me. It was a little liberating to know that the simple act of going to see Carmen and being honest and open about everything had done that. I held my head a bit higher when I walked through the front door. Too bad I hadn't watched where I was going and tripped into Emmett.

"Easy there baby Bells, don't want to break anything and end up in the ER," he teased while he righted me.

"They should just give me my own room and charge me rent," I muttered and jabbed him a little with my elbow when I passed, just for good measure. All he did was laugh.

"Where's Rose?" I riffled through the mail on the kitchen table since I had agreed to help pay the bills in exchange for room and board. They wouldn't let me pay them rent though.

"Ah, that is the million dollar question," he replied with a shrug. I put the mail down and frowned. I didn't hear anyone else in the house and their cars weren't out front. How had he gotten in?

"Did she give you a key or are you adding B and E to you rather impressive resume?" I was only joking, kind of.

"No, the door was wide open when I got here. I thought someone must be home." He looked around as if expecting them to jump out at any moment.

I started to feel slightly uneasy. "How long have you been here?"

"About three minutes longer than you, Bella. What's the matter? This is a small town, and I _am_ a cop." It was the first time I'd seen Emmett with an expression that wasn't entire pleased. I would have felt a little ashamed of myself except for the nagging feeling that something was off.

"It's not you I'm worried about, Em." I sighed and plopped down in a kitchen chair, sweeping my bangs off my forehead.

"Glad to hear it. Well, unless you need my company I might as well take off. No offense but you aren't exactly who I came here to see," his grin was easy and it wasn't long before I returned it.

"No problem, Em. I'll let Rose know you came by. I think I'll just go have a shower and a little nap," I said as I yawned hugely and checked the clock. 3pm. I could get at least an hour before Jazz and Alice came back from campus.

I waved goodbye and made my way upstairs, stripping off my top after I was sure he'd shut the door and I was alone. I was getting better at having time to myself in the last week or so. It was no longer difficult or painful for me. In fact, I had started to look forward to being on my own for a few hours a day. It gave me time to think and relax, to feel whatever I needed to without prying eyes or ears. I hadn't even needed Rose to sleep with me for over a week.

_See? Progress was only a thousand miles away, Swan. Let this be a lesson to you._

I stopped dead in my tracks, my thoughts breaking into several different directions when I'd stepped into my room. I saw it immediately, the stark white petals a blaring contrast that screamed 'LOOK AT ME!' against the violet duvet. My heart thudded loudly in my chest and I made my way over on quivering legs until I was close enough to touch the offending object. I tried to slow my rapid breathing because, as Dr Cullen – Carlisle – put it, people need oxygen. But I couldn't gain control over the debilitating panic that washed over me and brought me to my knees. It wasn't rational. It wasn't possible. I shouldn't be feeling like this. Not because of a stupid rose.

But how the hell had it gotten there? Had Emmett left it for Rosalie and thought this was her room? I did everything I could to convince myself that was the case, removed the delicate flower with the very tips of my fingers and left it for Rose on her dresser. Then I went off to shower away the fear, hoping that the hot water would also make my skin stop crawling.

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**A/N: Reviews make me write faster! And they mean I'll include a steamy Edward soaked lemon if I get enough of them :-)**

**Who thinks they know where the rose came from?**


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N: A HUGE thank you for everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I loved all of them and will respond to each and every one. I even included a small teaser of info ;-)**

**Sorry for the delay on this chapter and that it's not hugely long. I am waiting for real life to slow the hell down before I can write more. I have already started the next one so it won't be as long between postings. Oh, and I haven't had time to properly look over this chapter so there might be some typos. Please point them out - some of you do that already ;-)**

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When I made my way downstairs I immediately felt that I wasn't alone. Cautiously, I crept into the living room only to freeze in my tracks when I took in the bewildering sight before me. He sat on the couch, completely relaxed with arms spread out along the back and a sweet smile pulling at his lips.

"Sleeping beauty awakes," he murmured from his seat, eyes travelling the length of my body hungrily. I'd seen that look before and it made me shiver.

"I didn't realise you were here. I would have made myself more presentable." I crossed my arms over my barely concealed chest. The thin tank top left practically nothing to the imagination. Not that he seemed to object.

"What are you even doing here?" I wasn't complaining, but I hadn't expected to see him again. His green eyes sparkled and he rose fluidly.

"I know Rose said you weren't ready for me yet, but I just couldn't stop myself." He stopped not one inch from me and took my face gently in his hands. My breaths came out fast and shallow.

"I don't even know your name," I whispered, trembling slightly. What the hell was this man doing to me?

He brushed his lips over mine softly before kissing me full on the mouth. He was delicious. His tongue swirled around mine and where we had started out soft and gentle it quickly became heated and passionate. My hands tangled in his feather soft hair while his explored my waist and hips and left goose bumps in their wake. I didn't release him even to breathe, just gasped desperately when he made his way down my neck to my shoulder. It felt like my entire body had caught fire and found myself craving more.

Somehow we'd ended up back by the couch. He sat down and pulled me to straddle him before recapturing my lips with a soft groan. I whimpered while I ground against him, shamelessly seeking out any friction to relieve me of the unbearable heat and tension that had built within me. His hands skilfully caressed my skin before he pulled the straps of my top down to expose me to him.

"So beautiful," he whispered against my collarbone before he kissed and licked his way down and took my nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it.

I cried out and arched against him, my hips pressed firmly against his. I felt the evidence of his arousal strain against me and every time I rubbed against him he moaned louder than I did. I nearly came undone when he started calling name.

"Bella…Bella…"

"BELLA!"

I practically hit the ceiling when a very different male voice shouted in my ear. My eyes popped open and much to my immense disappointment I found myself in my own bed staring at deep set brown eyes instead of the emerald green ones I'd just seen.

"Man, what the hell were you dreaming about?" Jake snickered. I gave him my best death glare and then the finger. He just laughed harder.

_Holy, hot pregnancy hormones, Batman!_

"Shut the hell up, Jake!" I snapped and dragged myself up to a seated position.

"Aren't you just a ray of fucking sunshine," he teased and stuck out his tongue. I rolled my eyes. I was too tired to deal with his crap but strangely keyed up at the same time. I chalked it up to pregnancy hormones and tried to shake it off.

"I was sleeping," I muttered and rose from the bed.

"From all the noise you were making I'd wager it wasn't exactly a peaceful sleep," he joked again. I groaned and shook my head.

"Knock it off, ok? And please don't tell them," I gestured to the floor beneath my feet. He nodded but kept chuckling to himself.

"Sure thing, princess. Rose sent me up to tell you dinner's ready." He gestured for me to exit the room first. I tried to ignore the way my girly bits continued to tingle.

"When did you get here?" I yawned widely and stretched as I made my way down the stairs.

"About ten minutes ago. Your dad's here, too," he informed me and placed his hands on my shoulders while we clomped into the dining room. The kitchen was too small to seat more than five people and my headcount gave me seven.

"Hey, Bells, did Jake manage to wake you?" Charlie asked from his seat. He'd already fixed a plate of lasagne for me and himself. Mine was almost as big as his.

"She's just as much fun to wake up as ever, Charlie," Jake snorted while piling his plate high with food. My dad just laughed and sipped his beer.

"Who the hell do you know with green eyes anyway," Jake asked with an evil grin. I just about choked on my noodles.

"Green eyes?" Emmett and looked curiously in my direction.

I turned as red as the tomato sauce on my plate but ignored them and kept eating. I would murder Jake later when there were no witnesses. He must have gotten the hint from my extreme embarrassment and thankfully shut his yap.

"Work tomorrow, Bella?" Alice asked while helping herself to more salad. I nodded.

"That job isn't too strenuous or anything right?" Charlie asked and I hurriedly swallowed my food to cut off his next comment.

"No, dad it's great. Naomi is pretty capable when it comes to taking care of herself. She just gets a little forgetful and needs someone there in case she tries to go for a walk in her bathrobe or leaves the stove on." I wasn't ready for everyone to know I was pregnant. Rose had assured me Emmett didn't know from her and Alice had said the same. Jake was a whole other matter. He would flip. I shovelled in a few more bites before I literally couldn't fit any more food in me and pushed the plate away.

"You should finish your food, Bells." Charlie chastised with a little frown.

"You gave me too much," I complained and rubbed my full belly.

"You're too skinny," Charlie continued and I rolled my eyes. "And since you're eating for two now –"

Across the table it was Jake's turn to choke but it was once again me that blushed in humiliation. Emmett dropped his fork and stared while Jasper banged on Jake's back and frowned, Rose and Alice both did a face palm. It would have been comical if I wasn't about to crawl under the table and hide until everyone left. Charlie was oblivious of course and just finished his dinner.

"You're…you're pregnant?" Jake spluttered after guzzling down half a glass of water to clear his throat. I grimaced and nodded.

"How far along are you?" Emmett asked before Rose smacked him in the back of the head. He turned and half glared at her. "What the hell was that for?"

"Look at her face! You think she wants to talk about this?" Rose scolded and then rounded on my dad.

"You…uh…hadn't told people yet?" I could tell it started to sink in just how deep Charlie had stepped in it. I shook my head and chose to remain mute.

Jasper sighed and threw his napkin down before rubbing his temples. Alice reached up and ran her fingers through his hair before turning her glare on her brother and Jake.

"Yeah, she's having a baby. So? Is there something wrong with that?" she challenged.

"Well, no but…" Emmett started when she stood up abruptly and placed her fists on her tiny little hips. Her glare intensified.

"But what, dear brother?" she bit out. I'd never seen a grown man cower like that. It brought a small smile to my face.

"She's only twenty!" Jake exclaimed, motioning towards me with an open hand.

"AND? You think she'll be a bad mother because of her age?" Her eyes narrowed further. She looked terrifying and hilarious all at the same time.

"No! That's not what I said. I just…she…and he….and," his argument seemed to die and he looked over at me, a new expression I'd never seen before in his eyes. Alice was a force to be reckoned with. I was forever grateful to have her on my side.

"Bells, you'll be an awesome mom. I'm just surprised is all," he said softly. I sighed.

"I was going to tell you in a couple weeks. I was just waiting until I reached twelve weeks," I explained.

There was silence for about three seconds before Emmett's hand shot up in the air and he shouted, "I call Godfather!"

Alice and Rose rolled their eyes in unison while Jasper and Jake both started yelling their objections.

"You can't do that! I've known her longer!" Jake finally shouted over the din.

"Then you should have called it first," Emmett shrugged and winked at me. I snickered. I was really beginning to like Emmett. What could have been a humiliating and dramatic moment had quickly turned into anything but.

Charlie looked over at Alice and gave her an appreciative nod and I grinned at her. She beamed back and me before walking over to hug me tightly around the shoulders. On her way out to the kitchen with plates she lightly hip checked my dad.

"Hey, that's assaulting a police officer. I could have you up on charges," he tried to glower at her but he was smiling too much to be convincing.

"Break out the handcuffs, Chief," she called over her shoulder and sashayed around the corner with a giggle. I snorted. She was shameless.

"Jazz, I think I have a crush on your fiancée," I giggled. He grinned like an idiot.

"Me, too," he informed me when she came and placed a kiss on the crown of my head before perching on his lap.

After we'd finished cleaning up my dad pulled me aside and pressed something small and silver into the palm of my hand. I looked down at the small cell phone before frowning at him. His frown was more impressive than mine.

"Now, Bells don't be difficult. I want to be able to get there when the baby comes and I like the idea of knowing I can reach you in an emergency," he pushed.

"Fine," I relented with a sigh. He had a point. "You know I'm not due until, like, the end of June right?"

"Be that as it may, I want you to always have a way to call for help. If your truck breaks down or you get stranded somewhere…just anything," he said and I could tell there was something specific in mind but wouldn't say. I let it go, sure I already knew what it was anyway.

I saw him out and waved while he drove away. Then I went and sought out the one person I was still worried about. I found him helping Jasper put away leftovers.

"Jake, are you…alright?" I asked timidly. He'd never hidden his dislike for James. Ok, dislike was a bit of an understatement. He flat out hated his guts and wanted him to roast on a briny spit.

He turned to me and engulfed me in a giant Jake hug. I sighed against him and felt my tension fade away more with each passing second.

"Yeah, honey I'm alright. Are you?" he pulled back and looked at me with a strained expression. I tried to give my best reassuring smile. I must have fallen a little flat because his frown deepened.

"I am, really, Jake. I was…am still a bit worried about all the little things like where we're gonna live and when to buy a crib and…and what name to put on the birth certificate," I worked on sounding convincing but faltered at the end. Technically that last one wasn't such a small detail. Jake caught on immediately and tilted my chin up so I would directly meet his serious gaze.

"You can use my name if you want." There was no hint of humor at all in his face, all I could see there was love and friendship.

Next to us Jasper snorted and shook his head while cramming Tupperware into the fridge. "Dude, been there, done that, shot down."

"Hey, be fair! I didn't shoot you down, I just helped you realise why saying you were the father wasn't the best idea," I reached over and tugged on the curly ends of his short pony tail.

"That's because you wanted the kid to be a Black, not a Hale," he jeered in Jasper's direction. Jazz responded by flipping him the bird. I rolled my eyes at their antics.

"Yes, I can see what stellar role models you'll make for my progeny," I snarked and extracted myself from Jake's hold.

"Seriously, Bells, if you need anything please don't hesitate to call." He reached into my back pocket and pulled out the cell I had stowed there, plugged in his number, and then put it right back, patting on my butt for good measure. Then he had the nerve to laugh at me while I frowned.

"I gotta take off, but thanks for the grub! Bells, you still coming for Thanksgiving next week? It'll be great to have you on the rez again. I miss your cooking!" He rubbed his stomach dramatically.

"Wouldn't miss it! I'll even bring stuff like the pilgrims did." I knew it was an opening but I figured I owed him at least one cheap shot about my 'pale faceness' since I'd withheld the pregnancy news.

"Syphilis and small pox?" He clapped his hands together with fake enthusiasm. I snickered.

"Close, pumpkin pie and potatoes," I joked back with a wink.

"Awesome. Nothing but love for ya, Bells." He kissed the top of my head before ruffling my hair and bounding out the door, shouting farewells to everyone else.

"You two are something else," Jasper commented from inside the fridge.

"It's just the way we are. I'm white and there's nothing I can do about it, but he loves me anyway," I shrugged and giggled.

Jake and I actually had a huge amount of respect for each other and our cultures but our dads had been friends for decades and we grew up hearing them pick at the other about it in a kind hearted, albeit slightly competitive way. It was hilarious when they really got going and I guess it just rubbed off on us with all the time I'd spent there as a kid.

"Hey, do you have my Linkin Park CD?" Rose suddenly appeared and glared down at Jasper while he rearranged the bottom shelf to accommodate the large lasagne pan. It was the last thing that needed putting away and he was growing frustrated.

"No," he snapped then stopped and looked up at her with a pondering expression. "I lent it to Bella." She turned to me with an arched eyebrow.

"It's just out in my truck. I'll go get it," I offered and skipped out towards the front door. I felt surprisingly light now that I had gotten the whole 'informing' part out of the way with everyone I was close to. I wouldn't focus on those I wasn't who might possibly want to know, like my mom and Phil. I still hadn't decided if I would tell them or not.

I shivered when I stepped out the front door. It was only a little after 8pm but it was already in the low 40's and I wasn't used to the cold, damp weather of Washington yet. Arms wrapped firmly around my torso, I did a very awkward run out to where my truck was parked in the driveway. As quickly as I could manage I yanked open the driver's side door, retrieved the CD from the seat, and went to dash back into the warmth of the house when I froze in my tracks. I had been so focused on not freezing to death that I'd almost completely missed it. But there it was plain as day, just like the one on my bed had been. A white rose was tucked under one of the windshield wipers.

A chill that had nothing to do with the cold rocked my body hard and I yanked the flower free before spinning 360 degrees on the spot. My eyes searched the darkness that was barely illuminated by the street lamp and porch light before another shiver shook me violently. I stood there for a few moments to ponder the likelihood that Emmett had made such a mistake again when I heard the unmistakable sounds of twigs snapping from the trees that lines the property on the other side of my truck. I made it back inside in what surely would have been a land speed world record, slammed the door and locked the deadbolt before backing away from it warily.

Emmett's booming laugh started me and made my already thundering heart hammer even harder against my ribs. I clutched the partially frozen rose in my hand and stomped into the living room where he sat with Rose watching some stupid show about dumb criminals.

"Could you please stop leaving things for Rose on my car and bed? If you're going to try and impress her, I'd suggest figuring out what's hers first," I grumbled and thrust the flower at him.

Em and Rose exchanged confused glances before they turned back to me with eyebrows raised. I waited but neither of them spoke for a few minutes and no one took the Rose.

"Uh, no offence, Bells but I haven't left anything for you, especially not on your bed." Emmett smiled but still looked unsure.

"Hey, is that where that one came from that I found on my dresser? I wondered about that," she mumbled and frowned a little.

I lowered my arm slowly and let his words sink in. He hadn't left them. Either of them. I was so alarmed by that, having my only plausible explanation taken away, that I allowed my fear to channel into anger.

"Well then who the fuck keeps leaving them for me?" I snapped.

"No idea," Emmett shrugged and then looked to Rose. She appeared deep in thought.

"When did you get the first one?" She asked quietly.

"Earlier today when I got back from Carmen's. It was on my bed when I got home." I remembered something else and paled slightly. "Did you leave the house open when you went out the store?"

Rose shook her head and frowned. "Of course not! Why would I do something like that?"

"Uh, it was open when I got here," Emmett added. "I just assumed you were home and came in. Then Bella got home a few minutes later and I went to the shop to find you."

"I guess I could have left the front door unlocked," she said but sounded dubious. Emmett and I shook our heads.

"No, baby the front door was wide open. The storm door was closed but it wasn't locked. I would have knocked otherwise, not just barged in like I did," he said with a serious expression. It wasn't a look he wore often and I found it more than a little unsettling.

"And you found the rose on your bed after Em had already left?" She wore a mask of puzzlement, like she was trying to figure something out.

"Yeah, and this one was on my truck." I held it up again between two fingers. It gave me the creeps. Emmett finally seemed to catch on that something wasn't right.

"Ok, excuse me for being the only dumbass in the room, but what's so bad about someone leaving you flowers? You have a secret admirer. I think it's sweet in a dweeby, high school nerd sort of way," he said with a smirk.

"Like who?" Rose asked with obvious disbelief.

"Thanks," I grimaced. She looked at me and her expression softened.

"Anyone would be lucky to have you. But my point was that you haven't been home that long and outside of us in this house, your new job, and the doctors you work with you haven't met that many new people." She had a point. It took the sting out of my interpretation that I wasn't worthy as worthy of Ducky type love as Molly Ringwald.

"Look, don't worry about it. I'm sure you just made a good impression on someone and they are trying to suck up to you," Emmett tried to play it down but I wasn't convinced.

"By breaking into the house and going up to my room? No, this is just…creepy." I walked into the kitchen and binned the bloom but I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

"I'm with you on this one, Bella. Next time you think someone has been in the house you call me, and I mean ASAP." Rose gave me her 'mama' look and I nodded.

"Ok, what am I missing here?" Emmett looked between the two of us. We wore matching masks of worry and paranoia. I sighed.

"I might as well tell you since you'll be around a lot in the future. My ex, James, he's …well, let's just say he's not very nice and leave it at that. I think Rose and I are both thinking that he might be up here and he's the one leaving the roses for me," I almost choked on the words I was so afraid of them being true.

"He's the one that messed up that pretty face?" Emmett had kept his thoughts and opinions to himself when we'd first met and I'd appreciated that, but I could tell those days were about to end. I nodded in confirmation and he held his massive hand out, palm up.

"Phone," he demanded. I could see why he made such a good cop. His no-nonsense demeanor beat everyone else's that I knew, including my dad. I reached into my pocked and handed him my new cell. After pressing a few buttons he gave it back with a serious gaze. I went to take it from him but he didn't release it right away.

"If you get a feeling, call me. If you get another rose, call me. If someone even farts in your general direction, call me. Understand?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

I would have laughed but Emmett in cop mode scared the crap out of me so I just nodded like an idiot. He nodded back once and then resumed watching TV with Rose. I went to back out of the room but wasn't able to evade his swift, meaty arm as it swept me onto the couch next to him.

"Alice and Jasper are busy upstairs, why don't you just stay here with us and watch stupid people make even stupider mistakes before trying to outrun the law," he tuned and offered with a dimpled grin. And just like that, he was Em again and I knew we were ok.

As we sat and mocked the shallower end of the American gene pool I was enveloped in a serious case of the warm fuzzies. It was so easy to relax and just be me with everyone that I felt myself growing comfortable. It frightened me a little because it wasn't a feeling I had been accustomed to in a very long time, but I embraced it whole heartedly.

_This is how life should be._

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**A/N: Come one, they couldn't really be hooking up on the couch already! What kind of girl would that make her? So now we know the roses aren't Emmett's doing...are any of you with Bella and think it's James? Leave me some love! Reviews make me write faster xoxo**


	9. Chapter Eight

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who left me a review! I see I have new readers, too! WELCOME and thanks for reading! **

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Thanksgiving wasn't quite the event I had anticipated. For starters, Jake had invited half the reservation and it was more than a little cramped in his tiny red house when half a dozen 'boys' as big as him – all at least 6' 3" – showed up for a free meal. They were nice enough, but like Jake they thought it was their personal mission to pick on me for being not only the only female under 40 in attendance, but the only pale face. There were constant jokes about how they wouldn't hold it against me that 'my people' had been solely responsible destroying the planet. I would have ribbed them back like I did with Jake but I wasn't sure how well that would have gone down, so I just rolled with it and apologised and made a big show of bringing them food or drinks whenever they asked. I also _may_ have referred to them each as 'my Chief'. That all ended when Jake let slip that I shouldn't be carrying heavy stuff around due to my condition. Like mashed potatoes were going to cause me to miscarry. After that they fell all over themselves looking after me. It was sweet if not insanely annoying. I wasn't an invalid and didn't want to be treated that way. But overall it was a nice holiday with my pseudo family and I had really enjoyed myself.

The day's events took a turn when Charlie accompanied me back to Rose and Jasper's house to help me put away the copious amount of leftovers the boys had insisted I bring with me. I hadn't expected there to be so much, but I guess that's what happens when someone makes three twenty pound turkeys and enough sides to feed the entire west coast. Charlie had been attempting to stuff the containers in the already jam packed fridge – there was never a lack of food since Emmett was always around and Jasper ate like a horse – when the phone rang. I knew Rose and Jasper were with the Cullen's for the day and thought it might be one of them calling to tell me they were staying the night as well due to their turkey comas. I had never been so wrong.

"Bella? Is that you, baby girl?" I froze when I recognized the voice instantly.

"Mom?" Charlie shot up from the other side of the fridge door with a look of concern and irritation on his face.

"Oh, thank God I found you!" she released a dramatic sigh and I couldn't supress my eye roll. You'd think I'd have gone to the moon.

"What's up, mom?" I hadn't heard from her in almost four months and the last time she called it was because she wanted money.

"Happy Thanksgiving! I miss you, baby," she cooed. I tried to hold down my stomach contents. Something was up. She was never this nice to me.

"Yeah, thanks. Did you actually celebrate it this year?" I remembered the only Thanksgiving I'd ever had with her that wasn't at Denny's was when she had been too preoccupied with her breakup to even pull herself out of bed.

"Of course! Phil and I went out, like always. Really, Bella, like I could cook a whole turkey for just the two of us," she scolded then clucked her tongue at me. I grimaced and tried to ignore Charlie mouthing the words 'what does she want?'

"So, was there a reason you called?" I cringed and waited for her response. I was trying to get rid of her and didn't know how to be subtle.

"It's James. He's been around here a few times and oh, honey he is so miserable without you. What happened? I thought you two were doing so well?" her voice was full of contrived sadness.

And there it was. I knew it was inevitable that the news would reach her. It also solved the mystery of how she'd gotten my number. I gritted my teeth at the tactic of using my mother to try and force my return. I tried not to let my anger seep into my voice.

"We weren't happy. I haven't been happy with him for quite some time and I just needed a change of scenery." It was as much as I'd give her. My life ceased being her business when she failed to protect me over and over again from every man she'd wrapped herself around since my father.

"Bella, please," she said dismissively. "Who else is going to put up with you? And what do you plan of finding up in _Forks_?"

I bristled. "I'm not looking for anything except peace and quiet and a place where no one uses me as their personal punching bag!" I spat out then immediately regretted it.

Renee sighed heavily again and I braced myself for the speech I knew was coming. "Bella, when are you going to learn to stop pushing people so much? If things are difficult with James then you need to try harder. Maybe if you weren't so difficult to love you'd find that you both would be happier."

I sucked in a breath and tried to stop the tears that burned behind my eyes from making an appearance. I didn't know why those words always made me feel so small. I'd heard them on a regular basis since I was little. 'Bella, how did I get stuck with you?' 'Bella, can't you just try harder?' 'Bella, you make it impossible for anyone to love you!' I should have been used to them by now, but I wasn't. Pain twisted around my heart and pulled it into my stomach. Somewhere deep down I held onto the kindness and love shown me over the past few weeks and tried to weed out the belief that had been instilled me since childhood that I was unworthy, unwanted, unlovable. Before I could respond the phone was out of my hand.

"Renee, this is Charlie," the anger in his voice was barely supressed. "Do not call here again. If Bella wants to speak with you anytime in the future, which I highly doubt that she will, she will call you. I am contacting the phone company tomorrow and having your number blocked."

He paused long enough for me to make out the fuzzy response from Renee as some sort of shrieked insult and challenge on his authority over whether she could speak with her daughter.

"I'm the police Chief here, you'd be surprised what that makes me capable of," he grumbled roughly. He was barely holding on to his temper and whatever Renee's response had been seemed to push him just over the edge.

"Listen to me very carefully," he spoke slowly and clearly. His tone made the hairs on my arms stand up. "Bella is loved and taken care of up here. She is doing well and is finally safe and happy, no thanks to you. You will not ruin that. Leave _my_ daughter alone. They don't need you."

I felt myself pale as his use of the word 'they'. Charlie must have caught it too but he never faltered. He grunted once more in response to whatever Renee said and then hung up the phone. I stared at him with wide eyes but my mouth couldn't form words. He was silent for minute or two before he reached over and gave me an awkward hug. Affection wasn't really his forte, but I appreciated the gesture and returned it in kind.

He offered no explanation before he headed out again, just reminded me that I had a doctor's appointment for my 12 week check-up next Friday and that he really wanted to be there for it. I nodded and waved when he drove off then plopped down on the couch and watched old Friends episodes on TV.

The evening went from bad to worse. I had finally calmed myself down and gotten rid of the sick feeling from Renee's cruelty when the phone rang again. Afraid that it was my mom calling back I was determined to ignore it and focused on Chandler spending his Thanksgiving in a box. I kind of wished I had somewhere like that in which I could hide for a while, where no one could see the kind of turmoil I was in. I dreaded Jazz and Rose returning home. Jazz seemed to have some sort of spidey sense when it came to my emotions. I wasn't looking forward to the conversation about my mom's call.

The phone kept ringing. After six straight sets of calls that cut off every time the machine picked up I'd finally had it. I was angry enough to give Renee a piece of my mind and was almost convinced I could hold my own when she delivered more low blows. I stomped into the kitchen and channelled all my anger into my voice.

"What?!" I barked. My heart stuttered in my chest when I heard broken sobs on the other end. Chills travelled from my heels to my crown. Even without speaking I knew who it was.

"Bella," he croaked out and sniffed loudly.

My legs gave out and I sunk to the kitchen floor. I had seen this man in every emotional state save one – the one I heard over the phone. I'd never seen him cry. Never. Not once. It threw me. I didn't know what to say, how to respond, so I just sat there and listened.

"I know…you're there. I…can hear… you breathing," he choked out between loud sobs. It was the same words he'd used the first time he'd called. Except this time I wasn't afraid. Against my will I felt my heart crack in my chest. He sounded so broken.

"James?" I whispered. He cried harder, gasping for several breaths before finally he spoke again.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so fucking sorry." He succumbed to tears again and I just listened, gobsmacked. He had actually apologised. I never thought I'd see the day.

"Say something," he pleaded and I cleared my throat. I hadn't realised it had tightened up.

"What do you want me to say?" I murmured. I was completely out of my depth. I had no idea how to handle _this_ James. Angry James, no problem. Annoyed, drunk, amused, I knew the ins and outs of those. But sad or heartbroken? Not a damned clue.

"I want…I want you to say you still love me," he whispered and sniffed loudly again. "I know I don't deserve it, but I just need to hear it anyway." He broke down again and the part of my heart that would always belong to him broke right along with him. But something kept me from saying the three little words he wanted.

"Um," I hesitated. "I don't think that's a very good idea."

"You hate me now, don't you? I knew it. There was no way you could still love me after everything I…" his sobs renewed and I felt my own eyes tear.

"I don't hate you," I whispered.

"How could you not?" he retorted bitterly. I sighed.

"Do you still love me at all?" his voice was so small that I felt myself weaken.

"Yes," my answer was barely audible but I knew he'd heard it.

"Then come home," he begged suddenly. "Come home, Bella. I need you, angel. I miss you. I love you so fucking much. Please, I promise it will never happen again."

I was so confused by his sudden urgency that I was left momentarily speechless. He used my silence to try and convince me.

"We'll get married just like you wanted. We can move away from here, go out East like we'd planned. Please, angel, please, please come home to me. You're all I have. You're my family. You're my heart, my everything." He starting crying again but this time it sounded almost hopeful.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted by his words and heartfelt pleas. He always had known exactly what to say to me. I sighed and looked around me while I considered it. Maybe we could be different. Maybe he would really keep his promises this time. I'd never left him before, maybe it was enough to make him see that I was serious about him getting his temper under control. I was halfway to telling him I would think about it when my eyes fell on the ultrasound photo from my first scan. It was held on the fridge by a magnet in the shape of a baby. Reality hit me like a sledgehammer.

I couldn't go back to him. _We_ couldn't go back. He…or she deserved so much better than a life where I would constantly worry about our safety. Where there was a possibility that this child, my child, would grow up feeling as unloved and unwanted as James and I had. It was in that moment that I knew. No matter what pretty words or whispered promises were thrown my way I could never let this child down like that. I wouldn't reset that cycle. It would stop with me.

"I can't." I tried to put as much kindness into those two words as possible since it was obvious he was hurting.

"Why?" he choked out, the tears back in full force. He sounded like he might hyperventilate.

"I just…I can't, James." I wasn't going to tell him about the baby. That decision was on me.

"But…you just said you still love me." I felt my heart constrict a little. Guilt seeped into my bones.

"I do, but I love who you used to be, not the man you've become." I figured there was no harm in telling him that part of the truth. Maybe it would help him let go. He wasn't deterred.

"I am still the man you love, Bella. No one will know you like I do, love you like I do," he argued. I shook my head even though he couldn't see me.

"You might be right, but I can't be with you anymore. I'm sorry, James. You need to let me go," I said quietly as the tears I'd been holding in started to fall.

"No. NO! I can't. I won't. I need you, angel. Please," he tried again, his voice harder his time.

"You have to. I'm going to go now. Please don't call me again. I just…please don't," I stuttered as my own sobs began to wrack through my body.

"No! Bella, please! PLEASE! BELLA!" he shouted right before I hung up. I then left the phone off the hook. Dangling by its twisted cord it bounced lightly against the linoleum.

I didn't want to break down on the kitchen floor and had the idea to go cry under a nice hot shower when I stood and saw I was no longer alone. I had been so involved in my conversation with James that I hadn't heard them come in. Luckily it was just Rose and Jasper, not the whole motley crew. The look on Rose's face was unfamiliar to me and I immediately became defensive since I couldn't read her.

"Save it, Rosalie. I know how weak and pathetic you think I am to cry over a man who…who…beats me," I'd never said the words out loud before and they felt foreign on my tongue.

I made to brush past her but was surprised when I was caught up in a fierce hug. I tried to force my way out of her arms but they just constricted more and she pulled me tighter against her. I eventually gave in and sobbed loudly against her. I would have been embarrassed by my antics except there was so much pain and sadness and fear fighting for recognition that I couldn't focus on anything else. I just clung to her and cried until I couldn't physically shed another tear. I allowed her to help me upstairs and into the shower. I wasn't even surprised when she waited outside the shower door with a towel ready. She stayed quiet the whole time, never uttering a single word. Her face looked impassive but I could see something underneath that she fought hard to keep under wraps.

She crawled into bed and lay behind me, curled her whole body around mine, and rubbed her hand soothingly over my exposed arm. It took mere minutes for me to pass out from sheer exhaustion but I'd heard her murmur to me just before I succumbed to sleep.

"I'm so proud of you, Bella."

Needless to say Rose changed her number and invested in a caller ID the day after Thanksgiving. A little over a week later and I was on my way home from another therapy session. I'd told Carmen all about Renee's call and then the one I'd received from James. She agreed that I had been through a lot in one day and even mirrored Rose's sentiment by saying she thought I showed a lot of strength to handle it the way I did.

We didn't really talk too much about James or our relationship that day, it was more about Renee and how I'd survived her. We talked about how it had been growing up with a mother who very obviously felt she was stuck with me. When Carmen asked why Renee hadn't just left me with Charlie I simply shrugged and said he probably hadn't wanted me either. She said nothing but made a note on her pad. I'd have to ask for those notes sometime just to see what she wrote during our sessions.

We briefly discussed my first appointment with my new OBGYN, Dr Penelope Harrison. She was mid-fifties with a soft, grandmotherly build and an easy smile. She was able to talk with me about what I should expect for the second trimester and even was able to calm Charlie's fears about a whole list of things he'd Googled on the internet. I liked her immediately. Everything in my check-up looked good except that I hadn't gained more than three pounds over the past month and that concerned her a little. I guess I would just have to eat more junk food. What a hardship.

Carmen asked me to come in the following week prepared to talk a little more about what my relationship had been like with James. She understood why I had considered taking him back and why his last call had shaken me up so much, but she wanted to know more about the ins and outs of how we were together. The good, the bad, and the homicidal. I agreed but it made me nervous. It wasn't something l enjoyed talking about.

I pulled into the driveway and saw Emmett's Jeep parked in front of the house behind Alice's Mini and a silver Volvo I didn't recognise. It was late afternoon and even though it was the first Saturday in December we hadn't been graced with any snow. It was, however, colder than a witches tit so I braced myself before hopping out of my toasty warm truck and dashing towards the front door. I managed to avoid slipping on the frost covered walkway and made it into the house before frostbite could set in.

"Bella, is that you?" I heard Rose call from the living room.

"Nope, it's one of Santa's special elves." I pulled off my coat and smirked. "I'm here to deliver your early gifts. Where do you want the bondage equipment and the sex swing…" my voice trailed off when I stepped into the room and saw she wasn't alone.

Emmett was on the couch next to her, looking up at me expectantly with a huge Grinch-like grin. Alice was snickering from atop Japer's lap in the armchair to my right, and to my left sat what they were all laughing at. The gorgeous green eyed man from Rose's garage was in the other armchair with an extremely bemused look on his absurdly handsome face. And then there was me, doing my best impersonation of a tomato.

_Perfect. Abso-fucking-lutely perfect. I don't see this guy for a month and then WHAM! Here he is in my living room to witness my dirty mind in action. Kill me now._

"Where's my special delivery?" Alice chimed in from next to me. I tried to swallow my humiliation and turned to the little pixie on my friends' lap. I sucked in a deep breath and attempted to sound as unaffected as possible.

"I should have known. It's always the tiny ones," I sighed and winked at her. She burst into giggles and even Rose joined her after a minute. Emmett and the mystery man however, looked rather disgusted with the idea. I understood Emmett's reaction, but the other guy needn't be so affronted.

"Hey! What's wrong with Alice spicing up her sex life?! Oh, Emmett plug your ears," I said apologetically when he groaned. Alice was practically in stiches when I rounded on the delicious specimen of manhood directly in front of me.

"Can we avoid talking about my sister's bedroom antics please? I just ate," Emmett complained and made a face.

"And I really don't need that mental image taking root in my mind, thanks," Mr Hotness agreed with a similar expression.

"Go easy on my brothers, Bella. They still want me to become a nun," Alice teased. That brought me up short.

"Brothers?" I asked in a small voice. I prayed that I'd heard her wrong. Pretty boy smiled.

"Yeah, I'm her other brother, Edward," he offered me his hand. I leaned forward and took it gently.

"Of course you are," I muttered and then sighed. He cast me a confused look but said nothing about my random remark.

"Eddie boy here was just about to join us for dinner. We've decided to splash out and get…wait for it…pizza!" Emmett trumpeted with a grin. Rose rolled her eyes but laughed at his antics.

"I thought you said you'd just eaten?" I asked and leaned up against the wall. I tried to ignore the fact that Edward was staring openly at me. He must have learned that from Emmett.

"And your point is?" Em deadpanned. He stood up and placed his hands on his hips, swishing around in a very feminine manner. "You have no idea the effort it takes to maintain this fabulous body."

I nearly died laughing and I wasn't the only one. Rose went with Em to get the pizzas while Alice and I discussed which movie we intended to inflict upon the boys. She had a stack of chick flicks that Jasper screwed up his face at but Edward seemed rather impassive. I guess he was used to Alice by now.

"So, Edward, what brought you to Forks? Alice said you were in Chicago up until few months ago," Jasper asked casually. I had moved from my station as the wallflower and perched on the sofa next to Alice. It was my proximity to Edward that had been behind the shift. There was some sort of weird gravitational pull that emanated from him which I simply couldn't resist. Not that I tried.

"I just…needed a change of scenery." He seemed hesitant to say even that much and quickly changed the subject, but not before my interest was piqued.

"Were you a mechanic in Chicago?" I wanted to ask something simple but from his confused expression I'd gotten it wrong.

"Um, no. An accountant. Well, accounting major. I only finished school in June," he seemed to fumble a bit with his words. It made me think he might be hiding something.

"What made you think he was a mechanic?" Alice asked, her eyebrows knitted together.

"Oh, I saw you at Rose's garage. I just figured you were one of the guys who worked for her," I explained to him rather than Alice. I hated talking about someone right in front of them. He smiled widely and nodded.

"I remember. Now you're question makes more sense. No, Rose was just kind enough to let me use her tools to give my car a tune up. And if I'm being completely honest, I had one of her guys out there with me the whole time so I didn't inadvertently do something that would kill me later. Or cause the car to blow up," he joked with a crooked grin. I grinned back. It was impossible not to.

"So where are you working now?" Jasper asked, but his tone was off a little. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and he was trying hard to keep his face neutral.

"I…work for my mother. She has an interior decorating business that she's brilliant at but she's horrible with keeping track of all her books." He looked down at his hands before glancing up through his lashes at me and smiling timidly. It was almost like he was embarrassed about his job. How ridiculous. At least he had one.

"That sounds nice. It must be easier to work for someone you know so well," I offered with an encouraging smile he readily returned. Alice laughed.

"Yeah, right. My mom is a slave driver when it comes to work. Tell her, Edward!" she nodded emphatically and he shrugged.

"It's true," he concurred.

We continued with light chit chat until Rose and Em came back with the food. When I made my way into the kitchen to grab paper plates and napkins for everyone I was surprised to see that Edward had followed me.

"Can I give you a hand?" he offered and ran his hand through his bronze hair. I tried to imagine it was my fingers teasing up the soft locks and momentarily got lost in the day dream, just staring at him. Luckily I snapped out of it rather quickly so I narrowly avoided drooling on myself.

"Um, sure." I handed him a bunch of forks and knives before gathering up the paper products in my arms.

"So what brought you to Forks?" he asked the same question Jasper had. I swallowed and decided if he didn't have to be original then neither did I.

"Oh, you know, I needed a change of scenery," I said and winked at him. He gave me that adorable lopsided grin and I practically melted on the spot.

"Alice said you're the police chief's daughter? Charlie, right?" he shifted his weight from foot to foot. If I didn't know any better I'd say he was nervous.

"That's right, she is. And he's a bit protective, so I'd invest in a bullet proof vest if you intend to keep flirting with her." Jasper had appeared out of nowhere and I instantly wished the floor would open up and swallow him, then me, whole.

"Mmhmm, I'll just bring these out there," Edward mumbled before retreating from the kitchen rather hurriedly. I walked over and cuffed Jazz on the shoulder as hard as I could.

"What the hell was that?" I hissed.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He shrugged, removed the plates from my hands and stalked out of the kitchen. I glared at his back before huffing out a sigh and following him.

Everyone was seated around the living room already engrossed in the food and movie. Em and Rose were on the couch again and Edward sat in front of them on the floor. I made my way over to him and sat down before offering him a napkin.

"Thanks," he murmured quietly while he took it and avoided my eyes.

"Try to ignore Jasper, ok? He was dropped on his head a baby," I teased quietly. The sides of Edwards lips quirked up slightly and he finally looked up at me.

"I take it there was permanent damage?" he played along, humor twinkling in his bright eyes. I nodded and smirked.

"It makes him go from zero to asshole in two point five seconds. There's no known cure, but if you stick with me you might become less affected after a period of adjustment." It was easier than I'd thought it would be, talking to him like that. I'd only been out of Arizona a few weeks and already my confidence was improving. Go me.

"I might just do that." He grinned at me and I felt my heart stutter in my chest.

_Whoa, baby. I am in such deep trouble._

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**A/N: So, now she knows who he is! There will be a lot more Edward interactions from here on. Reviews make me update faster :-) Thanks for reading xoxo**


	10. Chapter Nine

**A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and follows my little story. You give me the warm fuzzies! Those of you who reviewed (and are members I can respond to) got a little preview. That could be YOU next time if you just send me a little love :-)**

** Edwardstalker - Thank you so much for your kind reviews! I heart them :-)**

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I fidgeted nervously on the little sofa in Carmen's office. I'd spent all week trying not to think about James after that phone call and instead focus my attention on something far more frightening: my budding crush on Edward. It was ridiculous of course, I hardly knew the man. But whenever he came around the house I got butterflies in my stomach and felt all hot and bothered. Luckily I seemed to be able to hold myself together well enough that he didn't notice. At least I prayed to whatever God would listen that he didn't. I was in no condition to try dating, especially at the moment.

"You look nervous today, Bella. Is something on your mind?" Carmen inquired gently and offered me a kind smile. I tried to return it by my lips quivered a little.

"Um…sort of. I know what you wanted to discuss today and I was just a little anxious about it. I don't really like reliving all that…stuff." For lack of a better word. I shrugged.

"Hmmm, I can understand that. It's never pleasant talking about destructive relationships or painful memories. But today I wasn't going to ask about the abuse you went through." She folded her hands in her lap and sat back a little as my eyebrows shot up into my hairline.

"You're not?" What did she want to talk about if not the reason for my coming here?

"No, I'm not. I'd rather ask you about some other things. For instance, how did you get together?"

"Oh, um…" I was slightly taken aback so it took me a minute to rearrange my thoughts. "We were friends for a really long time, since we were like, 14 or something."

"You met at school?" she asked with mild interest.

"Yes. In English class. He was shockingly bad at writing and we had to pair up with someone to do a short story." I shook my head at the memory but couldn't contain my smirk. He wasn't thrilled for being stuck with me at the time.

"You were paired up together, I take it?"

"Yes. He said he would come up with an idea if I did all the writing. I'm not very creative so I just said 'ok'." I snickered.

"Funny story?" She smiled a little.

"Not at all. It was horrible. The story was about a boy who blew up his high school because the principal wouldn't let him drive and he was forced to take the bus," I rolled my eyes and snorted.

"How did that go over with the teacher?" she snickered a little.

"It didn't. We failed the assignment and were sent to see the school counsellor. Once she found out it was his storyline I was let off the hook. Later the teacher gave me a B plus because despite the subject material, the punctuation and grammar were flawless and that was the point of the assignment." I was a little smug. I used to pride myself on my grades and somehow managed to talk my way out of failing.

"So that's when you met. How did you go from there to a relationship years later?"

"Oh, well, we were best friends after that. We just kind of grew on each other and we had some stuff in common," I cleared my throat and moved on before she ask anything about that. I wasn't ready to talk about Renee or his mom, Lauren, yet. "He had a series of really crappy girlfriends and I had the same with boyfriends, but we always made time for each other. Even when Victoria became pregnant our senior year, he still spent a lot of time with me. After Nathan was born they broke up and we were together all the time. When my boyfriend, Chris, cheated on me I was done. I didn't want to date anymore. I'd given up on men altogether. But James...he kind of changed my mind."

_I knocked on his door and waited a few seconds before walking in. I didn't need to knock, I'd been coming over for years and was more than welcome, but I still felt weird just barging in. The house was cool and quiet. Lauren must have been out with her current flavor of the month. I walked through the small living room into the dining room and then rounded the corner to his room. He'd called and asked me to come over so he was expecting me. Since that door was closed, too, I knocked again._

_ "James?"_

_ "Come in, angel," his voice called from the other side. I smiled at the little nickname he'd come up with for me recently. I'd have to ask where he'd gotten the idea from._

_ I pushed open the door and froze, my eyes wide. The usual disaster area that was his bedroom was immaculate. Even the bed was made. The lights were off even though it had started getting dark, but a soft yellow glow emitted from dozens of little candles illuminated the small space. James sat on his small bed which rested on the floor – it was the trundle from a twin bed he'd broken years ago – leaned casually against the wall with a lazy smile and a white rose in his hand. His blue eyes bore into me with an intensity I'd only witnessed a few times but never had directed at me. It made my insides turn to mush. _

_ "What's all this?" I whispered. I barely had enough breath to speak. He'd stolen it all. _

_ "What's it look like?" he murmured, never breaking eye contact. _

_ "I…um…it's…" I couldn't think. Never in a million years had I thought he'd be capable of something like that. And I'd certainly never thought I'd be on the receiving end. _

_ "You told me once about this…fantasy you'd had. Because none of the __**boys **__you've been with have ever had the sack to treat you like the goddess you are. You've never felt loved or desired. You've never thought you were worth the effort, even for something as simple as this," he spoke softly and gestured around the room. _

_ "But…why?" I still couldn't believe he did this for __**me.**__ It didn't make sense. _

_ He rose from the bed and started towards me, stopping when our bodies were and inch apart and took my face in his warm, rough hands. _

_ "I decided it was time for me to step up. I've…Bella, I have loved you since we were kids. And it fucking killed me every time I saw you with someone else. You've held my heart in your hands this whole time and didn't even know it. You are too good, too gorgeous, too fucking perfect for me, and I've always known you deserve so much better than I could ever give you, but I just can't let that stop me anymore. I won't." His voice was calm and deep. Hypnotic, but full of emotion. _

_ My head swam and my heart thudded hard against my ribs when he bent down and brushed his lips so softly over mine. I didn't pull back or refuse him. How could I? When I leaned into him a little he moaned quietly before the kiss intensified tenfold. His hands travelled down my shoulders and arms to wrap tightly around my waist and lock me in their hold. After a few minutes I was gasping loudly for breath but he didn't care. He wouldn't release me, and deep down I really didn't want him to. I'd never felt passion like this before and it damn near brought me to my knees. I trembled in his arms with the effort to stay upright. _

_ Somehow he'd managed to move us over to the bed without me realising that was his intended destination. When I stiffened he started with the sweet words, soft caresses, and promises that he'd never hurt me. That he loved me too much. That he'd die first. I was so swept up in the moment that I didn't really protest. It would be more comfortable to continue making out like teenagers if we were lying down anyway. It wasn't long before things became so super-heated that I felt like my whole body was on fire, all exploring hands and grinding hips. No one had ever known how to touch me before. It had always been clumsy groping or awkward dry humping that never did very much for me. But this was entirely new and dangerously addictive. After an indeterminable amount of time James started making his intentions known._

_ "Is it play time yet?" he murmured hotly in my ear. His breath and question sent shivers down my spine. _

_ "No," I replied breathlessly._

_I was never one to sleep around or just fall on my back for a guy. The last boyfriend I'd had, Chris, used to joke you couldn't pry my legs apart with the Jaws of Life. It was part of the reason I'd made him wait an entire year before he got the golden ticket. James knew that about me so I thought he'd just let it go and try again another day. But he didn't. _

"_Is it play time yet?" he repeated a little while later. By that time our shirts were on the floor along with my bra and his belt. Jeans were partially undone to allow for easier access. All in all it was farther than I'd ever gone with anyone in such a short period of time. It both scared and thrilled me. But I wasn't ready to take it further. No matter how much my body screamed at me otherwise, I knew my heart and mind weren't ready for such a leap. _

_I shook my head. "No, not today."_

"_C'mon baby, why not? You know I can make you feel so damn good," he kissed down my exposed breast and sucked a nipple into his mouth while his fingers expertly worked over my clit. I was babbling out gibberish and practically screaming before he stopped and looked down at me, his eyes blazing._

"_I…I'm not…I don't know," I whimpered as he worked his fingers in and out of me. If only he would stop for just a minute so I could think and speak coherently. _

"_I think you do. I think you're just scared," he whispered against my lips before kissing me hard. I was so worked up and I barely knew my own name. He pulled back and looked me in the eye. _

"_Please, Bella. Please? I love you so fucking much. Let me show you. Just let me show you," he murmured and kissed his way down my neck. I closed my eyes and shook my head again but didn't say anything else. Soon my pants were on the floor with his. _

"So that's how your relationship started?" Carmen asked quietly. I cleared my throat and nodded.

"Yeah, sort of." It was a little more complicated than that. I think she picked up on it and her eyebrows arched.

"Sort of?" she pried.

"Well, afterwards it was…weird. When I asked him about what I was to him he got all twitchy." I frowned at the memory and my voice hardened a little. "He made this gesture like he was in handcuffs and said that's how labels made him feel. He didn't actually acknowledge me as his girlfriend for a few weeks."

"So he implied that being called your boyfriend would have made him feel trapped?" she checked.

"Yeah, something stupid like that," I grumbled and waved it off. It had really upset me at the time but now I just thought it was idiotic.

"Why did you give in and sleep with him that day? It sounded like you really hadn't wanted to." Her eyebrows were up but there was no admonishment in her voice.

"Oh, well…like I said, I'd never really felt…like that…um, before," I stuttered. I was crappy at talking about sex. James always thought it was hilarious that I'd blush when he'd talk dirty to me. I didn't really like it, it just embarrassed me. But he seemed to think it was hot so I let him do it.

"So you'd never been with a man who'd been sexually experienced enough to arouse you to the point of desiring sex?" She was very clinical and I wrinkled my nose.

"Uh, no, not really. Chris eventually got the right idea but it took a while and he still wasn't anywhere near as…um, good." Why did this have to be so freaking humiliating?

"So James was good in bed?" Once again her question was matter of fact, but I blushed anyway.

"Yeah he was," but then I amended it. "Not at first, though."

"Oh?" she seemed surprised.

"Uh, yeah. He was kind of a…minute man for the first few times." I tried not to smile but failed miserably. I'd never teased him about it because I knew it would have made him feel bad.

"Even the first time?" She smiled back.

I snorted. "That was the worst. There I was, all worked up and believing he was going to rock my world like no one ever had and it was over after like, five seconds. Literally."

"That, my dear, is what we women like to call a 'two-pump chump'," she told me with a wicked smile. I laughed and nodded.

"That's exactly what he was! For like, the first five or six times. It was incredibly frustrating," I groaned and balled up my fists but then laughed with her.

"Did Don Juan ever give you any kind of explanation?" she inquired with a chuckle. I blushed furiously again and looked down at my lap. Oh, yeah he'd given an explanation.

"Um, he said it was…me. That I was…too tight or something," I mumbled uncomfortably. In truth he'd used far more colorful language but there was no way in hell I was ever going to repeat it.

"You were…too tight?" Disbelief colored her expression and her voice. I nodded and giggled nervously.

"Yeah, after the first time he…" I started laughing. "He asked for his dick back."

She laughed earnestly and it made me feel a little less embarrassed.

"Let me assure you something, Bella since you seem to be a little sexually naïve. I've never met a man yet who has complained about a woman being too tight." She shook her head. "It's often the opposite that tends to be the problem."

We laughed together for a few more minutes and I relaxed more. It was easier than I thought it would have been, talking to someone about this aspect of my life. I was even a little relieved.

"How disappointing that must have been for you, especially since he'd pressured you into it." She wasn't smiling anymore and neither was I. In fact her words had brought me up short.

"He didn't pressure me," I argued.

"Really, Bella? Because from what you just described to me that's exactly what he did." She had never really challenged me like that before and I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. I wasn't angry but I wasn't thrilled with her either. She'd gotten it wrong.

"No," I insisted and shook my head. "You must have heard me wrong." Or heard what she wanted to hear.

"Ok, let's recap. You said that you were perfectly contented with making out and doing most of the foreplay that leads up to sex, but that the actual act itself was something you didn't take lightly and weren't ready for at that particular point in time. Am I right so far?" she questioned, a look of expectation on her face.

"Well, yes," I said, trying to remember exactly what I had told her.

"And then you said that even though he knew that you aren't the kind of woman who 'falls on her back' for a man or sleeps around, he still asked if you were going to have sex with him. I believe his words were 'is it play time yet?' is that right?" she recalled.

I cringed when she used his exact wording but mumbled, "Yeah."

"And even though you made it clear you weren't ready to have sex that day not once, but twice, he still pressured you into it by begging and telling you he could make you feel good and that he loved you. Have I gotten anything wrong or left anything out?" she finished and sat back a little.

"Well, no but it's not like he forced himself on me. It was my choice," I argued back, very uncomfortable now.

"I never said he had, Bella. And you are perfectly right that it was your choice and you went along with it eventually. But let me ask you, if he would have respected your wishes and not kept pushing you for something in which you stated twice that you didn't want right then and weren't ready for, would you have had sex that day?"

I was speechless. The answer was easy, of course. No, I wouldn't have. I would have waited for at least a few weeks, if not months, had it been my choice. But then logical side of my brain argued that it _**had**_ been my choice and I chose to let myself get talked into it.

"I can see that you are conflicted over this, so let me help you understand my point here. My point wasn't that James was a monster who forced himself on you despite your objections. My point was that James didn't respect your decisions and feelings and only focused on his own desires, even while professing to love you," she stated gently. Then she smiled a little but it seemed more sad than happy.

"I can see why you were so taken with him. He said everything you'd always wanted to hear from a man. He did things that made you feel special. He knew everything there was to know about you. Your likes and dislikes, your dreams, your fantasies. You already had trust and a kind of love that was easy to build on. And from how you describe James I would think he was a very articulate and passionate man who understood you very well. But on the other side of that coin he is also manipulative and had occasion to be abusive, which were factors that you either didn't know or didn't consider when entering a relationship with him last February." Having it all laid out for me so simply put made me feel like the worlds' biggest idiot.

"He wasn't all bad," I mumbled although at that moment I was having a hard time remembering anything good about him. Even the memory I'd just shared was now somewhat tainted with this new knowledge that I'd turned a blind eye to before. I knew he wasn't perfect and that we didn't have the best start, but I'd chosen to view our relationship through rose colored lenses.

"Of course he wasn't. Otherwise it wouldn't have been so difficult for you to leave him when you did, or want to stay away from him now. Tell me something else before we finish today. If you weren't pregnant and didn't have a child to worry about in this equation, would you have taken him back when he called and begged forgiveness last week?" Her tone of voice and facial expression told me that she already knew what I was going to say, but I said it anyway.

"Probably," I admitted. I was unsure why she looked surprised at my answer.

"Well, that's better than I expected. 'Probably' means there was a chance you wouldn't have. I actually thought you would have just said 'yes'. I think you are a stronger woman than people, yourself included, give you credit for, Bella Swan." She seemed impressed but didn't say anything more, just rescheduled me for the following Saturday.

On my way out to the parking lot I felt my phone buzz in my jeans pocket, silently vibrating against my thigh. I pulled it out and checked my incoming text.

_**At the Cullen's house. Come for dinner? ~ J**_

I smirked and shook my head. Jasper was still trying to make up for being a turd the other day with Edward. He refused to tell what it had been about but he'd been going out of his way to be nicer to Edward and include me in his plans since then.

_**Sure. Where is it? ~B**_

He sent me the address along with some basic directions and I set off. Luckily I hadn't cried at therapy this time so at least I was still presentable. My stomach got a little queasy when I considered if Edward would be there or not. And then it tangled into knots when I wondered about his parents being present. I tried to keep myself from freaking out at the idea. It wasn't like I was his girlfriend or anything. It wouldn't really matter if they didn't like me, although Carlisle seemed to. Still, sucking up never hurt anyone, so I stopped at a florist before encouraging my truck down their winding, tree lined driveway.

When I pulled up in front of the house my jaw fell into my lap. The house – if you could call it that, it was more like a mansion – was HUGE! Big wrap around porches that spanned two stories and picturesque bay windows that made it look so intimidating yet welcoming at the same time. I gulped before grabbing the little bouquet of lilies I'd chosen and exited the cab of my truck with a feeling of insufficiency. I had parked next to Jasper's car which wasn't so bad except that the open garage doors showed a Merc next to Emmett's Jeep and Edward's shiny Volvo.

My feeling of inadequacy grew and made my stomach twist uncomfortably. I would never fit in with these people. Alice was great and Emmett was awesome, but I wasn't good enough to ever be part of the Cullen's like Rose or Jazz. I trudged up the path and rang the bell, trying to rearrange my face into a convincing mask of happiness. I'm not sure how well I'd succeeded when the door flew open to reveal Alice.

"Bella!" she squealed and threw herself at me, practically knocking me down the stairs with her hug. I laughed. At least she was glad to see me.

"Hi, Alice. Jazz asked me to come over for dinner. I hope that's ok…" I trailed off, unsure.

"Of course it is! I'm so glad you're here. I feel like we haven't seen each other in ages," she said enthusiastically and dragged me into the house. It was hard not to notice the opulence all around me but I did my best to ignore it and just focus on Alice.

"It's been like, two days," I snickered and put my arm through hers while she continued to guide me through the house.

"Feels longer," she grumbled then turned to me with a wicked smile. I was instantly wary.

"Want a drink?" she offered with a practiced innocence. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Sure," I said but I was sure she heard the hesitance in my voice.

"Tea? Juice? Coffee?"

"Juice would be great, thanks," I shrugged. We had been wandering through the halls but somehow ended up in a little conservatory. I looked around and saw it was sparsely furnished with only a long, black leather couch and an impressive baby grand piano.

"Wow," I whispered and very gently ran my fingers over the exposed keys.

"Do you play?" she asked archly.

"Not really. I learned a few Christmas carols when I was younger but it was on the old upright at my school. It was always in need of a good tuning so it never sounded very nice." I smiled fondly at the memory. Then I took a large step away from the musical masterpiece that stood before me lest I tarnish it with my unworthy hands.

"Why don't you just try it out while I get your juice?" Alice shoved me over to bench and practically forced me down onto it.

"You know for such a sprite you are amazingly strong," I groused and folded my arms over my chest. She giggled.

"You'd be amazed at how strong I really am, Bella. Just ask Emmett," she said and winked before skipping out the door, leaving it slightly ajar.

I caressed the keys again and pressed one of them down gently. It had a wonderful, clear tone and set off goose bumps that covered my skin. I loved music. I had always had a very special relationship with it. It could soothe me when I was wild, calm me when I was sad, entice me when I was amorous. But along with the wonderful effect it had on me it also held a darkness that could consume me. If I was hurting or angry and listened to the wrong thing it often made it that much worse. There were times I remembered James growling at me for listening to songs that seemed to make me sadder when I was already feeling low. But that wasn't the case. Not exactly.

I could feel things much deeper with certain musical accompaniments. Sometimes it was needed when I knew it would help me to get over something sooner than I would if I just tried to bury it like I did most things. The problem was it always got exponentially worse before it got better. But it _did_ get better. Music held a sort of catharsis for me. It was a love/hate relationship that I couldn't escape. I don't think I would ever really try to.

I had started to pluck out a few notes of a nineties song I'd remembered from a time when I'd learned to read music when Alice breezed back into the room with a tall wine glass full of a clearish liquid. I arched an eyebrow at her when I saw there things floating in the drink.

"White grape and aloe vera," she informed me with a smile. "Good for keeping you hydrated and calming your tummy."

"Thanks," I said, surprised by her thoughtfulness. Not that I should have been. That was just Alice.

"That sounded nice. Play it again?" she requested with wide, puppy dog eyes. I flushed and shook my head.

"I…uh…I don't really play…for people," I muttered. No way was I going to humiliate myself like that.

"Oh, c'mon! Everyone else is out back picking out our Christmas tree, so no one will hear you. Just me," she assured me with an encouraging smile.

"Well…" I was torn. I loved playing for even those few minutes and had gotten the intro pretty quickly, but I wasn't sure.

"Please, Bella? I don't play at all, so I think anything beyond chopsticks is amazing," she grinned wider when she realised I was going to cave.

I didn't answer her. I just huffed out a breath and placed my juice on the bench next to me. For the next few minutes I closed my eyes and let the music flow through me. I pictured a far off place where Robin Hood and Maid Marian danced through my mind in a sunlit wood and felt the feeling of love and contentment fill me up. It was easier that way to not focus on the little errors here and there. When I couldn't remember any more I looked back at Alice cautiously.

"That was beautiful. I think I've heard that song before," she said earnestly.

"Probably. There aren't many people who haven't," I shrugged and picked up my glass.

Then disaster struck. My hands were a little sweaty from my nerves and the glass slipped through my fingers, crashed down onto the keys, spilling half of its contents before smashing loudly on the floor and shattering into a million tiny pieces.

"Oh shit!" I choked out and looked up at Alice in horror. Her face matched mine.

"Quick! Paper towels and a wet rag!" she shrieked and darted from the room. I ran after her and helped her gather up the materials we'd need when we heard a sudden commotion at the back door. Her eyes went wide.

"Go, go! I'll keep them here!" she shooed me back towards the music room before bolting from the kitchen. I was just outside the door when a male voice bellowed so loudly and furiously that I damn near pissed myself.

"**WHAT **_**THE FUCK**_** HAPPENED TO MY PIANO**!"

I gulped and felt all the color drain from my face. Where there had been a ruckus of voices only moments ago I was now only surrounded by deadly silence. My feet were glued to the floor and despite the approaching footsteps both in front of and behind me and I couldn't make them move. I just stood there trembling. The door banged open and out stepped a livid and shaking Edward. His green eyes were wild and narrowed on the rags in my hands.

"I…I…" I stuttered out but couldn't complete my thought let alone my sentence. He was beautiful and yet terrifying in his fury. My body was screaming at me to run, to hide, to do anything except just stand there like an open target and just wait to be attacked.

He sucked in a breath and took one step forward, his hands balled into fists when my mind finally caught up to my body. My arms flew up to protect my head and I half crouched, half scuttled back away from him while I waited for the impact I had become accustomed to when greeted with that tone of voice.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It was an accident! I'm sorry!" I screeched out while I continued to back away. I hit something solid – a wall – and slid down it to curl in on myself. I kept whimpering my apologies and begging forgiveness while I waited for a violent response. It never came.

I felt something brush softly against my arm and I cringed, pulling myself tighter and choked down a scream. My heart pounded so painfully I was panting in an effort to slow it down a little.

"Bella," I heard my name whispered from directly in front of me. The voice was rough but so quiet and calm that I instantly felt some of my fear evaporate.

I relaxed my arms and shoulders enough to drop them down slightly. It made it possible for to see over them. Edward sat so closely in front of me that we were almost touching. I would have tried to pull back from him except that his face was contorted into a mask of grief and contrition, so I didn't feel the need. His emerald eyes shown so brightly and I noticed they were ringed with red. I briefly wondered if he'd been crying but then cast the idea aside. What did he have to cry about? I lowered my arms a little more. I wouldn't drop them all the way.

_He might be lulling me into a false sense of security with his sorrowful eyes and guilt ridden face. James used to do that_.

Edward just stared at me for a few minutes and with each passing second I found myself calming considerably. When he reached forward for my hand, very, _very _slowly, I didn't pull away. I let him twine his fingers with mine and even somewhat enjoyed it when he squeezed them gently. He looked at our interlocked hands for a while before sucking in a jagged breath and meeting my eyes again. It turns out I was right. He must have been crying before because he had teared up again.

"Oh, Bella," he breathed and then shook his head slowly. "What the hell did he do to you?"

Before I could even consider how to respond to that question I heard a small hiccup come from behind me. My head whipped around so fast I was afraid I might have given myself whiplash and my eyes widened when I took in the sight of the other six people who stood a few feet away. Emmett had his arms around Rose, to restrain her from the looks of it. One hand was clamped tightly over her mouth. I'd never seen her so feral. The phrase 'if looks could kill' had been invented for Rosalie Hale. Jasper had Alice wrapped up tightly while tears silently slipped down her cheeks. Behind them all was Carlisle, his face a mask of sadness. He held in his arms a curvy woman with flowing caramel locks and the kindest eyes I had ever seen. Green, just like Edwards. Which could only mean one thing; it was his mother.

And just like that I went from halfway to calm to outright panic and utter humiliation. This woman, whom I'd never met before today, had just seen me have an epic meltdown in her living room. I was mortified. Everyone else…well, they knew what a freak I was. Everyone, of course, except for Edward. But now it was too late. I had ruined any possibility of ever being seen as normal with my frightening display and would never be welcome back. I'd never been so ashamed of myself in my entire life.

I scrambled off the floor and flew past Edward before he could even react. I was out the front door and halfway to my truck the first time I heard my name being called from somewhere behind me. I had no intention on stopping to find out who it was.

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**A/N: First off, I couldn't write a full lemon with Bella and James. I just...couldn't. YUCK! But I hope some of you understand a little more about how she could love someone like that. Second, for those of you who reviewd - I WARNED YOU :-) What did we all think of Edward and Bella in this chapter? And what happens now? Leave me some love! xoxo**


	11. Chapter Ten

**A/N: A big thank you to everyone who's reviewed and favorited and followed the story. The numbers keep going up every time I post a chapter. It makes me optomistic! **

** Guest (great name by the way!) Thank you for your reviews! I'm glad you like the way the story is going :-) **

** Edwardstalker - You are my most consistent reviewer and for that I thank you immensely! I wish I could send you previews like I do the other reviewers :-)**

**On with the show!**

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"Bella! Bella, stop!"

There was no way in Hell I was going to do that. I kept stumbling towards my truck. I had almost made it when two hands clamped down on my shoulders and pulled me up short. I clenched my teeth in an effort not to scream at him.

"Let go!" It came out as a growl but he was undeterred. He spun me around.

"Sorry, Bella, but that isn't going to happen." His eyes were apologetic but his tone was firm. I glared at him.

"Is this where your son gets his manhandling capabilities?" I spat. His eyebrows shot up and he immediately dropped his arms.

"Did Edward actually touch you?" Carlisle asked, his voice tinged with disbelief. My glare intensified but somewhere in my gut guilt began to grow. It practically snuffed out my already waning anger.

"Bella, if you tell me right now that Edward actually did something other than yell at you – which is bad enough in my book – then not only will I let your friend rip him to pieces but I'll help her bury him in the back yard." His face was serious as it studied mine, looking for answers. I sighed and my shoulders slumped.

"No, he didn't touch me…wait, what friend?" I was suddenly overwhelmed with concern for Edward since he had been left in there with Rose and Jasper, not to mention his own siblings.

I didn't wait for Carlisle to answer. I ran back towards the house I had been desperate to escape just moments ago. I still wanted to leave and never come back but first I had to make sure Edward was alright. He really hadn't done anything wrong. It my own stupid fault that he was angry about his piano. I would offer to have it fixed or cleaned or whatever. I didn't have to go too far before I heard shouted voices. When I peeked around the corner my jaw hit the floor.

"You and your fucking temper, Edward! I swear to God if you laid one little finger on her I'll rip off your testicles and use them for earrings!" Rose screeched, struggling in Em's grasp. Even as big as he was I could tell he struggled to keep her contained.

"I didn't touch her, Rosalie! I wouldn't…" Edward hissed back angrily.

"Of course you wouldn't! Rose, you don't know what you're talking about," Alice rounded on her and frowned deeply.

"Really? 'Cause that's sure what it looked like from where I was standing," Jazz challenged.

"Then I suggest an eye exam," Edward shot with a glare.

"You know, she really can't handle this kind of stress right now. Not with her being –" Jazz's voice cut off with a huff when Alice unexpectedly elbowed him in the stomach hard enough to make him double over. Then she whirled around and flicked his nose.

"That's not your story to tell, Jasper Whitlock Hale!" Her glare was impressive and made him shrink back a little.

"She's right, it isn't," Carlisle said from behind me.

All heads snapped over in our direction. Carlisle gently guided me into the room. Once I had moved from behind the safety of my wall I got a full view of the room. Esme sat on a small white sofa just watching the scene. From the way she had her arms and legs tightly crossed I'd thought she was supremely unimpressed, but she did and said nothing to stop it. It wasn't until she saw me that her body language shifted.

"Bella," she sighed with relief and unfolded her arms.

Edward mirrored his mother and took a few measured and careful steps towards me. I held my ground but couldn't help the nervous way I shifted from foot to foot. Half expecting him to yell at me again for my insane reaction, I sucked in a deep breath and braced myself, prepared to bolt again if I felt it was needed.

"Bella, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so angry." He shook his head in disgust and I felt my blush come back full force. He should be disgusted with me. I completely overreacted.

"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have touched your piano. I'll have it cleaned up by a professional. Just send me the bill, ok?" I didn't know if there were people who did that but I was sure they would. But Edward just frowned and shook his head again.

"No, it is entirely my fault. There is no excuse for my abhorrent behavior," he argued and ran his hands through his hair.

"But, your piano…" I hadn't expected him to be so forgiving.

"It's just a thing, Bella. I can fix it and clean it up myself, it's not a problem." He waved his hand dismissively. He sighed heavily and rubbed his hand over his face before turning his tortured green eyes on me.

"Please, tell me you forgive me. I shouldn't have…just…please?" he finished with a whisper. I couldn't have denied him even if I'd wanted to, and I most definitely didn't want to.

"Sure, Edward. You're forgiven. No worries," I tried to shrug like it was no big deal but I may have just twitched. Way to further imbed the idea that I was psychotic.

Rose scoffed loudly from Emmett's arms and rolled her eyes. I grimaced and contemplated telling her to butt the hell out and keep her opinions to herself when Esme rose from the sofa and made her way over to me. She smiled kindly and offered me her hand. I took it, slightly unsure of what her intentions were, but completely unworried.

"Carlisle, why don't we go check out her stats and make sure her blood pressure hasn't bottomed out after being so high from the stress. I wouldn't want you passing out, Bella," she said gently and began to lead me from the room. Just as we exited she called over her shoulder, "No bloodshed in the house, children. I just had the carpets cleaned."

I snickered in spite of myself. Esme was alright. I walked with her down the hall into an office at the end. It looked like a larger, slightly fancier version of his office at the hospital. Esme must have decorated both of them. She led me to a dark green leather sofa and gestured for me to sit down next to her. Carlisle pulled an office chair up in front of me and went about checking my vitals.

"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly. I tried to control my blush but failed miserably.

"Mortified," I mumbled and dropped my head so I could hide behind a curtain of hair.

"I would imagine," Esme said kindly. "But aside from that? Nausea? Dizziness? Headache?"

"I thought he was the doctor?" I smiled a little. They both chuckled. I chanced a look up at them.

"She likes to steal my job every chance she gets," Carlisle informed me with a grin. Esme looked unapologetic.

"That's because I know just as much as you do about everyday medicine and I didn't have to waste all those years in Medical school," she teased and winked at me.

"Waste!" Carlisle scoffed but he couldn't contain his chuckle. They were so relaxed and unbothered by my melt down that I felt myself settle a bit.

"Why don't you go help Alice and Jasper in the kitchen? But please, try not to get in the way, dear. I'd rather not have to get take out after all the trouble they've gone to," Esme shooed Carlisle with a nod of her head and giggled when he glared at her.

"I can cook just fine," he huffed.

"Jarred spaghetti sauce over premade noodles is not cooking, Carlisle." She shook her head and laughed more when he grimaced and left the office, closing the door behind him.

"Poor man was practically starving when I came along," she sighed and looked at me conspiratorially. I smiled.

"Sounds like he does the kind of cooking that I grew up with," I said softly. She hummed softly but didn't say anything else for a minute. It looked like she was gathering her thoughts.

"Bella, about what happened with Edward," she started but I immediately interrupted her.

"He didn't do anything, really. It's just…me. I've got…um…issues," I said hurriedly. I didn't know another way to put it. I was screwed up beyond repair. Better that she knew it was my fault and not her sons'.

"So he didn't scream and swear at you because you accidentally spilled something on his precious piano?" she challenged with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, well, yes…" When she put it like that.

"So I thought," she sighed and shook her head before taking both of my hands in hers. "Bella, I am so sorry you had to deal with that. Edward…well, he's always been the most difficult of my children. He definitely inherited my temper and for that I apologise. We've been telling him for years that he needs to get it under control."

Surprise filled me. I couldn't picture the lovely woman in front of me flipping out like Edward had. He looked positively homicidal. There was no way Esme could become that. She must have read the doubt in my face because she chuckled.

"I had to do a lot of work on myself when the kids were little. I think you'd be surprised at who I used to be, compared to who I am today." She smiled and gave a one shoulder shrug.

I didn't know what to say to that so rather than embarrass myself further I just kept my trap shut and smiled at her. She looked over me with an appraising eye and took a deep breath.

"Bella, I wanted to ask…and feel free to tell me to mind my own business if it makes you uncomfortable… when did you leave him?" Her gaze was steady and meaningful. I didn't have to guess who she was referring to. My shoulders slumped a little.

"Pretty obvious, huh?" I grimaced and looked away.

"For me, yes. And because my children know my story they know what to look for, so it was for them, too," she informed me. My head turned slowly back to her.

"Your story?" I was confused. There was no way Carlisle was the wife beating type. Even I could tell that.

"Yes. You see, before I met Carlisle I was with a man named Charles Wood. He was…well, he was everything I wanted but nothing I needed. We'd met in high school and started dating almost immediately after I turned sixteen. He was my first love as well as my _first_." Her eyes took on a faraway look, but they were anything but dreamy.

"I had a lot of firsts with Charles. He took me to my first dance. Gave me my first drink. My first cigarette. He also gave me my first black eye. First cracked rib. First concussion. First broken arm. First hospital stay." She closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. When she opened them again there was so much pain and anger in them I nearly started crying. Not because her story sounded so damned familiar, but because those were the same eyes that stared back at me every time I looked in a mirror. She turned them on me.

"It took me five years to finally realise I needed to leave him. Another ten months to actually do it. The night I left he'd nearly killed me. I was admitted to the hospital when one of the neighbors heard my screams and finally called the police. That's where I met Carlisle. He was doing his internship there and had been relegated to the ER that night." This memory made her smile fondly. "He wasn't my doctor that night, but he did come and visit me a few times after I'd been admitted. I had no one else and I think he felt like I shouldn't have to recover on my own."

"Your parents didn't come?" I couldn't keep the question from bubbling out of me.

She shook her head and gave a humorless laugh. "Not a chance. They were too busy acting like everything was fine and that there had just been an accident. You see, we weren't exactly wealthy and when Charles had offered to marry me they jumped at the chance to have someone else take care of me. I was jeopardising that with my insistence on leaving a man that beat me."

"Sounds familiar," I muttered before I could stop myself. Esme's eyes turned hauntingly sad and she squeezed my hands.

"Yeah, I was afraid you might say that. You have that look about you, Bella." When she offered no other explanation I couldn't help but ask.

"Look?"

"The same look I had. It's a look of acceptance. You've been beaten down for so long it's almost like you expect it as part of everyday life. It hasn't occurred to you yet that it isn't the norm. Most people don't have to live the way we did. In fact, most people don't." Her voice became more determined with each word. "And if I have anything to say about it, you won't ever have to experience it again."

If it had come from anyone else, the promise would have upset me. I didn't need to be saved and I didn't want to be a burden to anyone. But Esme, she got it. She'd been there and managed to pull herself out of it. She was a walking, talking example of what I could achieve if I just tried hard enough and didn't accept the kind of crap Renee and James had put me through anymore. In that moment I was overcome with gratitude and couldn't contain my reaction. I'm not sure who was surprised more when I threw my arms around Esme and hugged her tightly, me or her. When she pulled back there were tears in her eyes but she blinked them away.

"Now, there's one other thing. Alice told me you're pregnant?" It came out as a question.

"Uh, yeah. 12 weeks." My face heated up again.

"I hope you don't mind that she told me. We're a very close family and my children very rarely keep things from me." I could tell she was trying to make it less awkward and I appreciated the effort.

"No, it's fine. I haven't really told a lot of people, so if you could just keep it to yourself." I knew it wouldn't be too long before I started showing and then there would be no hiding it anymore, but I wanted a few more weeks without small town gossip driving me up a wall.

"Of course! What I was going to say was if you needed anything, even if it's just someone who can answer questions, please don't hesitate to let me know. I've had three and I am not easily embarrassed when talking about pregnancy or birth," she smiled and shrugged.

"Um, at the moment I'm good, but I'll let you know." It was a very nice offer but I really couldn't see myself talking about such personal things with her.

"Alright. Now, let's go see if they need help in the kitchen. Poor Jasper must be about ready to murder to someone if they are acting the way they usually do when cooking," she laughed and pulled me up and out the door.

She wasn't too far off in her assumption. Jazz was about to rip out his hair when Esme deftly swept into the kitchen and fixed everything that was boiling over, cooking too slowly, or just about to burn. After that Carlisle and Emmett were banned while Alice and Jazz finished up.

Dinner was delicious. I couldn't tell you exactly what we ate since I hadn't been paying too close attention when they explained it; just that it was a variety of different Indian dishes, like curries and stuff. There were some other things too but I could barely pronounce them let alone remember what they were. It looked like really red chicken and tasted wonderful, which was good enough for me. I was stuffed by the end of the meal but after my OB told me I need to gain more weight I'd decided it was a good thing. There was no further mention of the incident over the piano.

The next few weeks went by in a blur of activity. Christmas was rapidly approaching and the Swan/Hale/Cullen clans were in holiday mode. I'd spent a lot of my Christmases up here with Charlie so I'd gotten very used to his methods and traditions by now. What I wasn't prepared for was his insistence on spending Christmas day with Rose, Jazz, and the whole Cullen clan. I should have known better.

When Charlie had gotten word from someone – probably Emmett – about what happened during my visit to the Cullen's that first night, he was determined to repay Esme's kindness in whatever way he could. And that meant he hadn't hesitated for more than half a second before agreeing to do Christmas dinner with them at their house. We'd still have a quiet morning with Rose and Jasper before heading down to the rez and seeing Jake and Billy, but then we were going to party it up Cullen style for the rest of the day. With the way things had been going lately I was a little apprehensive.

For starters, I was nearly sixteen weeks pregnant and finally started showing a little. It was still possible to hide my tiny bump if I really tried, but Alice – and surprisingly, Rose – were both so giddy about it that they'd started buying me insanely expensive maternity clothes.

"You are going to be one hot mama," Alice said a few days before Christmas when she and Rose had gotten back from what was supposed to be holiday shopping. All I saw was bag after bag of clothing for me. They'd even bought be underwear.

"Rose!" I shrieked as I held up a lacy nightie. "What the hell is this for? No one's going to see it but me! And…what are these little clips for? Easy access?"

They both doubled over in laughter before Alice caught her breath enough to answer me. I just stood there glaring them, totally not amused.

"It's a nursing gown. Those clips are so you can unhook the top without taking off your nightie," she explained with a giggle.

"Oh." I suddenly felt very stupid.

"We also got you a bunch of nursing bras. I peeked at your size in the laundry. Hope you don't mind." Rose didn't look sorry in least, even if the idea would have bothered me.

"You really didn't have to buy me all this stuff. I appreciate it, but you have to stop now. I can get my own clothes," I tried not to sound ungrateful but I had never been good at accepting presents. The truck Rose had given me was wonderful but I could tell it wasn't expensive. These things had the price tags still attached so I couldn't even try to feign ignorance.

"Well, they're not really from us," Alice started to explain with a sheepish look.

"Who are they from then?" I asked already knowing the answer but dreading it anyway.

"Santa!" Alice tried with a grin but I shook my head. She sighed. "Ok, they're from my mom, but before you object I should tell you that she knows the woman at the store we went to and we got a massive discount."

"No lie," Rose chimed in. I could tell she was being truthful and was somewhat placated by that.

"It's too much," I tried again but Alice came up and placed a finger to my lips.

"No, it's not. This is just what family does. You may not realise that since you were practically raised by wolves," she half joked. Rose snorted.

"Charlie won't appreciate that remark," I grumbled but they ignored me.

"Face it, Bells. You're family now. Jazz and I are getting married as soon as we finish school and I'll bet you dollars to daisies that Rose and Em won't be too far behind." Alice giggled when Rose blushed but said nothing further on that subject.

I was just about to open my mouth and argue that I wasn't technically related to Rose and Jasper when someone knocked at the front door, cutting off my pessimism. When both girls acted as if they hadn't heard it I glared at them but stomped off to answer it anyway. Behind the glass panel I could make out the outline of a rather tall individual but it wasn't until I'd swung the door open could I tell who it was.

Edward stood on the front step with snow on his shoulders and in his hair looking like someone that just stepped off a winter wonderland photo shoot. When my favorite crooked grin lit up his face I nearly melted on the spot. We had spent some time together in the past few weeks but were never left alone for more than ten seconds. I couldn't tell if it was something the others were doing or if he had purposefully made sure he wouldn't be stuck with me after my monumental freak out at his house. He never talked about and consistently acted like it had never happened, but I was still suspicious.

"Bella," he said and shifted slightly.

"Edward," I replied and my face broke out in a smile. "You want to come in?"

"Yes, please. But first you may want to go out to your truck. Looks like Santa came early for you," he said with a little chuckle.

I stepped out the front door to look around him and just about fell on my face with shock. And horror. Shoved through the handle of the driver's side door were half a dozen white roses tied with a bright red ribbon. My stomach dropped down to my feet and I immediately stopped breathing. This couldn't be happening. I hadn't gotten a rose in weeks. Not since before Thanksgiving. I had kind of hoped I'd been imaging things. No such luck.

"Hey, Bella are you alright?" Worry creased Edward's perfect face but I couldn't answer him. I settled for rapidly shaking my head.

"You look really pale," he said, concern very evident now in his voice. "Why don't you go in and sit down."

"Yeah, ok," I managed to choke out before stumbling back into the house. I collapsed onto the sofa and took several deep breaths before I noticed that Edward wasn't there. Afraid that he might have left I started to get up again but he appeared in the doorway with the small bouquet a second later, a frown on his face.

"Do you need some water?" His voice was gentle but there was something off in his eyes. He looked upset about something. Before I could respond Rose and Alice chose that moment to reappear from upstairs. Her eyes zeroed in on the flowers before narrowing on Edward.

"It was you? You've been the one leaving her flowers?" Rose asked harshly. My eyes widened and something that felt oddly like…hope?...swelled up in my chest.

"Um, well, I left her one a few weeks ago," Edward stammered and combed his hand through his hair. He cast a nervous look in my direction. "And yeah, I left these on her truck just now."

"But…why?" My shock was clear on my face. He flushed a little and shrugged.

"Alice said they were your favorite, so I thought…" he trailed off and shrugged again, looking uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"They are, aren't they? That's what Jasper told me," she insisted with a nod.

"I still don't understand…" I started to say when Rose scoffed and rolled her eyes. "What?" I snapped.

"He likes you, Bella. Isn't it obvious?" Rose had that look that clearly said 'DUH!' Before I had a chance to respond she whirled around on him again.

"Leaving flowers is nice and all, but breaking and entering is taking it a step too far, wouldn't you say? You really freaked her out with the one you left on the bed," Rose chided him. Now it was Edward's turn to look shocked.

"I never left a rose on her bed! I wouldn't even know which room is hers!" He shot back, clearly annoyed now. This obviously wasn't how he saw things panning out. I felt badly for him. It was a sweet gesture, really.

"You didn't?" Rose's expression showed she clearly didn't believe him. His face hardened.

"NO." He said clearly and crossed his arms.

"Ok. Ok." She nodded and turned to Alice. "Come with me. We need to call your brother and tell him half of the mystery has been solved." Alice was clearly lost but followed her back upstairs anyway.

Edward and I remained in an uncomfortable silence until I plucked up the courage to stand up and cross the room to him. I reached out and took the roses before shuffling off into the kitchen to find a vase. He followed behind me silently and watched while I arranged them for a minute.

"Thank you," I finally murmured. "They are my favorite. I'm still not sure why you went to all the trouble, but thank you."

Edward sighed. "Is it so hard to believe a man would buy you flowers, Bella?"

I turned towards him but kept my eyes down while I answered him honestly, "Yes. The only man who'd ever given me anything was my ex. And it was usually after we'd…had a problem."

I cautiously raised my eye to his and saw when realisation dawned on him. It was quickly replaced with sadness and regret. He shook his head. I felt the need to reassure him somehow. I took two steps closer to him and took one of his hands in mine, twining our fingers together much the way he had after my freak out in his living room. He smiled a little.

"I really do appreciate the gesture," I told him honestly. In truth I was flying high. I couldn't believe a man like him would ever look cross eyed at me. And there he was buying me roses.

"I'm glad," he murmured and slid a step closer to me. We were so close I could feel the warmth of his body radiating off him. In fact my little tummy bump nearly touched him. I sighed and stepped back, reality crushing any fantasies I'd started forming into micro dust.

"We can't. I can't. I'm sorry," I mumbled and looked at the floor again. He sighed.

"I know you are getting over something right now. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out, Bella. But that doesn't mean you can't move on…with me. We can take things slowly, as slowly as you need. We can start just by spending some time alone together…as friends, if that makes you more comfortable," he added and dipped his head to try and meet my downcast gaze.

I shook my head despite his perfect words and assurances. If he knew the whole truth he wouldn't be interested at all. I prepared myself for the rejection I knew would come.

_Deep breath, Swan. Just rip off the band aid. _

"I'm pregnant," I blurted out and then mentally did a face palm. I could have done that much more elegantly. My eyes shot up to his, startled, when he laughed.

"Um, yeah, I kinda figured that out, too," he informed me with a little shrug. I was stunned.

"Then…what? You're just messing with me?" I immediately regretted my words when he first looked hurt and then offended.

"No, not at all. Shit, Bella, what kind of guy do you take me for?" He frowned and ran his hand through his hair again. I blushed and bit my lip. I'd more than deserved that.

"I'm sorry," I tried to explain. "I'm just not sure what you would see in me. I mean here I am, some schizoid head case, knocked up by her ex, and living with my friends. I'm not exactly a catch, Edward."

His frown deepened and he shook his head. "You don't see yourself very clearly."

My frown matched his. "I see myself just fine. I think it's you that needs to look more closely."

He looked like he was ready to argue for a minute but then shook his head again and laughed lowly. I arched an eyebrow at him in confusion. His moods were all over the place.

"Or maybe you need your head examined," I quipped, which just made him laugh harder.

"You would know," he shot back with a wicked glimmer in his eye. "Can you recommend a good shrink?"

If anyone else would have said it I might have been embarrassed or insulted, but something about the way he looked at me put me at ease and let me see the humor in our exchange. I stuck my tongue out at him and crossed my arms over my chest in mock indignation.

"Of course I do. Not that I'll tell you. I was absent the day they taught sharing in Kindergarten," I snickered.

"So was I," he countered with a grin, but it had taken on a wolfish aspect that made my knees weak. How this man could turn my bones to Jell-O with one look was disturbing to me. I felt the need to put some distance between us and stepped back again.

"I meant what I said, Edward. I can't date right now. As much as I might want to." I mentally slapped myself for tacking on that last bit. I needed to work on my brain-to-mouth filter. Instead of looking upset, Edward appeared encouraged by my declaration.

"I'm a patient man, Bella. And I was serious when I said we could start off just being friends," he said and took a step forward, his smile back to its normal, crookedness.

I sighed and shook my head. I had a feeling he couldn't be deterred, and despite my uncertainty as to why exactly that was I felt myself growing more used to the idea of Edward in my life.

"Just friends," I reiterated with an attempt at a stern look. His responding grin wiped it right off my face.

"Just friends," he agreed and reached out to take one of my hands. "But if you change your mind…"

I tried to ignore the fluttering in my stomach when his thumb traced circles over the top of my hand. "It could be a while."

"I have a feeling you are well worth the wait," he informed me and pulled my hand up to his lips, carefully brushing a kiss over my skin.

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**A/N: ::dreamy sigh:: Oh, Edward! You are determined, aren't you? Here's my bribe for reviews - a mistletoe moment for Edward and Bella, and I promise to make is a great one! Leave me some love xoxo**


	12. Chapter Eleven

**A/N: Thank you all so, so much for your reviews! I loved them and do my best to respond to them all. Sorry for the delay in updating but I have been sick and then dealt with sick kids so I wasn't in the right mindset to write. I have a ton of new readers for this story and for that I say HELLO and WELCOME! Now on with the show :-)**

**PS. Yes, I know it's only October and this is a Christmas chapter. I had to go with the timeline I started with. Deal. **

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Christmas morning was…interesting. I was woken up by a practically giddy Rosalie when she dragged me out of my nice, soft, warm bed so that I could help her make breakfast for the boys, Charlie included. Jake showed up with Billy around nine and before I even had a chance to catch my breath I was forced into the living room and pushed onto the sofa where, a deep green, velvet stocking dropped into my lap.

"It's Christmas, Bella! Smile a little!" Jake crowed as he dumped his stocking onto the floor in front of him and immediately began scarfing down the chocolates Rose and I had crammed in there last night before bed.

This was the big Swan, Hale, Black family Christmas. We'd done it every year with Jake and his dad since I was small and just naturally included Jasper and Rosalie the year they moved to Forks. We always got together for breakfast, did stockings and gifts, and then Jake and Billy went back to the reservation to spend Christmas dinner with some of their other friends and family.

"It's too damn early to smile," Charlie grumbled from his perch on the armchair across from me. I smiled. I got my morning personality from him.

"Of all the Charlie Brown's in the world, you're the Charlie Brownest," I quoted my favorite holiday cartoon to him with a big grin. As much as he tried not to smile back he wasn't able to contain it for too long.

I upended my stocking on my lap and squealed in delight when I saw all the goodies. It was the usual spread. Hair ties, silver earrings, a pretty little beaded bracelet made of amber that looked a little big for my wrist but way too small to be a necklace or choker. I held it up in question.

"They're teething beads. You know, for the baby," Rose said quietly.

I didn't know how to respond so all that came out was a breathy, "Oh."

"You didn't want stuff for the baby?" Charlie asked nervously. I looked up from the beads and saw that everyone regarded me somewhat warily. Something clicked in my head.

"Let me take a guess that there are more baby gifts for me under that tree?" I asked with a wry smile. Rose snorted next to me.

"Nothing compared to what's awaiting you at the Cullen's," she commented with a small wave. My jaw dropped.

"What? WHY?" I screeched. Jake made a show of screwing up his face and covered his ears. I made a conscious effort to tone it down.

"You're kidding, right Bella? For one, Esme is just about one of the most generous women I have ever met. Then add to it the fact that Emmett, Alice, and Edward all love you to pieces. Did you really think you'd get through Christmas without them going overboard?" Rose gave me her best 'are you stupid' look.

"But…I don't need anything from them. It's not like they…I'm not their…and Edward…" I had a hard time wrapping my brain around the constant kindness that seemed to flow from that family so effortlessly. With Esme I could see why she connected with me, even Alice wasn't too much of a surprise. But Emmett…and Edward, what was the deal with them? Weren't guys supposed to be oblivious to that kind of thing?

"Don't worry, Bells, there aren't too many here from us. I knew how crazy Alice and Esme had gone so I kept everyone here reined in," Jasper informed me with a wink. I relaxed a little.

"Well, before you start freaking out again I guess I should give you this," Charlie said gruffly as he rose from the chair. He moved around the twinkling tree and removed a giant box, setting it down right in front of me. The thing was at least half my height and twice my width.

"Is there a kid already in it?" I half joked while removing the paper. Charlie chuckled.

"If I said yes that would really freak you out, wouldn't it?" he joked.

I pulled the rest of the paper down and stared at the large box in shock. It was a car seat. And not just any car seat. It was a Britax Marathon 70 in Cowmooflage print. They were nearly $300. Alice and I had seen them when looking in a few of the boutiques that carried baby gear in Port Angeles. I'd instantly loved it but there was no way I could afford to spend that much on a car seat and still buy everything else I needed. Like food.

"Dad…I can't…it's too much," I half-heartedly objected while I shook my head in disbelief.

"Nonsense. It's the best one on the market and has the highest safety rating. My grandbaby will have the best," he grunted and then turned rather sheepishly back to his coffee. "Plus, Alice said you really liked it."

I was at a complete loss for words so I just flung myself into his lap, nearly knocking us both to the floor. Charlie caught me with a muffled 'oof!' but hugged me back tightly. I quickly scrambled back to my seat to try and avoid embarrassing him or myself any further. As it was we already wore matching red faces. At least we were festive.

The shrill ringing of the phone barely registered with me while I tore into more packages. I saw Rose leave the room for a moment before the ringing ceased and then return just as quickly. She and Charlie exchanged glances surreptitiously before diving back into their own gifts. I decided that I would just let it go and focus on the task at hand: undoing one of Jasper's impossible bows. If it was something I needed to know then one of them would fill me in later. I was determined to have a fun, happy, drama free Christmas.

Most of my presents were actually for me, but there were a few little things for baby Swan. Rose gave me a photo album and a pregnancy diary for me to jot down all the important milestones before he or she made an appearance. Jasper gave me a few baby books that looked downright hilarious, including one by this actress/comedienne that I was dying to read. Jake and Billy gave me a pair of dream catchers, one for me and one for baby. On top of that were a few sweaters, some CD's I wanted, and a gift certificate to a day spa in Seattle that specialised in pregnancy friendly treatments. I was a happy girl. Everyone else made out really well too. Charlie was so thrilled with his new fishing equipment that Rose, Jazz, and I painstakingly picked out that I thought he might start jumping up and down like a twelve year old girl. By noon we were packing up the cars with the gifts for the Cullen's and heading towards the second stage of our Christmas.

I was more than a little nervous. I had been back to the Cullen's house a few times since my humiliatingly epic melt down. Those visits had been innocuous and relatively relaxed but I still didn't feel one hundred percent comfortable there. Esme was great and Carlisle made me feel more normal than any other physician had before, but being around them as a family made me sad. It was a stark reminder of everything I never had. And I just knew that Christmas with them would be like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. I would be the awkward, out of place object that people normally didn't notice until it overshadowed something beautiful. I crossed my fingers as I pulled myself from Charlie's cruiser that I wouldn't do something horrible, like fall into their tree or drop the turkey. That would be just like me.

"Bella! Merry Christmas lovely girl!" Carlisle welcomed us as we stomped off excess snow on his front porch. "Charlie, welcome! We're so happy you could make it to celebrate with us."

"Thank you for the invitation, Carlisle. It was very generous of you and Esme to have us along for your family gathering," Charlie took the bags from my hands after shaking Carlisle's.

We stepped into the foyer to remove our boots and shoes and coats and scarves and gloves – I missed Arizona – while Jazz and Rose unloaded their cars as well. I gathered up a few bags to take into the living room when inexplicably I saw them disappear. My head snapped up to see Edward, donned with a Santa hat, hauling our gifts into the living room.

"Merry Christmas," he said from over his shoulder. "Follow me, please."

I wandered after him into the living room. It was just as I'd suspected. There I stood the tallest, most beautiful tree I had ever seen. It twinkled and sparkled in the streaming sunlight, mounds of presents tucked under its decorated boughs. A fire blazed away in the fireplace and stockings hung from the mantle. There were even ones for me and Charlie. My eyes welled. It was like a fairy tale.

"I know it looks like Christmas elves took over our house. I blame Alice," he stage whispered behind his hand and winked at me. I snickered and nodded. Just like that, he'd put me at ease. It was his unique Edward magic.

"It's really beautiful, Edward. Thank you all for including us," I murmured and played with the hem of my sweater. Our last meeting replayed in my mind and the back of my hand tingled where he had kissed me. I flushed and tried to think about something else. Just friends.

"I'm glad you both could make it," he said and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck nervously. "Is there anything else you need from the car?"

"No, we got it all thanks. Where's Esme? Could I help her in the kitchen?" I asked and started towards that part of the house. Edward chuckled and stepped in front of me with his hands up.

"Uh, yeah, she's in the kitchen and no, you can't help. In fact I've been given the order to keep you entertained and away from anything that resembles work for the rest of the day."

I frowned. "That doesn't seem very fair. I'm sure she's been slaving away in there all morning. Let me help." I tried to move around him but he blocked me again.

"She has been which is why Jazz and Alice are in there with her. Carlisle, Emmett, and I are supposed to be good hosts and keep you and Charlie happy. Now, can I get you something to drink? Eggnog maybe?" He offered with a hopeful smile. When I frowned again he came up and clasped his hands in front of me and ducked down to look me in the eye.

"Please, just let me do what she asks. It doesn't matter that I'm twenty two and a full grown man. That woman will put me over her knee like a naughty five year old if I let you do you anything besides relax. Take pity on me, woman! It's Christmas!" he mock begged. I laughed and pushed him away slightly.

"Fine. Eggnog sounds good. You might want to spike Charlie's though. He needs to relax a little." I grinned. Edward gave a salute before heading off to the kitchen.

I went and sat down on the couch and just stared at the tree. I was only alone for about three seconds before Charlie, Carlisle, and Emmet joined me. They were laughing loudly while Charlie regaled them with tales of the job. His latest bit of hilarity was a woman named Mrs Stanley who had locked her husband out of the house when she had received a gift that was meant to go to his mistress, a girl named Lauren who had gone to school with their daughter Jessica. It was very kinky lingerie that was about five sizes too small. Mrs Stanley was not amused and now Mr Stanley was sleeping at the little motel in Port Angeles. Sounded like a miserable way to spend the holidays to me. Not amusing at all. Probably because it was too close to some of the dramas I had experienced with Renee.

"Why so sour, Bells? Haven't you heard it's like a crime to be grumpy on Christmas?" Emmett nudged me with his shoulder and grinned widely at me.

"I'm not sour, I just don't find others' misery to be a source of entertainment," I informed him quietly and looked into the dancing flames across from us. Em nodded.

"Fair enough. Hey, I've got an idea," he said suddenly before turning to holler, "EDDIE!"

"Ow, that was my eardrum, Emmett," I scolded and rubbed my ear.

"Sorry," he snickered, not sounding sorry in the slightest.

"Yes, dear brother? You bellowed?" Edward said drily and handed out little glasses of eggnog.

"Play something for us, Eddie boy." Em rose from the couch and began to push Edward towards the music room. Carlisle and Charlie were too engrossed in their conversation but I followed quickly.

"Why? There's no one really listening but you two," Edward objected but even I could tell it was only half hearted.

"What? We're not enough of an audience for you?" Em feigned hurt and pouted. He looked like an overgrown toddler. It was adorable.

"Yeah, what's up with that, Cullen?" I challenged but couldn't contain my smile. "Do you need a royal presence or will you deign to play for us common folk?"

"There's nothing common about you," he said softly, looking only at me.

"Damn straight, baby brother and don't you ever forget it," Emmett interjected and then shoved Edward down on the bench. Then it was brother against brother in an epic glaring contest. I rolled my eyes at their childishness.

"I'd like to hear you play. Please?" I added and smiled my most winning smile at him. I giggled at little when he looked at me before sighing and hanging his head in defeat.

"What do you wanna hear?" he grumbled.

"Your call. Something Christmassy," I requested, truly not caring what he played. I just wanted to hear something that fit with the holiday.

He played a few chords of an intro before surprising me completely when he started to sing 'Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas'. His voice was soft and deep with a timbre that I felt vibrate through my bones. I was in complete awe of him. Never had I ever though a man to be so beautiful. As if by its own volition my hand found its way onto his shoulder. He swayed slightly as he played and sang and I unconsciously moved along with him. In that moment it was like everything that had led me here didn't exist. I was completely and utterly at peace, blissfully happy in my surroundings. As he finished his song I was brought back to reality by a strange fluttering in my belly. I gasped and my hands flew to cover my tiny bump.

"What? Are you alright?" Edward whirled around on the bench and stared at me with wide, alarmed eyes. I grinned as tears welled up again. Stupid hormones!

"Nothing. I think…the baby moved," I said through my stupid grin and ridiculous tears. He smiled back just as widely.

"That's great! Is it the first time you've felt that?" he asked with genuine interest. I nodded.

"I think he or she liked your music. It was really beautiful, Edward. Thank you so much." The words were insufficient for the moment he'd just given me but they would have to do.

"If that's the case then I'll just have to keep playing, but only if you sing along with me. I really don't like going solo," he smiled and turned back to the piano.

I don't know how long we stayed there singing carols but after a while we were joined by everyone else. It was like our merriment had drawn everyone else in the house. It was a true Norman Rockwell moment but unlike my previous fears I didn't feel out of place. I belonged here as much as Rose or Jasper. Even Charlie got into it all, singing loudly and slightly off key. I secretly wondered how much Rum Edward had slipped in his drink. After a particularly hilarious version of the Twelve Days of Christmas Esme let us know that dinner was ready to be brought to the table.

"We'll do gifts afterwards," Alice informed me while she practically bounced into the dining room. I contained my grimace, knowing full well that they had gone overboard on stuff for me and the baby. Carlisle must have read my mind and patted my shoulder sympathetically.

"Tip of the iceberg I'm afraid, Bella. Just wait until your baby shower," he whispered and then chuckled at my shocked expression.

_Baby shower?! Save me now. _

The food was beyond delicious and I made a point to tell them that after practically every mouthful. Charlie snickered when he saw me load up on thirds of stuffing and candied yams. Oh so yummy in their starchy goodness.

"What? The doctor said I needed to gain a few more pounds this trimester," I said defensively when he frowned at my drowning the stuffing in gravy.

"Don't you worry about anything, Bella. You just eat as much as you want," Esme said soothingly before shooting a death glare at my dad. I snickered when he practically cowered in his seat.

After two pieces of apple pie and one piece of pumpkin, I was officially stuffed. We all made our way back into the living room and gathered around the tree, boys on the floor, girls on the couches. It was very chivalrous.

If I thought my dad and friends had gone overboard with the gifts it was nothing compared to the spread from Alice and Esme. Not only had they practically outfitted me for the winter and coming spring with fashionable maternity clothes, but I was overloaded with 'practical' gifts from everyone else as well. Emmett had gotten me a digital camera to go with the photo album from Rose. From Carlisle I got a set of Aesop's fables along with the collector's edition of Jane Austin novels. But it was Edward's gift that took me by surprise. As I unwrapped the small black velvet box I felt nervous knots take over my stomach. I could tell it was jewellery before I'd even lifted the lid but what I saw inside took my breath away. Nestled in against a white satin cushion was an intricate silver pendant that hung from an elegant chain. It took me no time at all to figure out that the shapes made by the looping of the metals were representative of a parent and a baby. Their heads bowed towards each other while arms wrapped gracefully around them. It was simple and beautiful all the same time. I loved it, so of course I started crying.

"Oh, Edward. Thank you so, so much," I choked out around my tears while I desperately tried to scrub them off my cheeks.

"I'm glad you like it," he said quietly and shifted closer to me on the floor at my feet. I smiled and nodded vigorously to show that even threw my stupid tears I really, truly appreciated his gift.

"Well, that's just about everything," Charlie suddenly clapped from near the hearth and rose to his feet, stretching hugely.

"Actually, Charlie we have one more present for Bella," Carlisle said and gave him a knowing look. Charlie smirked and nodded before following Emmett out of the room.

"You guys really have done too much. I don't need anything else, honest," I objected from my seat but Alice just waved me off.

"Pfft. Please, Bella. This is nothing. Just wait until…" she started when I cut her off.

"Yeah, yeah, the baby shower, I know," I grumbled and covered my face with my hands. Rose snickered next to me and put her arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a hug.

"I know, you poor put upon child. It sucks to be loved so damn much." She patted the top of my head in mock sympathy. I sat up and glared at her.

"You'll have to excuse her, Esme. Bella's always been allergic to kindness. It makes her break out in hives," Rose snarked.

"You're just not used to it yet, but you will be," she regarded me with a kind smile. I smiled back despite the argument forming in my head. They were just trying to be nice. It wasn't that bad.

"Damn this thing is heavy," Emmett grumbled and brought in a box that easily put Charlie's to shame from this morning. My jaw dropped.

"What the hell did you get me?" I spluttered before reigning in my attitude.

"Well, it's for the baby really, but for you as well," Carlisle explained while I tried to figure out where to start.

"Just rip it open already," Emmett shouted excitedly. I snickered in spite of myself and began tearing the paper in front of me. It took three seconds before I'd uncovered enough to know what they'd done. Then I froze before removing the rest hurriedly.

It was a solid cherry sleigh crib. The brand was one I didn't recognise but I could tell just by the pictures that it was expensive. I'd priced a few up recently and the cheapest one I'd found was over $400. This one was easily twice that price. I felt my heart stop as my fingers delicately traced the image on the box.

"Um, wow," I gasped. I couldn't make my brain work well enough to add anything else. Charlie whistled lowly from across the room.

"You're right, Esme. It's perfect. I'm glad I let you pick it out," he said in a quiet voice.

"Do you like it?" Alice asked carefully. I still couldn't talk so I just nodded. She squealed and clapped her hands while everyone else just chuckled at my dumbfounded expression.

"I tried to warn you. Just go with it," Rose leaned over and whispered quietly in my ear. Still out of words I continued to nod like an idiot.  
"Why don't I give you a hand loading up all Bella's loot, Chief?" Jasper offered. Emmett followed with my new crib after Jazz and Charlie gathered up armfuls of presents. Carlisle brought up the rear and looked over his shoulder before exiting.

"Edward, make sure Bella gets the containers of leftovers your mom wrapped up for her," he instructed with a smile.

"I'm going to put all this other stuff away. Thank you for the picture frame, Bella. It's lovely," Esme leaned over and kissed the crown of my head before leaving the room with her gifts. Alice and Rose began to gather up wrapping paper but before I could scoot down onto the floor to help them a hand appeared in front of my face.

"Don't even think about it," Edward scolded with an easy smile. "Why don't you come to the kitchen with me and pick out any extras you might want."

I took his proffered hand and let him lead me through the house without letting go. His hands were soft and warm, nothing like any other guy I had been around. It was nice, comforting. I tried not to think any deeper than that when our fingers stayed interlocked even after entering the kitchen. Edward placed the numerous containers in plastic bags and started off towards the front door. As I fiddled with my boots and coat Alice came back in from saying her goodbye on the front porch.

"Ohhhhh! You're under the mistletoe! You know what that means," she said slyly and then shoved Edward towards me so hard he nearly knocked me over.

"Geez, Alice, take it easy!" Edward snapped and then flushed bright red. I think we matched.

"Sorry, big brother. I'll just give you a moment _alone_," she exaggerated the last word and waggled her eyebrows suggestively before darting up the stairs.

"Sorry about her," he mumbled and went to pick up the bags he'd dropped. "She doesn't know that she embarrasses people when she opens her mouth. I'll talk to her about behaving in the future…"

His voice cut out when I unexpectedly stepped forward, placed my hands on his chest, and brushed a light kiss on his cheek. He stood there, stunned further when I slid my hands up around his shoulders and hugged him. It took him a full minute to drop the bags and wrap his arms around my waist, hugging me tightly against him.

"Thank you so much for everything, Edward. Merry Christmas," I whispered to him.

"Merry Christmas," he replied and gave me one last squeeze before I stepped around him and trudged off to Charlie's waiting cruiser.

Once everything was packed away in the back and we'd pulled away I let the smile I'd held in overtake my face. Charlie, of course, noticed right away and cast me a suspicious sidelong look.

"Did you have a good time?" he asked simply.

"The best." My grin lasted right up until New Years.

I stayed on my Christmas high for the first two weeks of January. We kept the tree up because it was Jasper's birthday on the 8th and he and Rose always kept it up to celebrate. It was their tradition. I thought it was nice.

By the time my next ultrasound rolled around on the 18th I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I had a more defined bump that seemed to have appeared overnight and I could feel the baby moving all the time. No one else could yet while touching my tummy but I knew it was only a matter of weeks before that changed. I'd done a ton of reading over the past weeks and had started to feel somewhat more knowledgeable about my upcoming parenthood.

My knees bounced the whole way to the doctor's office. Charlie had to keep asking me to sit still, but there was no way I could oblige. Today was the day we would try to see what I was having. Charlie kept cracking jokes that I seriously didn't appreciate.

"C'mon kid, you know it's either one or the other. It's not like they're going to say 'congratulations, it's a chicken!'" He snickered at my disgruntled look.

"Aren't you supposed to be the grown up here?" I shot back in annoyance.

"You've always been far more grown up than me, Bells." He looked at me knowingly before going back to the sports magazine he held. I huffed out a sigh and crossed my arms.

"Bella?" the nurse called with a smile. I practically shot out of my seat. Charlie chuckled again and followed behind me.

I made myself comfortable on the table in the exam room while Charlie studiously stayed up by my head. He'd left during the physical exams but wanted to be there for the scans. I almost reached for his hand but thought better of it. He wasn't the affectionate type and I didn't want to make him all squirmy.

"So, let's see how everything is progressing," Dr Harrison said with a big smile while squirting that blue goo on me she used for ultrasounds. She moved the wand around and took several measurements, commenting on how each one was good and healthy and in the normal range. I started to fidget a little, which she immediately noticed.

"Do you need to use the little girl's room?" She asked in her grandmotherly voice. I bit my lip and shook my head.

"Um, no. I just wanted to know…if you could tell what I'm having." It came out like a question.

"Sure, we can have a look for you. I was just about to get there," she assured me with a wink. A few more movements of the wand and different angles filled the screen above us. I couldn't make heads or tails of it but apparently she could because she beamed at me.

"Congratulations, Bella…"

The rest of the appointment went by in a blur as did the ride home. My head swam with images of myself and my little one, one after another like snapshots. I'd done this for the past two months but now I could actually picture a specific gender instead of switching back and forth between them. Charlie, to his credit, didn't interrupt my thoughts the whole way. It was a good thing, too. I didn't think I'd have been able to contain my emotions too much longer and kind of hoped I'd have Rose to blubber with.

They were all waiting for me, and I mean _all_ of them. Edward, Rose, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice sat around the living room with expectant smiles. I tried to keep my cool when I sat down on one of the chairs, being as nonchalant as I could manage. I don't think anyone was fooled.

"Well?" Alice shouted while I slowly removed my shoes. I bit back a smile.

"Everything looks good. The measurements are good, I'm finally gaining weight, and the due date is still June 8th." I gave her all the information except what she really wanted.

"That's great, Bella!" Jasper exclaimed happily. Emmett nodded and grinned at me. I couldn't help but smile back not only at him but the clear exasperation on the girls' faces. Charlie chuckled behind me.

"UGH! You're killing me, Swan! Just tell us already! Boy or girl?" Rose shouted and fisted her hands in her hair. I erupted in giggles as tears began spilling down my cheeks.

"It's a girl," I barely managed to choke out before she and Alice screamed so loud the guys all covered their ears. The launched off the couch and pulled me up into a bouncing, shrieking group hug. Soon we were all laughing and crying and hugging like a big girlie mess. The guys looked at us in clear confusion but laughed at our antics. I didn't care. I was over the moon.

There were rounds of congratulations from everyone before Rose and Alice began planning their next shopping excursion to buy everything pink they could get their hands on in the local baby boutiques. I eventually made my way to the kitchen to make a reservation at the Italian restaurant in Port Angeles where Carlisle and Esme were being told to meet us all to celebrate. While digging around the phone book I heard the sound of approaching footsteps.

"I'm very happy for you, Bella," Edward said sweetly and smiled. He reached forward and tucked some hair behind my ear.

"Thank you. I would have been just as happy if it was a boy, but deep down I really wanted a girl. I can't explain why. Maybe because I want to prove I can do a better job as a single mother raising a daughter than my mother did." I stopped speaking when I realised I'd said too much.

"You're going to be an excellent mother, don't ever doubt that. I know I haven't known you that long but even I can see that," he assured me with a serious nod. I instantly relaxed, grateful for the way he'd smoothed over my verbal blunder.

"Thank you." I took a step towards him and bit my lip. I wanted to hug him again but didn't know if that would be appropriate 'friend' behavior. I already overstepped with my holiday antics, which I blamed on a combination of mistletoe and pregnancy hormones run amuck. He must have seen the hesitancy in my eyes because suddenly he was there and I was wrapped up in his arms. I sighed and closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth and comfort that just seemed to radiate from him.

"Ahem," a throat cleared in the doorway and made me jump back. Edward moved much more slowly but still released me.

Charlie stood there with a deep frown on his face. I flushed scarlet and started mumbling something about finding my shoes before darting out of the kitchen as quickly as my swollen body would allow me to move. I overheard the tones of a quiet and strained conversation behind me but was far enough away that I couldn't make out specific words. By the time they emerged to join the rest of us both were quiet and calm. I did what I could to stifle my curiosity while we all drove to dinner. It was quite the challenge.

Then my cell phone rang.

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**A/N: Dun Dun Duuuuuun! You know I couldn't keep it all fluffy and light forever. Who do you think is calling? And who enjoyed the mistletoe moment? Say it with me now; awwwwwwwwwwwww! **

**So here's a little contest for you all. I need a name for baby Swan and am open to suggestions. I've had a few already from one reviewer since she was given the heads up on the gender due to her awesome reviewing (squeeee!). So give me your name picks and the reason WHY I should use it (cause I said so is NOT a reason :-) ). I will give a shout out to the namer when it's announced in the future chapters. Thanks for reading, now go REVIEW xoxo**


	13. Chapter Twelve

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. I have to admitt I am a little disappointed though. No name suggestions? REALLY? So sad :-( **

**Anyway - WARNING! for this chapter. It contains sexual violence and abuse. Please read with caution. **

* * *

"Put James on the phone," the voice on the other end commanded. It took me a full minute to figure out who it was. I walked back into the kitchen, very aware that Edward had followed me.

"Vic?" I couldn't believe she'd called me. I needed to get my number unlisted for my cell if I hoped to avoid any more unsolicited calls.

She sighed heavily. "Who the fuck else would it be? Now put that lying, no good, cheap-ass son of a bitch on the goddamn phone, Bella! I haven't gotten my checks in months and Nate needs shit!"

I was beyond confused. So James hadn't paid his child support, what the hell else is new? That's why I used to pay it. Plus it kept his ass out of jail which meant he wouldn't lose yet another job, but that's beside the point. Why would she be calling me to find him?

"He's not here, Vic," I said as calmly as I could. I knew she was pissed that he hadn't paid her in a while but she had no reason to be such a bitch to me.

"The hell he isn't, Bella! Now put him of the fucking phone! I mean it!" she screeched. I'd had just about enough.

"Yell at me again and I'll fucking hang up, got it? Now, he's not here. I'm not even in Arizona anymore. Why don't you call his house or his cell?" I was just about to disconnect when I heard her laugh.

"I know you're in Washington. He told me back in September that you two decided to move up there so you could get better jobs or whatever. That doesn't mean he gets to slack off on his parental responsibilities," she snapped.

I froze. "He…said he moved here…with me?"

"Uh, yeah? Wait…why do you sound so fucking surprised?" her voice quietened a little but lost none of its bite.

"I'm here alone, Vic. I left him. I left him months ago," I repeated myself but I wasn't sure for whose benefit.

"What'd he do, fuck another ex?" she snorted derisively and I bristled at the reminder of just how many times he'd been unfaithful with her.

"None of you damn business," I hissed. "Now, you know he's not here, he's definitely not with me, and I can tell you I haven't fucking seen him since I left in September. Track him down your damn self and leave me the hell alone!"

I disconnected and threw the phone onto the kitchen table. It was then I remembered that I hadn't been alone for that phone call. I turned slowly and saw Edward leaned casually against the counter, arms folded across his chest and a deep frown on his face.

"Sorry about that," I muttered, unsure of what else to say. He must think I was some sort of walking disaster, what with all the drama I'd exposed him to in just a matter of months.

"Who was that? A…friend from Arizona?" he hedged, voice tight.

I shook my head. "No way. She's James' ex-girlfriend."

Hi frown deepened with added confusion. "Why would she be calling you?"

"She was looking for him. Apparently he hasn't paid his child support in a while and told her that he'd moved up here with me. She thought she'd give him a friendly reminder that she could throw his ass back in jail if the checks didn't resume." I grimaced.

"Wait…he's gotten another girl pregnant before? And isn't taking care of the kid?" he sounded disgusted and appalled. I didn't blame him.

"Uh, yeah. They had a son during senior year of high school. He's almost three." I fidgeted with the hem of shirt and looked at the floor. I knew how stupid he must think me, getting involved with someone like that. He wasn't the first one.

Edward said nothing, just shook his head and sighed. Then he rearranged his features to a less disgruntled look and motioned for me to leave the kitchen.

"Dinner?" he inquired and gave me a half smile. I couldn't manage even that in return so I just nodded and walked out to find dad.

I did everything I could to put the unpleasant call with Victoria out of my mind for the next few days but it was still with me when I made it to my next appointment with Carmen. She immediately noticed that something was different with me but waited for me to bring it all up.

"You said there were a few things that you wanted to discuss today? After the good news of your daughter, that is," she asked after briefly checking in with me on the past week's events.

"Um, yeah," I grinned when she mentioned the baby. I did that a lot nowadays. It felt good if not a little strange to be so ridiculously happy.

"I got a phone call last week from Victoria," I started.

"Is this the woman who has a son by James?" she checked. I nodded and then continued.

"She was looking for him. I guess he didn't resume child support payments after I left. And…" I hesitated. I still hadn't figured out what the next part meant, only that is made me nervous.

"And?" she prompted.

"She said that he told her he'd moved up here with me. That she hadn't seen him in months." I began to pinch the fleshy part of my hand beneath my thumb. It was a nervous habit I'd picked up as a child.

Carmen sat back and regarded me carefully before simply saying, "I see."

"I'm not sure what to make of that. What if he's really up here? What if he'll never let me go like he always said? What if…" I started to hyperventilate when Carmen reached over and squeezed my hand gently.

"Breathe, Bella. Remember, your baby girl needs oxygen," she reminded me with a small smile. When I had sufficiently calmed down her brow furrowed ever so slightly and she leaned forward a bit more.

"We can discuss what it might mean for you if in fact James is really here in Washington. But first I would like you to explain to me what you meant when you said that he'd never let you go." Her face was serious but open, like it always was whenever we discussed something that may be painful or scary for me.

I took a deep breath and nodded. This was not a memory I ever wanted to dwell on again, although it had been haunting my dreams for some time now.

"First I should explain some of James' more…unusual requests," I stuttered and blushed crimson. I hated talking about this stuff. It was mortifying. Carmen said nothing and simply nodded.

"He had this requirement that I sleep…slept…naked," I muttered.

"Okay," Carmen commented and nodded. She commonly did something like that to show she was listening and wanted me to continue. So I did.

"He said it was because he liked the skin on skin contact, no barriers. He said it made him feel closer to me. At first I thought it was really sweet and I had no objections. It was a little uncomfortable since I wasn't used to it but I adjusted." I shrugged.

"Alright," she nodded again. She could tell there was more and was giving me space to get to it at my own pace. She'd explained that to me once. I appreciated that she wasn't rushing me.

"There were times though, when I wanted pyjamas. Like in the winter or when I was sick. Or when he would have friends spend the night." I shuddered at that memory.

"And he wouldn't permit them?" her question was more of a statement the way it was intoned but I shook my head anyway.

"There was one night in particular that he…he let me know exactly how he felt about it." I hung my head and got lost in the memory.

_It was freezing. People always thought that Arizona was warm year round but that couldn't be farther from the truth. It was a freaking desert which meant our nights got pretty cold. Combine that with the fact that our shitty little house wasn't properly insulated and had tiled floors, it was almost cold enough to see my breath in the bedroom. The tiny space heater wasn't doing enough on this miserable February night and I lay huddled under a mountain of blankets. My flannel pyjama pants were snuggly but my thin wife beater offered little cover or warmth. _

_It was a little past midnight when I heard the front door close and the deadbolt squeaked into place. I shivered again but was thankful he was home. I could use his body heat to keep from turning blue. I sat up and waited for him with a little smile. It faltered when the door slammed open and he stomped into the bedroom. _

"_Hey," I said softly and felt my forehead crease in concern. _

"_Hey yourself," he grunted and kicked off his work boots and peeled off his coat. _

"_Bad day?" I asked and hoped he'd say no. He didn't. _

"_You have no fucking idea," he grumbled. _

"_What happened?" I asked. I genuinely hoped it wasn't anything too dire and that I might be able to fix it by being sweet to him. That sometimes worked. _

"_I don't want to talk about it right now," he bit out and began stripping off his clothes to join me in bed. _

_When he removed his shirt I couldn't contain my gasp. There were deep scratches down one side of his back and a few bruises on his upper arms. I was up and out of the bed before I could blink._

"_Holy shit! What the hell happened to you?!" I reached for one of his arms but he forcefully yanked it out of my reach. _

"_Fucking leave it, Bella," he warned. I stupidly ignored him. He was hurt! There was no way I'd let that go. _

"_Just tell me what happened. Was it at work? Did you run into someone with a weapon or something?" _

_He'd been working as a security guard at this old, boarded up mental hospital about an hour away. They'd had trouble with teenagers coming there to do séances or get high on the roof. The kids weren't always armed but some of the weapons James brought home that he'd confiscated were downright terrifying. Bats reinforced with nails and duct tape, machetes, hunting knives. It scared the shit out of me every time he came home with another story and matching weapon. But upon closer examination I saw there was uniformity to the scratches on his back. They looked like they were left by fingernails. Dread pooled heavy like cement in my stomach. _

"_I said leave it!" he shouted and shoved me away. I stumbled back a little and stared at him numbly. The last time there'd been nail marks on him like that he'd been with Victoria. Anger bubbled up in me and mixed with the dread, momentarily overpowering it and anything else I felt. _

"_Tell me," I demanded lowly. His eyes narrowed dangerously but I didn't back down. Not this time. _

"_Tell me!" my voice whipped out again._

_It happened very quickly. One minute I was standing a foot away from him by the bed, the next I was up against the door behind him. He had a handful of my top and held me up off the ground, almost at eye level with him. His hot breath stunk of tobacco and something else that I didn't want to identify. Because I already knew what it was. It made my stomach roll and it brought tears to my eyes. _

_He stared at me for a few minutes but I refused to back down or let my tears fall. When I glared back at him and opened my mouth to ask again what had happened he slammed me into the door with such force I briefly saw stars. But I still didn't back down. _

"_Take your hands off me," I ground out from between clenched teeth. He gripped me tighter._

"_You never fucking listen, do you?" he whispered and slammed me again._

"_LET GO!" I yelled in his face at the top of my lungs. His eyes widened in surprise for a second before darkening again. _

"_I'm done! I'M SO DONE!" I shouted and tried to wriggle free. He sneered at me and brought his other hand up to still me. _

"_You're done? YOU'RE FUCKING DONE?!" he barked and shook me so hard my teeth rattled. _

_It was then that fear became the dominating emotion. My need to survive kicked in and I shut my mouth. He was past the point of no return. I would just have to ride it out tonight. I closed my eyes and waited for the blows to begin. They flew open again when I heard fabric rip and felt cool again against my chest and stomach. He'd shredded my top and threw it to the floor. _

"_I thought I'd made my feelings on this shit perfectly clear. No –" he tore my pants off – "fucking" – underwear ripped from my body – "clothes!"_

_I was spun around and shoved roughly into the corner between the wall and the door. He pushed the back of my head so that my face was wedged tightly into the small space. I struggled against him and tried to steady my rapid breaths when I heard the unmistakable rustle of clothing being removed behind me. There was a small part of me that claimed over and over that he'd never force himself on me, but an even louder, more insistent part that screamed for me to do something to stop him. Especially when I felt his naked body press up against me from behind, his hard member against my lower back as evidence of what he might do. I panicked and pushed against him._

"_You're done, huh? Really, Angel? Let me tell you something," he whispered harshly into my hair while I whimpered and tried to escape. He slammed me against the wall again and I stifled a cry of pain. _

"_You're mine and I'll never let you go. I'm not fucking done with you yet," he seethed and kissed my neck while a hand coiled around my throat. I tried to scream at him to stop but it cut off with a gurgle when he tightened his hand slightly. _

"_And another thing," he said while forcing his knee between my legs to separate them. "If you ever try to make yourself unavailable to me again with those fucking pyjamas I will shred every last pair. And that's after I give you a night you'll never forget." His other hand worked its way between my thighs and grabbed my sex roughly. _

_I shuddered and swallowed down my sobs. Then I nodded. I knew what he wanted. And I would give it to him. Anything to make him stop. _

When I stopped talking I looked up again at Carmen. She had paled slightly but her face was carefully controlled. There was something burning in her eyes that I didn't understand. It looked like anger.

"I have a better understanding of why you're so afraid now, Bella. I knew a little from what we'd talked about before, but this helps me get a clearer picture of what you are worried about if he were to suddenly return," she said tightly.

"I really hoped it was just one of those things he'd said in the heat of the moment and that he hadn't meant it. But after the roses started appearing and we never did find out who left the one of my bed…" I trailed off and gnawed on my lip worriedly.

"The phone calls you received from him, weren't they from Arizona?" she asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Not sure. We didn't have caller ID until after the last one I got from him." I shrugged.

"Hmmm." She nodded once but looked concerned. "Do you have any safety measures in place in the event that he should make an appearance?"

"Well, I've told Emmett Cullen about everything. He's a police officer working with my dad and he's dating Rose," I said.

"And you still live with Rosalie and Jasper?" she checked with raised eyebrows. I nodded. "Ok, I would also recommend that you not spend any time alone until you can verify his whereabouts."

"And how am I supposed to do that?" I didn't have the slightest clue how to go about finding where he was.

"Well, I was thinking of having someone call around to all his contacts in Arizona and see when the last time anyone has seen him," she suggested.

"What kind of sense does it make for me to go looking for him if I want him to stay away from me? He'll just get the wrong idea if I go calling everyone to find him. That might even make him convinced he has to come get me!" I frowned and pinched my hand again. Talking about this made me nervous.

"I wasn't suggesting that you contact anyone, Bella. Quite the opposite. You maintain your distance at all times, just like you have been. I thought maybe your father or Emmett could inquire as to his whereabouts. It might be easier since you've said that Victoria has a tendency to involve the family courts when she doesn't get her child support. There might already be a bench warrant out for him in Arizona." Her logic made perfect sense and I relaxed.

"Okay, I guess I could have Emmett do that. I'd rather leave my dad out of it. He gets a little angry at the mention of James."

"From what you've told me about him I can't say I blame the man," Carmen muttered and then looked at me with a half smile. I nodded in agreement.

"Was that all you wanted to discuss today? You said there were a few things?" she expertly shifted the focus away from the unpleasantness. I was grateful.

"Yeah, there's this…guy," I breathed and flushed again when I thought of Edward. I couldn't tell if my hot flashes were because of him or from the pregnancy hormones. Either way, they were going kill me.

"Really? A new romantic interest?" Her eyebrows quirked up and she smiled.

"Well, sort of. I do like him and I'm pretty sure it's mutual," I said and bit my lip.

"But?" Carmen hedged.

"Uh, hello!" I gestured to my bulging belly. She laughed and nodded.

"So the problem is that you don't want to get involved with someone while you're pregnant?" she asked with a wide smile.

"Yes…and no. That's not all of it. I just…I don't really know him that well and I am still trying to get over what James…and I'm just getting settled here and would hate to have to run again if it turned out badly. I don't really have anywhere else to go if…" I trailed off and bit my lip again. Carmen nodded understandingly.

"You're afraid to get close to someone else right now because of how your last relationship turned out and you're trying to focus on getting your life into order before the baby comes. Plus, you will need to put all your time and energy into your daughter when she gets here. Did I miss anything?" she asked with a knowing smile. I smiled back and shook my head. She was dead on.

"Alright. Have you told…" she looked expectantly at me.

"Edward," I mumbled. Her eyebrows shot up and her smile widened but she made no comment.

"Have you told Edward that you aren't ready for a relationship right now?"

"Yes. He was really great about it. He said we could just be friends right now. He said…" I stopped and flushed deeply as my heart fluttered in my chest while I remembered the moment in my kitchen.

"He said?" she pushed.

"That he would wait for me," I finished quietly but couldn't keep the face splitting grin from appearing. Carmen chuckled and shook her head.

"And you're surprised by that?" Once again I was taken aback by how well she could read me. I briefly wondered if that was just a gift she had or if I was that transparent with everyone. I hoped it wasn't the latter.

"Of course I am! I mean, have you seen him?" I asked sarcastically. She laughed again and nodded.

"Yes, he is a very attractive young man. But so are you, Bella," she commented kindly. I shook my head in disbelief.

"I look like a small hippo. And since when do men find stupid girls who get knocked up by their dickhead of an ex, attractive?" My voice sounded slightly bitter but she didn't address that.

"You look like a woman who's having a baby. And in all actuality, you are quite small for over five months pregnant. But I can tell you how much healthier you have become in the last few months, Bella. You radiate beauty, life, and joy so brightly sometimes that it's almost blinding."

Her words made my heart clench and tears spring to my eyes. It was a common reaction nowadays. She silently offered me a small box of Kleenex.

"Stupid pregnancy hormones," I grumbled while I wiped my eyes. She nodded but smiled.

"You have come far, Bella but you know you have a ways to go yet. I think it's very wise and mature of you to know yourself well enough to make the call to just be friends right now with Edward. And I know him well, he will respect your decision for as long as you remind him," she snickered when I rolled my eyes.

"But I will tell you this, also. If you should choose to pursue a romantic relationship with Edward, or any man for that matter, while you are still pregnant or after your daughter is born, that is your choice. There is nothing wrong with moving on to a healthy, respectful man. Just make sure you get to know him first and have clear boundaries set for yourself. You don't have to deny yourself love to be a good mother." Her words were kind and wise and I found an immense amount of comfort in them.

"Now, before I let you go for the week, I wanted to say to two things. One is that I can guarantee that Edward Cullen is a good man who would never put his hands on a woman out of anger or any other form of aggression. I've known his family for a long time and watched him grow up, so I can tell you with certainty that the fears you have of being physically hurt by another man would be unfounded if you chose to date Edward. Alright?" she asked with a soft expression.

"Alright. Thank you," I murmured.

"The second is more of a question, and a rather nosy one at that?" Her eyes sparkled and she smiled carefully.

"Okay," I drew the word out a little and waited.

"What are you going to name your daughter?"

"I'm not sure yet. I was thinking a few things but haven't made any decisions. Lillian is Rose's middle name and I like Lily, so maybe…" I trailed off when he face became a little uncertain. "What? Flower names are bad?"

"No, no, Lily is beautiful and whatever you chose to call her with be wonderful. I was more curious about the baby's last name. Will it be Hunter or Swan?" she questioned softly. I sat back a little as her hesitancy now made sense.

"Swan," I answered with finality. "James will have no part in my daughter. I don't even want him to know I'm having her. He's not interested in his son except when he wants something from Vic. There's no way I'd expose her to that."

I rubbed my hands over the swell of my stomach and hugged it tightly. I would do everything in my power to make sure this little girl was nothing but loved and cherished, that her life was full of happiness and laughter. No pain, no tears, no fear. Not for my little one.

"Good." She nodded.

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**A/N: So I've decided to implement a new incentive. I want to start rec'ing stories here but I want ones that maybe haven't received their dues. So if you are an author I propose a trade. You review for me and tell me the name of your fic, and I'll go read and review for you! I will also rec the ones that I think are spectacular! Be warned though, I give honest feedback but I always try to say something nice :-) I don't believe in being mean to writers. **

**And I know there's something missing from this chapter that I said would be there (to those that reviewed and got a preview) but it just would have made the chapter too long, so that's where we'll start off Chapter 13! I swear :-)**

**Thanks for reading!**


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**A/N: Ok, so I know it's been like three weeks, but my life has been INSANE. As a bonus, I gave you a longer chapter :-) Thanks to everyone who reviews, fav's, and follows this story. I know it's a little slow going at the moment but it's about to pick up the pace. Stay with me people!**

**This chapter was not rechecked for spelling/grammar errors, so let me know if there are any and I will fix them. Thanks!**

* * *

"Bells? You here?" Jake's voice carried through the house into the kitchen from the open front door.

"Yeah, in here," I called back before giving a weak smile to Em and Rose.

We were seated at the kitchen table waiting for dinner to arrive and had been discussing some rather disturbing details that Emmett had managed to unearth in the past two weeks. As arranged with Carmen, I asked Em to do a little digging into James' whereabouts. Victoria's phone call had really rattled me and I didn't want him unexpectedly showing up on the front step one day. He didn't even know I was pregnant but seeing my ever burgeoning belly might just clue him in.

Jake walked in and took his place behind me, his hands lightly massaging the acute tension in my shoulders. Emmett's news had been so far from good I'd called Jake for backup and moral support. He was like the big, younger brother I'd never known I wanted. He was my rock and just had a way of keeping me from freaking out.

"What'd I miss?" he asked and kissed the crown of my head.

"James hasn't been seen in Arizona since October. He just up and disappeared. Oh, but at the same time he took off his friend's car was stolen and the dude's fifteen year old sister is also missing," Emmett informed him with a sour look. I was sure my expression matched.

It was Riley's Camaro he had stolen, just as I'd feared he would do right when I'd left him. And Riley's little sister, Bree, had always been sweet on him so it didn't surprise me that he'd managed to get her to come along for the ride. Ew. But it was the other stuff that really bugged me.

"Tell him the rest of it," Rose grumbled as if reading my mind.

Em grimaced. "Yeah, I ran a search for his names through the system and found that he and the car had been spotted in California, Utah, and just last week in Seattle."

That was the part that had me all kinds of freaked out. Seattle was…close. Too close. I rubbed my belly in slow, soft movements intended to soothe. Whether it was for me or her I hadn't decided when Jake started massaging me a little too hard. I stopped circling my bulge and reached up to still his massive hands.

"Easy there, babe. I'm a tiny little woman," I teased. His hands immediately stilled and he murmured a quiet apology.

"So, how do we proceed from here?" Rose was all business. Bless her and her controlling ways.

"I know you aren't going to like this little B, but I already talked to Charlie." Through my rising anger I found it slightly amusing to see a man of Em's size cower from little old me.

"It was necessary, Bella," Rose placated with a soft tone and hard stare. I couldn't in my right mind disagree with her.

"What did he have to say?" I huffed out and crossed my arms.

"We're going to ask that you let someone know where you are at all times and what time you are expected back. If you are more than fifteen minutes late for anything we are calling in the cavalry." Emmett's face was serious. It was an odd expression for him to wear, law enforcement or not.

"I also think you should check in every few hours when you are at that lady's house," Jake chimed in.

"Naomi," I auto corrected him. Calling her 'that lady' was slightly disrespectful to me. She has a name.

"Yeah, her. Call me or Rose or someone for like a minute. And I mean call, not text. Anyone can get a hold of your phone and text someone. Oh, and we should have like a code word or something in case you're in trouble and can't just come out and say it." Jake was getting a bit excited. I could tell he was actually enjoying this a little. I frowned.

"No, I think he's right, Bells. The code word thing sounds ridiculous but it makes sense," Em backed him up when I rolled my eyes.

"It's gotta be something that could go into any conversation without notice," Rose contributed, her face set in concentration.

"Oh, how about 'funky town'?" Jake asked with a little too much enthusiasm. He was met with three incredulous stares.

"What? I saw it in this show. I thought it was cool," he defended.

"No. Pick something else," I grumbled. This was getting absurd. Check-ins and code words. I wasn't five.

_They're just trying to keep you two safe. Remember, it's not just about you anymore, Swan._

I frowned at my inner voice and studiously tried to ignore her. She was always such a pushy broad. And right. I hated that.

"What about if you say you're feeling sick? It works with the whole pregnancy thing," Rose suggested and gestured towards my rounded tummy. I rubbed it again.

"Yeah, ok. Do I have to use those words exactly? I'm feeling sick?" I checked. It wasn't too complicated but I hoped I remembered to change it around if all that was wrong was my feeling a little unwell. I'd hate for everyone to show up, guns blazing, if all I had was a tummy ache. That would be embarrassing.

"Yes, those words. I feel sick. Sounds good." Emmett nodded with some finality and noted it down in a little pad he always carried on him.

My cell made a little noise to let me know I had a text. While the others continued to talk about who would take what call time from me I checked my phone.

_**Can you come out to play tonight? ~ E**_

I couldn't contain my face splitting grin and texted my reply.

_**Maybe. What did you have in mind? ~ B**_

_** Dinner. Maybe a movie? ~ E**_

_** That sounds suspiciously like a date, Mr Cullen. What happened to just friends? ~ B**_

_** Friends can eat together. Besides, you're eating for two. Call it advanced childcare. ~ E**_

_** And the movie? ~ B**_

_** We can see a chick flick. I won't grope you, I swear ;-) ~ E**_

A giggle burst out of me before I could stop it. When I looked up I saw that everyone was staring intently at me. Rose looked smug and all knowing – her usual expression times ten. Emmett and Jake however, they looked downright suspicious. I blushed and quickly typed my reply before stuffing my phone in my hoodie.

_**Pick me up now. Baby's hungry. And be prepared for the third degree from your bro. ~ B**_

"Care to share?" Rose asked with mock politeness. I grinned at her and shook my head.

"Nope."

"Plans tonight little B?" Em cocked an eyebrow.

"Just going to hang out with Edward and get out of the house. No big deal, so please don't make it one," I begged with little hope he would actually listen. I felt the need to defend my decision when I was met with three unconvinced expressions.

"We're friends. That's all," I tried again but they still didn't believe me. Rose, at least, looked a little happy for me.

Em regarded me for a minute before he finally nodded. "Ok, but you should include him in the phone tree thingy we're setting up. Make him one of the people you check in with. And make sure he knows the code words. He's no Jet Li, but Eddie boy can be a man if the situation calls for it."

I rolled my eyes and ventured upstairs to get dressed. Not that I could dress to impress with my ever expanding waistline, but I made sure I was comfy and looked somewhat presentable. The great thing about pregnancy, I finally had decent cleavage. It made my somewhat low cut shirt look impressive on me. And my maternity skinny jeans made my ass look fabulous. Not that I was trying to get his attention. Not really.

When I bounded down the stairs I saw that Jasper and Alice had made their way over. Alice hugged me and then proceeded to drag me off to the couch so she could 'put my face on'. Jasper just stood in the corner with a scowl on his face. I'd had enough of his surly attitude when it came to me and Edward spending time together.

"Unbunch your panties, Jazz. It's just dinner and movie. You and I used to do that all the freaking time before Tink came along," I griped and jerked my thumb at Alice. She giggled but said nothing.

"Sounds like a date," he grumbled. I couldn't argue with him because that's exactly what I'd said to Edward. And it **did** sound like a date. But it wasn't. Not really.

"Well, it's not, so just drop it ok?" I said once Alice finished applying stuff to my lips. I stood up when I heard a car pull up in the driveway and started towards the door.

"She's allowed to have a life, baby," I heard Alice say quietly when I was putting on my coat. Bless her for standing up for me.

"Yeah, I know. But she's pregnant. It's…weird." He huffed out a sigh.

Alice giggled. "Think of it this way. It's not like she can get knocked up twice, right?"

"ALICE!" Jasper and I yelled at the same time. He shuddered while I flushed crimson.

"That's an image I so didn't need." Jasper closed his eyes and shook his head as if to expel the thought. I would have been insulted but I didn't want to picture him in the throws either. Ew.

A knock at the door put an end to that conversation. Edward was all smiles when I let him in but it faltered a little when Jazz glared at him and approached rather rapidly.

"She's to be home by eleven. And don't drive too fast. And don't even think about trying anything!" He shook his finger at him. I was aghast at his behavior.

"Jasper Hale, I am a nineteen year old woman and I can take care of myself, thank you very much! I will be home when I damn well please! You are not my father, so stop fucking acting like it!" I snapped and batted his hand away from Edward.

"Don't forget to tell him about the check-in times. And the password. And where that asshat is!" Emmett called from the kitchen.

I whirled around and looked up at Edwards with pleading eyes. "Please, please, please, get me the hell out of this nuthouse?"

He nodded, eyes wide, and ushered me out the front door and to his awaiting chariot. Or Volvo. Whatever.

"What the hell was all that about?" he asked after we stared making our way to Port Angeles. I sighed and shook my head. How did I explain the enigma that was Jasper?

"He's just…really over protective of me. Always has been. It will calm down when he sees that you aren't a threat. Just ignore him until then," I offered with a shrug.

"You'd think he'd be nicer to me since he's boning my sister and all," he grumbled.

I snorted out a laugh and shook my head. "What an elegant way of putting it."

He grinned and shrugged. The rest of the drive was full of easy conversation and light laughs. It was so simple with him, so comfortable. Ever mile we drove together I felt my walls slowly coming down, brick by brick. Everything about this man put me at ease and completely broke through my defences. Somewhere in the back of mind my inner voice was warning me to be careful. That it was easy with James, too. And look where that had landed me. I mentally flipped her off and settled more into my discussion with Edward about why he suddenly looked so damned nervous.

"I…haven't exactly done this in a while. Not so freely, anyway," he mumbled as he parked the car. I mused over his words while he opened the door for me.

"How long has it been?" I asked carefully while I took his proffered hand. He blushed a little and ducked his head when I tried to look into his eyes.

"Um…almosttwoyears," he rushed out in a quiet huff. I tried not to giggle while I pulled his words apart.

"Almost two years?" I asked in blatant disbelief. I tried to keep my eyeballs in their sockets but failed miserably. He grimaced and nodded.

I choked out a laugh and then shook my head. "How the hell is that possible? Did you walk around Chicago with a bag over your head?"

Ok, so that question was a tad rude, but come on! He was freaking gorgeous! There's no way no one noticed him.

He snorted and shook his head back at me. "No, not exactly. I know you may not believe this, but I am usually quite…shy."

I believed it. "Ok, but that still doesn't explain how you haven't dated in so long. You're what…twenty-two?"

"Twenty-three," he corrected quietly.

"I would have thought that you would just be hitting your stride at twenty-one, not joining a monastery," I joked. My smile fell when I saw him grimace again. Suddenly I felt like the world's biggest bitch. He was obviously opening up to me about something that made himself conscious and here I was making jokes.

"Edward, I'm sorry. Sometimes my brain-to-mouth filter shorts out without notice and I just can't shut up-" His hand shot up and he gently covered my lips with the tips of his fingers. His crooked smile was back.

"It's ok, Bella. I know it's surprising. Now you might understand the shock I felt…and still feel when I think about why you would have stayed with someone who hurt you for so long." There was no malice or judgement in his voice when he spoke but his words still struck me hard.

"Yeah, I guess." I was not willing to talk about that tonight. Possibly not ever. I changed the subject. "What's for dinner? I'm wasting away over here."

He chuckled. "Italian. You said it there were very few things that didn't give you heartburn so I found the place with the biggest menu."

"Awesome, and thanks for thinking of me." My mouth watered as the heavenly scent of garlic assailed my senses.

Ever the gentleman, Edward didn't even flinch when I ordered the chicken Alfredo and cheesy garlic bread _and_ an antipasto salad. He even matched my order but had the eggplant parmesan in place of my pasta dish. He even pretended not to notice when the hot, hot waitress hit on him. Repeatedly and unabashedly. However, I noticed and shot her my best death glare. That sure made him laugh. Until I turned it on him. Then he didn't find it so funny.

"So, you gotta tell me why it's been so long. I swear on favorite pair of Sketchers that it will stay between us," I bribed him with my best puppy eyes. I was wholly unprepared for it to work, even more so for him to stare at me with such obvious longing for a long moment before answering.

"My last relationship was…unconventional," he said around a mouthful of salad.

I looked him up and down, nonplussed by the ideas that were swirling around in my brain. I stupidly said the first one that came to mind with his words. "Boyfriend?"

He choked on a big bite of garlic bread and had to wash it down before he could speak again. He looked at me with wide eyes. I shrugged. It didn't matter to me if he batted for both teams. It wasn't my cup of tea, but I'd tried it once or twice. No harm done.

"Not _that_ unconventional," he muttered with a small smile. "Good to know you're non-judgemental though."

I shrugged again and smiled while I waited for him to answer.

"No, she was um…older than me. And she was my boss," he said with a small huff.

"Alright, well, I can see how that would be complicated," I said as twirled more pasta around my fork. "How much older are we talking here?"

He studied me for a moment before swallowing to answer. "Nine years. We got together when I was nineteen and she was twenty-eight."

I tried not to frown. "She was your boss? That seems a little…unethical."

He snorted. "Yeah, it probably was. She ran her own accounting firm and had just started out. I was cheap labor."

There was something off in his voice, despite the casual way he spoke. When I realised he wasn't going to keep talking without a prompt I made sure to give him one.

"There's something you're not telling me," I prodded. He looked down at his now empty plate and cleared his throat.

"I'm pretty sure part of why she was with me was for my money. I paid a lot of her expenses for a while. She broke up with me when I told her I couldn't keep paying for things." He tried to shrug it off but I could tell that really bothered him. It bothered me too.

"She used you," I said quietly. He shrugged.

"I'm pretty sure she cared about me a little, at least. We were together for a little over two years. And there were some really good times together that had nothing to do with money," he explained. I nodded and went back to my nearly finished pasta.

"It wasn't like we could see each other all the time anyway. Her husband would have grown more suspicious than he already was," he said casually.

It was my turn to choke. She was _married_? That certainly qualified as unconventional. Suddenly I saw him in a whole new light. I wasn't quite sure if I liked it or not. When he saw the way I eyed him he began fidgeting with his napkin nervously.

"Now you can see why I don't like talking about it. I never told anyone in my family. I know they would think less of me if they knew." He paused for a moment before lifting his eyes just enough to peer at me from beneath his thick lashes. "Do you?"

"Huh?" was my brilliant reply. I was so dazzled by his inhumanly beautiful face that all intelligence had briefly eluded me.

"Think less of me?" he asked in a hushed, careful voice.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Yeah, because I am the epitome of wisdom when it comes to my romantic interests thus far."

"You didn't answer my question." His eyes were hauntingly serious and very guarded.

Without hesitation or even a second thought I reached across the table and twined my fingers with his, stroking my thumb along the inside of his palm. He looked up at me, surprised, and I gave him a soft, reassuring smile.

"Not even a little bit."

He visibly relaxed and griped my hand a little firmer. That was how the waitress found us when she ventured back over with our check. Her previously dazzling smile had soured when Edward didn't even glance in her general direction. She gave me one last disbelieving look before stalking off with a huff. I didn't even try to contain my snicker.

"Something funny?" he asked with a raised brow as we ventured out of the restaurant into the chilly night air. The end of March was on us and still it was less than fifty degrees at night. I missed Arizona.

"Did you really not notice the way the waitress was checking you out all night? Really, Edward, she was over the top," I chided when he looked dubious.

"I'm usually oblivious to such things unless I want to see them. The only woman I hope looks at me that way is you, so…" he shrugged.

His statement made me hot all over. But it was the look in his smoldering emerald eyes that made me go weak in the knees. My body once again acted on its own volition and I reached out to take his hand. His face lit up in the most dazzling smile I had ever seen. I couldn't help but return it with one of my own. I knew I was treading on dangerously thin ice. But friends could hold hands, right?

_WRONG! This is so going over that line and you damn well know it, Swan!_

My inner voice was seriously getting on my nerves, so I mentally bound and gagged that bitch and dropped her in the Sound. No need to have any more interference than necessary. Chances were that whatever was currently blinding him to my bulging belly, plumping face, and swollen ankles was going to fall away at any given moment and I would go back to being the pathetic knocked up chick that lived with her friends. I was much more worried about that prospect than I thought I should be. It alarmed me a little.

"So now that you know my dirty little secret, what do I need to do in order to keep it safe?" he asked with an exaggerated sigh. I giggled and shook my head.

"Just the usual. Indentured servitude, foot rubs on demand, two AM craving runs," I said airily before I grinned widely at him and winked. He laughed a little and squeezed my hand.

"Ask for something I wouldn't already do for you," he said and gave me a blazing look.

My heart thundered in my chest and I quickly looked away from, determined to play it cool. For a guy who'd been out of the game for a while he certainly knew all the right things to say. I could feel my inner voice dying to scream warnings at me but I just buried her deeper and focused on walking like a normal person and not waddling like I usually do. Waddling was so not sexy.

_**WHOA!**__ Since when did I want him to see me that way?_

_ What the hell? I thought I'd shut you up. _

_ Guess again, harlot. You should be ashamed of yourself, thinking about him in your condition. _

_ Shut up you stupid wench! I'm pregnant, not dead!_

"Hey, where'd you go?" Edward's velvet voice cut through my inner argument. I shook my head to clear it of my confusing thoughts and turned to smile at him.

"Nowhere, just a bit scatter brained at the moment." I squeezed his hand. It felt so right folded into mine that I didn't feel the need to drop it.

We waited in line to buy tickets for the movie, some romantic comedy that I barely paid attention to. I was too focused on the butterflies I felt every time Edward caressed the top of my hand with his thumb or caught him staring intently at me when he was supposed to be watching the screen. Biting my lip only seemed to encourage more of the same behavior so I tried to keep from repeating the action too much, but it was hard. He was making me nervous, but in a good way. It was a completely new feeling for me.

As we walked to the car it dawned on me that I hadn't called home in hours and that I hadn't explained the new regulations they had come up with and _why_. Well, if I could handle his news then he should be able to deal with mine. If not…let's just hope I wouldn't have to find out.

"Crap, um…just give me sec ok?" I stopped and dug my phone out of my purse to switch it on. I groaned audibly when I saw there were five missed calls and seven text messages.

"What's up?" he asked and leaned over to check my phone. Then he frowned.

"A bit overly concerned about you, aren't they? What do they think I'm going to do? Drag you out into the woods and tie you to a tree?" he grumbled. I snickered in spite of the tension I felt as I read the texts.

_**Bella, it's way past your check in time. Call me. ~Em**_

_** Bells, where the fuck are you? Call or text. ~Jake**_

_** B, Em's climbing up my ass. Call him. ~R. **_

_** Bella, I swear to God I will tie you to a damn chair next time I see you. This is not what we agreed on. ~Em**_

_** Bella, it's Dad. Call me when you get home. We need to talk.**_

_** Seriously Bells, call me. ~Em.**_

_** Get Edward's dick out of your mouth long enough to call Em. NOW. ~R**_

I spluttered and flushed bright red while I quickly fumbled with the buttons so I could delete them all. I wasn't fast enough apparently because Edward suddenly sucked in a breath and stepped away from me. He raked his hand through his hair roughly and muttered incoherently to himself while I pressed the speed dial for Emmett, seething.

"Bella?" he answered frantically.

"I'm sorry, I forgot and then we were in the movie for like two hours. And OH MY GOD, tell Rose I am going to fucking kill her!" I hissed. I turned my back on Edward but could of sworn I heard him chuckle nervously behind me.

"I'm glad you're ok. Tell Edward he might have a few texts on his phone too. Uh…just see if he'll delete them without reading them, ok?" He sounded nervous. That really couldn't be good. I groaned loudly and covered my eyes with my free hand.

"Fine. Look, we'll be home in a while, ok? You won't be hearing from me again until I walk through that door, got it?" I barked out through clenched teeth.

"Sure, fine, no problem. Seriously though, Bells those texts that were sent to Edward. It would be better if-"

I hung up on him, blushing and furious. I sucked in a deep breath and turned back around to face a very confused man. I walked two steps closer to him and held out my hand without looking at him.

"Phone," I ordered. I wasn't taking any chances with what may or may not be in his messages. He offered it up without any hesitation whatsoever. It cemented the dread in me. Clearly he'd seen that last message from Rose. I deleted his entire message history without even looking at them and then thrust it back at him.

"Um, you plan on filling me in anytime tonight," he asked lightly. A smile played at the corners of his mouth that I found impossibly not to return and I felt my embarrassment melt away.

"I'll explain in the car. Is there a long way home you can take? I'm not quite ready to call it a night," I murmured, suddenly shy and wary of how he would take the news I was about to lay on him.

He was quiet for the first ten minutes or so while I gathered my thoughts but his patience was short lived.

"Bella, I'm dying over here," he said dramatically. When I glanced over at him his smile was so wide and genuine that I felt myself relax somewhat.

"Ok, so here's the thing. My ex, who should be in Arizona where I left his ass, isn't. He's here in Washington," I started out.

Edward's expression remained neutral and he nodded. "Okay."

"There's more. It seems that he stole his friends' car as well as his fifteen year old sister, although my guess is she came along rather willingly. She's always had a thing for James," I said with obvious disgust in my voice.

"Wait…_fifteen_? How old is James?" His eyes darted to mine for a brief second before they refocused on the road.

"Twenty, same as me," I said and screwed up my face. I was grossed out by the Bree thing too.

"So…he's here. Is he…looking for you?" Edward seemed uncertain now.

"We're not sure exactly. He hasn't contacted me in a while. And he's been up here for months now. It could be possible he's in Seattle for some other reason," my voice trailed off, uncertain. The chances that he came all the way up here where I had fled to for some other reason than to get me were slim to none.

"Anyway, Emmett is worried about my safety so I'm ordered to call him every few hours when I'm out or at least text. I completely forgot about it tonight and he panicked. Oh, there's also a code in case I'm in trouble and can't say anything." I suddenly felt extremely stupid explaining all this. Edward seemed very open to it and nodded encouragingly.

"What is it?" he asked evenly.

"I'm supposed to say I feel sick, those words exactly. Whoever I'm talking to is supposed to hang up and call in the cavalry. I know it sounds stupid," I began to rush an explanation but Edward was just as quick to stop me.

"No, no, not stupid at all. It sounds like a great idea." He nodded.

"Yeah, well…" I wasn't sure what else to say so I shrugged.

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked quietly and reached out to take my hand again. It felt so good that I just let myself get lost in the feeling for a minute.

"Just waiting for you to see how much I'm not worth the effort you're putting in," I said honestly while I stared out the windshield.

"I adamantly disagree," he argued quietly.

I had no response for that so I kept quiet for the rest of the ride. But I didn't release his hand unit we were parked in the driveway again. Even though it was after eleven lights glowed though the windows all over the ground floor. Edward kindly walked me to the door.

"I'd like to do this again, Bella. Would that be alright?" I saw naked hope in eyes and was so disarmed by it that I nodded dumbly before I could engage my brain enough to speak.

"Sure. When?" I asked, praying it wouldn't be too long.

"How's tomorrow?" He flashed my favorite crooked smile at me and I practically melted as I grinned back.

"Eager much, Cullen?" I teased and bumped him with my shoulder. His eyes blazed intensely as he brought his hand up to gently cup my cheek.

"You have no idea," he murmured and brushed his thumb over my cheekbone.

It all happened before I could think to stop it. Not that I really wanted to. Because the minute his soft, warm lips captured mine I couldn't for the life of me remember why I had been fighting this so damn hard. While his kiss was gentle and sweet there was a burning passion that I could feel build behind it. Once my hands worked their way up into his wild copper hair and scratched lightly at the base of his neck it burst through the damn. We quickly became a mass of tangled limbs and warring tongues as he pressed me firmly up against the front door. My breathing had become increasingly ragged when I was abruptly reminded why I needed oxygen. My daughters firm kick brought me crashing back to reality, and I wasn't the only one.

"Wha-" Edward pulled back from me slightly and looked down at my belly in shock. His expression turned to awe when he looked back up at me and grinned stupidly.

"I think she likes me!" he exclaimed happily and I burst out laughing. It was a much better reaction than I had anticipated. Then it hit me that he felt her move.

"You're the first to feel her kick, besides me of course," I amended. That made his grin grow impossibly wider. It faltered a little when I released his neck and pushed lightly against his chest.

"I should really get inside now." His responding pout was so heartbreakingly adorable that I nearly kissed him again.

"Tomorrow?" he asked hopefully. I giggled.

"You were serious about that?" I checked.

"Very," he nodded. I sighed and shook my head but then looked back up at him with a small smile.

"I'll be done with work at five thirty. Pick me up at six?" You'd think he just won the damn lottery with the way he beamed at me.

I leaned up and gave him a quick kiss before forcing myself through the front door and locking it behind me for good measure. There was no telling what I might do if he didn't leave soon. My heart raced, my face was flushed, and I could still taste him on my slightly swollen lips. It became very clear to me in that moment as I relived our kiss over and over and over again that I was seriously falling for Edward Cullen. And heaven help me, but I think he's falling for me too.

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	15. Chapter Fourteen

**A/N: Thank you all so, so much for your reviews and for my new readers! I loved each and every one of them and try to answer them all with a little sneak peek of info :-) **

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My six month check-up went wonderfully. Dr Harrison showed me how much her head, legs, arms, and body were growing. She was also relieved that over the past few months I'd managed to put on twelve pounds. My dad stayed with me the whole time, as was our usual arrangement. There had been some argument this time because Rose had wanted to come and then Alice chimed in when she thought I'd let her. It had been decided – by me – quite some time ago that the only person I wanted with me for my OB appointments was Charlie. When it came time for the birth all bets were off and anyone who decided they wanted to come with me to hospital was welcome. However, the men were expected to pace around in the waiting room and hand out cigars. No one without matching genitalia was allowed to see me like that. No how, no way. When I'd told Rose and Alice I wanted them there for the actual birth that had erased their scowls and they took turns squealing with delight and wiping away tears.

I decided I was going to make dinner for Charlie at Rose's house so we could have a little chat. Everyone was supposed to be out so we'd have time to ourselves to discuss a few things. Well, one thing in particular: Edward. Or more specifically, the fact that I had started dating Edward. After our steamy, icicle melting kiss on the front porch the whole 'just friends' pact had dissolved faster than frost in late spring sun. I was more than a little nervous at the prospect of Charlie's reaction. I still couldn't tell if he even liked Edward, but I knew damn well that he would be immediately suspicious of any man who chose to date a pregnant woman. I steeled my resolve as I turned onto our street and almost slammed on the breaks when I saw that there were a whole mess of cars outside of the house. I immediately recognised Esme's Mercedes, Edward's Volvo, and Emmett's Jeep, all parked right behind dad's squad car on the street. As I got closer I also saw Jasper's bike so I figured Alice would be there too, but there was also a dark blue Ford Focus that I was unfamiliar with.

"So much for my plans," I muttered and unloaded the singular bag of groceries I'd bought. I'd purchased just enough ingredients to make his favorite dish, Grandma Swan's beef stroganoff. There was no way it would stretch to feed so many people though. I'd have to come up with something else.

I backed in the front door and instantly went to put away the food when Rose rushed in. She took one look at me, muttered a curse under her breath, and shot a nervous glance over her shoulder. I frowned at her greeting. It wasn't like I planned on her being here either, but I wasn't being such a cow about it. I was about to open my mouth and tell her off when shrill giggle cut me off and sent my stomach plummeting down to my feet. Rose must have read the distress on my face because she stepped between me and the doorway and blocked my exit.

"She doesn't know you're here. You could sneak back out and we'll just tell her you won't be back until late. We can…" she trailed off when I shook my head.

"When did she even get here?" I hissed and tried to look over her shoulder into the living room across the hall.

"About an hour ago. You're dad already tried to get rid of her but she's insisting on seeing you. From what we've gathered she doesn't know about," she gestured to my big, round belly. "She doesn't need to know, Bella. Just run back out the front door and go to Jake's for dinner. I'll call you when she's gone."

It was tempting, _very tempting_, but I knew this was inevitable. She was bound to come find me once she heard I was doing well. She probably just wanted money or something and figured that I had some because I was the only person she knew with an actual bank account. I sighed and rubbed my tummy when my little dancer shimmied around.

"No, let's just get this over with. I'd rather tell her to get lost before the little one comes, it will be harder then," I said with a heavy sigh. I wasn't a fan of confrontation and knew this was bound to get ugly.

I slowly walked around Rose and headed across the hall, purposefully treading heavily on the hard wood planks to announce my arrival. When I peeked into the crowded living room I saw many things all at once. My dad leaned up against the wall immediately to my right, a deep frown on his face. Jasper wore a matching expression from his seat in the armchair, his hands clenched tightly into fists on his knees. But on the couch was the source of all the cackling laughter, perched purposefully between a very pinched looking Emmett and panicked faced Edward. She had a hand on each of their thighs and alternated between flirtatious glances at each of them in turn. It would have been comical had it not been so gut-wrenchingly humiliating.

"Mom," I called to her and her head instantly snapped in my direction. I was still halfway concealed by the doorway but her eyes found my face without trouble.

"Bella!" She exclaimed with a wide smile. She shot to her feel and wobbled unsteadily until Emmett reached up and assisted her. She gave him a watery smile before stumbling over towards me. With her arms outstretched to hug me I had no choice but to come fully into sight. When I did she stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes round and mouth hanging open.

The room went completely silent. It was as if a collective deep breath had been taken and no one dared to release it yet. I made myself stay calm and neutral while she continued to stare at me like a three headed fish. The longer we stood there in silence the more palpable the tension in the room became. It wasn't until someone shifted in their seat that her trance broke. Her arms dropped limply to her sides while she regarded me with open disbelief. When it became obvious to me that she wasn't going to say anything I decided to speak up.

"What are you doing all the way up here? Where's Phil?" It was odd that she was here without him. But I assumed he wasn't too far away. He would never, ever admit it but Phil was scared shitless of Chief Swan. It was the one card I'd held all throughout my childhood and I wasn't above playing it now.

"He's at the motel," was her only reply. Her eyes remained glued to my swollen stomach and I found myself wrapping my hands around it protectively before I could stop myself. Her eyes narrowed briefly before she plastered a big fake smile on her face.

"You've been keeping something from me." Her accusation was clear even through her saccharine voice but I could smell the bourbon on her breath from where I stood. I wasn't fooled in the slightest. In fact it made me defensive.

"Well now you know," I said as lightly as I could. I even shrugged to try and play it down a little. It didn't work.

"Does James know?" She arched her eyebrow at me. When I didn't answer right away she smirked. "Yeah, didn't think so. I wonder how he'll react when he finds out."

"Now you wait just a damn minute," Rose fumed from behind me but she was cut off by Charlie who looked like he was about to blow a gasket.

"RENEE!" he bellowed. "I swear on my badge, if you even think about telling that good for nothing…it's none of his goddamn business!"

I was alarmed by the shade of purple Charlie had taken on and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "It's not his baby!"

That shut everyone up right quick. But Renee just crossed her arms, her face set in blatant disbelief.

"Really? You look like you're at least five months along, which would mean that you conceived before you left for this shit hole you call a town," she spat. She may be half in the bottle but she wasn't stupid.

"You're wrong," I lied. I could do it convincingly if I really tried, and this was one of those times I wanted to be believed.

"Am I? Then whose baby is it?" she shot back.

"MINE," I growled. She wasn't fazed.

"Who's the father?" she tried again.

"I am," Edward answered before I could.

Next to me Jasper did a very loud face palm while my jaw dropped and Em, Rose, and Charlie groaned in unison. Renee was silent for a moment before she looked over at me and then back at Edward.

"So you've whored your way into a rich mans bed and trapped him with a baby?" No sooner were the words out of her mouth than-

_**CRACK!**_

Renee's head whipped to the side before I my mind could catch up with what had just happened. Sometime during her hurtful, offensive – and not to mention horrifically inaccurate – statement Esme had appeared as if out of thin air, wedged herself between me and my mom, and slapped her across the face. I had no idea where she had been hiding up until that moment but I had never been so shocked by someone before. Not even James.

"Don't you ever talk to her that way again," Esme hissed in Renee's face. A big, red welt had appeared on her cheek but she made no move to cover it up.

"I think it's time for you to leave, Renee," Charlie said as he came up and placed his hands protectively on my shoulders. I was still shocked into silence by what my mom had said and what Esme had done.

"Fine," she snapped but then turned her icy stare on me. "You may be able to fool all the simpletons in this piss ant community into believing wonder boy is the bastard's father, but you and I both know differently. And so will James."

Her threat was clear and it hung in the air like a noxious cloud even after the door slammed behind her and the car peeled out down the street. I hadn't realised I'd begun hyperventilating until my breaths were wild gasps and tears were pouring down my cheeks. I was shaking so hard I couldn't keep myself upright and both Charlie and Esme had to help me over to the couch where I sat between Edward and Emmett. Conversation swelled around me in angry and panicked tones, but I focused solely on the velvety voice whispering gently in my ear.

"She was wrong, love. So, so wrong," he murmured in my ear while his fingers combed the hair away from my face. I could feel Emmett's hand making small circles on my back. It was too little, too late though. I felt myself retreat within my own mind and the outside world became a fuzzy hum in the background.

I'm not sure how much time passed but I was vaguely aware of a change in my environment when I suddenly felt like I was flying. I forced my eyes to focus on my surroundings for the briefest of moments, just long enough to ascertain that I was in the backseat of Edward's Volvo and that someone held me close while two other people sat out front. Where we were going or ever who I was with ceased to have any meaning to me once I let go and spiralled back down into my hollow oblivion. It was safe here. I felt nothing, I thought of nothing. It was as if my body went on autopilot and all that I had to remember to do was breathe in and out.

A sudden buzzing in my ear forced to me take a little more notice. I almost swatted at it when it happened again, louder this time. I didn't want to leave my peace. I needed to stay here. There was too much at risk if I allowed myself to think, to feel. Too much…

"Bella, come back to us now," the voice said calmly but firmly.

The blurry shapes around me sharpened while the steady hum was replaced by the sounds of trickling water and heavy breathing. Carmen sat directly in front of me with one of my hands clasped between hers. I blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't hallucinating and she smiled softly.

"There you are. You had us worried, Bella. Some more than others, I think," she said and gestured to my right.

Edward sat on the other end of the little sofa, his hands clenched tightly in his lap. When our eyes met I saw intense relief wash away the hard set panic that had previously dominated his expression. He leaned forward, took my free hand and placed a kiss on the top of it.

"How did…" I cleared my throat to speak when I garbled the first few words. "…I get here?"

"Your dad drove us. Pretty sure he broke ever land speed record known to man, too," Edward tried to joke but the tense set of his shoulders made it impossible to find humor in the situation. Charlie must have been beyond freaked out if he was speeding. What a mess I had caused.

"He's still out there with Esme," Carmen provided before I could ask. "Would you like to tell me why you were practically catatonic when Edward brought you in?"

My face flushed with anger and humiliation while I choked down the lump in my throat. The confrontation with my mother came screaming back to me full force. Every emotion I had tried to keep under wraps threatened to pull me under until I drowned in them. The fight to keep them at bay left me gasping for breath.

"Bella, it's ok, she's gone. She's probably halfway back to Phoenix by now," Edward said in an attempt to soothe me but it only served to panic me more.

She knew. She knew I was pregnant and she was going to tell James. And then he was going to come find me and make both our lives an absolute living hell. I would have to run again. I would have to spend the rest of our lives constantly fleeing from him if I wanted to keep us safe. It was like that stupid eighties movie where the chick had to wear a wig and fake her own death and live in some small town in like Iowa or something. And he STILL found her! I would never escape him. Not ever.

"Bella, I want you to look at me. Right now, look at me, Bella." Carmen's voice was calm and commanding and I felt as if I had no choice but to obey. I looked into her light brown eyes and she nodded.

"Good, now I want you to breathe with me. Alright? In," she took a deep breath in and held it for a few seconds and then released it slowly, "and out."

I copied her movements and her breathing until I felt slightly calmer and bit more grounded. She had done this with me before when I had been reliving a rather frightening memory in our sessions. I noticed that Edward had calmed slightly too and was still holding my hand. I ducked away from his gaze and tried to look anywhere but at him.

"Edward, now that Bella is able to talk I think it would be best if you waited outside with the others, alright?" Carmen smiled at him and motioned towards the door.

"Oh…um, ok…that is, if that's what she…you know, wants," he coughed a little and mumbled. I couldn't help but snort out a tiny laugh.

"Yeah," I croaked through my constricted throat. "I'll see you in a bit."

He nodded and left without another word. I hoped he wasn't offended but sharing any kind of therapeutic experience with anyone just wasn't on the cards for me right now. If ever. It was too…intimate. Too revealing. And it would make me way too vulnerable. I wasn't ready for that.

"Don't worry, I think he was a little relieved not to have to stay in here. Edward is a good man but it wouldn't surprise me if he were a little uncomfortable in here with you," Carmen said after the door was closed. I nodded.

"I don't want you to have another panic attack so we'll take this more slowly. How about I just ask some questions to build up?" She sat back in her chair and I found myself nodding again.

"Edward said something about a 'she' who was gone now. Who is 'she'?"

"My mother, Renee."

"I see. And she was here in Washington?" Her face betrayed nothing so I couldn't tell if she was surprised or not.

"Yes, she was at my house when I got home from the doctor's office today. She does that sometimes, just shows up unannounced." Or uninvited.

"What did she want?"

I was caught a little of guard with that. "Um…I don't know, she never got a chance to say. When she saw me and saw that I was…that I'm having a baby she just kind of flipped out."

"How did she flip out?" I knew that question was coming. I grimaced.

"She asked if James knew and my dad yelled at her and then Edward said it was his baby so it was none of James' business and then she called me a whore and accused me of trapping Edward with a baby and then Esme slapped her and then…yeah…" That wasn't technically what Carmen had asked me but the story just kind of tumbled forth unbidden. I was glad it was all out there though.

But that was the first time in the months I had been working with Carmen that I had seen her rendered somewhat speechless. She blinked at me a few times while I could see her mind trying to formulate a therapeutic response. It was hilarious and I could keep my giggle – or my very unladylike snort – contained.

"Just say it. It was a clusterfuck of epic proportions," I said between snickers. She grinned at me and nodded.

"Absolutely, although I'm not sure which part of that run on sentence I wanted to address first. So let's go in chronological order, shall we? You're mother asked if you had told James about your daughter? I know you said your dad yelled at her, but how did you react to that question?" She was back to business. I took a deep breath and released it slowly to keep from freaking out again.

"I was scared and angry that she would threaten me like that. She knows what he's like and to go and…" I threw my hands up in the air, too frustrated to finish my thought.

"I agree that you have every right to be both scared and angry. But let me try and ease your mind just a little. Didn't you tell me that James was last seen somewhere here in Washington? How is your mother going to tell him if he isn't in Arizona anymore?"

And just like that I felt a million times better. It was true that having James in the same state was alarming, especially since no one knew exactly where he was. But the fact remained that if I couldn't find him – and neither could dad or Emmett – than Renee couldn't either, so my secret would stay safe for a little while longer.

"I can literally see the stress leaving your shoulders. Did you need to talk more about what your mother said about contacting James?" she checked with raised eyebrows.

"No, I think now that she's not standing over me I feel a bit calmer about that. But I still don't know if she's stuck around or not. What if she comes back?" I worried my lower lip between my teeth.

"Is she the kind of person who would risk another beat down? Because from what you said earlier it sounds like Esme might just break her neck should she show up in her presence." There was a humorous glint in Carmen's eye that I couldn't help but smile at.

"Rocks have a faster learning curve than Renee," I muttered drily. Carmen chuckled.

"You could have your dad place a no contact order on her. It wouldn't hold up in court because she hasn't threatened you but if she doesn't know how these things work then she might not want to risk a night in jail for bothering you," she offered with a slight shrug that I returned. I'd talk to Charlie about it.

"If she comes back I'll round up the cavalry. I wouldn't even let her in," I grumbled. It wasn't that cold anymore, she could just stay outside.

"If I could go back to the events you spoke about. You said that Edward claimed to be the father? Why did he do that?"

That was a very good question, one I hadn't had the chance to ask him yet. "Um…I think he was just trying to help. To see if he could throw my mom off the scent or something so she wouldn't go and tell James about the baby."

"Hmmm, yes I can see him doing something like that, but why would he think that anyone would believe it?" Her question was very clear and I hadn't yet told her about the change in our friendship…or relationship. Whatever. I blushed.

"Um, we kind of crossed the line between friends and…more than that." I hoped she wouldn't ask for specifics.

"When did that happen?" There was a smile in her voice but it hadn't appeared on her face yet. She was trying not to gloat, I think.

"Not long ago. A few weeks. We've been laying low, just a few dinners and coffee dates. We haven't even told anyone yet. That's what I was going to do tonight was tell Charlie. And then Rose and Jazz." We'd already agreed that I would tell my family first since they would most likely have the most to say. I wasn't sure about how his family would react but I knew that Esme would be ok with it. And Alice too, most likely.

"And physically? Would he be able to claim paternity because you two had already been intimate?" When I looked at her like she was crazy she laughed and shook her head. "Let me redefine that question. I know your daughter is a product of your past relationship. But Edward tried to say she was his to shut your mom up. My question was if you two had been intimate and that would give him the…foundation to make stake such a claim. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I know what you were saying before. It's just…we've only been together a few weeks! And I'm pregnant! We're not sleeping together, Carmen!" I practically shouted at her. She continued to grin even though I felt a little insulted and pretty disgusted with her suggestion.

"There would be nothing wrong with you if you chose to make love to a man you had deep feelings for. Pregnant women have sex all the time. But I am glad to hear that you aren't repeating past mistakes and becoming intimate too soon. Edward never struck me as the kind of man to push a woman into anything," she amended when I raised an eyebrow at her.

I thought back to what he'd told me about the last relationship he'd had. Edward was a good man. He promised to wait for me and I knew he would. Although I technically wasn't making him wait for the romance side of things anymore, I wasn't willing to cross that line. Not that he'd want to anyway.

"Before you start in on all that negative self-talk you are so fond of I'll let you know something else about Edward. He is a man. And because he is a man that has feelings for you, he has thought about having sex with you." She didn't bother to hide her chuckle when I gaped at her.

"But…I'm…I'm pregnant," I spluttered. "That's not sexy!"

"On the contrary, there are many men…and women…who find the pregnant form very arousing. It's curvaceous and beautiful and brimming with life. It can be a very powerful attraction," she informed me with a grin.

"I am so NOT attractive," I argued and glared at her. I wasn't even all that pretty before I ballooned up.

"After we get your safety under control and work through some of the hurdles that come with being a new mother we are going to have to work on your self-esteem," she sighed and shook her head. "You are a lovely young women who unfortunately has been through hell since a very young age. You weren't encouraged, loved, or supported as you should have been by those who were meant to care for you and it has left you afraid, hurting, and angry. But it has also made you clever, incredibly strong, and undeniably compassionate. My hope as your therapist is that you are able to see all the good things you are before our time here is at an end."

Her words stuck with me while I walked out into the waiting room where Charlie, Esme, and Edward were all speaking in hushed voices. From the ways that each of them embraced me and the adoring smiles I got I felt something flicker to life within me. I couldn't bring myself to believe her yet but I also didn't want to argue with her either. Maybe, just maybe I wasn't as damaged as I'd always thought I was.

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**A/N: She's getting there people, but it's a slow road. Ooooh, who wanted to hit Renee too? Leave me some love, it makes me update faster xoxo**


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**A/N: First, thank you to everyone for all your reviews! Second, so sorry for the severe delay in posting the next chapter. I was away for the holidays and the internet wasn't reliable so I wasn't able to post or answer reviews. For those that were looking for a preview I will give you two for your next review :-) This chapter was a little shorter but I needed a break from all the drama so it's a bit fluffy. I hope you all enjoy it!**

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"Dating?"

"Yes."

"As in…dating?"

"That's right."

"So you're…"

I sighed and rubbed my hand on the tops of my jeans. "Just spit it out dad."

"Well, with dating…when you're adults…there's usually…uh…are things serious?" Charlie blushed so deeply that it didn't take a mind reader to see where his thoughts were at.

"We're not sleeping together if that's what you're so damned worried about," I grumbled and folded my arms over my very swollen chest.

It was only three days after Renee's very unwanted and dramatic appearance and I had decided that it was time the cat was out of the bag. Edward agreed and had graciously offered to tell him family while I told mine. But mine was made up of Charlie, Rose, and Jazz. I felt like somehow he'd gotten off much easier than me. So far my dad was handling it better than Jasper had. He'd just sat there and silently glared out the window in the kitchen when Rose gave me the third degree. I didn't know what he was so angry about but hopefully he'd get the hell over it, and soon.

"Well…good," was all Charlie managed to splutter out before getting up to answer the shrill ring of the phone.

"Swan," he mumbled before a full grin spread across his face. "Yeah, sure I'll send her right over, Rose. Thanks."

"What's up?" I couldn't hide the annoyance in my voice. I had hoped he'd be happy that I was with a good, kind man who wanted to be involved with someone having a baby but this was as good as it got.

"You have a guest waiting for you at home. And I wouldn't keep her waiting if I were you."

I knew damn well it was Renee again otherwise Charlie wouldn't be smiling. In fact, he'd be loading his sidearm. I knew from the mischief in his eyes that there was no way he was going to say who it was so I just got up, kissed him on the cheek, and made my way over. There were no other cars but Rose's and Emmett's so I had no advanced clue to my visitor as I walked up the path. It wasn't until I heard the southern California accent that my face split in half with the biggest grin I'd worn in months.

"How did you say you were related to Bella?" I heard Emmett ask in his 'official police business' voice.

"I'm her cousin on her father's side."

"I didn't know Chief Swan had any siblings." When I stepped into the living room I saw Em eyeing her up and down with his most suspicious expression. She cocked her eyebrow at him and shrugged.

"I'm guessing there's a lot of things you don't know about my family, toots. He and my mom don't see each other very often because he hates California and she hates Seattle."

"Were not in Seattle," Rose retorted wryly.

"Close enough," she muttered and then finally spied me in the doorway. "There you are!"

She shot to her feet and grabbed me in a warm hug. I had to keep the tears at bay or I'd never be able to shut them off.

"Crystal! It's so good to see you! How did you even know I was here?" I pulled back and grinned at her.

"Uncle Charlie called mom and she told me to get my J-Lo booty up here and investigate all the rumors," she snickered with me as she used her childhood nickname our Grandma had given her.

"You look great, Crys!" I exclaimed and it was so true. I'd always been envious of my younger cousin's figure. Genetics from both sides of her family had been kind to her, so she'd gotten her mom's height, wicked sense of humor, and ability to cook everything. Add to that her Mexican side from her dad and she got an hourglass figure most women would kill for, thick black hair, and the tan complexion that always made her look sun kissed, even in the dead of winter.

"So do you, Belly! You actually fit your name now," she cackled when I swatted at her playfully.

"Belly?" Rose asked archly.

"Yeah, her favorite things when we were kids were those Jelly Bellies. So Grandma used to call her Jelly Belly or just Belly," she informed them, much to my utter horror. I would never be rid of that stupid title now. She turned back to me and jerked her thumbs in Emmett's direction.

"Is the Inquisition over with Captain America or do I need to submit a blood sample and finger prints for processing?"

I snickered and much to his credit, so did Em. "I think you're fine. He's just very protective of me."

She abruptly turned serious. "So I've heard. So tell me _prima_, why did I have to wait until you were over six months pregnant to hear about all the crap you've been going through?"

I sighed and lowered my head a little. "I dunno, Crys. I was just trying to get settled once I got up here and…what?" She had crossed her arms and glowered at me.

"You could have come to me you know," she grumbled. "Not to knock your dad or anything but he knows as much about pregnancy and babies as I do about mufflers and transmissions."

I snorted. Unlike Rosalie, Crystal's knowledge on motor vehicles consisted of three things: where the key went, where the gas went, and where her music went. The rest she flirted her way out of having to deal with, much to her boyfriend's chagrin.

"I'm surprised you even know what a transmission is," I teased.

"It makes the car go or whatever," she joked and waved her hand flippantly. I snickered when I saw Rose roll her eyes.

"I appreciate the gesture babe but I'm doing really well here. I've got a job, a place to live, and am surrounded by overbearing, overprotective people who never give me a freaking inch to breathe. See, I'm all set." I grinned at her and tried to show that I really was okay. When I saw that she wasn't entirely convinced I gestured for her to follow me upstairs. When we were safely ensconced in my room with the door shut she flopped down on my bed and scooted back to prop herself up on the pillows.

"Alright lightweight, spill and spare no ugly details. And I'll know if you're lying," she pointed accusingly at me and narrowed her eyes. I gave a half smile and nodded while lowering myself into the glider Charlie had given me.

"His name is James Hunter. We grew up together in Arizona. He was my best friend," I paused when she scoffed loudly and looked extremely insulted. "After you of course."

And then it all came tumbling out of me. The crap I'd dealt with at Renee's house, the abuse I'd tolerated with James, what finally made me leave, the discovery that I was pregnant, everything – even my newly acquired boyfriend. Her eyes lit up briefly when I talked about Edward and I wondered if it was because of the way I looked when I spoke of him. Carmen had told me that my feelings were written all over my face when it came to my bronze haired knight in a shiny Volvo. By the time I finished with the story about how Renee had discovered me a few days ago and her looming threat to tell James about my daughter I could see the sun setting out of my window behind her.

"_Prima_, you a hot mess," she sighed and shook her head.

"What else is new," I agreed with a sigh of my own.

"Lucky for you I'm not just here for a visit! Although it looks like I've got my work cut out for me," she mused.

"You're moving here?" I couldn't help but sound hopeful. Crys was the sister I'd never had, but without all the fighting and bickering that usually went on between siblings. It would be great to have her around more than once every few years.

"Not here, Seattle. I'm going to school up there for hospitality management. Transferring from Cal Poly for next year. I start in September," she informed me with a knowing smile.

"You're changing schools so you can keep a better eye on me?" I really didn't like the sound of that. She was only turning 19 in August and I didn't want her rearranging her life to look after me – her knocked up, socially inept cousin. That seemed a little backwards considering I was the older one. I should be caring for her in her time of need, not the other way around.

"Pfft! Please girl, it had nothing to do with you. My boyfriend goes to school up here and I got sick of the long distance thing. Plus I love Seattle," she assured me with a smile.

"So it's just a bonus that I happen to be up here all pregnant and in dire need of your awesomeness?" I giggled when she grinned.

"Hells to the yeah! By the little junior gets here I'll have your tiny butt all sorted out." She nodded sagely and snuggled back against my pillows.

"She's a girl, so please don't call her junior," I snickered when she bolted back up, eyes wide as dinner plates.

"A girl? REALLY?" she squealed.

"Yeah," I laughed and nodded. "According to the last few sonograms."

"Oh my God! Belly, you gotta let me name her! We have to go shopping for cute little girl clothes! Ah, I can hardly contain myself! She's gonna be so damn cute!"

I laughed so hard it made my sides hurt. Growing up we'd always joked about living closely so we could raise our babies together. We'd come up with names and everything. Hers were usually after some celebrity she was crushing on or really impressed with.

"Please don't suggest anything I would hear when watching E!" I mock begged with my hands clasped together in front of me.

"You're going to name her Crystal Rose, duh!" She gave me her best 'are you stupid' look.

"I was thinking of Rose as a middle name," I confessed quietly. "But there can only be one of you or the world would implode."

We spent the next few hours laughing and taking turns telling each other more about our boyfriends. I'd met her guy Tommy a few years ago when they were only friends so he had my stamp of approval. And then she strong armed me into promising to have Edward around before she left in four days. It was then I discovered that she was going to stay at Charlie's house. I decided to save her from four days of either eating take out or having to cook morning, noon, and night and made her bring her stuff over to stay with me in my room.

When Alice came over later that day to see Jasper she was all sparkling personality and hyper energy as usual but pouted at me when I explained where Crystal was staying.

"You're having a sleep over without me?!" she practically cried. Guilt overwhelmed me when I was hit full force with the Cullen puppy dog eyes.

"Thank God your brother hasn't tried those eyes on me or I'd be a completely lost woman," I grumbled when she felt like she'd finally gotten me to cave.

The end result had Jazz going over to the Cullen house for the next few days while Alice, Rose, Crystal, and I took over the house. He only agreed if we promised to clean up after ourselves and cook all the meals. Later on when Edward came to visit (at Crystal's insistence) I could tell he wasn't as pleased with the sleeping arrangements as I was.

"If you ask me, and don't think I haven't noticed that you didn't," he grumbled while assisting me in the kitchen. "You got the better end of the deal."

"How do you figure?" I argued while roughly chopping veggies for the awesome fajitas I was helping Crys make. "All you have to do is show up for meals, say please and thank you, and then go about your merry way. We're doing all the work here AND I'm entertaining! All while I'm pregnant. I think I deserve a reward."

I was instantly spun around and swept up into his long arms. His lips swiftly descended to mine while my hands tangled into his soft locks. When he moaned against my mouth I pressed myself up against him as closely as I could. We were practically panting when I pulled back and looking at him quizzically.

"Um, not that I'm complaining, because I'm so not, but what was that for?" I huffed out.

He grinned and brought his lips very close to mine. "It was the only reward I could think of on such short notice. Although I think it was more a reward for me than you, so is there something else I can do for you?"

I felt my knees go a little weak but managed to pull him back down to my waiting mouth. We stayed locked together like intense puzzle pieces. I wasn't so lost in the perfection of his hot kisses that I didn't notice him pull his hips away from me slightly. Completely caught up in the moment it took me a second to remember that we weren't in the house alone. A fact that was rather abruptly brought to my attention when a smattering of applause suddenly broke out behind me. Blushing and cursing and buried my face into his chest, smacking him on the arm when I felt him chuckle beneath me.

"Don't stop on my account, Belly," Crys joked from behind me. I groaned and tightened my hold on Edward.

"No, please stop otherwise we'll never eat," Jake grumbled. I slowly turned around and glared at him.

"I don't recall inviting you to this little shindig." Oversized pain in the ass.

He gave me his most winning smile and blew me a kiss. "You know I never pass up an opportunity to eat, Bells. Or meet a gorgeous woman." When he winked at Crystal I may have gagged a little. His flirting skills left a lot to be desired but he was so good looking that most women didn't notice. It seemed Crystal fell into that category as well because she giggled like crazy and made goo goo eyes at him.

"Gorgeous over there is not available to the likes of you," I snapped and turned back to the meal prep. When he snickered I considered throwing the knife at him.

"Hey _prima_, how are those mood swings?" Crys teased lightly as she came over and hugged me from behind. I stopped chopping and hung my head. I hadn't even noticed I had gone from zero to bitch in two point five seconds.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"It's part of the game, Belly. We all forgive you," she said and kissed my check.

"Pfft! I don't. Try that again and you'll be staring down the business end of a hissy fit," Jake said in his most feminine voice. He always knew how to make me feel better. I smiled at him.

Dinner was going so smoothly that I had actually started to relax a little. Carmen had been reminding me at every session about studies on babies where the moms stress levels impacted on how anxious or unsettled the children were after they were born. So I tried my hardest to stay calm and relatively stress free despite the looming threat of James in Seattle and my mom on the warpath. And speaking of warpath…

"Hey, how did your parents take the news?" I whispered to Edward. I guess I wasn't as quiet as I'd hoped when Emmett snorted from across the table.

"You mean about you two bumping uglies? They're positively thrilled! C'mon Bells, you know my parents love you," he scoffed when I turned twelve shades of red.

"We're not bumping anything!" I hissed and glared at him.

"Yet," he retorted with a vaudeville-like waggle of his eyebrows.

"Careful Em, she's likely to stab you with that fork if you wake up her beast of a temper," Crys cautioned when my expression turned deadly. My lack of a sex life was not dinner time conversation. In fact, it wasn't up for discussion EVER.

"Please, kittens have more impressive claws than she does," he mocked.

When Jake and Jasper both coughed out disagreeing laughs Emmett at least had the decency to look at me with some interest and appraisal. The rest of dinner continued without any more mention of mine and Edward's relationship.

When it came time for the guys to head off I walked out to the car with Edward. For late March in Forks the weather was surprisingly mild. Or maybe I was comfortable in cooler climates now that I was a walking human incubator.

"The next time you have a sleepover could I be invited?" Edward whispered against the shell of my ear when we got to his car. Despite the delicious trail of fire that his kisses left in their wake as he kissed along my jaw and neck I felt my entire body tense up as the implication of his words hit me like a wrecking ball.

"Um…what?" I squeaked. He couldn't be serious. Could he?

He immediately stopped and pulled back to look at me. Upon seeing the sheer panic in my face his expression very quickly matched my own.

"Uh…sorry. I didn't mean to…it's just that I…you're very…but I don't want to…um…" his nervous spluttering snapped me out of my freaked out trance. I gave him a weak smile.

"I didn't know you…thought about me like…that." I swallowed hard, never having felt so lame as I did in that very moment.

_Earth to Swan! Sinfully gorgeous man thinks you're hot and wants your pregnant bloated body. Don't think, just roll with it!_

Edward's easy, shy smile threw me off my inner monologue. He combed his hand through his hair, further mussing it and making it so much more tempting for me to run my fingers through.

"Of course I think about you that way. I absolutely adore you. And you are so freaking beautiful…how can you not see that?" He chuckled lightly when I just stared dumbly at him.

"I look like a beached whale," I blurted out, then did a mental face palm.

Edward just laughed like I'd said the most hilarious thing he'd ever heard. I tried not to feel like he was laughing at me but it was a challenge. When I frowned he pulled my tightly against him and made a show of kissing my head, face, and neck until I couldn't help but giggle.

"Never doubt how I feel for you, Bella. If you're not ready or just don't want to cross that line right now it's fine, really. But please know that the only reason I haven't become more…intimate with you is because you don't want it, not the other way around." His words were so kind and sincere that it didn't feel threatening. He wasn't saying it was over if I didn't put out. He wasn't pushing me into sleeping with him before I was ready. I was so out of my depth that I didn't know how to respond.

He eventually let me go back in and said goodnight, promising he would be over bright and early for the eggs benedict Rose said she would make. I stumbled back inside in kind of a daze and almost ran smack into my cousin.

"Everything ok, Belly?" She looked a little concerned but when I beamed at her and blushed at the same time we both fell into fits of giggles like little twelve year olds.

"Yeah, Crys. Everything's great." And it was. In that moment, I couldn't find one thing to bring me down. It was the most wonderful feeling I'd had in a long time.

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**A/N: Awwwww! Fluffy moment! Still waiting for baby name suggestions :-) And hang on to something because the next chapter is a rough one.**

**prima = cousin**


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**A/N: Thank you all so, so much for your reviews and a big HELLO to the new readers! I love it when I see more and more new people joining us. It gives me the warm fuzzies :-) Those members who reviewed got a little preview and I will continue to provide you with little tidbits every time you hit that button and leave me some love!**

**This chapter contains alot of bad language, so rated M. If you're not 18, shame, shame, shame! **

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The heavy spring rains of April rolled in with gusto, only sparing us on Easter Sunday. I liked to think it was for all the adorable little girls in their pretty floral dresses, white gloves, and tiny bonnets that Mother Nature had decided to ease up and let the sun shine through just for one day. I stood on the sidewalk in Port Angeles waiting for Crys, Rose, and Alice to meet me for lunch and do a little baby shopping while the boys – Charlie and Carlisle included – assembled the crib in my room and moved around the furniture so that the changing table would fit. Why it took so many of them I would never understand but guys were guys and they seemed to need a whole team of other men to cheer them on just to screw in a light bulb.

"They're so precious!" Alice squealed in my ear and made me jump out of my skin.

"I really hate it when you approach me in stealth mode," I grumbled while trying to slow my rapid heartbeat.

"Mom said to say 'hi' but that she had to stick around and make sure the guys didn't make a huge mess," she ignored my complaint and hugged me tightly.

"Really, why does it take five men to assemble a crib and move my bed?" I asked loudly while I watched Rose pulled her little car into the spot down the street.

"Six, Jake's there, too," Alice informed with a loud laugh when I threw my hands up in exasperation.

"Don't make a fuss, _prima_. They're just trying to help," Crys said as she approached from the side. Either I was exceptionally unobservant or they were purposefully sneaking up on me. At least I could see Rose coming.

We ventured down the main street and went into any shop that held baby items or displayed tiny little clothes. Every time I put back a cute little dress or blanket and said it was too expensive someone else bought it, usually Alice. She kept saying it was her duty to make sure her little princess had the very best. Nevermind that it was **my** baby and that if she were anything like me she would in no way resemble a princess, but whatever. I couldn't get angry when they were being so sweet about it all, and Carmen had been working with me on accepting other people's kindness and baby gifts without feeling like it was charity.

Over lunch at the local Italian place the interrogation I had been waiting for finally began.

"Picked a name yet?" Crys inquired politely. I knew better. She was just waiting to swoop in there and suggest something but she wanted to hear what I'd decided on first. I decided to mess with them a little.

"I was thinking something old fashioned like Edna or Ester." I was met with three dumbfounded faces and could barely contain my smirk.

"Um, ok…those are…nice," Alice stammered. Rose nodded along while shovelling salad into her mouth at an alarming rate, but Crys just glared at me.

"How about Chastity?" she shot out with a challenging smile. I snickered.

"Or maybe Elizabeth?" I countered her puritanical name with a joke of my own. Alice choked on her iced tea.

"You're kidding, right? Elizabeth Swan?" she said in a shocked voice.

I couldn't contain my laughter anymore. "Why not? I'm sure we can find her a pirate around here somewhere!"

Rose finally caught on and snorted. "Fine, but until Will Turner shows up how about telling us any real ideas you have?"

"I like Loralei," I offered while twirling pasta on my fork.

"Uh huh, and I'm sure that has nothing to do with all the Gilmore Girls episodes you've been watching, right?" Rose snickered when I ducked my head and scowled.

"No," I mumbled. So what that she was raised by a single mom and they were both funny and brilliant and beautiful. That wasn't my reason. No. Nope. Uh huh.

"What else ya got?" Crystal asked.

"Um, Lillian…Lily for short."

Rosalie beamed from over in her seat before readjusting her expression to one of cool indifference. "Sounds like a nice name to me."

I was just about to suggest another name when I got a sudden sense of unease. I squirmed around for a minute before deciding maybe I just needed to relieve myself so disappeared from the table while the great name debate continued without me. The discomfort only got stronger the closer I got to the ladies room and when I saw the door move slightly I stopped. Logic told me there was nothing wrong and I just needed to get a hold of myself.

_Yeah, and how many horror movies have you watched where people ignore their instincts and then get slaughtered while there's a whole restaurant full of people just steps away?_

I groaned and shook my head against the stupidity that was my inner voice and stomped into the bathroom. This was Port Angeles. Nothing ever happens here. Still, I glanced around the small space and saw there were two stalls, one of them occupied. I went in the other, did my business, and came out to wash my hands. It was eerily silent the whole time but I just tried to mind my own business and get back out to my friends. Throwing the paper towel in the bin I pushed through the swinging door and took only two steps back towards the dining area when my horrible feeling came back tenfold. I didn't even have time to look around before a hand clamped down over my mouth, an arm snaked around my waist, and I was dragged backwards into a small handicapped restroom that stood between the men's and women's rooms. Thinking quickly, I braced my hand on the doorframe and prevented myself from being pulled in all the way.

"Stop fighting me, dammit!" A voice hissed in my ear.

I froze, eyes wide, and stopped breathing. I knew that voice. I knew those hands. And when I sucked in a deep breath to scream against his palm as loud as I could I knew that smell. Menthol cigarettes, Drakkar Noir, and something specific that had always just been _him_. James.

I let lose my most horrific, hair raising scream but the palm of his hand along with the din of the busy eatery meant the sound was lost. I jerked my head back and forth in an attempt to shake him free but he just held on tighter while trying to pull me away from the doorframe. No matter how much I struggled and wriggled and held on for dear life, in the end he was bigger and stronger than me. One final, brutal yank and I was pulled through. The door slammed shut and I was spun around to face one very pissed off man who, the last time he'd seen me, ended up on the wrong end of a Jack Daniel's bottle. His eyes were wild and furious despite the calm his expression held. He obviously hadn't forgotten.

"Didn't think I would find you up here, did you sweetness? I guess what your stupid slut of a mother had said was true." He looked down on me in utter disgust. My hands automatically went to protect my belly.

"What the fuck have you done? Is this why you ran?" His hate filled eyes momentarily rested on my bulge and his head inclined towards me slightly. I scoffed internally. Like I had lain up on myself and gotten pregnant. What an ass.

"You knew I'd make you get rid of it, like the last time. You chose this fucking thing over me? Over us?!" he hissed and glowered at me.

Memories of how he'd handled the news the last time I'd thought I was pregnant swarmed through me, but I wouldn't let them make me weak or frightened. Not this time. My eyes narrowed in challenge. It was different. I was almost full term; there was nothing he could do about it now. Besides, for all he knew it wasn't even his. As if he read my mind he sneered at me.

"The bastard's not even mine, is it? He's someone else's? You're a fucking whore just like your mom."

I gave no response outside of the loathing I knew he could see in my eyes. For one thing, she was a girl. For another, if he ever dared refer to her as a bastard again, I just might have to kill him. I had no idea where my new backbone had grown from all of a sudden. It was strange, somewhere in the back of my mind there was a voice screaming how scared I should be and how badly he'd hurt me before, but in that moment I just didn't care. I was so pissed off at the way he was talking about MY daughter that I had no room for fear.

His foul breath fanned over my face when he pulled me tighter against him. I glared at him but couldn't answer due to his palm still tight over my face. I did, however, try to bite him. It didn't go over well. He backhanded me.

"Knock it off!" he spat and grabbed both my shoulders before shaking me hard. Despite the teeth rattling I managed to suck in another deep breath to fuel my scream that I was determined to have heard this time. He must have seen it coming but I certainly couldn't predict what his preventative measure would have been. Not even when his forehead connected with mine at a bone shattering rate.

My head throbbed to the point where I thought it was going to split open. Groaning, I kept my eyes closed while I felt around the goose egg that had suddenly appeared on my forehead. I was contemplating just what trouble I was in when the sudden buzzing of my phone made my eyes pop open. At least I thought they were open. It was just as dark when they were closed. It was then that I realised I was moving somehow and the buzzing had stopped, replaced with a dull hum that surrounded me.

"What the hell?" I whispered and tried to move and sit up. I immediately thumped the top of my head on something hard and metal. My heart started to thunder in my ribs as panic inevitably set in. I stretched my hands out and felt around in the blackness. There wasn't much room around me. Metal above and to my right that sloped down at a sharp angle. Something rough but sort of fuzzy beneath me. After trying to straighten my legs I figured the space to be no more than four feet long and maybe three feet wide, although it wasn't a box.

_At least you know you're not in a fucking coffin._

It was with sickening certainty that I realised I was in the trunk of a car when the perfect feeling of fluid motion was interrupted with a jarring bump that slammed me into the floor.

"No, no, no, no!" I whisper-screamed while I tried to keep a hold on my rapidly fraying mind. I placed a hand on my belly and felt around until my little peanut kicked solidly against it. At least she was alright. For now.

_NO! You will not give in to this shit! Pull it together, Swan! You are the police chief's daughter and watch every survival show on the Discovery channel. Use your fucking brain!_

I sucked in a few deep breaths and tried to ignore the smell of exhaust that mingled in the air. I needed to focus and think. Panic would not help either of us. It was then I remembered what had initially woken me up. Squirming around I was able to retrieve my cell from my back pocket. The screen cast an eerie green glow all around me and confirmed what I had feared: I was in the trunk of a car. It also showed that it was now 4:27pm and I had twenty eight missed calls and forty five missed texts. No doubt the girls panicked when I didn't come back from the bathroom and sounded the alarm. I wasted no time in doing the same. With shaky fingers I dialled the one person I knew would help me the most in this very instance.

"Bella? BELLA!" Charlie barked into the phone. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

"Dad, stop yelling and listen!" I said in a strained voice. I didn't want whoever was driving to hear me. "I…think I've been kidnapped."

There was a pause and a loud gasp before Chief Swan took over. "What do you see? Can you give me a description of your assailant? Are you in need of medical attention?"

"I can't see anything; I'm in the trunk of a moving car. It's a small trunk, four by three feet, I think. James was at the restaurant in Port Angeles and attacked me. He hit my head and knocked me out. I think I'm ok," I managed to keep my voice steady even though talking to my dad about what could easily be life or death information was starting to unnerve me. In fact, it could very well be the last conversation I ever had with him again.

_NO! Stop thinking like that. FOCUS!_

"Ok…ok, the car is moving? Can you use the light on your phone and look at where the tail lights should be? Do it now while I hold on," he instructed. I did as I was told and cast the light all around me. Up near my head and down near my feet I could see the plastic panel the held the tail and brake lights. I suddenly remembered when Rose had taught me how to replace the bulbs. However there was nothing I could do to break the panels or remove them. I was wearing sandals so kicking them was out and there were no crowbar or tire iron for me to us to break them.

"It's a no-go. I can't get to them," I whispered.

"Ok…Bells? We're running the GPS Emmett had installed on your phone. What about popping the latch of the trunk?" he countered in a stressed voice.

"I'll look," I said and shined the light towards the top of the trunk. I fiddled and pulled and messed with the latch area but it wouldn't budge. Just when I was about to give up something finally gave way and the trunk popped open ever so slightly.

"I got it! I got!" I practically squealed I was so relieved.

"GOOD! Good, now listen. DON'T open it all the way. Just lift it up enough to look out. Better yet, stick your arms out and start waving them around to signal to other cars you need help." Charlie sounded guardedly hopeful and I knew he wasn't going to say what I was thinking.

One of two things could foil my rescue. The first was that we were on a road with little to no traffic – entirely possible considering all the back roads and side roads there were between PA and Seattle or Canada, or wherever his destination was. The second was that his indicator light could come and he could pull over to investigate before anyone saw me.

I tried to ignore all the hair raising possibilities and kept my mind on the task at hand. To keep my arm from being crushed by the trunk I used one hand to prop it up slightly while the other waved wildly out the open space. I had lain the phone down on the floor and pressed the side of my face against it, praying I didn't accidentally hang up on my dad. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard the very distinctive horn of a large truck blare loudly from behind the car I was in.

"I think…I think someone saw me!" I gasped while trying to keep the trunk open, my arm outside, and my head from crushing the phone.

"GOT HER!" I heard a voice shout on Charlie's end. "THEY'RE ON THE 101 HEADED TOWARDS OLYMPIA! 911 CALL JUST CAME THROUGH DISPATCH. HE'S DRIVING A –"

I had stopped listening at that point because one of my fears had finally been recognised. The car was slowing down very quickly and pulling off to the right.

"He's stopping! He's stopping!" I yelled, no longer worried I would be heard.

"BELLA! Baby, listen to me. Keep your phone on. Hide it somewhere and keep it on silent. We're on our way. Do you hear me? BELLA?" He shouted at the brakes screamed and drowned out my affirmative reply. I hung up and stuffed the phone the only place I could think of that he wouldn't look immediately: in my bra.

Call it survival instinct, call it extreme fear, hell, call it whatever you want. Something made me throw caution to the wind, shove the trunk wide open and throw my pregnant ass out of the car before it had come to a complete stop. With grace I'd never thought I'd had I managed to land on my hands and feet and scramble upright in the opposite direction. The screamed expletive behind me only made me waddle faster towards the very large pick-up truck that I assumed had been honking at my waving arm.

"BELLA!" I heard James scream from somewhere behind me. I sucked in a deep breath and screamed over him.

"HELP ME! PLEASE!"

A man easily the size of Emmett who roughly resembled an ebony Mr Clean, hopped lithely out of oversized red cab and rushed towards me. In his hand was a shot gun. I said a silent prayer of thanks that even though I was not a card carrying member of the NRA, this gentleman obviously was.

"God in Heaven!" the man cried and reached his arm out to catch me as I launched myself at him.

"Help me, help me, help me," I continuously rasped against his chest while he half carried me back towards his truck. We took up refuge behind the open front door and I turned just in time to see the tires burn and squeal against the blacktop and James take off again. My eyes were glued to the tail lights of the confined space from which I had just escaped until they faded out of sight.

"Yeah, uh-huh…yes, sir I got her right here." My mountain sized saviour looked me over as he held me tightly against him before returning to his call. "No, sir she doesn't appear to be any worse for wear. Alright then…sure thing. We'll just wait right here. Just her, me, and my Winchester rifle."

I closed my eyes for a moment and just revelled in the fact that I was ok, my baby was ok, and we were safe. The man continued to talk in his deep baritone voice to someone off and on, if only just to say he was still there and we hadn't seen any police yet. There were several cars that passed us by on both sides of the road but no one stopped or even slowed down to see if we were in trouble. It was as if luck had shown down upon me and placed the one Good Samaritan left on the Olympic peninsula directly behind James.

"Just hang on a minute and I'll ask her. Hey there buttercup, you gotta name?" he asked me with a kind smile.

"Isabella Swan," I responded in a hollow voice.

As he relayed that to the person on the other end – I assumed it was a 911 dispatcher – my world started to go fuzzy around the edges. Now that I was officially out of harm's way the panic I had been holding off finally took its strangle hold on my fragile mind. Chaotic and gruesome thoughts swirled through my mind, assaulting me with bloody images of mangled corpses, grieving loved ones, torture, hospital beds, funerals, missing persons reports, a frantic Charlie, a desperate Edward, they just kept coming and there was nothing I could do to make them stop. It wasn't until a deep rumble surrounded me and filled the trees with eardrum shattering volume that I managed to snap out of it just a little.

_I know those bikes…_

It was the second most beautiful sound in the world to me in that very moment. Six beat up, filthy motorcycles came thundering down the road straight towards us. The leader of the pack, with his russet skin and flowing black hair, gunned it straight for me and came skidding to a stop mere inches from the back of the truck.

"Now you hold it right there, son!" My Good Samaritan shouted and raised up his gun. I didn't even wait for him to finish before wrenching out of his grasp and bolting straight for the pissed off, but super relieved Quileute who stood with his hands up in surrender.

"JAKE!" I screamed and collapsed against him. He hugged me so tightly that I struggled to get enough oxygen to fuel to frame shaking sobs that had begun to pour out of me.

"BELLA!" he choked out and rocked with me in his arms.

I suddenly felt several sets of hands and arms around us both while voices rose and called my name. Embry, Seth, and Quil helped make up our group hug. When I lifted up my flowing eyes I saw Sam and Paul speaking with my gun toting hero. I pulled back and managed to extract myself from the pack, but couldn't shake Jake or Seth's hands as they clutched on to both of mine.

"Thank you so much," I stuttered out through my tears after we approached the three men watching our scene with smiles.

"Now, you're welcome buttercup." He smiled and his eyes crinkled.

"I don't even know your name," I hiccupped.

The man did a little half bow. "Jebediah Taylor, at your service ma'am, but my friends call me Bubba."

I managed a half smile before leaning against Jake and closing my eyes. The adrenaline that had kept me going for so long had finally run dry and I was hit with exhaustion so strong that I felt on the verge of collapse.

"Thank you, Jebediah." I let the guys pull me back towards their bikes while Paul, Sam, and Bubba continued to talk quietly by the front of the truck.

"How did you find me?" I whispered after Jake sat down on a fallen log and pulled me onto his lap.

"Crystal called me when they couldn't find you at the restaurant. We all headed out there immediately but no one had seen you. We decided to try driving up the coast since we figured your ex was involved and Emmett told us he was hiding out in Seattle. Then Charlie texted and let us know where you had been spotted after your phone call was disconnected. We just happened to be on the same road to we high tailed our asses up here and…well, there you were. What the hell happened, Bells? Charlie was certain he'd caught you and…and…" Jake went straight from his explanation into his examination of me without even pausing to take a breath.

"Someone…call Charlie," I managed to slur out before slumping against Jake and allowing the soothing blackness to take me.

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**A/N: Ok, I did warn you at the end of the last chapter this one would be a little rough. And it's not over yet. Keep hanging on for the next few chapters. They may be a little shorter than usual but they are faster paced. Let me know what you think. Where was James taking her? Where is he now? What's gonna happen next? YIKES!**

**Oh, and for Bubba, think Michael Clarke Duncan from Armaggedon (Bear). I loved him xoxo**


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**A/N: WOW, lots of new readers and favorites added so thanks for that and welcome to the story! BUT...only 2 reviews? Really? Sadness. If Bella getting kidnapped doesn't spurn a bunch of comments I'm not sure what will. You're a tough crowd :-) **

**Ok, for those who did review thank you so much! And hopefully you enjoy this chapter enough to comment on it. **

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I was surrounded by warmth; that was the first thing I noticed. The next were the hushed voices that swirled around me like the soft fluttering of butterflies. The very last thing I became aware of before my eyes popped open was the movement in my belly. That sensation alone calmed me more than the rest and let me know that everything was going to be alright. I was met with a sea of stares that all held a plethora of emotions. Fear, relief, anger, sadness, determination, resignation…they all battled with each other for the top spot with no clear winner in sight.

"That's right, _prima_ wake up," Crystal murmured next to me.

When I turned my head to look at her I realised I was laying on a sofa, my head rested on Esme's lap and my feet in Charlie's. Carlisle knelt on the floor next to Crys and was taking my pulse, while Rose paced the floor behind the sofa with Alice. I snickered a little when they ran into each other.

"What happened?" I asked and tried to sit up. Esme would have none of that. Charlie either.

"Now, you just stay down you hear me? Let Dr Cullen look you over and just behave yourself for two minutes," Charlie grumbled.

I suppressed a smirk. Charlie never had been good with his emotions. Worry, fear, and panic tended to come out in snappish anger. I learned that when I was like, five. I still found it endearing if not immensely amusing. Carlisle continues his examination for a few more minutes before he sat back on his heels and huffed out a huge breath.

"You're fine, everything's fine. You have a small bump on your head but I'm pretty sure you won't have a concussion since you haven't had any signs since the injury occurred. Your little girl is moving around and her heart rate is good but I still want to schedule an ultrasound for tomorrow with Dr Harrison. You are to do no lifting, no strenuous activities, and stay off your feet for at least the next forty-eight hours, are we clear?" He made his stern doctor face and all I could do was nod.

"You'll have to excuse my husband, Bella. He gets a little…annoyed when someone hurts his…patients." Esme seemed to be choosing her words with great care and it instantly made me curious, until I remembered that Edward had told them we were seeing each other.

"Ah," I managed while I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. I was thinking about something to say to break the tension in the room when Edward, Jazz, Em, and Jake all came bounding into the room.

"All finished?" Rose asked somewhat anxiously.

"Yep, everything is moved and the security systems are all installed," Emmett told her before sweeping her up into a hug.

"All the furniture is assembled? The crib, the changing table, everything?" Alice chimed in and Jasper nodded.

"We even made sure all the clothes were washed before we shifted them to the new place," Jake chimed in, looking directly at Charlie who just nodded his head once. That's when I noticed that no one had addressed me directly. No one was even looking at me.

"Are you talking about my stuff?" I pulled myself up to sit and this time Esme helped me.

"What about the car?" Charlie asked, ignoring me outright.

"New security all set, LoJack all set, we gave her the works," Jake nodded towards Rose then and I whipped around to see her duck her head guiltily.

"What about the scheduling issues? And Billy?" Charlie finally glanced at me out of the corner of his eye.

"We'll be taking it in shifts. Embry and Quil are on board and Seth is moving in with dad to take my spot for a while. He cooks better than I do so dad will probably want to make it a permanent thing," Jake half joked.

There was a feeling of dread that started to build in my stomach but I tried to keep it at bay. They couldn't be talking about what I thought they were. No way would Rose agree to make choices for me without even consulting me first. She hated that almost as much as I did. She'd never just stand by and let that happen, let alone participate in it. Right? Right?

"Ok, you all are talking around me instead of to me. And since I can tell this directly involves me, could someone clue me in please?" No reason to be rude, not yet anyway. Maybe I was panicking for no reason.

Edward finally came over from behind the couch and stood behind Jake. He shifted from foot to foot nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. When it was clear he wasn't going to speak Crystal sighed and muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like "pansy", though I don't think that's what she said.

"You have to understand why we did it, Bells. That jackass kidnapped you and would have done God knows what if you hadn't been so smart and brave and just badass…" Crys started to explain when Edward blurted out from behind her.

"We moved you into the apartment over our garage."

There was silence for two beats while the information he just pummelled me with set in before…

"**WHAT?!**" My shout echoed through the cavernous living room and just about everyone around me cringed. Everyone except Esme.

"What do you mean, what?" She raised one eyebrow in challenge but I wasn't in any mood to be mothered into silence.

"I liked where I was living! There's nothing wrong with Rose and Jasper's house. Unless…" my voice faded out and my anger was instantly replaced by a strong feeling of nausea and hurt.

Maybe they didn't want me there anymore. Not only was I bringing an infant into their home and upsetting the balance, but now I had a bona fide psychopath hunting me down. Maybe…

"Don't even think it, Bella. We didn't kick you out. If you'd just shut your pie hole and let one of us explain you'd find that out," Jazz snapped when my thoughts must have become readable on my face.

"Well, then somebody better strap on a pair and tell me just what the hell is going on!" I demanded. My irritation with the situation overrode the sense of decency that I usually had around Esme and Carlisle. I did feel a twinge of regret when I saw Charlie flush a little.

"Sure thing, Bells. But you'd better be prepared to just shut up and listen," Jake shot at me before crouching down next to Crystal and looking me in the eye.

"We moved your stuff into the three bedroom apartment above the five car garage that the Cullen's own. Here's why. One: you just got kidnapped by a psycho. Two: you're pregnant and need to be looked after so said psycho doesn't take advantage of your temporarily handicapped state and abscond with you again. Three: To be sure that you were never in that kind of situation again you will now have two people with you at all times. No arguments, no exceptions. Ah, ah!" he held his finger up to shush me when I started to protest. "I'm not finished yet, young lady! Now, where was I…oh yeah. Four: and this is for the official record so you don't go bitching them out later, Rose and Jasper were dead against this until we explained that you wouldn't be living alone. You get two new roommates until this asswipe gets caught AND everyone will be taking shifts staying over and keeping you company. Have I left anything out?" he turned to Crystal who snickered and shook her head.

"Yeah, you did. New roommates…" Edward mumbled before ducking his head down and running a hand through his thoroughly dishevelled hair.

Jasper snorted. "You're gonna love this, Bella," he muttered. Edward glared at him.

"Um, wait…just wait. Edward, you can't…I mean, we can't…it's just…" I stuttered and stumbled over the nicest way to tell him there was no way in hell he was moving in with me at this early stage in our relationship, no matter how at risk I was. It just wasn't going to happen. He must have understood what I was attempting to splutter because his expression darkened a little and he shook his head.

"It's not me," he ground out and stuffed his hands in his pockets very quickly but not fast enough that I didn't see his hands clench into tight fists.

I was taken aback by that and by his sudden anger. Esme shot him a look that read 'knock it off' before she turned to me and smiled.

"Jake and I are moving in with you," Crystal announced in a voice that was way too happy for the situation.

"Uh…" While I didn't mind living with my cousin, living with Jake AND my cousin was not my idea of a good time. I eyed him up and down when he grinned widely at me.

"Come one, Bells, who else? Rose and Jasper can't leave their house for that long otherwise the dickhead will know you aren't there anymore and you can't move in with your dad since there isn't room for you and Jacobella, so this really is the perfect idea." Jake looked way too proud of himself.

"Jacob Black, you will watch your language while you are in my home, are we clear?" Esme levelled him with one of her best 'mom' looks. He blushed deeply and cowered back a little.

"So, what do you think? Can you live with it?" he asked me once Esme released him from her death glare.

"I'm not naming her that," I deadpanned.

"But everything else…the living arrangements, the bodyguard detail. Are you on board?" he hedged.

I groaned. It wasn't that bad really. Jake was like the big brother I never had and always wanted. Kind of a goofball but fun to be around and so fiercely protective of me I didn't have to worry about anything when he was around. And Crys was awesome and the closest thing – next to Rose – that I had to a sister. They were just worried about me and I was determined not to make a fuss about how they chose to show it. But there were a few areas that needed to be negotiated.

"One: no bodyguard detail when I'm on a date with Edward," I muttered and blushed. I didn't like talking about this in front of all the parents in the room but it had to be said.

Jake looked to Emmett who in turn looked at Jasper who locked eyes with Charlie. Once he nodded Jake looked back at me and grinned. "Ok, anything else?"

"Two: I pay rent," I started to say when Esme and Carlisle cut me off.

"Absolutely not," Esme shook her head.

"No way in hell," Carlisle muttered.

Edward laughed when my eyebrows shot up in surprise. I knew they would challenge me but I'd never heard Carlisle use language like that. But if it made Edward smile instead of scowl I would take it.

"Utilities," I shot out.

"Nope," Carlisle crossed his arms and shook his head.

"Phone and cable," I tried again, desperate to get something.

Esme smile and shook her head slowly. "Part of the utilities. But…" she said when she could see I was going to object again…loudly. "You can get your own groceries. I don't shop for my children anymore so I wouldn't dream of doing it for you and your roommates. Having said that, please feel free to come over and visit us whenever you like without feeling like you have to arrange an appointment. We want you to feel at home here."

"But that doesn't mean we'll just come over and bother you without warning," Edward quickly cut in. He once again sported a nervous expression.

"Unless you're scheduled for Bella-sitting duty," I grumbled under my breath. I blew out a deep sigh before fixing a smile onto my face. They were being kind and going out of their way to keep me and my daughter safe and well cared for. I would not throw the offer back in their faces and be the stubborn brat I could be by insisting to handle it all myself. Carmen was right; I needed to let other people care about me in the ways that they showed best and learn that accepting help when I needed it didn't make me weak or pathetic.

"I…appreciate all that you guys have done for me. Especially in such a short period of time. It really…means a lot. I'll try really, really hard not to make this any more stressful for anyone and agree to your plans IF…" I let that hang for a moment just to be sure I had everyone's full attention. When I was satisfied they were all clearly listening I continued. "If you also do me the same courtesy. I can't have people on top of me twenty-four seven. I need a little time to myself, like when I watch stupid TV at four in the morning. Or when I want to read one of the many crime novels you all have kindly given me to encourage me to relax more. Or when I need to take a shower." I glared at Crystal when I said the last one. She grinned and shrugged.

"I wasn't peeking or anything. I just thought that it would be a shame if you slipped and drowned in an inch of water because you weren't able to get your round self back up."

Charlie guffawed loudly before slapping a hand over his mouth while I glared at her. Everyone else had the decency to try and hide their snickers. I crossed my arms over my chest and continued to give her the evils while she just shrugged me off and ignored my indignation. Our stand-off lasted another three minutes until she finally threw her hands up and sighed dramatically.

"Fine," she huffed and got up to leave the room. Just when I thought I had won she stopped and glanced at me over her shoulder.

"I'll just wait outside the door until you're done," she said with and evil grin then danced out of sight.

I growled quietly while Jake chuckled and shook his head.

"Let the games begin," he joked.

Carlisle had to head back to the hospital and Esme needed to contact a client so they disappeared a few moments later. Charlie wasn't too far behind after he received a call from the station saying that there were a few leads on James' whereabouts. I thought Emmett would have followed him but he shook his head when I asked.

"I'm on duty tonight at the station, but right now I'm on duty here. Let that fucker try to get past me," he said proudly and puffed up his chest.

"EMMETT CULLEN! LANGUAGE!" Esme yelled from her office upstairs. He deflated and glared up at the ceiling.

"How the hell does she do that?" he muttered.

"Mom's got skills," Edward chimed in from across the room. Even after the mood had improved slightly he still looked tense and a little angry. I thought I knew why and wanted to sort it out before I inadvertently made it worse.

"Come show me around my new place?" It came out like a question because I didn't know how much he would want to me around me but when he smiled and nodded eagerly I felt myself relax a little. Once we got outside I launched into an explanation for my earlier outburst.

"I didn't mean to go off like that. I'm really grateful for everything you all did, honestly. And I wasn't angry with the idea of living with you. Well, I was but not because there's something wrong with you. Because there isn't at all. But we've only started dating like a few weeks ago and we haven't even slept together or anything…"

_WHOA! Slow it down, Swan! You're rambling like an idiot again. _

Luckily Edward cut me off before I could get started again.

"It's fine, really. I knew you weren't ready for that yet. Hell, I'm not ready for it either but I couldn't stand the idea of you staying where you were and needed to have you close so this seemed like the perfect compromise." He helped me up the stairs and pulled a key from his pocked to open the large white front door.

"Wait…my moving here was your idea?" I don't know why I was so surprised. It made perfect sense.

"Well, yeah. I kind of thought that was obvious." He frowned as we stepped into a small foyer and he punched a series of numbers into a beeping panel on the wall.

"I don't understand why you got so angry then," I said and he turned back to me and clasped my hand between both of his.

"This whole situation with James has been…really hard for me. I can't stand the idea that someone has hurt you in the past, but the fact that he hurt you now. That he still means to do you harm…" he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head as if to expel an unpleasant image. When he opened his emerald eyes again they blazed into mine.

"I care about you so much…and even as I say those words they don't feel like enough. But kind of like living with you, we aren't ready to say anything else. Right?"

"Yeah, right," I agreed a little too quickly. I couldn't help it though. James and I had moved at Mach speed in our relationship and that had not exactly been the best idea. Maybe if we'd moved slowed I would have seen some of this coming and would have gotten out so much sooner.

"I don't think we should live together yet, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. Does that make sense?" he murmured and brought my hand to his lips, pressing kisses to the top between words. I felt my knees weaken a little.

"Yeah," I said dumbly. Why did one little touch from him turn my brain to mush?

He leaned in and presses his lips to mine very gently for a moment before he suddenly dropped my hand and wrapped one hand around my waist while another tightly gripped my neck. Then I was not so tenderly slammed up against the wall behind me but I couldn't feel anything but mouth attacking mine. Lips, tongues, and teeth clashed noisily while we both groaned into each other's open mouths. My hands gipped his shoulders and pulled him as close as our bodies would allow but it wasn't enough. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to have him crawl into my skin and possess every part of me.

He did the next best thing when I felt his hand slide up under my shirt and his fingertips glided over my lower back. I gasped and bowed towards him as much as my body would allow and scratched my nails across the back of his neck. His responding moan sent shivers down my spine and caused goose bumps to erupt all over my skin. But then when he caught my lower lip between his teeth and I whimpered, everything stopped as soon as it had begun. He backed away from me a few steps and we both stood there panting and looking at each other with obvious longing.

"I'm sorry," he huffed out and shook his head. I frowned.

"Why?"

"I just…you've been through so much today and I go and basically attack you. Not exactly the gentleman my parents raised me to be," he smirked and rolled his eyes. I snorted out a little laugh.

"No complaints here. In fact, feel free to leave him behind the next time you come over," I teased. I was amazed at how relaxed I suddenly felt despite my ordeal that day. Maybe it was the shock.

_Yeah, that's what it is. PTSD does not stand for Post Traumatic Slut Disorder. _

Edward chuckled as if he'd heard my inner admonishments but then stepped back over to me and kissed my forehead chastely before holding me tightly against his chest. I listened to his thudding heartbeat and smiled when I realised he was just as worked up as I had been. There was something comforting in that. It was good for my practically non-existent self-esteem that I seemed to affect him just as much as he affected me.

"When the girls couldn't find you we panicked. When you called Charlie on your cell and told him where you were…who you were with. Bella, I can't begin to describe what I felt. What we all felt. We were beyond terrified. And Charlie…he was so damned proud of you but I've never seen a grown man cry like that. It was like someone had just crushed his whole world when the phone disconnected and he didn't know what happened to you. Even when the 911 dispatcher connected him to the guy who helped you he was damn near inconsolable. It wasn't until we actually got to where you were and he was able to see you and touch you that he calmed down."

I finally pulled back and looked at him in disbelief. "Charlie doesn't cry. He barely even smiles when he's happy. In fact, his main form of communication has always been sarcasm."

Edward shook his head. "You have no idea how loved you are, Bella. It's sad really."

I chose to ignore his thinly veiled pity and tried to poke holes in the heart breaking image of my father he'd expertly planted in my head. "How could he have driven all that way in the state you claim he was in? Are you sure you aren't confusing him with…I don't know, you?"

I was kidding but when Edward's smile faltered I felt my heart stutter a little. His eyes turned a little sad for a moment before he smirked again.

"You should have seen the looks I got driving that cruiser while Charlie rode shotgun."

My face must have registered my shock when he mentioned that but then I replayed the words he'd been saying in my head. "You…you were there. You came to get me."

"Wild horses couldn't drag me away," he murmured. "Or more accurately, Emmett with a shotgun and half a dozen large Quileute's on motorcycles."

"But enough about me, I thought I was showing you your new home." He quickly pulled me from the hallway into a large living area elegantly but comfortably furnished in dark greens and creams. The floors were hardwood with knotted rugs scattered here and there and the walls were painted a soft sage green. There was a large flat screen TV mounted on the wall between two large dormer windows. There was a tall bookcase full almost to capacity that sat on the same wall, also flanked by windows. The whole room was light and airy but still felt safe and cozy.

Edward waited for me to turn all the way around before crooking his finger at me and guiding me to a well-appointed kitchen. The cabinets were painted while and had a wooden counter top that went all the way around making a U shape. Top that off with brand name, top of the like stainless steel appliances and I was in heaven. It was like my dream kitchen and I hadn't even explored it yet.

I was just about to ask which bedroom was mine when there was a sudden knock at the front door. Edward pulled it open and was instantly face to face with a very agitated looking Jasper and severely pissed off Rosalie. I was instantly wary.

"Come in and sit down," I said before either of them could speak. I had a feeling I would need to sit down for whatever they had to say.

"Emmett just got a call from your dad. Carmen's been attacked. She's alright," Rose rushed to say when my hands flew to my mouth.

"She even got a piece of her attacker," Jazz chimed in with a somewhat impressed smirk. "Ripped her hair out by the roots before the girl ran off into an awaiting car."

"Wait, girl?" I was confused. I was certain he was going to tell me James had struck again.

"Yeah, her name is Breanna Biers. A fifteen year old runaway from Arizona." The way Rose said her name spoke volumes about her feelings for a girl she'd never met but instantly disliked due to her association with James.

I sighed. "Oh, Bree. What are you doing?"

I rested my head in my hands and felt Edward reach over and gently massage my tight shoulders. But even his magic fingers wouldn't expel the tension that had built up over the last few weeks.

"There's more," Jasper said hesitantly.

"Of course there is," I whispered looked up at him. He grimaced and shook his head before turning to look at Rose. He almost looked like he was blushing.

"Oh fine you big weenie. When we were moving your clothes we noticed that some of your delicates had been messed with. That's why we washed everything. We didn't want to talk about it with a room full of people, especially since Charlie was already informed and damned near blew a gasket. Without giving you all the gory details let's just say they found James's DNA on some stuff." Her face scrunched up in disgust and anger.

I was horrified, mortified, and so sick to my stomach that I nearly heaved all over the teak coffee table in front of me. After I was sure my stomach contents would stay put I looked over at her.

"Tell me you threw that shit out," I spat.

"Not a chance. The Forks police have it as evidence that he broke into the house. They're building one hell of a case against him," she informed me matter-of-factly.

"Is that everything?" I asked wearily. After the emotional roller-coaster I'd been on I was downright exhausted.

"Just about. Bree left a message with Carmen that she relayed to Charlie," Jasper said calmly as he sucked in a deep breath.

I could tell before he'd steadied himself that I wasn't going to like what he was about to say. I had no idea just how much I'd hate it.

"She said, and I quote, 'He's not done with you yet but he doesn't want the brat. Get rid of it and he might just forgive you'. Carmen said that Bree looked high when she saw her and her speech was slurred, but she's almost 100 percent certain that's what she said," Jasper gritted out. It was as if the words caused him physical pain to utter them.

I reached out to him and grabbed his hand. I wanted him to know that my anger wasn't directed at him and that I in no way held him responsible for what he'd just told me. Or the fury that had suddenly blazed deep within me. I felt like I was burning from the inside out.

"Well, I have my own message for him. Over my dead fucking body," I growled. I had hoped it would show just how strong I was going to be when it came to protecting myself and my daughter.

But next to me Edward sighed and pulled me against his chest again.

"That's what we're all afraid of."

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**A/N: So James is still out there, Bree is doing is dirty work - well, not all of his dirty work...ewww! - and Bella isn't quite living with Edward but really he's right next door. Who thinks there will be more steamy moments with fewer interuptions? **

**So how much begging do I need to do to get over 100 reviews? Please? PRETTY PLEASE?**


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**A/N: Ok, I'm itching to get above 100 reviews so please help me accomplish that :-) Thank you to those who have favorited, alerted, and reviewed this story! I am truely thankful for you all :-) **

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The hits just kept coming over the last four weeks. As I settled into my third trimester and began preparing for the arrival of my daughter in two months, I also had the extremely unlikely task of remaining calm while being stalked by my psychotic ex and his new protégé. A few changes had been made out of necessity. For starters, I now saw Carmen at the hospital where Carlisle works, in his office no less. Not only that, Emmett or even my dad would stand guard outside the door during my hour of therapy. They assured me that they couldn't hear what we discussed but it still put me on edge and made me much more reticent to discuss my newfound fears and lifestyle. After she had been accosted by Bree Carmen let me know that she had begun taking extra precautions too, which of course made me feel horrendously guilty.

The transition to my new place had been easier than I had imagined it would be. Crystal and Jake were amazing, helping me rearrange furniture – well, they moved where I directed from my seat at the kitchen table – and making sure to let me cook at least one meal a day. Alice was wonderful if not a little pushy when it came to purchasing all the last minute baby items I knew I would need when she got here. The latest trip to PA provided a baby bath, wipe warmer, and an assortment of sheets for the bassinet and crib.

"Trust me, you'll thank me at three in the morning when you're on your third set of linens the first time princess here has the flu," she had assured me while patting my tummy lovingly. I had a feeling she was right but wouldn't give her the satisfaction of saying so because she refused to let me pay for anything.

Emmett and Rose came over every weekend and stayed while Jake went back to the Rez to see his dad and the rest of the boys he worked with. But it was Jasper and Edward that surprised me the most. Not only did they have a freakin roster that had one or the other with me practically at all times, but they had miraculously become BFF's overnight.

"We're united by a common cause," Jazz told me one night over Crystal's killer chicken enchiladas.

"Yeah, the 'Save the Swan' campaign," Edward said around a mouthful of dirty rice. Jasper snorted and nodded his head before shovelling more in his already stuffed mouth.

My place had officially become the house everyone ate at when we weren't all invading the Cullen's. Esme repeatedly assured me that she loved having us all there at once, Charlie and Jake included, but it still made me feel like a huge imposition on my part. They had been so great to me, so kind and understanding, and were so supper supportive of Edward's and my budding romance, and here I was bringing chaos and danger into their lives. It made me feel like utter crap. I told Carmen as much during our last session.

"While I agree that this is a terrible situation for anyone to be in, can you explain why you feel guilty?" she asked and leaned forward in Carlisle's office chair.

I sighed. "None of this would be affecting them or their kids if I wasn't in the picture. It's my fault they had to rearrange their lives and fear for the safety of their families. Maybe I should just leave."

I sniffled into a tissue for a minute before I raised my eyes to meet Carmen's. She looked at me kindly but there was a hint of disapproval etched on her face. I ducked my head and began to fiddle with my Kleenex.

"Bella, I know you aren't used to being taken care of but I know for a fact that looking out for others isn't a foreign concept to you," she stated calmly.

"How do you figure?" I had no idea where she was going with this.

She smiled and shook her head. "You really have no concept of what an amazing young woman you are."

I looked at her in utter confusion and she scooted forward a little to clasp my hand in both of hers. "Bella, I have spent the last few months working very closely with you and believe I have gotten to know you pretty well. Would you agree?"

I nodded hesitantly. She smiled and continued.

"You may not believe me when I say this because you just don't see it yet, but you are one of the strongest, bravest, kindest young women I have ever had the pleasure of working with. Now, before you shake your head or your self talk drowns me out with shouted objections, let me explain why I think so.

You had one hell of a childhood, this you know. You're mother wasn't loving or attentive, your step father was abusive, your father – for all the effort he shows now – wasn't around the majority of the time. You learned at a very young age that you had to take care of others as well as yourself, and you had to do it while trying to be invisible. Top it off with a best friend that became a violent and predatory partner…well, let's just say that you are an anomaly in the psychiatric world."

I was stunned. "Meaning…"

"Meaning your upbringing and life experiences read like the who's who of the 'How to Raise a Serial Killer' handbook. The fact that you are a loving, caring, and rather empathetic individual just goes to show how much someone can overcome if they get the opportunity and have the determination." She beamed at me kindly but I just sat there dumbly playing her words over in my head.

"You look a little surprised," she offered simply.

"I just…I don't see it that way." That was the understatement of the year but I couldn't put my jumbled thoughts into words.

"Of course you don't. You've probably spent most of your life telling yourself that other people have it far worse than you do and just doing whatever you had to in order to survive." She raised her eyebrows at me and I nodded back with a small, grateful smile. She had a knack for summing things up nicely so I didn't have to stumble around to explain my often confusing emotions.

"I always knew that there were other kids who would gladly trade places with me. Renee used to tell me that all the time. Then later, James would say the same thing," I blurted out, unsure of where those thoughts had come from.

"James would say that there were other women to take your place?" she asked lightly.

"Yeah," I flushed deeply and began fidgeting again. "He, um…he used to say…"

"Used to say?" she prompted gently. I huffed and furiously wiped at my eyes as they began to fill with tears.

"He'd say, 'why should I love you when you daddy doesn't? Your own mother wishes they would have sucked you out of her with a vacuum, tell me why I should keep you around?'" I choked out in a harsh voice.

"How did you feel when he said those things to you, Bella?" she asked quietly and handed me another tissue.

"Angry. Sad. It was…" I stopped and shook my head while I tried to get my breathing under control.

"It was what?"

"It was fucking humiliating because he was right!" I shrieked at her and then rose from chair, pacing around the room. "I never knew if Charlie loved me or not! He wasn't there! Renee told me every time she was drunk from the time I was little that she should have gotten an abortion. That kids were a fucking waste of time and money and that her life would have been so much better without me. She hated me! MY OWN MOTHER FUCKING HATES ME!"

I was borderline hysterical at that point, sobbing and pacing around the room. Carmen got up and suddenly appeared in my path, her hands out to stop me from walking around her. I contemplated pushing or slapping her but quickly felt guilty for even considering it.

"You aren't sure if your dad loves you?" she asked and it took me off guard.

"I…I don't know. I guess he does now. Yeah, sure," I stuttered, suddenly confused by my uncertainty.

"You think he loves you now but didn't love you when you were younger?" she clarified. Somehow during her bizarre line of questioning we had resumed our seats but she was much closer to me, her hand on my arm.

"Well…I don't know…I'm not…why are you asking me this?" I shot at her angrily.

"You said that you thought your father didn't love you and that your mother hates you. Those are two separate issues and sets of beliefs so I am tackling the one that I can work with immediately. So tell me why you think your dad loves you now but didn't love you then?" she reasoned simply.

I nodded absently and sucked in a deep breath. I tried to calm down a little more so I could coherently talk about my logic behind my earlier statement. But the more I thought about it the less evidence I could come up with. After a few minutes I slumped over and shrugged.

"No, tell me why you said that. Even if you don't really believe it, you obviously considered that to be at least somewhat true at one point in your life." Her voice was kind but firm and I knew there was no way out of this.

"Um…he wasn't around much when I was a kid. I mean, I came up here to visit every year, sometimes multiple times a year, but it was never…I don't know…consistent?" It came out as a question and I stared off into space and vividly pictured my visits.

"Ok, so you did see him every year but it seemed more around your mother's schedule than your father's desire to see you?" she hedged. I frowned and shook my head.

"No, I mean, yeah…sort of. Renee was the one who always said I was going to visit but I never felt unwanted up here. Charlie always seemed really happy to see me. He'd even take time off work to hang out with me when I was here," I recalled and felt calmer than before. Slightly more settled.

"So you knew he cared for you? Did you feel loved?" she inquired plainly.

"Yes," I answered without hesitation. "But…I don't know. I think he turned a blind eye to things a lot."

"Things like what?"

I sighed. Charlie and I already talked about this and I had forgiven him for it, but it still nagged at me a little. "He's a cop and yet didn't notice that I was often skinny, or dirty, or bruised. Or worse…"

"So you think he overlooked your abuse?"

"He said it was a mistake. That he hadn't wanted to believe Renee capable of that kind of thing and she always had a really good lie or excuse for what was wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Bella. There never has been," she said firmly in a voice that brokered no argument. Only when I nodded did she continue, even though we both knew I didn't entirely agree. "You mean she lied about your injuries or physical state. Did you ever tell him the truth?"

I sucked in a breath and held it while I shook my head.

"Why not?"

It was such a simple question but it was one for which I had no answer. I had never even considered telling Charlie what had happened and I had no reason why. I wasn't protecting anyone, I wasn't afraid of being taken away from Renee, I wasn't under the impression that I deserved everything I got. It had just never occurred to me to tell him.

"I just…I don't know really. I guess I thought I was ok and handling it."

"I see. What about now? If you could go back would you have told him?"

"Yeah, probably. That means I would have come up here to live and things would probably be a little different."

We talked a little more about how things were different for me now and how I was holding up to having a threat to not only me but now my baby too. She gave me some good relaxation techniques to help me sleep better at night and keep from panicking when things got scary for me. Even though the majority of the session was intense I left feeling a little lighter if not utterly exhausted.

Emmett waited for me outside and escorted me out to the parking lot. Edward was leaned up against the car, head down with his free hand pinching the bridge of his nose while the other held his cell. As we approached we both heard the tail end of a very tense conversation.

"Yeah, I'll tell her. She's coming over with Emmett now. Is there anything we need to replace? I was going to take her out anyway." He paused and sighed heavily before offering me a wary smile. "No problem, thanks mom. Yeah, I'll tell her but don't get your hopes up."

He closed the phone and wrapped me up in his strong embrace, burying his face in my hair. I squeezed him before pulling back and smirking.

"Don't tell me someone blew up my brand new apartment. Cause I was just starting to get used to it there and I think Crystal plans on dying in that kitchen," I joked. It worked a little as Edward snorted and shook his head.

"No, nothing like that. It's just that Charlie got a call and they might have a lead on James. They think he's still in Seattle somewhere but he might have been spotted in Tacoma yesterday," he told me, his face set and worried.

"Oh," was all I had to say. It had been weeks since we'd heard anything about him or Bree. After the attack on Carmen they just kind of disappeared into the fog that often blanketed the Olympic peninsula. It was oddly alarming, the whole 'now you see me, now you don't' game they seemed to be playing. I'd much rather he was stalking me. At least he would get caught and then this whole nightmare could be put behind me, behind all of us.

"Why were you asking about replacing something?" Em asked as he scanned the parking lot. He always seemed to be on high alert these days. I felt bad for him. I knew what it was like to maintain that level of hyper vigilance. In short, it blew.

"Oh, there was an accident in the kitchen when Jasper and Alice were…cooking," he mumbled and blushed a little. I barked out a laugh when Em grimaced. I guess I understood; she was their little sister after all.

"Just as long as they cleaned up after themselves," I snickered.

"How did mom even know?" Em asked loudly.

"Dad burst in with a bat when he heard screaming. I guess he thought Bella was in trouble," Edward explained but now had trouble containing his smile. I was laughing so hard I was worried I might pee.

"Oh my God!" I gasped. "Poor Jasper!"

"Poor Jasper? Poor dad," Emmett snickered and shook his head as we piled into my car.

I convinced Edward that I really wasn't in the mood to go out after my therapy session so we picked up some pizzas and headed back to my apartment. Aside from Carlisle's Mercedes, the Volvo, and the Jeep there was another car with a local rental number under the licence plate. My heartbeat accelerated when I recalled the last time someone showed up unannounced, but then I reasoned with myself that Renee had no idea where the Cullen's lived and there was no one on planet Earth that would have given her that information.

"Wonder who's here to see mom?" Em said absently while he helped me up the stairs, Edward trailing behind with the food. He shrugged.

"No idea."

Inside we found Rose and Crys watching old episodes of Survivor. They were both booing loudly when some person with filthy dreadlocks starting yelling at some tiny Asian woman in a bright pink bikini. I rolled my eyes and headed for the kitchen.

"Not a fan of Survivor?" Jake asked from behind his car magazine at the kitchen table.

I snorted. "My life is like one big long episode, I don't need to watch it. Only I have to outwit, outlast, and outplay a psychotic ex in Washington, not some tropical paradise. At least I'm not half starved anymore."

Jake grimaced and when I looked around I saw that everyone else wore matching expressions. I felt kind of bad but after my sessions I sometime said things I had been thinking about without considering how it would affect others. Carmen had told me repeatedly not to apologise for others' reactions to me though. Their feelings were not my responsibility or something like that.

"Better get some food before I eat it all," I called over my shoulder in a might lighter tone. Jake didn't hesitate to take three slices of my veggie pizza before stalking off to watch TV with the girls.

"Where are Jazz and Alice?" I asked around a mouthful.

"Over at the main house," Rose called.

"I'll head over there after I'm done. Alice texted me with something about a movie night tonight. You game?" he asked me with a smile.

"Sure, why not? Will everyone be sleeping over too?" I joked but from the way that Crys and Rose shouted 'hell yeah!' from behind me I instantly regretted making the comment. No doubt I would be sharing my bed with at least two other people tonight.

There was a knock at the door then. Knowing that Alice and Jasper would just barge on in Emmett got up and answered it. After checking the peephole he stepped back and pulled the door wide open.

"Hey Chief, you don't look so great. Come in and sit down," I heard him say. He led Charlie over to the table and offered him the seat he had just occupied.

"Hey dad, want some dinner?" I asked and motioned to the half empty boxes of pizza on the counter behind him.

"In a minute, there's something I need to tell you first." He was a little sweaty and out of breath which led me to believe he may have run up the steps, but he didn't look scared or worried. In fact, he looked downright triumphant.

"Ok, lay it on me Chief." I sat back and prepared for anything.

"I just got a call from the Port Angeles police station. Bells," he paused and grinned the biggest, widest smile I had seen on his face in a long time. "We got one."

I froze, hardly daring to breathe. When I didn't ask the obvious questions Edward did it for me.

"James?" he hedged anxiously.

Charlie shook his head and his smile dropped a little. "No, unfortunately it wasn't him but we got the girl. She's in custody right now and they'll be transferring her over first thing in the morning for questioning."

Everyone stared at me expectantly, like I should jump out of my chair and do cartwheels or something. But to me this was tragically sad. Bree was just a baby. James was the monster here. She had just fallen prey to him like so many others had before her. Like me. The fact that she was out of his clutches did give me a sense of relief though and I let that show when I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Hey, this is good news, right?" Em asked from across the table.

"Yeah, it is but not because I want her to be in trouble. Will she get help? Carmen seemed to think she was high when she attacked her a few weeks ago," I asked and poked at the remains of my food in front of me. My appetite had all but disappeared.

"Well, she's a kid right? So yeah, she'll probably just get community service and placed in a rehab facility, assuming she co-operates with police," Em answered honestly. Charlie just stared at me with a look I couldn't comprehend.

"What?" I snapped when he hadn't blinked in over two minutes.

"Huh? Oh, nothing, Bells. It's just…I wonder where you get it from. Your huge heart and automatic empathy for others," he explained before clearing his voice and looking away.

"Is that a bad thing?" I levelled a challenging expression his way. His hands shot up and he shook his head.

"No, no, not at all. It just always surprised me how caring you were for everyone around you. It's not like you were shown a lot of care from Renee, or even me…" he trailed off and frowned.

"Hey, that's not true. Sure you're not all lovey-dovey with me but I always knew you cared. You just showed it differently," I murmured. This was dangerously close to what I had discussed with Carmen and I was still too emotionally raw to venture down that road again.

"Who's going to question her, Chief?" Edward asked, noting that I needed a change of subject. I gave him a thankful smile and reached over to squeeze his knee affectionately. He clasped my hand under the table and rubbed tiny circles on top of it with his thumb.

"They won't let me do because of my relationship with Bella, but they might let you if you're willing," Charlie turned his eyes to Emmett, who sat straight up in his seat.

"Hells yeah, Chief! Let me at her," he boomed. But I was already shaking my head.

"You won't get anywhere with her," I said quietly.

"No offense Bells, but you've never seen my mad interrogation skills," Em smirked proudly.

"It won't matter, Bree won't talk to you. To any of you," I tried to clarify.

"What makes you think so?" Charlie asked, cutting Em off from arguing some more.

"I know her," I shrugged. "She…um, she hates cops. Doesn't trust them, won't respect them, and won't work with them. In fact, she'll purposefully withhold any useful information simply because you want it. It's just how she was raised."

"A lot of teens are like that," Edward started to counter but I cut him off.

"I know but it's different with her. You have to understand the area we come from. Police there automatically assume that we're trouble and that we're going to give them a problem simply because we're poor or are related to those who break the law. Bree understood that. Her brother was always in trouble for minor offences and the local cops gave her all kinds of shit, arresting her practically every other week for jaywalking or some crap. She hates cops and she won't help you. You might as well just send her back to Arizona," I finished and felt as deflated as everyone else looked. Everyone but Emmett.

"I hear you loud and clear girlie but try to understand that I haven't always been a small town cop. Kids in Chicago are no different from your little friend and I worked with them quite well during my rookie years. Let me have a crack at her, Chief. If we get nowhere then maybe I can come up with a game plan on how to approach her," he said while eyeing me meaningfully. Before I could refuse Charlie beat me to it.

"Absolutely not, Emmett! No way in hell is my baby girl, my _pregnant_ baby girl, going up against that trash!" Charlie shouted and banged his fist on the table.

"HEY!" I objected loudly, drawing his attention to my scathing glare. "She's not trash! She's just a screwed up kid who got sucked in by a guy who knows exactly what to say and how to say it. Don't blame her and don't you dare think she's less than anyone else here simply because of where she comes from."

Charlie could tell he'd hit a nerve and his face softened. "Bells, no one's ever thought that about you here. And it's not where she's from, it's what she's done. She may be a victim here in a way but she made some choices she has to be held accountable for."

Edward's phone rang suddenly but I was grateful for the interruption. He hummed and answered with one or two words for about a minute before hanging up and getting up. I looked up at him in question.

"That was Alice. She needs help bringing some stuff over for the sleepover and mom needs my accounting skills for a few minutes. Want to come with me?" He smiled and offered me his hand.

"Sure," I chirped, glad for the escape. I looked back at Charlie. "Will you stay for a while? We're watching movies and eating popcorn. We can find a sports movie if you ask really nicely."

I wanted him to know that there were no hard feelings but most importantly I didn't want him feeling unwelcome in what was now my home. I liked having him around more now than ever before. He smiled and nodded once before turning to Emmett and discussing police strategies for the interview tomorrow. I knew it probably killed him that he couldn't question her himself but I was secretly glad he wouldn't be allowed to rip into her the way he wanted.

I followed Edward out the door and down the stairs, holding his shoulders for support. His hands were on top of mine and one didn't release me once we reached the bottom. It was getting easier for me to be openly and physically affectionate with him around other people. I had stopped worrying about people automatically assuming the baby was his or that we were married. He'd explained that it was far from insulting in his opinion so why should it bother me. I reluctantly agreed to stop worrying so much and thought I was doing really well.

"You're worried about her aren't you?" He asked quietly while we meandered over to the kitchen door of his house.

"Bree? Yeah, I am. I hope they're not too hard on her," I confided in him and leaned against his arm. He kissed the top of my head and opened the door for me.

"Em and your dad are both good guys. They'll only be as hard on her as they need to be to get the information they need. The main objective is to catch James and like it or not she's been working with him on hurting you. She even attacked your shrink," he reminded me gently. I frowned.

"I know I just wish she would be sent away somewhere she'll be safe and taken care of. Her house is no picnic and I hope she doesn't have to go back there."

"Let's not think about it for the rest of the night. We've got a sleepover to arrange," his voice dropped seductively as he leaned over and whispered in my ear.

My face lit up in a deep blush and I bit my lowed lip. I hadn't considered that he might want to spend the night with everyone else. And for the life of me I couldn't come up with one reason for him not to. So I just giggled and shook my head.

"Fine by me, just know that Jake snores and according to Rose, Emmett talks in his sleep. Oh, and Jasper sleepwalks," I informed him with a solemn expression that only lasted two seconds. I cracked up at the look of disgust he gave me.

"Why would I sleep with them? Your bed is humungous, I'm sure there's room for me there," he tried again and wagged his eyebrows suggestively at me.

I didn't have a chance to respond with any more teasing remarks because no sooner had we stepped into the kitchen did Edward freeze in his tracks. All color drained from his face and he sucked in a sharp gasp. His eyes shot to mine quickly before fixating on the person leaning casually up against the kitchen counter talking to Esme. Panic was written clearly all over his absurdly handsome face.

"Oh, shit," he muttered.

* * *

**dun Dun DUN! Oh no! Who wants to guess who the mystery visitor is? And who thinks Bree is an equal acomplice versus unwilling victim to James? Any thoughts? Leave me some love xoxo**


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**A/N: Ok, so I know it's been like, over a month but RL kicked my ass lately. I had to find a new job and then start right away and fill in extra hours becuase one of the other people I work with was in the hospital AND THEN my car decided to die and requires a new fuel pump. It was a freakin mess and I've just now gotten the time again to write, so I hope you all enjoy this chapter :-) THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. 100 REVIEWS BABY! I know, I'm easily pleased. Now on with the show...**

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"Hello, Edward."

Her voice was as sultry as her Playboy looks. A towering supermodel with waist length ringlets of strawberry blonde hair sashayed across the kitchen and wrapped her long, slender arms around Edward's tense shoulders. I tried not to gape openly or frown too deeply when he brought one hand up to lightly pat her on the back – twice – before disentangling himself from her gasp. Her sky blue eyes sparkled mischievously as she allowed him a few inches of breathing room, striking a rather provocative pose and twirling one of her tendrils around her forefinger with feigned innocence.

Edward cleared his voice. "Tanya."

Of course it was his ex. Whatever fantasy I'd secretly held that she was a middle aged, overweight, and rather homely woman had been shattered when she'd sauntered up to him so brazenly.

"You two know each other?" Esme, bless her heart, looked downright baffled at the way her guest had greeted her son. I guess Strawberry Shortcake hadn't told her about her previous relationship with Edward.

"I worked for Tanya in Chicago," Edward answered curtly.

His rigid posture hadn't changed since he'd spied her from the doorway and his body was still blocking most of my view. I stepped out around him and reached down to gently clasp his hand in mine. His fist loosened just enough to allow the intrusion of my fingers before his vice like grip tightened again. I tried not to wince.

Tanya's eyes couldn't seem to decide what sight shocked her more, as they widened with each newfound destination. First she stared directly at my face, which I took great care to remain calm and neutral, then widened as they shot down to our linked hands. Her eyes practically bugged out of her head when they came to rest on my burgeoning belly. When she realised she was being closely watched by everyone else in the room she tried to rearrange her features into something coolly passive and disinterested. It was quite comical when she couldn't quite pull it off.

"I see you've been quite busy since then," she arched an eyebrow and tittered. "I didn't think you had been away from me so long."

"Long enough," he replied shortly before turning to Esme. "You said you needed my assistance?"

"Yes, Tanya just acquired a new residence in Seattle and wanted me to decorate it. I needed you to run some figures for me and set up an account for her. We need a rough budget to start with so I can have a look around and finalise some numbers by the end of the week. Are you free right now?" Her voice was all business but from where she stood over Tanya's shoulder her face read 'what am I missing?'

"No," I blurted out before I was able to stop myself. I reddened when all eyes were on me. Edward's amused, Esme's curious, and Tanya's challenging gazes all had me wanting to run back outside and up to the sanctuary of my new apartment but something deep within me flared to life when I saw how smug Tanya became. It was time to show her just who she was dealing with.

"Alice needs assistance carrying stuff and since I have been forbidden to lift anything heavier than a pillow," I waved my hand and rolled my eyes to show just how silly I thought it all was, all while trying to remain cool and confident.

Esme snickered. "Yes, she said something about a giant sleepover. I thought she was joking."

"I wish," I groaned good-naturedly. "But with the guys there too it shouldn't be too 'Pretty in Pink'. We'll watch horror movies and eat junk food while the men are forced to give up massages and fetch us ice cream."

"Sounds fabulous," Esme started to say when Tanya snickered loudly.

"Yes," she agreed and nodded at my mountainous belly, "but you might want to watch it with the junk food."

"Absolutely not," Edward countered. He leaned over and rubbed his hand first over my baby bump then around to my hip and pulled me into him. "I love your curves, beautiful. Besides, our little princess needs her ice cream otherwise she tends to kick you all night."

I knew what he was doing, and while deep down I appreciated how he was standing up to his shrew ex-girlfriend, his MOTHER was standing right there and trying very hard not to look too disturbed by what he'd just said in front of her. Tanya made no such effort to hide her obvious disgust.

"I'll just come back at a more convenient time, Mrs Cullen. You have my cell so just call me when you are available and we'll set up another appointment." She turned and smiled widely at Esme before rounding on Edward again. Leaning up as close as she could get she placed one hand in the center of his chest and brushed a kiss on his cheek with her overly red, pouty lips.

"Ciao, Eddie," she purred and sashayed out of the room, hips swaying with every step.

By the time she'd disappeared from sight I was so mad I thought I might explode. I stepped away from Edward and whirled around to grab a dishrag off the faucet of the kitchen sink, wet it slightly from the tap before hurling it directly in his face. He barely caught it before it slapped him wetly on the very cheek she'd marked.

"Wipe that off before you get herpes," I growled and stalked past him towards the stairs. Before I made it up the first step I heard Esme say,

"So, that's you old boss, huh?"

Edward groaned loudly.

I was at Alice's door before I could stop myself to eavesdrop on the rest of what would be a horrifically embarrassing conversation for him. I knocked a little harder due to my amped up emotional state and was met by a confused and concerned looking pixie.

"You needed help with stuff?" I bit out before I winced at my tone and put some effort into softening both it and my expression.

"Uh, yeah but I was kind of hoping for Emmett or Jake. This shit's heavy," she said and jerked her thumb over her shoulder to the three fully packed suitcases and steamer trunk in front of her bed. I did a double take before throwing my head back and howling in laughter.

"Jeez, Alice are you moving in?" I chortled when she ducked her head and blushed.

"No," she said defensively. "I just thought I'd bring as much stuff as possible to make everyone comfortable. I know Edward and you will be in your bed so…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there Mighty Mouse." Boy, did she have the wrong end of the stick. "You and Crys will be sharing my bed with Rose and Em in Crys' room. Jake and Edward get the living room couch to fight over, unless there's an air mattress in your luggage." I couldn't help but snicker when she grimaced guiltily at me.

"Christ, Alice are you moving in?" Edward asked from behind me. He'd snuck up so quietly I nearly jumped out of my skin as he asked the very question I had voiced not two minutes ago. I'd find it amusing if I still wasn't so pissed off.

"Good, you're here. Grab all my bags will you? I'm going to help Bella back to her place," she commanded her brother while linking her arm through mine and leading me towards the stairs.

"Don't worry about Tanya," she whispered. My surprise must have shown clearly on my face. I guess Edward's 'secret' relationship hadn't eluded his pint sized super spy of a sister.

"Kind of hard not to," I replied sullenly. "You should have seen her, Al. She was over the freakin' top!"

"She's desperate. The reason she's moved out here is because her husband, Garrett, just left her for her kid sister Kate! And when I say kid I mean like, eighteen and he's twenty seven!" she hissed. My eyebrows shot up into my hairline.

"Wow," I whispered. I almost felt bad for her. Almost.

"She has some friends out here and of course there's Edward," she added but then hurried on when she saw my murderous expression, "not that he'd ever go there again. I can't even understand why he did in the first place. She's more plastic than person."

I was just about to go on a self-deprecating spiel when I spied Em and my dad thumping down the steps outside of my apartment. I had a feeling I knew exactly where they were going and decided right then I had to be a part of it. I turned to Alice.

"Get everything started for me. Order food, pick out movies, get into PJ's, and for God's sake please make the boys pick up after themselves. I'll be back as soon as I can," I whispered quickly and turned away before she could argue, stepping directly into Emmett's path.

"I'm going with you," I told him in my best 'don't even bother arguing with me because you don't stand a chance' look. He wasn't impressed.

"No way Bellyrina," he said and looked to my dad for back up.

I rolled my eyes, not glad at all that Crystal's newest nickname for me had been so easily picked up by others. "I wasn't asking permission."

"I have to agree with Emmett, it will be too stressful for someone in your condition, Bells." Charlie gave me the 'dad' look but this time I shook my head and refused to budge.

"I'm pregnant, not made of glass. And she can't hurt me from behind that special glass you all have in your interview rooms," I reminded them. "Besides, you're going to need my help when she refuses to talk to you, and she will. I know her."

They exchanged a loaded look for a few moments before both men sighed simultaneously and Charlie gestured to his squad car. I nodded once, knowing that a triumphant smile would have been wholly inappropriate in that moment, and preceded him to the car. The ride over was silent but it gave me time to think of strategies. Bree was a sweet girl once but no doubt that extended periods of time in James' presence had taken its toll on her usually agreeable personality. From what Carmen had said she looked half crazed when she'd attacked her, and that was weeks ago. Who knows how much damage had been done since then.

We walked into the station a very sombre trio. The young deputy behind the desk, Tyler, shot to his feet as we approached him.

"Chief, I thought t-that they said you w-wouldn't be the one doing the interview," he stuttered out as perspiration beaded on his upper lip.

"Just here to lend a hand. Who's in there with her now?" He nodded towards the back of the squad room.

"Special Investigator from the state police. They're waiting to inform the FBI until they get some information out of her but Arizona wants her returned to her mother's care as soon as possible since she's a minor." As he spoke he gesticulated wildly which further agitated his sweat glands. His nervousness instantly put me on edge. No one twitches like that unless their up to no good, in my experience.

"I'm gathering you haven't gotten anything out of her as of yet?" Emmett hedged casually.

"Not a damn thing," a deep but softly spoken man's voice reached my ears before he stepped into view. He was average height with dark hair and eyes with a very Mediterranean look about him. He crossed the small room and extended his hand towards my dad.

"Chief Swan, good to meet you. I'm Special Investigator Marcus Volturi," he said with a kind, even tone.

Charlie inclined his head. "Likewise. This is Emmett Cullen, he transferred over from Chicago homicide a little while ago, and this is my daughter, Isabella."

His eyebrows shot up in slight surprise. "As in the victim of this case?"

"The very same," I mutter and grimace. I hated the label 'victim'.

"Chief Swan, it's highly irregular for her to be in any part of the investigation," he started to say when Charlie waved him off.

"I'm very aware of that, Mr Volturi but I assure you that Bella here will be of more use than your usual vic. She's very well acquainted with our perp and his little accomplice in there," he informed him calmly and then grumbled under his breath," Plus we couldn't get her to leave it alone so she'd be here with or without us."

"Marcus, please," the investigator said and then turned his penetrating gaze on me. After a moment or two he nodded once and then gestured that we should follow him through the room.

"We've tried to get her to talk using all the usual methods. I even asked my partner, Heidi, to try having a little woman to woman chat with her but she barely even blinks. And when we eventually pushed the wrong button on her she screamed like a banshee every foul word her mind could conjure up," he filled us in as we filed into the small room attached to 'Interrogation 1'.

Through the double sided glass I saw her. She sat with her head tilted down slightly, eyes closed, and shoulders tight. I sighed when her appearance tugged at my heartstrings. She was so on the defensive I didn't think there was anyone who get through to her at the moment, and if they tried there was the possibility of driving her further into her anger and agitation.

"Mind if I take a crack at her?" Em offered nonchalantly.

Marcus eyed him carefully. "You're not the boyfriend, right?"

Emmett snorted. "No way, not hers. That's my kid brother."

The investigator didn't look satisfied. "I don't know. You may be a little too close to her for this to be ethical."

"But it's perfectly legal, I assure you," Emmett answered, clearly not prepared to back down without an argument.

He relented, but grudgingly. "Fine, but if it starts to go south I want your ass out of there."

Em nodded then turned to me. "Alright Bells, how do I start with her? Kind and compassionate? All knowing and belligerent? What's the most effective way to get her talking?"

I frowned. "That depends on what you want her to say. I don't think anything you all can say will get her to give you answers if she's of a mind to keep them to herself."

"Not worried about answers just yet, I only want to get her talking," he countered.

"That's easy then. Just start talking about her in a way that makes you look like you're an expert on her life and who she is. She hates nothing more than people thinking they know who she is based on a file they read." I knew the feeling, and like me I knew she would react angrily. But he said he just needed her to talk so…

"Great, thanks Bells. I'll let you know if I need anything else," he said before slipping in through the door carefully enough that she couldn't see anyone but him. Not too hard since his massive body filled the doorway.

"Hello Bree, mind if we have a chat?" he asked neutrally while taking a seat across from her.

Her eyes opened slowly, bloodshot and unfocused, as she raised her head to look at her new adversary. She looked notably unimpressed and didn't bother to acknowledge him in any other way that to simply stare at him.

"Alright then, how about you listen and I talk. Firstly, you have the right a lawyer at any time, but that actually requires you opening up your mouth and saying something so chances are it's just going to be you and me." She didn't respond so he continued. "You should know that we're on James' tail and it won't be long before we catch up with your boyfriend."

She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, that's right. You're not his girlfriend, just the sad, sorry, pathetic child he manipulated into assisting him getting to the _real_ one he wants."

Bree's eyes went wide and my jaw dropped. I couldn't believe he just said that.

"And since he's the one we really want you're just kind of excess baggage. But don't worry, you'll be shipped back to your mother," he paused to flip through some paperwork, "Gail, as soon as humanly possible. In fact, I'm sure there's someone from social services in the waiting room to take you back to Arizona as we speak."

Ok, so Emmett wasn't going to use kid gloves with her, despite her age. It didn't sit well with me for some reason.

"You need me," she blurted out suddenly.

Emmett snorted and shook his head while shuffling the papers around in front of him. "No, we don't."

"You can't find him without me!" she snapped. "You'll never figure him out. No one knows him like I do!"

"Bella," Emmett said plainly, dismissively. "Bella knows him better than anyone and we have her. We don't need you."

"Bella doesn't know shit!" she yelled and slid herself away from the table with a screech of metal. She got up and paced around, arms flailing. "She left him! Fucking left! If she knew him at all she would have known that you can't just leave him! Not until he's done with you!"

"And he's not done with her?" Em hedged evenly.

"Pfft! Not even fucking close. But she's so damn stupid and selfish…he NEEDS her!" she bellowed suddenly.

"He needs a good shrink," Emmett retorted. Bree whirled on him and came to a stop two inches from him.

"You don't know shit, man! He NEEDS Bella! She's the only one who can get through to him. Even I…" she trailed off suddenly and clenched her fists.

"We're you trying to help him get her back? Is that why you kidnapped her?" He shot out in a tense voice.

"She wouldn't talk to him! How else was he supposed to show her how sorry he was! And then…the baby…" she shook her head in shock. And then her face hardened, eyes dead. "Stupid cunt should have known better than to try and keep it."

Emmett glared at her and leaned forward so they were eye to eye, even though he was still seated. "What do you mean 'try and keep it'? She's still pregnant, Bree, and she's not giving the baby away."

The benevolent smile that lit her face sent shivers down my spine. "She won't have a choice. He said she couldn't have it so she won't. If you knew him at all, if SHE knew him at all, you would know that he always get what he wants. And he wants Bella. Only Bella. He won't stop until he gets her, and he won't hesitate to kill _whoever_ he thinks is in the way."

I broke out in a cold sweat at the implication of her words. We would never be safe. No matter how many people moved in with me all it meant was that they were being put in harm's way, too. Any my daughter…

My stomach heaved suddenly and I frantically had to locate a trash can in which to empty my stomach contents. I feel a heavy hand sweep back my hair and gingerly pat my back and I knew it could only be Charlie.

Emmett tried a little while longer to get James' location out of her while I sat sipping Canada Dry in my dad's office but had to give up once it was clear she either didn't know or thought that withholding the information would give her more power. She'd even tried saying she would only talk to me but he'd shut that down pretty quickly. In the end the interviews were concluded when the lady from social services showed up to tell Bree she would be on the next plane out to Arizona only if she co-operated. Otherwise she'd sit in juvie up here and await trial for a whole assortment of charges, including my kidnapping. She'd clammed up after that.

When we got back to the house Emmett ran into his parent's house to change and Charlie told me he just wasn't up to a movie night and asked my forgiveness. I waved him off.

"I'm jealous really. You don't have half a dozen people camped out at your house." I stopped myself when I remembered they were here for me and were just being really good friends. "Great, now I sound like an ungrateful cow."

"Mooo," Charlie said with a smirk before jumping back in his cruiser and speeding off. I flipped him the bird anyway.

When I entered through the front door I saw Edward, Alice, and Jazz all playing an intense and riveting game of Mariokart on a game system I didn't remember being there when I left. They were too wrapped up and I didn't want to spoil their fun so I walked around the sofa and headed back towards the bedrooms in search of Crystal. She could help me through this. She would know what to say and what to do and how to make me laugh it all away.

However, when I pushed open her slightly ajar bedroom door I discovered that she was half naked and wrapped around my equally undressed Quileute friend, dry humping like bunnies on top of her bed.

"OH MY GOD! MY EYES!" I shrieked and backed out of the room after slapping a hand over my severely damaged retinas. My screams had of course attracted the attention of the others in my apartment and I heard rather than saw their stampede in our direction.

"Oh, shit Bells I'm sorry," Jake muttered while I heard him shuffle around, presumably to put more clothes on.

"Don't apologise idiot! She barged in here without knocking!" Crys retorted angrily.

"What's going…oh," Alice said and then burst into giggles from somewhere behind me.

I finally dropped my hand to look at them and found that I was trying very hard to contain my own laughter at that point. Still, I gave her my sternest look.

"Really Crys, in my house?" I tried to sound agitated but it was impossible when I was snickering.

She fluffed her hair out of her shirt collar and smoothed the tee down over the tops of her jeans, shrugging unapologetically.

"What, we don't live in a convent. A girl's got needs," she replied and winked at me.

"So, how long has this been going on?" Edward asked with a grin. "Are you boyfriend and girlfriend now?"

"What are we, twelve?" Crystal shot back in annoyance.

As if to prove her point Alice started singing in a high voice, "Crystal and Jacob sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

"Oh for the love of God!" Jake grouched and shoved past us towards the kitchen.

That was it, exactly what I needed. Turns out finding her was the best idea I'd had all damn day. I let the laughter settle over me and allow the stress from not even an hour ago to fade into the background. I could deal with everything later but right in that moment I just wanted to enjoy the company of those around me.

We eventually made it back into the living room to settle in and watch the huge stack of movies that Alice insisted were 'sleepover essentials'. The Breakfast Club had just started when Em walked in with Rose and joined us, bringing some wonderful confectionary with them. I hogged all the caramel corn but figured that was fair because I was feeding two. During the change of movies, this time Dogma, Edward moved up to sit on the couch with and pulled my feet into his lap. His nimble and skilled fingers massaged my arches perfectly and I struggled to contain the porntastic moans that were desperate to escape from me.

"You were gone quite a while," he said simply while concentrating on my heels.

"Um, yeah the interview went…" I had to stop there because I didn't know how to finish that sentence. Well? Horribly? Absolutely freaking terrifying?

"Did she give James up?" His emerald eyes met mine and I was momentarily lost in their depths.

"Uh…" I had to shake my head to break his spell over me. "No, she didn't. But she gave them a little insight into the homicidal insanity that has become his mind." I shuddered as I recalled her thinly veiled threats and rubbed my hand protectively over my belly. She moved right up against my fingers as if to remind me she was still here and, for the time being, we were both alright.

"He wasn't…always like that?" he asked hesitantly.

I had to really think about that before I answered. "No, not to this extent. I mean he had a cruel streak a mile long and could be quite…creative when thinking of ways to punish someone but this is way beyond anything I've ever experienced with him."

Edward shook his head and frowned deeply. "I just…I don't get what you ever saw in him. I can't understand how a woman like you ever even gave him the time of day."

Now it's my turn to frown. "He wasn't like this all those years ago when we'd first met. And if I would have known he was going to turn into an abusive asshole that would kidnap me and threaten to murder my baby then do you really think I still would have seen him?"

By the time I've finished I realise I'm just about shouting and everyone else in the room is staring at us. No, not us. Me. The crazy, hormonal pregnant woman. I glare angrily at the TV and wait for Alice to start the movie already but she doesn't seem to be in any hurry. I was just about to start shouting at her too when Emmett cleared his throat and drew my attention.

"Why don't you just tell them, B?" His voice was even but understanding. This was not someone I could snap at without reason and get away with it. Speaking of which…

"Sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you. It was really stressful at the station and what you said sounded remarkably like you were judging me. I just can't take anything more than the witty sarcasm and lots of junk food Alice promised for this huge ass sleepover." I was suddenly exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep but didn't think I could do that just yet without having multiple nightmares.

"Well, the apology was great and all but that's not quite what I meant," Emmett said with a smirk. I nodded and rubbed my tired eyes with my fists.

"I know, and I will tomorrow. Tonight I want to be more John Hughes and less James Patterson, you know?" When I lowered my hands I saw that only Jasper had grasped my meaning and sighed. "I need relaxed, funny, and juvenile not psychological thriller meets crime and drama."

"You're such a geek, Bella. You're hot and all, but still…what a geek." Jake shook his head in mock consternation.

"That's fine, I'm totally comfortable within my geekdom and embrace it wholeheartedly." I lean back and let myself relax again as Edward's magic fingers continue to make me want to moan and sigh and try really hard to focus on the neutered angel forms of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. I'll deal with everything else later.

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**A/N: Well...any thoughts? Who wants to kill James? Or Bree? Or maybe both? Reviews give me the warm fuzzies :-)**


	21. Chapter Twenty

**A/N: Hi! I know it's been a while but I update as often as I can so hopefully I've still got a few of you with me! Thank you to all those who reviewed - I hope I remembered to send you previews! It's been so crazy I can't remember what I've done :-D I promise to do it for everyone who reviews this chapter! On with the show...**

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It was the strangest six weeks I'd had to date. Strangest and most annoying. I couldn't do anything on my own. I had company at my place all the damn time. Someone was there while I slept. Someone was there while I showered – not in the shower with me, thank God. Multiple someone's were there while I ate since no one would turn down free food, even with the Cullen house right next door. I supposed it should have made me feel safe, secure, protected, loved…but all I felt after so many weeks of togetherness was smothered. I missed my solitude. I missed peace and quiet. I missed having moments to myself where I could freak out and outwardly feel everything that I'd been bottling up inside since this whole nightmare had begun and I truly felt that I couldn't allow myself to be that vulnerable around everyone. My therapy sessions became weekly again as the stress of the situation and increase in my hormone levels made me slowly lose my mind on a regular basis.

"You're nearly eight months pregnant, Bella. Mood swings and weepy moments are to be expected right now," Carmen tried to explain as I hysterically sobbed in her office. I didn't even know what had set me off this time around.

"I'm…s-s-so damn (hic) sick of…th-this," I stuttered through my tears before blowing my nose loudly in the proffered tissue.

"Of being pregnant? Of not having any personal space? Of have a certifiable maniac stalk you? You'll have to be more specific," Carmen deadpanned. In spite of myself I snorted out a laugh. She had a way of calming me with her sarcastic logic. Maybe because it was so real.

"As far as the pregnancy goes, you only have another month or so before your due date which means that side of your discomfort will be somewhat alleviated. However, you should know that post-partum blues is very common due to the change in hormone levels and sleep deprivation you will most definitely suffer. But the upside of being surrounded by your friends and family means that you will have a lot of volunteers to help you with your little one." She smiled reassuringly.

"I still haven't even picked a name," I whined and rubbed my hand over my tummy.

"Girl, that is the least of your worries. You can do that any time after she's born. Try a few out on her if you want to, until you find one that fits her. A lot more people do that than you might think," she suggested.

I nodded and sniffled into a tissue. "It's not just that…"

"Mmmm, yes I figured there was more to your momentary freak out. You're becoming more prone to them in the last few weeks, you know. I can't help but think there is more than just hormones at work here."

So I spilled everything that I'd been bottling up for the past week, as was my habit since I no longer had any time to vent without prying eyes. All the fear, anxiety, sadness, excitement, and anger I felt over a regular basis until I felt drained but significantly calmer and more collected.

"You said you've been having trouble sleeping. Is that just because you can't get comfortable?" she enquired after I'd purged my entire emotional overload.

"I keep having this nightmare," I whispered and shuddered as the vivid memory of it ripped through me. "I'm in my father's house and I can hear my daughter crying but no matter where I look I can't find her. She's screaming her head off and I'm tearing the house apart but…nothing. And then when I open the door to my old room everything goes silent and I see James standing there over a crib. He's…he's holding a small pillow in his hands that has blood on it and when he sees me he turns and smiles and says, 'now there's nothing between us anymore'. I start screaming and that's when I wake up." By the time I'm finished I sound hollow, monotonous, as if I'd just read off the periodic table or something equally as dull and not relayed my worst fear that tormented me nearly every night.

"That is indeed a very disturbing dream. No wonder you are so unrested," is all she says after a full minute of silence. I frowned.

"I wish there was more I could offer you in way of comfort, Bella, but is it any small wonder you are having that particular dream? You've been threatened, your child has been threatened, and your mind is trying to cope with how to deal with the possible danger. I'm afraid until James has been caught and you feel safe again that you might find yourself in for a lot of anxious moments and frightening dreams." She sat back and signalled at the clock over my shoulder. "We can talk more about that next week."

In the waiting room sat Em and Rose, both flicking through some of the magazines that sat on the coffee table. The both stood with half smiles as I made my way towards the door. It wasn't until we were in Emmett's Jeep that Rose broke the silence.

"You and Edward will have the place to yourself for the next few days," she said casually but I could hear something under her light tones. Something that indicated she wasn't too thrilled with what she was telling me.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, trying hard not to sound too thrilled. With only one other person around I would get some of the time alone that I so desperately needed. Edward had to shower, sleep, and pee sometime. And he was much more likely to back off when I asked him to than the others were.

"Yeah, Crystal is spending the weekend on the rez with Jake, Alice and Jasper will be at our house doing wedding planning stuff, and Em and I are headed to Seattle," she said simply. Emmett remained silent behind the wheel, his face gave nothing away either.

"What are doing in Seattle?" I inquired politely. I could barely contain my glee and I think it showed but Rose just shrugged.

"Seeing the sights. Maybe going to the Needle. Just having a weekend away. Couples do that you know," she said somewhat blandly. I was confused by her lack of enthusiasm when Em reached over and rubbed her leg warmly and I saw her relax a little. Something was off in her story but I knew if she wasn't in the mood to talk about it there would be no getting anything out of her.

A few minutes later I was dropped at the bottom of my apartment. I had trouble not skipping up the stairs even in my ever swelling condition. I found Edward sitting on my sofa with his feet propped up on my coffee table, flicking through the channels. A bright smile replaced the bored expression as I stepped into the room.

"Hello, beautiful!" he said cheerily. I rolled my eyes but inside I felt just a tiny bit warmer. I had grown accustomed to his constant compliments in the last few months. I knew how dangerous that was – getting comfortable with him, believing his sweet words even if it was only a little bit – but I somehow couldn't help myself anymore. He seemed so genuine. A girl could hope.

"Rose said I've been paroled for good behavior," I joked as I plopped down on the couch next to him. He chuckled.

"Is it really that bad having all of us around?" He reached down and lifted my feet into his lap, plucking my sandals off and depositing them on the floor.

I sighed heavily as he began massaging my feet. "No, not really, but I do miss having some personal space."

"I get that. Tell you what, why don't I run you a bath – not too hot of course – and you can sit in there and soak your stress away for as long as you like. I promise not to intrude at all."

"Soak my stress away huh?" I snickered and he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, whatever it is you chicks do in bathtubs for hours on end. I don't understand the appeal really, but you seem to enjoy it so…" he shrugged. I giggled but nodded emphatically.

"That sounds great, thank you. But what will you do?" I sort of felt responsible for keeping his entertained while he was babysitting me.

He scoffed, "Bella, I am a grown man and am fully capable of finding something interesting to do while you take some time out to take care of yourself."

"In other words, you're going to play video games until I come back out here," I said archly.

He nodded. "Precisely."

While Edward settled in for an 'epic' round of some race car game he and Jasper constantly fought over I poured some bath oil into the warm water of the filling tub. I had relieved him of the duty of running me a bath so I could ensure it would be warm enough. I knew I wasn't supposed to take hot baths at this stage in pregnancy but my muscles were sore and my back was unusually achy so I made it a little warmer than I normally would. Once my oversized tub was two-thirds full I turned off the tap and lowered myself into the steaming, fragrant water with a soft moan. It was pure bliss. My lower back instantly relaxed and the aching in my feet dulled.

It was only a few minutes later that I started to feel a little flushed. Perhaps the water was warmer than it should have been but I was enjoying it so much that all I did was reach up and slide the bathroom window open to let the cool early evening breeze fan my cheeks. I was so relaxed that I must have drifted off for a little while because I was startled awake when the pain in my back returned suddenly.

I groaned and sat forward a little so I could turn the massager jets on and angle them to the sore areas. I grumbled under my breath about how my body was no longer comfortable in any situation and tried to situate myself into a position that lessened the throbbing. After a few more minutes of squirming around I huffed out in frustration and gave up, heaving my frame up out of the tub and wrapping up in a fluffy robe that Alice gave me at my baby shower. It was super soft cotton that usually made me feel like I was wrapped up in a cloud but in that moment I was so uncomfortable that I considered walking out of the bathroom naked. I wondered what Edward would make of that.

I waddled back towards my room and dressed in yoga capris and a cute maternity tee that read 'Made in the USA' over my tummy before making my way back to the living room where Edward sat. I grimaced as I sat down next to him when my back spasm got momentarily worse and out of the corner of his eye he caught me wince.

"What's up?" he asked and switched off the game.

"Nothing. My stupid back hurts and the stupid bath didn't work and my stupid clothes feel too tight!" I griped and fiddled with my tee.

Edward suppressed a smile and stood up. "How about something to eat?"

I didn't feel hungry at all so I shook my heads. His eyebrows went up in surprise.

"Really?" he sounded shocked.

"Yes, really!" I snapped. "Are you implying that I eat too much? Is it so shocking that I wouldn't want anything right now?"

"No, no. I wouldn't dream of it," he said around a snicker and held his hands up in surrender.

"Good. Now why don't you make yourself useful and…arg! STUPID BACK!" I suddenly shouted when the pain intensified. The grin fell from Edward's face and he knelt down in front of me.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked softly and reached around to massage it.

"My lower back. Like all over," I whimpered and rested my head on his shoulder while he worked over my sore muscles. It brought a little relief so I stayed there until I felt like I could move again.

"I can see if mom has a heating pad or something," he offered kindly. I nodded and laid back to prop myself up against the arm of the sofa.

Edward disappeared out the front door and I heard him run down the steps. I closed my eyes for what felt like a minute and tried to think around the waves of pain in my lower back when the door suddenly swung back open and Edward followed by Esme and Carlisle came bounding into my living room. My eyes widened in alarm as I took in their serious expressions.

"What? Did something happen? Is James – ah!" I hissed and arched slightly when my throbbed again.

"Everything's fine, dear. Just try to relax a little, all right?" Esme said as she smoothed my hair behind my ears and stood behind my head.

"Edward said you were having some back pain?" Carlisle asked lightly. I nodded hesitantly. "Would you mind if I had a quick look just to be sure there's nothing serious happening?"

"Uh, sure but I thought lower back pain was just part of the whole experience. Like stretch marks and swollen ankles," I said with a smirk. Esme chuckled behind me.

"Usually it is but just let Carlisle have a quick look so he doesn't turn himself inside out with worry, alright?"

I leaned forward so that Carlisle could probe around my back with gentle fingers. After a minute I felt my back twinge again but with Carlisle pressing on the right area when it happened it was nowhere near as bad as it was before. When he pushed me back to my reclined position I saw a hint of worry in his eyes. It immediately set me to panic mode.

"What? Is something wrong? Did I hurt myself somehow?"

"No, nothing is wrong. It's just that…I think you should call your OB and go in for a check-up," he suggested.

"I have an appointment first thing Monday morning. It can wait until then," I tried to reason but Carlisle grimaced.

"I'm not sure if it can, Bella. You might be in preterm labor and I just want you to be checked out so we're sure," he said gently.

"LABOR?!" I screeched. "I can't be in labor! I'm only 33 weeks along! She's got seven weeks left!"

"Bella, it's going to be just fine. Even if it is labor you are far enough along that chances are she will be just fine. And they might be able to stall or stop your labor from progressing at the hospital. But we need to get you there right away." Carlisle helped me up as he explained everything in his best doctor's voice.

"Edward, give me Bella's phone so I can call her OB," Esme asked hurriedly before turning to me. "Bella, have you packed a bag for the hospital stay yet?"

"No, I thought I still had time," I squeaked out as tears dribbled down my cheeks. I was beyond freaked out to think that this might be it. That my baby was about to show up seven weeks early and be thrust into all the chaos that surrounded me at the moment.

"I need you to try and calm down, Bella. Getting all worked up will only make it worse and could possible make your labor go faster if you get too distressed," Carlisle informed me as we walked out the door and down the stairs.

"Don't worry about the bag. I'll call Alice and get her to come by and pack one for you if it turns out you need it," Edward assured me.

"Yeah, ok, sure," I muttered while making my way down the stairs. Trying to keep my anxiety in check was more difficult than I thought it would be with my mind running 1,000 miles a minute.

_Maybe it's not labor. Or if it is, maybe the hospital can stop it so that I have the next few weeks to get everything sorted out. At least until James has been caught and is safely behind bars. Back in Arizona. _

"Breathe, Bella. Everything's going to be fine," Edward reassured me while helping me from Carlisle's car.

I scoffed at him when I spied Carlisle darting out of the hospital doors with a wheelchair. Wheelchairs did not equal fine in my book. Regardless, I let him lower me into the seat just as my back twanged again. Only this time it wasn't just my back. I could feel it a little bit in my lower abdomen as well.

Dating the son of a doctor definitely had it perks. For starters I got to skip the whole admission desk and waiting room thing and got whisked up to the maternity ward without a second's hesitation and given a private room. Another perk was that when the wife of said doctor calls someone, they take it more seriously than they would a first time mother who might call when the baby just had a case of the hiccups and mistook it for labor. So in the room was the lovely Dr Harrison, all gloved up and ready to go.

"Good evening, Bella. I hear you're experiencing some lower back pain. Can you tell me when it started?" she asked me in a cheery voice while helping me up on the table.

"Um, yeah it was when I was in the bath. Maybe an hour ago?" I wasn't even sure what time it was when I got in let alone right now.

"Almost two hours ago now. She was in there for an hour before coming out and complaining of pain," Edward chimed in from behind his mom.

"Is the pain constant or intermittent?" she asked while lifting stirrups from the sides of the exam table.

"Um…kind of both. My lower back is sore but the pain intensifies at times," I tried to explain without melting down. This all sounded like it was adding up to one thing.

"Ok, well I'm going to do an internal exam so I think all the men folk need to vacate the room. Go smoke cigars in the waiting room or something," she said with a wink and grin while shooing them out the door. Then she turned back to me.

"Would you like Mrs Cullen to stay with you or should I boot her tiny tushie out as well?"

"Um…would you mind staying with me?" I asked in a small voice, not wanting to impose upon her kindness any more than I already did on a daily basis.

"Of course I'll stay with you. I'll just pop out for a minute while you change into the oh-so-flattering hospital gown you're getting and be back in just a moment," she smiled warmly and exited the room.

Dr Harrison helped me change my clothes and perch up on the exam table, legs in stirrups, before Esme quietly joined me again and stood up by my head. She slowly stroked my hair and held my hand while the Dr did her examination – which I have to say, was REALLY uncomfortable.

"Well, you're fifty percent effaced and dilated three centimeters. Sorry sweetie, but it looks like this is the real deal. I'm just going to do a quick scan to see what position she's in but you are far enough along and baby is developed enough now that we aren't going to try to stop the labor and probably wouldn't be successful even if we did." She stripped off the gloves and wheeled the sonogram machine over next to the bed before squirting the warmed jelly onto my tummy.

My mind was reeling. I wasn't ready for this yet. She wasn't ready yet dammit, I didn't care what their fancy machinery said! She should still be safely inside me, warm and growing and developing for at least the next month. But no, my defective body had to go and try to get rid of her before we were ready. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. It wasn't…

"Breathe, Miss Swan. You're baby needs oxygen and so do you," Dr Harrison said while gliding the wand over my tummy. In the same instance I felt my back spasm again and the feeling wrapped completely around my waist.

"I'm going to guess by your expression that you can feel that," she said dryly. I clenched my teeth and nodded while I rode the contraction out. There was no doubt in my mind now that that's what I'd been having all this time. And just like I'd read about, they were getting progressively worse.

"You're baby looks good. She's head down and facing the right direction for an easy delivery and her measurements show that she's around the five pound mark so she should be fine. I'm going to call my nurses in here and make sure they prep for the possibility that she might need to day or two in the NICU just to be safe. But try not to worry, doll. I would tell you if there was something for you to be concerned about," she tried to reassure me in a firm, no nonsense voice but I was beyond that now. Until she was here and I could see with my own eyes that she was alright I wasn't going to relax. Not that I could while I was in labor.

"Is there anyone you would like me to call?" Esme murmured in my ear. I just looked at her dumbly for a moment before she smiled and adjusted my pillow. "Charlie perhaps? Crystal, Rose, Alice? Would you like me to get Edward back in here?"

"NO!" I practically shouted. Nothing horrified me more than the idea that Edward would see me, legs splayed and screaming my fool head off, in such an unattractive position. He'd never look at me again.

"No to all of them or just my son?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Just…just Edward. Could you call the rest of them? And have Alice get me some clothes and stuff from my apartment? Edward said she wouldn't mind…you don't think he'll be upset do you?" I didn't want to offend him by not having him here with me but I couldn't imagine it would be something he would voluntarily do. It's not like this was his baby.

"She'll be thrilled to help in any way, especially when it comes to clothing and the baby. And I'm sure Edward will understand you only wanting women around you…and possibly Charlie?" the last part she asked rather than stated.

Truth was I didn't know how I felt about him being in there with me either. Our relationship had greatly improved in the past six months but I didn't know if this would be pushing the boundaries or not. She must have seen the uncertainty on my face because she simply nodded and slipped out of the room to make her calls.

In the short amount of time she was gone my contractions seemed to intensify tenfold. I was practically ready to scream when she approached me again. She smoothed the blankets over me and held my hand between hers.

"Sorry that took so long but it took me a while to track Charlie down, and then Billy had to call around the Rez to find Jake and your cousin before letting them know to come here. Rose was out of service range for a while and the calls kept breaking up and then of course it took me ages to calm Alice down and get her to stop shrieking in my ear so I could ask her to get you and the baby some things for the hospital. And by that time Edward and Carlisle had been up here twice trying to sneak past me to come and check on you so I had to threaten not to cook for them for the next month in order to get them to go wait obediently in the waiting room!" She huffed out a huge sigh when she finished and despite my pain I snorted out a tiny laugh.

"I'll just let you be for a little while and come back in a few hours. Hit the call button if you need anything," Dr Harrison informed me before ducking out of the room. A cursory glance at the clock told me it was dinner time. With everything going on in my body there was no way I could eat but that didn't mean that everyone else should starve.

"I'll be ok here if you need to go eat something," I said through gritted teeth after the last contraction rolled through me and left me panting.

"I had a very big lunch, I'm fine," she said in a tone that brokered no argument.

I'd never really depended on a mother figure before since Renee was such an epic fail in that category, but Esme was brilliant and everything anyone could ever want in a mother in that very moment. She held my hand and helped me control my breathing when the contractions became too much to bear. I was afraid she would think I was weak and pathetic so I contained my cries of pain as best I could until she called me out on it.

"Isabella Swan, I gave birth to three children and one of them was Emmett so I don't want to see you trying to power through your pain like that for my sake again, are we clear young lady?" she scolded with a wry smile. When I nodded she added, "And for goodness sake, get some pain relief if you need it. Don't be a hero. Leave that to the foolish men in our lives."

The door to my room burst open as Jake, Embry, Quil, and Crystal piled into my room like a group of clowns spilling out of a mini. There was so much noise and chaos that ensued in their wake that only the shrill whistle that erupted from Esme's lips could silence it. She marched up to Jake and poked him in the chest.

"Now you listen here, Mr Black. You take your overgrown self out of this room and bring your rat pack with you. This is no place for your antics, do you hear me?" She was in full mama bear mode and even though she was half Jake's size he cowed to her threats without an argument.

"Yes ma'am, we're leaving right now. We just wanted to make sure she was alright ma'am. We'll just go join Edward and Dr Cullen in the waiting room," he said before ducking his head and scurrying out the door with is tail between his legs and his boys at his heels. If I wasn't ready to rip the rails off the bed from all the pain I was in I would have laughed.

"Prima, how you holding up?" Crys asked and offered me ice chips.

"Just fucking peachy," I growled through another contraction. They were coming together much more quickly and the strength of them made it impossible to breathe.

"That's you fifth one in the last ten minutes. I'm going to go tell the nurse so she can get Dr Harrison back in here," Esme said in a rush before hurrying out the door.

"Alice is on her way and Rose just texted to say they'll be here in 20 minutes," Crystal said while mopping my forehead with a damp washcloth.

"What about Charlie?" I inquired through clenched teeth. He was called a while ago. Where on earth was he?

"He's out in the waiting room with the rest of the boys. Did you want me to go get him?" She was halfway to the door when I nodded quickly and watched her disappear like a puff of smoke. No sooner did she exit than Esme and the doctor entered.

"Right Bella, let's just have a look see," she said and poked around again for a minute. I groaned a little when the next contraction hit during her exam.

"Ok, Bella you're fully dilated. Time to start pushing," she informed me matter-of-factly.

I was trying so hard not to scream that all I could do was nod. I closed my eyes, wrapped my hands behind my knees and followed her instructions as best I could. Breathing when she told me to, pushing when she told me to, and resting when she told me to. But while I had done well to keep quite thus far I completely lost my shit once she started to crown.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT REALLY FUCKING HURTS!" I screamed.

"If you can scream like that you aren't breathing properly now suck it up and push!" she barked from down between my legs.

I may have growled at her in response but I was suddenly so aware of the urge my body had to rid myself of the creature working her way out of my vagina that I could only focus on that. I screwed my eyes up again, took a deep breath, and gave it all I had. There was extreme pain in my nether regions before the lack of any sensation brought such instant relief that I felt myself sag against the bed and nearly lose consciousness.

"You silly girl, what on earth were you doing in there?" I heard the Dr ask from between my legs. Her question was so bizarre that I had to open my eyes and see who she was talking to. But before I could focus on her face she was turned around and hurrying towards one of those newborn examination tables.

I was so exhausted that I had trouble forming words to make a question but I was alert enough to realise something wasn't right. The room, which had filled up with people during my struggles to give birth, was tense. It wasn't the joyous celebration I'd always seen on TV shows and imagined my own delivery room to be like once I had my daughter. It was then that it finally dawned on me what was missing. What was causing so much alarm.

There was no sound coming from the little examination table. Not a shriek, not a cry. Nothing but silence.

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**::ducks behind the wall:: Don't throw things, I promise to update soon so it won't be a really long, evil cliffie! **

**There's still no name...who's got some suggestions? And how many of you had similar birthing experiences? Mine were so different it was crazy. My first took 33 hours (no joke) and came out quiet but alert while my second took 3.5 hours and needed oxygen. Talk about opposites!**

**Leave me some love! It makes me update faster when I know people are waiting xoxo**


	22. Chapter Twenty One

**A/N: So, I've had a hell of a time with my computer. It's had to go to IT TWICE in one week. Think I need a new one :-/ But I have managed to get this chapter done and posted to you all. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter. I heart you. **

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It was the longest minute of my life. I couldn't focus on anything except the excruciating silence that filled the delivery room. It was like time stopped, everyone frozen in place while we all stared at the tiny, bluish, wrinkled figure on the little examination table as she was furiously worked over by pediatric and OB staff. And then … a thin, shrill cry filled the room.

I released the breath I hadn't realized I was holding and sagged back against my bed, my relief palpable. Everyone else clapped and shrieked and celebrated. Me, I was just thankful it was all over.

"Is she alright?" I rasped.

"She's perfect, Prima!" Crystal cried from near the heated table she still lay on.

"She's just fine, Bella. She's pinking up nicely and her APGAR is a nine. I'll just finish wiping her off and bring her to you," Dr. Harrison said with a grin.

I sat up a little more as she made her way over to me with a wriggling, naked, squalling creature that, until only minutes ago, had resided inside of me these past months. She pulled my hospital gown aside and laid her on my bare chest before covering us both up with the gown and blankets.

I was completely in awe of her. And if I was being totally honest, wholly terrified by her as well. She was just so small, smaller than I had expected. I looked worriedly up at Dr. Harrison with questions on the tips of my tongue. But as usual she was one step ahead of me.

"She's fine, Bella. Six pounds, two ounces, eighteen inches long. That's remarkable considering the factors of your pregnancy, how little you are, and that she's a little premature. If you would have carried to term she would have easily been and eight pounder," she informed me with a sagely nod.

I blanched at the thought. It hurt so damn much already that I couldn't image having something bigger come out of me. I shuddered and she laughed.

"Now, do you want to breast or bottle feed?"

"Um, breastfeed," I said hesitantly.

"Are you sure?" she probed when she saw my expression.

"Yeah, I just … don't know if I am, um, ample enough to feed her properly." My face burned as I tried to explain in polite words that I was afraid my itty bitty boobies would be inadequate to feed a growing baby. One of the nurses by my bed snorted and shook her head.

"Oh, don't worry poppet. Size has absolutely nothing to do with function," she said while glancing at her own ample bosom with a wry expression. "Mine are huge and I couldn't breastfeed for more than four months without medical intervention. You should be fine. And if you have any trouble and want to keep trying, there are people out there who can help. Or you can just switch to formula. It's completely up to you. And don't let anyone try to bully you into a decision that isn't yours."

She was kind but firm in a way that made me wonder what people had said to her around her decisions. It was just one of the many considerations I would have to make about caring for my new little person. But I felt ready. Well, ready enough.

"Thanks," I said sincerely. She smiled, winked, and then made her way out of the room.

"We'll help you with anything you need, Bella, you know that," Esme said while wiping tears away. I nodded and looked back at the tiny wonder in my arms.

She really was perfect; everything that I wasn't. She was beautiful, with her miniscule features and tufts of white blonde hair that covered her little head. Her little Cupid's bow mouth was parted slightly, her puffs of quick breath fanning over my face, as her silvery eyes stared up at me.

"Is it alright if we go get the guys now?" Rose asked from near the door.

"Um, sure. Are they even still down there? How long did everything take?" I asked with a furrowed brow.

"A little over eleven hours, but who knows how long you were in labor at home," Alice said with a frown. "Honestly, why didn't you tell someone you were having contractions? Were you trying for a home birth?"

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "I didn't know what they were, Alice! I've never done this before."

Her expression softened and she grimaced guiltily. "Right, sorry."

All of a sudden the relative peace of my room was shattered as every male I had any kind of positive connection with piled into my room. Edward and Charlie were practically shoulder to shoulder as they wedged through the doorway. They were closely followed by Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Jake, Embry, and Quil. My room was ridiculously overcrowded and getting a bit loud for my newborn, but their presence there made me feel so loved that I had trouble swallowing down the lump in my throat.

"Great job, Bells!" Jake boomed from next to my bed. He'd managed to shuffle in between Crys and Alice to lean over an inspect us both.

"Thanks, I grew her myself," I remarked with a smirk. He snorted and kissed the top of my head.

"Bella, no pain relief I hear! Brave woman!" Quil called from the corner with a wide smile.

"Have you picked a name for her yet?" Carlisle asked me quietly from my other side where he stood with his arm around Esme. I smiled in appreciation for his soft tones.

"Um … maybe," I murmured and bit my lip. It was still a toss-up between two. "What do you all think she looks like?"

"Yoda," Emmett said without hesitation. "Ow! OW!" he hissed when both Rose and Esme smacked him upside his head in quick succession.

"What? She's all small and wrinkly and has that wild, puffy hair on top of her head. She looks like Yoda!" he defended while gesturing at my daughter.

"Emmett! Don't say that about her!" Alice cried in exasperation before attempting to pummel him with her tiny fists. He warded her off, but only just.

"No, he's right. She looks like Yoda," I sighed and tried to contain my smile when all eyes in the room were suddenly on me.

"That's right, embrace it, Bells! Yoda is awesome and super wise. Plus, he has the greatest powers of all the Jedi," he said with a firm nod.

Edward shook his and sighed. "You are such a freaking' dork. How am I related to you?"

"Pfft! Please, bro. You wanna be just like me when you grow up," Em retorted.

"Would you two act your age please? Honestly," Esme huffed.

"How about that name, Bella?" Charlie asked me quietly.

"Well," I bit my lip. "I was thinking Loralei Rose Swan."

Rosalie and Crystal both gasped and teared up. I rolled my eyes but laughed at their dramatics.

"I really love you both and this was the best way I could think of to show you how much I value everything you've done for me," I started to choke on my own tears halfway through my explanation.

"I get why Rose is all happy, but what about her?" Embry whispered to Jake and jerked his thumb at Crystal. She turned to him with a watery smile.

"Rose is my middle name," she explained.

Embry nodded and smiled at me over the top of her head. Apparently he approved of my decision. But at the foot of my bed Alice frowned.

"You hate it?" I guessed with a sigh. I knew someone was bound to.

"No, no," she assured me. "But … you aren't going to call her Rory are you?"

"No, I'm not," I snickered as I suddenly understood. "I like the show, but that wasn't the reasons behind the name."

When she and Rose – and even Jasper – raised their eyebrows at me I blushed and ducked my head down.

"Not the entire reason," I mumbled, and tried to ignore the laughter as I stared at Loralei.

Blessedly, everyone left shortly after her name had been revealed. Everyone, that is, except Edward. He had only disappeared from the room for a few moments while a nurse showed me how to breastfeed. I was surprised at my lack of modesty around him as I tried to feed my daughter. Letting it all hang out was just easier than trying to cover up with a receiving blanket and still watch her eating. He didn't seem bothered by the view.

"She's amazing, Bella," he murmured and reached over to caress the top of a foot that had made its way out of her blanket.

"She is, isn't she?" I smiled down at her and smoothed her wild hair down over the top of her head.

"So are you. You have to know that I am completely in awe of you. Look at this … this wonderful little person you've brought into the world." He took turns glancing between us. There was so much adoration in his eyes that I felt my heart flutter every time they met mine.

"There are some things I've wanted to say to you for a while now but I've held off because I was afraid I'd scare you away," he started off softly but his voice grew stronger as he spoke. His eyes though, remained gentle.

I gulped audibly and nodded, unable to respond yet.

"I … I've never known anyone like you, Bella. You are quite possibly the strongest and kindest woman I've ever met. You remind me so much of my mother sometimes," he said with a smirk and shook his head. "No one else could ever get through to me except her. And now you do, and it's … terrifying, but so wonderful at the same time. Like you, I haven't had the greatest track record with relationships. And, like you, I have a really hard time trusting someone enough to allow them to become emotionally close to me. But you've changed all that. You've taught me so much in such a short period that I just couldn't help it. It was impossible for me …"

"What was impossible?" I whispered when he trailed off and looked out the only window in the room. I had a feeling I knew where this was going and I wasn't sure I was ready for that yet. But I had to know.

"Not falling for you," he whispered back. "At first I thought it was just my protective instincts flaring up. There you were, this vulnerable woman in a difficult situation, and my first reaction was that you needed someone to be there for you, to protect you and your baby."

He paused and smiled widely at me while shaking his head. "But you are more than capable of taking care of not only yourself, but everyone around you as well. You don't _need_ me. But I'm hoping that you _want_ me."

I froze. What exactly did he mean by 'want'? We'd been seeing each other for months now. How could he question if I really wanted him around? Did he think I had just been using him as a source of company and protection during my pregnancy? He must have seen my confusion and the questions in my eyes because he turned fully towards me and took my free hand in both of his.

"Bella, I am completely in love with you. I have been for a while now but I was just too afraid, for both of us, to say anything." His eyes were wide and intense, bright like backlit emeralds. I could physically see the love in them.

And I stopped breathing. I cared for Edward, a lot, but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to hear this. I wasn't ready to reciprocate. I just wasn't ready to open myself up to someone like that again and take the chance that I could be rendered so broken on another man's whim, especially now that it wasn't just about me anymore.

Edward's eyes dimmed slightly and he nodded before giving me a pained smile. "It's alright, Bella. I didn't really expect you to say it back or even that you would feel the same … but I would be lying if I said I wasn't hopeful."

"Edward, I'm -," I started to apologise but he lifted a hand and covered my lips with his fingertips.

"No, sweet girl. You don't have to say anything," he said sadly.

It was too much. I was emotionally overwhelmed by the events of the day and physically exhausted on top of that. As much as I knew my anger was irrational, I couldn't help it when it flared up at that moment.

"You can't just drop a bomb like that on me and then not give me the chance to respond," I accused.

He seemed surprised by my sudden outburst, but handled it well. "Okay, what were you going to say?"

"That I'm sorry, but I can't say it back … right now." I felt the need to tack that last bit on because I wasn't sure if I would always feel the need to be so closed off. There might be a chance that, sometime in the future, I could open myself up to him that way.

"Right now?" The hope in his eyes and voice were clear. It made me feel a little guilty that I couldn't just give him what he wanted. But I managed to stay firm.

"Yes, Edward, right now. I can't make any promises, but if you just give me some time …" I trailed off because I wasn't sure how to continue my thought.

Time until what? Until he got tired of waiting for an emotionally stunted, psychologically screwed up basket case like myself to see what a wonderful and beautiful man like him would ever want with me? I sagged under the realization that he would most likely be long gone by the time I ever got my act together.

"I'll give you anything and everything you need," he blurted suddenly, snapping me out of my internal thoughts.

"What?" I asked, unsure I had heard him correctly.

"Anything you need, Bella and I will give it to you. If you want space and time to figure things out I can do that," he said firmly but I could see how much the idea upset him.

Wait, time? Who said anything about time apart? Was that how it had to be? All or nothing? Love or hate? Together completely or not at all? My head started to spin with the implications of what I thought he was saying when I remembered the challenge Carmen had set me during my therapy sessions. If I was unsure of something, ask for clarification. I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"So, because I said that I can't say 'I love you' right now, you want some space? You don't want to be with me … like that, anymore?" I cringed while I waited for his response. When I felt my daughter pull away from my breast – rather painfully, I might add – I was forced to open my eyes to switch sides. It kept me busy for a few minutes so I didn't have to see the shock and disbelief on Edward's face until I had her all settled again. He actually looked a little mad.

"That's not what I was saying at all," he said in a carefully controlled voice.

My heart started to pick up speed as I ran through the possibilities of what I had done or said to make him angry, and how I was going to defuse the situation quickly. I wouldn't expose my little girl to that kind of animosity if I could avoid it.

_This is Edward. He isn't James. Talk to him. Tell him everything you are thinking. He's handled it well before…_

My internal thoughts helped calm me slightly and give me the courage to keep going.

"Why are you mad at me?" I hedged carefully.

His body stiffened slightly before he sighed heavily and leaned back against his chair. "I'm not, Bella. I'm sorry if I gave you that idea. I'm … upset that you would think that of me. That I would end things with you simply because you and I aren't in the same place. I thought you had more faith in me than that."

Guilt seeped into me at his words. He was right. I had automatically thought the worst of him, even after time had proven him more trustworthy than that. I was instantly ashamed of myself.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled and reached for his hand again. He took it easily.

"I thought that maybe you would want some space from me. I didn't know if you would feel weird around me," he explained with a shrug.

"I don't want that," I said quietly. "I don't want anything to change. But I can understand if you were to get tired of waiting -," I began to explain my thoughts when he cut me off again.

"No, Bella. Don't say it. Don't even think it. You are worth waiting for. I can promise you that I am not going anywhere," he said with such love and determination that for a moment I nearly said the words he had wanted to hear only moments ago.

Luckily, a nurse came bustling into the room and saved me from making a huge mistake. Damn my overactive hormones and sleep deprived brain! I would have to get some rest before continuing this conversation with Edward.

"Oh!" she gasps when she sees Edward at my bedside. She appears flustered for a moment but quickly collects herself and plasters on a smile. "Well, I guess it wasn't you I was talking to a few minutes ago."

Edward and I exchange confused glances before he turns to her and shakes his head. "No ma'am. I have been here the whole time."

"So then, you aren't the …um… biological father?" she stumbles over the words while checking over the clipboard at the end of my bed.

Before Edward can answer I feel a twinge in my stomach. I raised my hand to stop him.

"Why do you ask?" I asked suspiciously.

"I was just talking to him on the phone; the father, that is. He said he was on his way in to come and see his … um … girlfriend and child," she coughed a little while trying to explain it to me.

The blood in my veins turned to ice water and I subconsciously held Loralei a little tighter against my chest. She continued to suck away greedily while my breathing became shallower and my thoughts spun out of control.

_How did he even know? Would he really try to come here?_

"Calm down, Bella. He won't get within five miles of you, I promise," Edward vowed and pulled his phone from his pocket.

I tried to do what he asked and took several deep breaths. Once my mind calmed enough to think straight I saw the nurse casting curious glances between Edward and me.

"Is Dr. Cullen still here?" I asked as evenly as I could manage.

"Yes, he is. Would you like me call him down here for you?" she replied with a small smile. I could tell she was confused but clearly wanted to help. I nodded vigorously and watched as she darted from the room. Next to me Edward snapped his phone shut.

"That was Em. He's going right to your dad before heading over here to set up a watch schedule over your room and our …uh… your apartment." He blushed a little at his slip up but I let it slide. He was there almost as much as I was. As far as I was concerned, it was a communal property.

"Right, okay." I tried not to freak out. I was in a hospital, surrounded by people, and Edward was right there.

"He's also going to call the girls on his way over here and let them know to keep an eye out and not to go anywhere alone," he continued. I nodded in understanding.

"Good, that's good."

Carlisle entered the room in a huff and came to stand right next to me. He looked visibly alarmed but was doing a good job at keeping it contained while he spoke to me.

"Hello again, Bella. Nurse Cynthia has just informed me of the latest development. How are you feeling now?"

"How do you think I'm feeling?" I gritted out before sighing and shaking my head. "This is never going to end, is it?"

"Of course it will," Carlisle tried to kindly reassure me but I snorted at him.

"No, it won't. Even if he got caught and was behind bars for a while, he'll get out eventually. And then he'll come looking for me again." I shuddered at the thought and looked down at Loralei. She had fallen asleep while nursing, so I pulled her gently away from my breast and covered up slightly before snuggling her close again.

"He might just learn his lesson in jail. And you don't know, maybe a few years away will give him and you the space required for him to finally let go and get on with his life," Carlisle tried again. I was shaking my head again before he even finished talking.

"You don't know him like I do. He's relentless. He'll never, ever stop trying to punish me for leaving him. And he'll use any means he can …" I trailed off as the horror of my realization finally dawned on me.

"Oh, God!" I gasped and tears sprung to my eyes. "He'll come after Loralei. Oh my God! He'll use her to get to me!"

"Bella, that's never going to happen -," Edward tried to argue but I was too far gone to listen.

"He's her father, he has legal rights! And he'll use those rights to get to her, to find us both!" I was starting to yell now and my little girl startled in my arms and began to squawk. I tried to hush her but I was too freaked out for it to be affective.

"Bella, we've talked about this. His name won't be on the birth certificate," Carlisle began but I shouted over him.

"That was only going to work when he didn't know I was pregnant! But now he knows! And he knows where we live! I have to leave. I have to get us out of here." I sat up and started looking frantically around the room for the bags that Alice had brought with her from the apartment. If I got onto the road now I could be states away before he even began looking for me. I could get a decent head start.

"No! No, Bella. You can't leave," Edward grabbed my arm as the desperation leaked out of his voice.

"I have to, Edward! I'll never be safe. We'll never be safe! I don't want that life for her. We can go somewhere new, somewhere he'll never think of and start over. I won't put her at risk by staying where I know he can find me, I WON'T!" I shouted.

"Bella, you need to calm down and stay in bed. You've just given birth and neither of you are in any shape to leave. Please, sit back down and we'll talk this all through," Carlisle tried to reason with me. I shook my head again.

"He'll find her. She has my name. No. No. I can't let this happen. No," I started hyperventilating as her cries became louder and more insistent.

"He won't. We'll find a way to keep you both safe, Bella. The police are working on it," Carlisle tried again but this time it was Edward who interrupted.

"Give her my name," he blurted out.

Everyone stopped short, even Loralei. But then she started wailing again as Carlisle and I started, gape mouthed, at Edward.

"Give her my name. Put me on the birth certificate. Legally, I'll be her father and then he can never touch her. He can never touch either of you," he stared into my eyes without hesitation.

"Edward," I breathed.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. So I just sat there and stared at him.

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**A/N: Poor Bella. Can't even have a baby without crazy exes or lovesick boys making things more difficult. Who is on Edward's side with being on the birth certificate? Who doesn't think it's such a hot idea? And who wanted to smack Emmett, too? **

**Reviews are love and encourage me to write faster, which means faster updates for you :-)**


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

**A/N: Yep, so it's been a month...again. I know, but if you knew all the technological crap I'd had to deal with you would forgive me. Hopefully. Maybe. Anyhoo...**

**Thank you to those who reviewed ... all four of you lol! Maybe if I got more reviews I would write faster, hmmm? **

**I've got a few rec's this time around but not for Twilight fanfic. These are ASOIAF fics and they are freakin' fabulous. Here's some of them I highly recommend. 1. Little Bird by wolverineKILLS 2. lack of color by girloficeandfire 3. The Lady of the Gift by The Moonmoth. Only the last one is a complete fic but the other two are updated regularly. These all are SanSan fics, so if it's not your cup o' tea then no worries. But give them a shot. They're brilliant. Now on with my little tale!**

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It only took four days for them to let us out of the hospital. Loralei was doing well, eating and growing as she should, and I overcome the one hurdle that was required of me in order to secure our release. Pooping. That's right, in order to take my baby home my OB said she had to be sure there was nothing wrong…down there… so I was required to have a BM before she'd cut us loose. I'd never been so aware of my toilet habits as I was in the two days it finally took me to fulfill her request.

I think it also helped that I was practically living with a well-respected senior member of their medical staff. It was practically ensured that I would be well looked after given all the people who had become fixtures in my room when the nursing staff wasn't present – and even when they were. Between Esme, Crystal, Jake, and of course, Edward, I'd barely had a moment alone with my daughter. But I was eternally grateful to them. They helped keep me sane when sleep deprivation combined with a constantly hungry and mewling infant pushed me to the edges of my sanity. And God bless Esme for bringing me the practical things no one else had thought of. Tylenol for my sore body, eye drops for when I couldn't see straight at three a.m., and a soothing crème for my very tender nipples that I used every time Loralei even looked at my breasts.

"Whoever said breastfeeding was a beautiful and natural thing needs to be strung up by their short and curlies!" I'd cursed when the pain flared up during her morning meal.

Esme had chuckled and smoothed my hair back from my face before wiping me down with a cool cloth. "It is both of those things, but it hurts like the dickens for the first week or so."

If 'hurts like the dickens' was the same as the feeling of razorblades slicing into my sensitive peaks every time she latched on, then sure, we'd go with that. It was more polite and far less cringe-worthy than my own analogy.

But as I sat on her living room sofa with the Boppy in her lap and her daughter greedily sucking away I noticed there was far less pain that there had been even the previous day. Which was a relief, because I was such an emotional mess that having physical pain on top of only added to my temporary insanity.

I had been warned that the first few weeks of motherhood were exhausting. That I would circulate around feelings of pure bliss, to absolute inadequacy, to sheer terror, and back to bliss and contentment again. It made my damn head spin. Here she was my perfect little piece of heaven, all healthy and contented and ridiculously beautiful. And all I could do was worry. Worry about her being too early. Worry about her being too small. Worry about her being too much like me. Or worse, too much like…him. I'd never felt so unsettled and scared and elated and blessed all at the same time. I second guessed everything, checked and double checked every decision with Esme (God bless her eternally patient soul), constantly checked to make sure she was breathing right, or eating right, or being held right. I felt like I was going crazy.

"Prima, breathe," Crystal said to me when I looked down over my swollen breast to make sure, yet again, that she could breathe while she ate. "She's fine, Esme said so, you're doctor said so, Carlisle said so. Stop worrying so much."

I nodded absently but couldn't help but check again a few minutes later. Crys chuckled but didn't comment further. Instead, she picked up one of my feet and started massaging it lightly. I gave her a tremulous smile of thanks. She had been great too. The apartment had been spotless when we came home and there was nothing left for me to do but relax. It was oddly liberating to let someone else care for me for a while.

"Hey, where's Rose?" I asked while trying not to moan like a common streetwalker. I loved foot rubs.

Crys giggled. "Seattle, with Em I think."

I frowned. She'd been spending so much time there recently it had made me suspicious. "What the hell? She was there while I was in labor, too."

"Uh, yeah. So?" Crys cocked her head to the side and looked at me strangely.

I huffed. "It's just…what the hell is she doing there?"

"My, my aren't we nosy? What does it matter, Prima? Maybe she just needs to escape all the craziness. Not all of us can handle psycho stalker ex-boyfriends with such ease and finesse, you know?"

I scowled at her but she simply laughed and switched feet. I knew it was stressful. Of course I knew that. He was after me and my daughter after all. It was probably irrational – I'd been feeling that way a lot lately – but I was hurt that she wasn't around more often. More than that, I simply missed my friend.

"Oh, don't sulk. She'll be here for dinner. Along with everybody else," she said with a meaningful look.

I sank down a little and focused a bit too intently on my nursing baby. I knew who she referred to. Edward and I hadn't really spoken much since he made that offer in the hospital. I'd never given him a direct answer. And I still didn't have one. What he wanted me to do … it was huge. I didn't think he'd really considered all the repercussions when he'd made the offer, and I still had trouble wrapping my head all the way around it.

"Ok, there's no else here. So tell me, Bells. What are you going to do?" Crystal asked me carefully.

I sighed and let my head fall back onto the sofa. "I really, really don't know. If I had any idea I would tell you, I swear."

"Ok, so why don't we approach this logically?" She shot up from the couch and darted off to the kitchen. I heard her rummaging around in the drawers for a minute before she emerged again with pen and paper.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Seriously, Crys? A freakin' pro con list?"

"Hey, wench don't you go knocking my pro cons. They work don't they?" She scolded and shook the pen at me.

I relented and allowed her to go through all the ups and downs of making Edward my legal baby daddy. It didn't take half as long as I thought it would but we kept ending up at a stalemate. For every pro I could easily name a con, and vice versa. It was tedious and eventually I ran out of new points and started repeating myself. My sleep deprived brain didn't work properly.

"Wow, and here I thought it was going to be an easy decision," she muttered while examining our lists. I frowned at her. She couldn't be serious.

"Really? How easily could you let someone you'd known for mere months sign a piece of paper that gave him legal rights and access to your child? What if our relationship doesn't work out? What if he's some closet freak or nutjob like James? You all sit here and expect me to make this choice as if I'm picking out new sheets! Hmm … I really don't like these anymore, so I'll just trade up. Are you fucking kidding me? This isn't something simple or easy or plain. It's stressful, and hard, and … and … I just can't figure it out OK?" By the end of my rant I was yelling and crying. And I wasn't the only one. Loralei hated it when I yelled, so she had stopped feeding and wailed in my arms.

"I know, I'm sorry. I was just thinking out loud. No one thinks this is easy," she soothed while she smoothed my hair away from my face.

"Expect Edward," I cried bitterly.

Crystal shook her head. "Especially Edward. Why do you think he's been so scarce? He wants to give you time and space to make this choice without any pressure."

"I thought my crazy hormones kept him at bay," I snarked and wiped my tears away with the back of hand.

"Well, yeah there's that too," Crys teased with a grin.

I slapped at her before snuggling with my daughter. She had settled down a bit once I had. We were so in tune it was kind of scary. I sighed turned towards the front door when I heard the deadbolt turn. Edward stepped through the threshold with a large pizza box in one hand and a large white plastic bag in the other. His eyes froze on my face for a moment and he frowned a little before he set everything down on the kitchen table and then knelt in front of me.

"What happened? You've been crying," he said softly and reached over to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. It was tender gestures like that one that made it painfully obvious what a wonderful father he would be. My heart clenched.

"I'm fine, really. Just tired and stressed. You know, the usual," I tried to smile and joke away the tension I still felt but the worry in his eyes remained.

"Anything I can do?" he offered sweetly. It brought a serene smile to my face.

"Yes," Crystal answered suddenly before she reached over and plucked a sleeping Loralei from my arms.

"Hey!" I objected quietly but was silenced by her 'don't mess with me' look.

"You can take her back in the bedroom and give her a massage. She won't say it out loud but I know her body hurts. She just squeezed out a person and hasn't been sleeping well since then. Be a good man and make her remember what he body used to feel like." She waggled her eyebrows at us and leered at him suggestively.

"Oh my God!" I groaned and covered my reddened face with my hands. Thankfully, Edward didn't take her very seriously.

"No problem. My lady, if you would follow me," he chuckled and bowed slightly before he stood up and pulled me with him. I sighed and trailed after him. When we reached my room he turned to me and stuffed his hands in pockets, his expression somewhat unsure.

"If you simply want to take a nap I won't be offended, honest." He looked expectantly at me. When I didn't say anything right away he continued, "But I would also be more than happy to give you that massage. If you want it, that is."

I closed my eyes and smiled softly. He really was too good for me. I knew he would see that someday. It was one of the reasons I hadn't said yes to him yet.

"Actually, yeah I would love it. But let me have a quick shower first. I can't remember the last time I had one and it feels kind of gross," I confessed with a disgusted face. He laughed and simply waved me towards my bathroom.

The shower was heavenly. I washed and shaved and exfoliated until I turned into a big pink raisin. When I stepped out of the steam I took a minute to look at myself in the mirror. My body still looked a bit pregnant to me, and my stretch marks were still a deep purple color, but I didn't think I looked too bad. There were so many women who gained heaps of weight when pregnant. I'd barely gained anything that wasn't baby or placenta or amniotic fluid. In fact, I was a big fan of my new curves. And to top it off, now that I was breastfeeding, I HAD BOOBS!

I reached over and pulled a big fluffy towel around my dripping body. It was then I realized I hadn't brought any clean clothes in with me. I cursed under my breath before I cracked open the bathroom door to peak into my room. Edward had his back to me and was smoothing out a fresh top sheet on my bed. My old linens were piled up on the floor.

"You changed my sheet?" I spluttered out in surprise. He turned around with a smile on his face but his expression quickly morphed into shock when his eyes raked over my barely clothed form.

"Yes," he rasped before he cleared his throat. "I … thought you might appreciate it after your shower." His green eyes had darkened and a flush covered his face.

"I did … I do," I amended and glanced over at my dresser. "Sorry, I forgot to get something to wear. I'll just …" I trailed off and darted over to rifle through the drawers as quickly as possible. When I made it back to the bathroom I was mortified to discover that I'd grabbed three pairs of panties, one skimpy tank top, and a pair of capris yoga pants. I sighed heavily while I dressed and wrapped my wet hair in my towel. When I re-emerged Edward sat on my bed with a bottle of lotion in his hands.

"Still up for that massage?" he asked and held up the lotion for my inspection. I smiled and nodded as I pulled the towel from my head and roughly dried the wet mass.

"You know you don't have to do this. Crystal isn't that scary," I teased him and tossed the towel onto the floor with the sheets.

He snorted. "To you maybe. The rest of us know better."

"Except Jake," I joked.

"Especially Jake," Edward deadpanned. It seemed I was correctly a lot in that area lately.

I climbed onto my bed and settled into the comforter on my tummy. Arms tucked under my head, I turned my face towards the windows and watched the trees way in the early summer breeze. It was still light outside even though it must be near dinnertime. Summer was great like that.

But all thoughts of weather fled my mind when Edwards' hands smoothed over my bare shoulders and massaged the tight muscles. I had to clench my teeth to keep from moaning loudly. I'd forgotten how magical his fingers were. He pulled the straps of my tank top down when they'd gotten in the way for the third time and I briefly entertained the idea of losing the shirt altogether.

_Yeah, because that wouldn't be slutty. _I snorted at my thoughts and let my eyes flutter closed, enjoying the sensation when his hands smoothed over my skin repeatedly.

"So, Bella … about that offer I made a few days ago," his voice was soft and tentative but hit words hit me so hard he may as well have shouted them at me. I instantly tensed under his fingers. When I didn't respond after a minute he sighed.

"I'm not trying to push you, Bella. I just wanted you to know that the offer still stands. And … if there was anything you wanted to talk about before making that decision you just have to ask," he rushed to add.

He continued to massage me for a few more minutes and I allowed my body to relax while my mind whirled around. There were some things I needed to know from him before I made any decisions. And there were some assurances I required if I was even to consider such a proposition. Maybe he was right. Scratch the maybe. He was right, of course. We had to talk in order for me to make an informed decision that wasn't based strictly on emotion. I sucked in a deep breath.

"If we broke up would you still want to be her dad? Would you want visits and come to her ballet recitals and parent teacher nights?" I hedged quietly. These were the easy questions. To his credit he didn't hesitate at all.

"Absolutely. I'd paid child support, I'd want regular visitation, and she would still have me, even if you didn't want me anymore."

I was stunned at that last comment. My assumption was that the relationship would breakdown simply because I wasn't good enough for him. The idea that he was worried it would be ME to leave HIM was absurd. I decided to put a pin in it and keep going with our current topic of conversation, but he spoke before I could.

"Was that the correct answer?" he hedged. I smiled.

"Yes, it was. Next question: What happens if you get married?"

"To someone other than you?" he responded quickly. Too quickly.

"Um … yeah. Why? You think about that? Us getting married, I mean," I specified in a low voice.

"Uh … which answer would freak you out the least?" he muttered and worked his lands under the bottom of my shirt to access my lower back.

"Let's start with the truth and go from there," I responded in a breathy voice. I really should have thought about this whole 'talking while he's touching me' thing before I jumped right in.

"Yes, I think about it," he said softly. His hands slid down and gripped my hips firmly, rolling his thumbs towards my spine. I groaned loudly and tried to ignore it when he chuckled deeply.

"You barely know me," I mumbled and moaned again when his fingertips slid up the length of my spine.

"You keep saying that," he murmured suddenly very close to my ear. I lost the ability to breathe when I felt his lips ghost over my shoulder in feather light kisses. My breath shuddered out of me when his kisses became firmer and trailed down my neck and back very slowly.

"But I think we both know how untrue that is. We've spent so much time around each other over the past months that I would wager we know each other better than you think," he breathed hotly against my skin.

"Prove it," I challenged without thinking it through. I felt him smile against my skin.

"You're favorite color is blue. When you were little you wanted to be President because you thought no one paid attention the needs of those in the lower classes. Then you wanted to be a vet after you found a half dead dog and was able to nurse him back to health. You had to give up on your dreams for college and career when you realized you had no support system and no means to pay for it. You never thought you'd be a mother because you'd had the most deplorable example of one. You don't believe in soul mates, you think it takes away someone's choice about who they are meant to be with. You do believe in true love but you think people say they're in love more often than they actually are. You are undoubtedly the kindest and more gentle-hearted woman I have ever met. You care about everyone more than you do yourself because you have grown up hearing only negativity, but you are the most remarkable person that I have ever had the privilege to love. I can keep going if you like." He'd continued to kiss and caress his way over my shoulders, back and neck the entire time he spoke. By the time he'd finished I trembled from head to toe from the combination of desire and the attempt to keep my tears at bay.

"No," I finally managed to choke out. He'd said quite enough.

"Still think I don't know you? Or are you worried you don't know me?" he tried again and nibbled at my ear.

"Ok, I can't think when you do that and I really want to answer that question," I gasped. How could he get me so hot and bothered mere days after I had given birth? It wasn't normal. Or fair. But thankfully Edward pulled back a little. It made the hormone fog lift just enough to think more clearly.

"If you think you know me so well, then tell me why you think I am so hesitant about this?" I tried to keep my voice even but my constant emotional swells made that difficult.

"That's easy. You don't trust easily, you probably never have. And why would you? You're mother never protected you; she practically made you raise yourself. Your father did what he could from here but it was never enough, and he should have seen what was happening anyway and put a stop to it. You allowed yourself to love and trust a man you'd know for years and it turned out that he hurt you worse than everyone else combined. You're afraid on two levels. The first is for yourself due to your horrific relationship with James; you worry it could happen all over again. The second is for Loralei, because over your dead body will anyone ever treat your daughter like she isn't worthy of love or like she doesn't matter. And your biggest fear is that she will grow up feeling like you did." He stopped talking when the sob I'd held in for long finally broke free.

"Bella, that won't happen. It can't happen. She already has everything you didn't and so much more. Use my name, don't use my name, it doesn't matter in the long run. I love you both. I'm here for you both in whatever capacity you'll let me and I'm not going anywhere. None of us are. Believe me." He leaned down and presses his forehead to my temple and embraced me tightly while I cried into my pillow.

We stayed like that for a while and I was able to calm down sooner than I had anticipated. Something about having him wrapped around me so tenderly was like a balm to my wounded soul. He made me feel like I was healing. He made me feel safe and wanted and loved and alive. And against my will I knew I had fallen for him too.

"Okay," I sighed and opened my eyes to see the sun finally had started to descend behind the horizon. Edward shot upright so fast it was comical. I giggled.

"Okay? You'll do it? Really? Because you know that means for all intents and purposes she'll be … mine," he sounded so surprised that it made me smile wider. Apparently he hadn't been so sure of my answer. It made me feel a bit better.

"We both will, as long as you'll have me. But it makes me feel better knowing that she'll always have a dedicated father who will love her, even if you don't -," I started to say when he interrupted.

"Never going to happen, Bella. I'd make it permanent tomorrow but I know we're not ready for that yet. But please stop doubting me. I told you, I'm not going anywhere," he said firmly and rolled me over to lie on my back.

The fire in his eyes took my breath away and I didn't have a chance to catch it again when his lips crashed into mine. I gave myself over to the kiss with a throaty moan and tangled my hands in his wild hair. It was everything our last kiss had been before I'd had Loralei. It was heated and deep and passionate, we threw our whole bodies into it. He slid gracefully on top of me and the weight of him pressed me into the soft mattress. He was everywhere, the heat of his body all-consuming and lit a fire deep within me that demanded attention. I rolled my hips against him and felt his desire for me pressed firmly against my thigh. His fingers crept towards the hem of my tank top and I was just about to consider stopping him when my bedroom door flew open with a loud **_BANG! _**We both jumped up and flew apart, our heads whipping in the direction of our intruder.

"Aw, c'mon you guys, seriously?" Jake whined and slapped his hand over his eyes in mock horror. "Didn't you like JUST have a baby? You'd think the memory of labor would put you off bumping uglies for a while."

"Jake!" I seethed and let my head flop back down to my pillow.

"Hey, it could have been worse. Your dad almost came in here to get you. You know, the CHIEF," he emphasized before he turned and stomped out of the room.

I sighed and rolled off the bed before trudging towards the door. I stopped and turned, quirking an eyebrow when Edward didn't move. His face was set in a frown that quickly became a pout when our eyes connected.

"I wasn't done," he complained in a sullen voice. I laughed out loud and extended my hand towards him.

"Actually you were, but Jake barged in before I could stop you. I'm nowhere near ready for that kind of stuff yet, but good to know you're still interested," I teased.

"I'm a man, Bella. We're always interested," he informed me as he twined his fingers between mine.

"Dually noted." I nodded.

"Are you going to tell them?" he whispered as we ventured into the kitchen where everyone had gathered while we were tucked up having our little moment.

"Later. Right now I just want to enjoy the moment and eat something while it's still hot," I said with a smile.

I should have known the peace and tranquility would be short lived. But I never expected the knock at the door, or the person on the other side. I stood there for a full minute while my mind whirled with what circumstances had led this woman to my doorstep, or even how she had located me. Or what the hell she was thinking by showing her face after what happened the last time she visited.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" I growled.

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**A/N: Thoughts? Comments? I love feedback! **


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

**A/N: I know, an update in less than 2 weeks! No, you're not dreaming, no need to pinch yourself :-) Thank you to all my new readers who have favorited, followed, or reviewed this story. I'm glad you are enjoying it. I am trying to finish this story over the next 4 - 6 weeks because I have a new fic I have begun to work on that is demanding my attention. Damn plot bunny! Anyway, enjoy!**

**WARNING! This chapter contains graphic violence of a sexual nature. You have been warned. Please read with caution. **

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I stood there, the doorframe griped tightly in my fingers, and coldly regarded the woman on the stoop. Her eyes were wide but heavily lidded and even though she hadn't made a move towards me her body swayed slightly where she stood. It wasn't until she opened her mouth to speak was I able to confirm that she was in fact drunk.

"Can't I come see my daughter and grandchild?" she slurred through. Her breath was so strong the fumes nearly knocked me out. As it was I had to suppress the urge to gag.

"How did you even find me?" I ground out from between clenched teeth.

She smirked and waved airily. "I went to see you at the hospital but that useless sack of crap at the nurses' station said you had gone home. When you weren't at Charlie's or that other house I found you at before I had to go all the way back there and yell at her just to-,"

"How long have you been here looking for me? I thought you went home?" I interrupted. I wanted nothing more than to find out what she wanted and then how to make her leave. I didn't have the patience for her anymore. Her eyes narrowed and she staggered towards me slightly. It was then I noticed the little blue bag in her hand.

"I brought you and you son a present," she informed me with the fakest smile I had ever seen grace her features.

"I don't have a son," I replied curtly. Her surprise was almost comical.

"Oh? A little girl then?" She almost looked pleased to hear that but I pretended not to notice. I opened my mouth to tell her to go away, that I didn't want anything from her when she cut me off. "Can't I come inside? My feet hurt and I want to watch you open your gift."

"No," I blurted out without thinking. She looked rather offended at my bluntness but I was beyond caring. "Dad's here and I don't think he'd want to see you again. Not after last time."

"I don't give a rat's ass what Charlie wants. I'm your mother whether he wants me to be or not, and I have a right to see my kid and grandkid," she huffed in annoyance and shifted her weight between her feet.

I had never been very good at sticking up for myself, especially when it came to Renee. But all my work with Carmen swirled through my sleep deprived brain in that moment and I could almost feel her presence behind me, telling me what I should say or do in that situation. So I took a deep breath and did exactly that.

"I don't want you here either. Last time I saw you there were some really shitty things said and I haven't forgiven you for them. Dad was right, we don't need you. I want you to leave me alone." I gulped when I finished, proud that my voice had stayed steady and firm the entire time. Renee looked stunned at my statement but then eyed me suspiciously before nodding once.

"That's the way of it then? Fine. Don't come crying to me when all this shit blows up in your face and you and the kid have nowhere to go. These rich folk might feel sorry for you now but sooner or later they're going to get tired of helping you out and send you packing. What are you gonna do then?" she sneered.

"I take care of myself just fine. I always have," I retorted.

She snorted and flung the gift bag at me. "You keep telling yourself that, princess. Just because you're here surrounded by the finer things doesn't mean your shit don't stink."

With that she whirled around on her heel and stumbled drunkenly down the steps towards a little silver car that awaited her on the driveway. I watched as she got in the passenger side and wondered who had driven her, but was unable to make out the driver when the car spun around and shot away in a cloud of dust. With the crumpled bag tight in my fist I stomped back into the house and slammed the door behind me. I was met with five pairs of angry eyes but said nothing as I stormed past them and dug into the pizza that sat on the counter.

Alice was the first to break the tense silence. "You know, it's lucky mom wasn't here for that. You would have seen her open up a can of 'whoop ass' on good ole Renee."

Edward snorted while Charlie, Jake, and Crystal laughed out loud. I merely rolled my eyes. I couldn't picture well-mannered, perfectly manicured and poised Esme doing anything of the sort, even though I had personally witnessed her bitch slap Renee only a few months prior. Alice shrugged, unperturbed.

"Laugh all you want but you know it's true, Edward."

Edward, who held a sleeping Loralei, snickered quietly and nodded. "Actually, I think it's better than Rose isn't here."

"Or that I'm not armed," Charlie countered around a mouthful of hot wing. I huffed a small laugh at him when he winked at me, grateful for all the support.

"What's in the bag?" Crys asked and plucked it from my limp fingers.

"A baby gift," I said in a bored voice.

She dug through the thin white tissue and produced a small metal picture frame. It was a Precious Moments frame with a little boy on his knees praying up to a sleepy faced half-moon. White clouds made up the rest of the rectangular four by six frame. It was actually quite cute, and I instantly felt a pang of remorse for treating Renee so poorly only moments ago.

"Ah oo oy oo eep eh?" Jake said with a mouth stuffed full of pizza.

"Say again?" I chuckled. He swallowed thickly and jerked his head towards the frame.

"I said are you going to keep it?"

"I, um … yeah I guess so. I like this kind of stuff, and it will look cute in her nursery," I said meekly while I avoided all eyes in the room.

"That might be nice," Charlie said gruffly after a few moments of awkward silence. I smiled softly and turned to place it on the coffee table.

"So, where's Jasper?" I asked Alice in the vain hope of a subject change. Thankfully it worked.

"At the gym. He'll be here later, but first he said something about stopping at the diner to pick up an Oreo pie," she said with a wide smile when I moaned out loud.

"He's determined to make me fat," I complained half-heartedly. I absolutely loved those pies and had eaten one practically every week for my entire third trimester. I blamed the final twelve pounds I had gained solely on those delectable pies.

Edward snorted loudly and shook his head. I glared at him and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Something you want to say, Edward?" I bit out.

"Just that you would have to gain more than half your current body weight to even being considered chubby. Stop worrying about getting fat and just eat," he said evenly.

"Hear hear," Charlie chimed in before lifting his can of beer to his lips.

"You don't really think you're fat, do you Bella?" Alice asked, concern evident on her features.

I rolled my eyes and retrieved a plate from the cabinet before plopping two pieces of sausage and peppers pizza along with a handful of wings on my plate before turning back to the group. In a move that would have made a game show hostess proud I plastered a bright smile on my face and waved to my towering pile of junk food, much to everyone's amusement. After I sat down at the kitchen table I made a show of taking the biggest bite of pizza I could manage without choking. Once I managed to swallow I looked at each of them in turn.

"Happy?" I snarked.

"No," Crystal remarked back sarcastically.

"You wouldn't be," I said with a snort and another bite of food. Our banter was cut short when the front door burst open. Rose and Em filed through the door, both wore matching frowns.

"You're late. Jake had practically eaten everything in sight," Charlie called with a smirk before he wiped his mouth with a paper napkin.

Rose shrugged and reached for the baby. "Not hungry anyway," she mumbled. The smile she gave my tiny daughter was soft and sweet, but there was a sadness that tinged it and instantly made me wary. So I couldn't stop myself from blurting out the thought that had been plaguing me for weeks.

"Are you moving away?"

It took Rose a few moments to realize I was speaking to her but her answer was instantaneous. "No, why would you ask that?"

"You're never around. You're always at work or in Seattle with Em. Are you looking at places up there? Are you two leaving Forks?" I knew she had just said that wasn't the case but my hormone induced paranoia had taken over my mouth.

"Chillax baby Bells, we're not going anywhere. You couldn't get rid of us if you tried," Em responded easily while he leaned back against the kitchen counter and munched on a chicken wing.

"Why would you think we were leaving?" Rose asked again, frowning.

I sighed and shrugged before I resumed picking at my food. I had made a sizable dent in the pile of food but my appetite disappeared once all attention was on me.

"We like Seattle. There are things to see and do there that the lovely Olympic peninsula doesn't offer," she concluded drily.

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered and stuffed a wing in my mouth before I could make things worse with my suddenly sour attitude. I hated hormones.

"Why don't you go get some rest, Bells?" Charlie offered not unkindly. He had that concerned dad look on his face again. I had come to really resent that look. It made me feel like I was such a mess that even Charlie, who never noticed anything that wasn't illegal, could tell.

Before I could object Edward gently cut me off. "Bella, there are seven capable adults here to look after Loralei. Eight, once Jasper gets here. Go sleep. Someone will wake you when she needs to eat."

I wanted to glare at him but he was so damned nice about it that I would have felt like a total cow. Instead I crumpled up my napkin and stretched my arms over my head. "Fine," I said sullenly, and then tacked on, "thanks guys."

I wandered back to my bedroom and decided that if they were going to be nice enough to allow me a small reprieve then I would take it gratefully. I looked around my tidy bedroom and settled on lighting some of the Yankee candles that surrounded my bed. The scent was my favorite, Christmas Eve, and it always provided me with a contented feeling of supreme comfort no matter the time of year. I settled down onto my soft, clean bed and was out within a matter of minutes.

_The tiny bed was made up fresh with new sheets, a feather duvet tossed over the old mattress to hide the lumps. I paced around the room and lit a few of the little candles I had purchased from CVS before smoothing my hair again. He was due home any minute and I was anxious of his reaction to the very clean room I had prepared for him. We had argued earlier that morning and in a desperate attempt to make up for the aggravation I had caused I did everything I could while he was at work to make his homecoming as pleasant as possible. There was a stuffed chicken in the oven, liquor chilled in the fridge, and a pumpkin pie cooling on the counter downstairs. All of his favorites. I only hoped it would prove to be enough to avoid the fight I knew was coming. _

_ When the front door opened below me my stomach flopped around nervously while my ears strained to hear a reaction. All I got was silence. It wasn't helpful. Silence could mean a great many things, not all of which were good. After a few heart pounding moments I heard his heavy footfalls on the stairs. I counted each of the thirteen steps and held my breath when the doorknob turned. The door opened slowly and James stepped in, his face a calm mask of neutrality. But I knew better than to relax just then. His calm façade often concealed the storm that lay within, just waiting to be unleashed. So I waited. _

_ "Smells good down there," he said finally while he changed out of his work clothes and boots, his voice soft. _

_ "I had the night off so I thought I'd cook and clean up a little. Keep myself busy, you know?" I chattered nervously before I reminded myself to shut up or he'd notice. _

_ "Mmhmm," he hummed nonchalantly. _

_ "How was work today? Anything interesting happen?" I knew he had days with entertaining stories about dumb kids who tried to outrun security on the property he and a few others guarded, and sometimes even enjoyed his job. But by the soured expression on his face I gathered it was not one of those days._

_ "Some dumb shit tried to take me and CJ on," he grumbled. "Got two teeth knocked out for his fucking stupidity." _

_ I shuddered. Violence at work meant he usually came home in an overly aggressive mood. I didn't want to deal with that side, especially after the incident earlier. I tried to steer the conversation in a different direction._

_ "There's pie downstairs. And dinner should be ready in a few minutes. Are you hungry?" I skirted around him and was almost out the door when he grabbed me by my elbow and practically slammed me into the wall by the dresser. _

_ "I could eat," he growled suggestively and pressed his erection against my stomach. _

_ If this was what it took to keep him from snapping at me all night, or worse, than I'd take it. I let him kiss and lick his way down my neck and even helped him disrobe me so that he wouldn't tear my clothes with his fast, rough hands. _

_ He kissed and bit my breasts harder than I liked but I contained my whimpers and tried to hide my pained expression. He roughly shoved my thighs apart before diving between them and nipping harshly. I yelped before I could stop myself and felt him smile against my folds before he starting licking and sucking hard. I had never really been one for pain and thankfully James wasn't always in the kind of mood that meant he treated me like one of those women in his BDSM videos. But obviously tonight he wanted it rough. _

_ I only slightly enjoyed his ministrations since he knew how my body responded to touch. A few times I moaned genuinely and tangled my hands in his thick hair, determined to try and enjoy myself. After a few minutes he stood in front of me again and yanked his pants down before he spun me around and yanked my hips back so they met his and bent me over nearly ninety degrees. I placed one hand on the top of the dresser and braced the other against the wall for what I knew was about to come. _

_ James thrust into me so hard that I cried out when his head banged into my cervix. I found no pleasure whatsoever in his frantic pounding while I tried to remain upright and contain my sounds of pain by biting my lip fiercely. But I couldn't help the scream that tore from my throat when he wrapped my hair around his hand and yanked me up against his chest.  
"That's right, bitch. Fucking scream for me," he growled in my ear. _

_ I trembled against him and tried to remain as still as possible so he could finish quickly. But his release seemed to take hours as he battered by body over and over again. At some point I felt like something had changed, shifted slightly when the heavy breaths behind me altered into deep moans that I'd never heard come from James before. When I chanced a look over my shoulder I froze altogether when I saw a pair of emerald eyes boring into mine, narrowed in lust and anger. _

_ "Who told you to turn the fuck around," Edward rasped and before I could utter a reply his hand flashed out and slapped me across the face. He then yanked my hair and forced me to face the wall once more. _

_My knees shook at the force of the blow I'd just received and before I could catch myself I feel to all fours on the floor. Edward was there and took me roughly again before I could even draw breath. I finally released the sob I had contained far too long. Through the blur of my tears I looked down at the thin, reddish carpet beneath me and saw that a deep, dark puddle had started to spread under my body and crept towards my hands. I gasped and reared back, holding the dresser to keep my balance while Edward relentlessly hammered into my aching center. A loud shrieking sound rent through the air that was suddenly accompanied by the smell of burning food from the floor below. Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered that I had left the oven on. But I was brought back to the moment when my hand slipped on the wet carpet and I brought it up to my face for inspection._

_Blood. It was blood that had begun to soak into the floor and when my eyes followed the spread to its origin between my legs. The view was blocked by the swell of my very pregnant belly, and I felt a sharp series of pains rip through me. I screamed and cried while I tried in vain to move away from Edward's vice like grip. _

_"Shut the fuck up!" he roared before he bent me back over and pushed my face into the soaked rug. He slammed into me a few more times before he grunted in satisfaction and leaned his heavy body over mine to huff in my ear. _

_"Serves you right, whore, to have the little bastard fucked out of you. Not mine anyway, so what the fuck do I care," he rasped._

I awoke with a loud gasp before I shot upright in the dark. A scream was on my lips and ready to burst from my throat when I took in my surroundings in the moon and candlelight. I wasn't in Arizona. James wasn't there. Neither was Edward, for that matter. I panted and tried to catch my breath as I wiped a hand across my sweaty brow. I was completely drenched and when I looked down I saw that I had kicked off the covers during my nightmare.

"What a fucked up dream," I grumbled and threw my legs over the edge of the bed. In the back of my mind it registered that the burnt smell from my dream and shrill sound of the fire alarm had chased me into consciousness. It took a moment to deduce that someone must have burnt something in the kitchen and therefor set off the smoke detector. It must be what had woken me up. Despite the way it made my head hurt I was grateful for it.

I was used to having dreams about James, but never before had Edward taken his place. I would have to discuss it with Carmen during my next appointment. I tried not to let it rattle me too much while I made my way over to one of the large windows on shaky legs. I moved the sheer white curtain off to the side and peered into the woods that surrounded while I tried to find some semblance of calm. I had only just managed to catch my breath when I spied a slight movement in the tree line directly below my window.

Even in the moonlight I could see the smirk that pulled at the corner of his mouth, the evil glint in his eyes, and the pronounced stiffness in his jaw. He stood with his back straight and his arms crossed tightly over his chest. His heated gaze caught mine and I felt my mouth open along with the sharp intake of breath in preparation to raise the alarm. He shook his head at me, just once, but that was all it took for the scream to die in my chest. My heart thundered while we continued to stare at each other, me in fear, and him in hatred. When his smile widened a small keening sound escaped my open lips and tears blurred my vision. But not before he slowly raised one hand to his face and blew me a kiss.

My knees nearly buckled and I held onto the windowsill for support when I saw him reach down into the waistband of his pants and retrieve a handgun.

This time I did scream but the sound was lost among the continued din that came from the smoke detector. Only now I could hear Loralei's cries mixed in. I screamed again, louder this time and James raised the pistol to aim it at my window. Instinct took over and I threw my arms up to cover my face and my legs finally gave out beneath me. I crumpled to my bedroom floor and continued to scream my fool head off as if my life depended on it. Because this time it honestly did.

Even though sheer terror had seized my brain and taken over my senses I was dimly aware that the only thing screaming in my apartment after a few minutes was me. Soon after I heard a thunder of footfalls running towards my room and my name shouted repeatedly. I continued to scream with every out breath and soon found my throat raw and my voice hoarse. I flinched violently when a loud bang shook my room and pulled my body into a tight little ball. Every horrible experience, every beating, every fight flashed behind my closed eyes. I was completely lost to them.

I felt someone shake my shoulders and call my name loudly above my head but the sound was filtered, muffled somehow. I shrank back further and continued to wail. The hands tightened on my arms and pried them from around my knees so I shied away as much as the new vulnerable position allowed.

"BELLA!" the voice called again. "LOOK AT ME!" it commanded.

So used to being obedient or suffering the dire consequences, my body responded as if on its own volition. But when my watery eyes locked on a pair of huge bright green ones, my mind conjured up the imagery from my dream only moments before and I simply reacted and my foot snapped up and made contact with their owners chin.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" he cried and threw his hands over his mouth as it began to bleed.

_Bad. Very bad. Pain. Lots of pain. Run. Hide. Be small. _

My mind screamed jumbled orders at me while I tried to scramble away from the man crouched in front of me. When he reached for me once again I screamed as loud as my tired voice would allow and kicked out at him again. I didn't want to be touched. I didn't want to be hurt anymore. All I could remember was him violating me over and over and making me bleed. I had to stop him and somehow save my baby. My baby …

"Edward, back off!" a loud male voice shouted from somewhere in front of me.

"She could be having a nightmare, Charlie," someone else said nervously, a woman this time.

_Charlie … Edward … Charlie … Charlie …_

My eyes focused after a minute and I frantically searched the room. Charlie was safe. Charlie was always quite. Always gentle. Charlie would protect me.

"Charlie?" I squeaked quietly and continued to look over the faces of those who stood and sat in front of me. Immediately to my left I finally found the warm, crinkled brown eyes I was searching for.

"Yeah baby, I'm here. I'm right here, Bella," he said hoarsely.

Without hesitation I crawled over into his lap and locked my arms around his neck. I choked on a sob when reality slammed back into me. I was here in my own place with people that loved me and protected me. I was safe. My daughter was safe. We were alright. It took a few minutes more for my mind to piece together the fragments of information that were real and sort out the memories and nightmares that weren't. It was then I recalled what had set me off in the first place.

"Outside, below the window," I rasped, my throat too raw to talk properly.

Emmett was up and next to the window in a flash with Jake and Jasper directly behind him. Charlie smoothed my matted, wild hair away from my sweaty face and tucked it behind my ear.

"What was out there, baby?" he whispered. His face held so much love and concern I felt fresh tears well up in my eyes.

"James."

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**A/N: Whooo! Ok folks, time to breathe. This was a tough chapter to write and I am already halfway through the next one so it shouldn't be too long before I update again. Reviews are love and make me write faster :-)**

**Also, as we wrap this story up in a bit I was wondering if anyone wanted to request any outtakes or chapters done from another POV? Drop me a line or review and let me know!**


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